Trust "issues"

**jnoelle** · 06-18-2011, 09:21 PM

Am I the only one who has a hard time trusting people? Just wondering. Also, do you think that INTJs would be less trusting than most other types, due to the fact that they don't go just by feelings and tend to be able to draw conclusions about people instead of just observing them and going by past experiences? Would you say that your lack of trust (or the presence of trust) is justified? Do you want to be more/less trusting?

**storm eyes** · 06-18-2011, 09:27 PM

My grandmother told me "Never trust anyone 100%, not even me". That was one of many great pieces of advice she gave me.

**dontmesswithme** · 06-18-2011, 09:39 PM

I have serious trust issues. I've read that this is a Ni-dominant thing. I want to trust people, but I know that's not entirely viable. I don't know if that's the right word. I think the constant feelings of vulnerability/anxiety that I've been experiencing since I was a small child must be due to Ni. It never goes away.

**ppu6502** · 06-18-2011, 09:45 PM

I don't really consider it an issue so much as a reality.

Even people with perfectly pure intentions can't be completely trusted. You can't even trust yourself. Trust is a risk with associated reward potentials. Just gotta tread carefully..

**Muse** · 06-18-2011, 09:50 PM

I have rationalized my concepts of trust into an almost scientific form. I trust through predictability, and it comes with different levels of 'trust' to match it.

Kind of like how i trust that this bowl of soup will get cold in a few minutes. Its just a prediction really, that i try to make as accurate as possible.

As for 100% trust, in people anyways, impossible. Though one could get very close if one tried.

**Fubudis** · 06-18-2011, 09:55 PM

I don't trust anyone 100% because that's unrealistic. It certainly makes life more lonely, though. : /

**Dru** · 06-18-2011, 10:19 PM

the term "trust issues" wouldn't be recognizable if you were the only one to have them.

there are a handful of general rules you can put your faith in, so to speak. firstly, everyone will die at some point. secondly, people are not inherently smart; they have to learn to reason and think critically. thirdly, almost nobody is selfless. they may occasionally do selfless things, but they also do selfish things, because that is the way of human nature. that's not to be mistaken for a point of criticism, for there is a certain level of selfishness that is inherent in all things living, but nor is it an excuse for the greedy, materialistic, egocentric, and shallow. by all means, mistrust those people who are defined by those qualities, but don't make the mistake of thinking all people are that way.

you wouldn't throw out a whole bushel of apples because one of them had worms. you wouldn't drown a litter of kittens because one of them had six legs. you wouldn't commit genocide because you disagreed with a member of that culture, nationality, race, or ethnicity.

granted these things have happened, and on more than one occasion, but i don't think you're someone who would want to make the same errors in judgment that led to them. i know i'm not.

**jnoelle** · 06-19-2011, 02:04 AM

I seriously only trust one person at all (and obviously that's not 100%). I think my lack of trust is definitely justified. If most people knew the things I with-hold, I would probably be forcibly institutionalized by my parents, would be harassed by my classmates, and might even be disowned. Most people I know I don't trust simply for being loudmouths. You have to keep your mouth shut if you want me to ever tell you something, and going by how gossipy my friends tend to be (and the fact that they actually have normal relationships with their parents), they aren't capable of such a thing.

**Tactical Panda** · 06-19-2011, 05:05 AM

I asked an INTJ girl I know what advice from her parents managed to stick to her.

She said not much from them did, except the advice that you should be wary to trust others.

As to myself, I trust people to a degree. Everyone seems to have their personal failings, yet everyone seems to frequently enough rise above my the more cynical of my expectations.

**plotthickens** · 06-19-2011, 05:44 AM

You sound completely normal, JN.

**killyridols** · 06-19-2011, 06:20 AM

What's going to blow all of your minds when you finally realize it is that it isn't that you can't trust other people. It's that you don't trust yourself.

Trust is a fully internal state and the external world has nothing to do with it. What you are doing is projecting the inability to trust on to the outside world.
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**Imagineering** · 06-19-2011, 06:37 AM

I prefer being secretive to putting trust in anyone.

**AnaK** · 06-19-2011, 06:49 AM

I don't trust secretive people. I immediately think, what horrible truth are they hiding? One of my favorite sayings is: "Sunlight is the best disinfectant."

If I catch someone in a lie, it is unlikely I will ever trust them. A lie isn't just something you do, a liar is something you are.

**Reddkatz** · 06-19-2011, 12:19 PM

I do firmly believe that trust is earned not given. There are currently 2 people in my life that I do trust if not 100% but close enough. Those 2 I can trust with relaying things that I don't want anyone else to know. But they also happen to be my best friends. When people get to the best friend status, which takes a while for me my trust in them goes a long with them.

**deckard** · 06-19-2011, 12:36 PM

Originally Posted by jnoelle
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Am I the only one who has a hard time trusting people? Just wondering. Also, do you think that INTJs would be less trusting than most other types, due to the fact that they don't go just by feelings and tend to be able to draw conclusions about people instead of just observing them and going by past experiences? Would you say that your lack of trust (or the presence of trust) is justified? Do you want to be more/less trusting?

I've witnessed the irrational actions of being scapegoated and could do nothing to remedy it. People will convince themselves of any "truth" they see fit, if the situation is infringing on their personal bubble of certainty.

That being said, I agree with killyridols assessment. When you know who you are, it doesn't much matter either way. Having no secrets and nothing to hide seems to bother some, but not all. As though the only alliance you have is in confidence and only friends know the proverbial skeletons you hang in your closet. Suffice it to say, it's not all that unique.

**Ookami** · 06-19-2011, 01:07 PM

I used to trust people, until society showed me I was wrong.

So yeah, I don't trust anyone, at all. Except those that have a legal obligation not to do so, and I'm even skeptical of them.
People gossip and talk behind peoples backs, it's just how our society works. Majority of the people will betray your trust if it helps them. Therefore, I don't tell anyone anything that could ever be used against me in any way.

Except when people don't know who I am. Like on this forum.
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Yeah, it's possible to trace IP's and all that, but if you're willing to do all that work just to figure out who I am, then I respect that and you deserve to know.

**imperion** · 06-19-2011, 02:08 PM

The only person I completely trust, and the only person I ever will completely trust, is myself. I simply accept that people are prone to error; there's no way around that.

**irini** · 06-19-2011, 02:23 PM

I have realized that people do not trust each other easily. Which is normal and understandable. But I have also undestood that the best way you can make others trust you is to trust them first. I know it seems difficult, but I never lose my trust to people...even if they don't trust me.

**BlackMita** · 06-19-2011, 02:32 PM

I don't have trust issues. The idea that everything in your head has to be expressed verbally is absurd. Communication is 90% non-verbal. It is very difficult to live a lie unless you're surrounded by delusional enablers. In those cases the issue is you're keeping awful company and denying it. You could call that "not trusting yourself" to build relationships, but that's moot if you're surrounded by idiots that will literally go crazy if you start speaking the truth (up to and including any expression that you desire better company).

**Feste** · 06-19-2011, 02:34 PM

I have extreme trust issues, though I base it mostly off my childhood instead of my intuition (which is also my most dominant trait), I want to trust people, but the little trust I invest in people I can take away really easily, along with the friendship. I kind of want to fix it though, kind of..

**chaostheory** · 06-19-2011, 04:20 PM

Why would I trust anyone if they haven't earned it? Why would anyone not follow the same philosophy?

**jonsi** · 06-19-2011, 04:33 PM

Why would you trust something that isn't trustworthy. It makes sense not to trust anyone 100% because people aren't perfect. I try to do people the favor of not expecting that they will never let me down, because chances are they will eventually. And that's ok because we're all just human. But at the same time it's good to be discerning in who you share things with and who you let get close to you.

**killyridols** · 06-19-2011, 04:36 PM

	Originally Posted by chaostheory To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Why would I trust anyone if they haven't earned it? Why would anyone not follow the same philosophy?

Back to my earlier point, when you fully trust yourself, you will not have to worry about trusting anyone at all. Trust is not something you give to someone else. It is something inside of you.

**chaostheory** · 06-19-2011, 04:41 PM

	Originally Posted by killyridols To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Back to my earlier point, when you fully trust yourself, you will not have to worry about trusting anyone at all. Trust is not something you give to someone else. It is something inside of you.

Would you trust a convicted child rapist around young children?

I don't quite understand what you're getting at.

**jonsi** · 06-19-2011, 04:43 PM


	when you fully trust yourself, you will not have to worry about trusting anyone at all

Do you think it's possible to fully trust yourself without trusting someone else? Some people really will hurt you if given the opportunity- being aware of the danger someone else might hold seems like a cognitive perception of someone's potential behavior.

---------- Post added 06-19-2011 at 04:45 PM ----------


	Would you trust a convicted child rapist around young children?

right that's what I was saying too

06-18-2011, 09:21 PM	#1
jnoelle Banned MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jun 2011 Posts: 476	Am I the only one who has a hard time trusting people? Just wondering. Also, do you think that INTJs would be less trusting than most other types, due to the fact that they don't go just by feelings and tend to be able to draw conclusions about people instead of just observing them and going by past experiences? Would you say that your lack of trust (or the presence of trust) is justified? Do you want to be more/less trusting?
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06-18-2011, 09:27 PM	#2
storm eyes Core Member [146%] MBTI: INFJ Join Date: Aug 2010 Posts: 5,863	My grandmother told me "Never trust anyone 100%, not even me". That was one of many great pieces of advice she gave me.
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06-18-2011, 09:39 PM	#3
dontmesswithme Core Member [129%] MBTI: INFJ Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 5,163	I have serious trust issues. I've read that this is a Ni-dominant thing. I want to trust people, but I know that's not entirely viable. I don't know if that's the right word. I think the constant feelings of vulnerability/anxiety that I've been experiencing since I was a small child must be due to Ni. It never goes away.
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06-18-2011, 09:45 PM	#4
ppu6502 Special Snowflake MBTI: INTj Join Date: May 2011 Posts: 11,503	I don't really consider it an issue so much as a reality. Even people with perfectly pure intentions can't be completely trusted. You can't even trust yourself. Trust is a risk with associated reward potentials. Just gotta tread carefully..
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06-18-2011, 09:50 PM	#5
Muse Veteran Member [84%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jul 2010 Posts: 3,392	I have rationalized my concepts of trust into an almost scientific form. I trust through predictability, and it comes with different levels of 'trust' to match it. Kind of like how i trust that this bowl of soup will get cold in a few minutes. Its just a prediction really, that i try to make as accurate as possible. As for 100% trust, in people anyways, impossible. Though one could get very close if one tried.
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06-18-2011, 09:55 PM	#6
Fubudis Veteran Member [67%] MBTI: iXTp Join Date: Oct 2010 Posts: 2,719	I don't trust anyone 100% because that's unrealistic. It certainly makes life more lonely, though. : /
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06-18-2011, 10:19 PM	#7
Dru Core Member [250%] MBTI: INTP Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 10,014	the term "trust issues" wouldn't be recognizable if you were the only one to have them. there are a handful of general rules you can put your faith in, so to speak. firstly, everyone will die at some point. secondly, people are not inherently smart; they have to learn to reason and think critically. thirdly, almost nobody is selfless. they may occasionally do selfless things, but they also do selfish things, because that is the way of human nature. that's not to be mistaken for a point of criticism, for there is a certain level of selfishness that is inherent in all things living, but nor is it an excuse for the greedy, materialistic, egocentric, and shallow. by all means, mistrust those people who are defined by those qualities, but don't make the mistake of thinking all people are that way. you wouldn't throw out a whole bushel of apples because one of them had worms. you wouldn't drown a litter of kittens because one of them had six legs. you wouldn't commit genocide because you disagreed with a member of that culture, nationality, race, or ethnicity. granted these things have happened, and on more than one occasion, but i don't think you're someone who would want to make the same errors in judgment that led to them. i know i'm not.
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06-19-2011, 02:04 AM	#8
jnoelle Banned MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jun 2011 Posts: 476	I seriously only trust one person at all (and obviously that's not 100%). I think my lack of trust is definitely justified. If most people knew the things I with-hold, I would probably be forcibly institutionalized by my parents, would be harassed by my classmates, and might even be disowned. Most people I know I don't trust simply for being loudmouths. You have to keep your mouth shut if you want me to ever tell you something, and going by how gossipy my friends tend to be (and the fact that they actually have normal relationships with their parents), they aren't capable of such a thing.
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06-19-2011, 05:05 AM	#9
Tactical Panda Core Member [133%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 5,328	I asked an INTJ girl I know what advice from her parents managed to stick to her. She said not much from them did, except the advice that you should be wary to trust others. As to myself, I trust people to a degree. Everyone seems to have their personal failings, yet everyone seems to frequently enough rise above my the more cynical of my expectations.
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06-19-2011, 05:44 AM	#10
plotthickens Core Member [661%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 26,450	You sound completely normal, JN.
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06-19-2011, 06:20 AM	#11
killyridols Banned MBTI: INFP Join Date: May 2011 Posts: 503	What's going to blow all of your minds when you finally realize it is that it isn't that you can't trust other people. It's that you don't trust yourself. Trust is a fully internal state and the external world has nothing to do with it. What you are doing is projecting the inability to trust on to the outside world. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
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06-19-2011, 06:37 AM	#12
Imagineering Member [46%] MBTI: xxxx Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 1,845	I prefer being secretive to putting trust in anyone.
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06-19-2011, 06:49 AM	#13
AnaK Core Member [116%] MBTI: XNFP Join Date: Jan 2011 Posts: 4,666	I don't trust secretive people. I immediately think, what horrible truth are they hiding? One of my favorite sayings is: "Sunlight is the best disinfectant." If I catch someone in a lie, it is unlikely I will ever trust them. A lie isn't just something you do, a liar is something you are.
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06-19-2011, 12:19 PM	#14
Reddkatz Core Member [184%] MBTI: InTJ Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 7,383	I do firmly believe that trust is earned not given. There are currently 2 people in my life that I do trust if not 100% but close enough. Those 2 I can trust with relaying things that I don't want anyone else to know. But they also happen to be my best friends. When people get to the best friend status, which takes a while for me my trust in them goes a long with them.
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06-19-2011, 01:07 PM	#16
Ookami New Member [01%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: May 2011 Posts: 52	I used to trust people, until society showed me I was wrong. So yeah, I don't trust anyone, at all. Except those that have a legal obligation not to do so, and I'm even skeptical of them. People gossip and talk behind peoples backs, it's just how our society works. Majority of the people will betray your trust if it helps them. Therefore, I don't tell anyone anything that could ever be used against me in any way. Except when people don't know who I am. Like on this forum. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Yeah, it's possible to trace IP's and all that, but if you're willing to do all that work just to figure out who I am, then I respect that and you deserve to know.
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06-19-2011, 02:08 PM	#17
imperion Member [06%] MBTI: INTP Join Date: May 2011 Posts: 268	The only person I completely trust, and the only person I ever will completely trust, is myself. I simply accept that people are prone to error; there's no way around that.
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06-19-2011, 02:23 PM	#18
irini Core Member [183%] MBTI: ENFP Join Date: Jul 2010 Posts: 7,320	I have realized that people do not trust each other easily. Which is normal and understandable. But I have also undestood that the best way you can make others trust you is to trust them first. I know it seems difficult, but I never lose my trust to people...even if they don't trust me.
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06-19-2011, 02:32 PM	#19
BlackMita Member [24%] MBTI: xxxx Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 999	I don't have trust issues. The idea that everything in your head has to be expressed verbally is absurd. Communication is 90% non-verbal. It is very difficult to live a lie unless you're surrounded by delusional enablers. In those cases the issue is you're keeping awful company and denying it. You could call that "not trusting yourself" to build relationships, but that's moot if you're surrounded by idiots that will literally go crazy if you start speaking the truth (up to and including any expression that you desire better company). Last edited by BlackMita; 06-20-2011 at 10:01 AM.
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06-19-2011, 02:34 PM	#20
Feste Member [03%] MBTI: ENTJ Join Date: May 2011 Posts: 120	I have extreme trust issues, though I base it mostly off my childhood instead of my intuition (which is also my most dominant trait), I want to trust people, but the little trust I invest in people I can take away really easily, along with the friendship. I kind of want to fix it though, kind of..
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06-19-2011, 04:20 PM	#21
chaostheory Member [20%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 814	Why would I trust anyone if they haven't earned it? Why would anyone not follow the same philosophy?
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06-19-2011, 04:33 PM	#22
jonsi New Member [01%] MBTI: ENXP Join Date: Apr 2011 Posts: 71	Why would you trust something that isn't trustworthy. It makes sense not to trust anyone 100% because people aren't perfect. I try to do people the favor of not expecting that they will never let me down, because chances are they will eventually. And that's ok because we're all just human. But at the same time it's good to be discerning in who you share things with and who you let get close to you.
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