[kari]

What makes a friend a friend?

According to certain interpretations, such as facebook, a friendship is essentially just two people mutually aware of each others existence. I think most people would agree that these "friends" are really just acquaintances and not friends, but where is the line drawn? What differentiates someone from being a person you tolerate and can occasionally enjoy being around, and a real friend?

I've been thinking about this a bit lately and the best answer I can come up with is someone who is able to give me good advice. For a few reasons, this means that:
1) They understand me well enough to be able to provide relevant and beneficial advice
2) They are smart enough to be able to figure out what is good advice, and
3) We have a close enough relationship that the other person feels comfortable providing this advice

From one aspect though, this idea seems a bit selfish. A good relationship is about give and take, but this definition only would account for the taking and not the giving, but even so it is the best way I could think to distinguish the two.

What are your thoughts on this? What do you think makes a good real friend?

[Still Standing]

To me, a good friend is a person:
1) with whom I don't have to wear any sort of mask
2) who accepts my faults and quirks, and appreciates my strengths
3) I can fight with and say what's on my mind without things turning sour
4) who I can count on when/if the shit hits the fan

I used to go to friends for advice, but not anymore since the Internet and Google came along. Whatever question I have, several people have already answered it, and many of these people have more experience and knowledge on what I need help with than any of my friends.

[Rhyseh]

Originally Posted by kari To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

What makes a friend a friend? According to certain interpretations, such as facebook, a friendship is essentially just two people mutually aware of each others existence. I think most people would agree that these "friends" are really just acquaintances and not friends, but where is the line drawn? What differentiates someone from being a person you tolerate and can occasionally enjoy being around, and a real friend? I've been thinking about this a bit lately and the best answer I can come up with is someone who is able to give me good advice. For a few reasons, this means that: 1) They understand me well enough to be able to provide relevant and beneficial advice 2) They are smart enough to be able to figure out what is good advice, and 3) We have a close enough relationship that the other person feels comfortable providing this advice From one aspect though, this idea seems a bit selfish. A good relationship is about give and take, but this definition only would account for the taking and not the giving, but even so it is the best way I could think to distinguish the two. What are your thoughts on this? What do you think makes a good real friend?

I don't agree with any of these points. I do not forge my friendships based on intelligence, nor do I forge a friendship based on what advice they give me. A true friend to me is someone who accepts me for who I am, who's company I enjoy (and they enjoy mine), someone you can trust unquestioningly with anything.

To me a true friendship is where both parties are invested in the personal life of the other, regardless of whether one party is more intelligent than the other. The best friend I have isn't the brightest bulb in the box but he is the most genuine, no bullshit individual I have ever met. While I wouldn't go to him for advice on life's hardships I do sit down, have a beer with him, vent my issues and then forget about them for awhile.

[DrWin]

1) Someone who I am comfortable talking to about anything, even those things that I generally keep hidden from others.

2) Someone who I can trust.

3) Someone who I enjoy being around.

4) Someone who gets me and understands that I can be quite sarcastic. I find that I hurt a lot of peoples feelings unintentionally because they take me too seriously. I cannot walk on egg shells around someone.

5) Someone who is dependable and not overly emotional i.e. I can't deal with people who constantly talk about their SO or love interests.

[N0c7urn3]

For me, there are differing degrees of friendship that is best left un quantified. A friend, for me, is anyone I feel comfortable with and whose company I actually enjoy.

It might be someone with similar interests or taking part in the same activities. It might be an intelligent fellow that I discuss certain issues of interest with, or someone whose shared history with me makes him/her a good sounding board. It could just be someone who is funny and relatable or it might just be someone who is useful to me in some fashion and who I want to remain on good terms with. Of course, my best friends are the ones who are most of these. I also realise that those who are my closest friends aren't very typical people.

[Tactical Panda]

Not sure. At the moment, there are a few types of people, or a combination of:
1. Those who need me.
2. Those who want me.
3. Those who are interested in me.
4. Those I am interested in.
5. Those I want.
6. Those I need.

1, 3, 4, 5, 6 seem uncertain.
2 seems suprising and sort of makes me feel happy.
4 is novelty.
1 and 6 seem bound by responsibility issues.

Its a bit shallow, buts its random musings.

[Ascendant Edge]

I've thought about this recently too. I'm uncertain where the line between friend and acquaintance is, what has to happen before someone is elevated from acquaintance to friend. I'm in my second year of university now and I honestly can't say I've made any close friends since early high school, just acquaintances. I'm not sure whether there was some change in my mindset between now and then, but no one else seems to be able to make the transition up from acquaintance...it's odd.

As for what makes a friend, I guess someone whom your interactions with don't feel shallow or forced, who you feel comfortable with and trust. By that definition, perhaps that just means I met the right people in high school?

[sunlover]

IMO, it's more important to define a "true" friend vs. all other type friendships. For me a "true" friendship involves a level of "commitment". not too dissimilar to that required in a marriage. Which is also why it's relatively rare.

[dontmesswithme]

The part about giving and getting advice is very true. For me, there has to be a certain amount of trust and comfort in telling someone personal things that they could form an opinion on. I don't neccessarily want just anyone forming an opinion on things that are going on in my life. If they do, it's somewhat of an insulting afront to me. That's why I don't let just anyone in. In fact, I have no social life whatsoever. I think the oft-mention (Feeler-centric) "emotional connection" is key here, in what causes an acquaintance to cross over into a friend.

There is one person who I would be willing to share things with. I feel a kinship with him. I'm only comfortable having a little circle of "my people". Yes, I'm extremely introverted.

[shivasprogeny]

I think a friend is someone I enjoy being with on my own time where as an acquaintance is someone whose company I enjoy, but only because I have to associate with that person (at work, friend of friend, etc.).

[therrirl]

A freind is somenone I can put my valuables in front of and I know they will be there later.
A freind is someone who can laugh with me and support me when times are hard.
A freind is someone who has fun with you just because it is fun.
A freind is someone who doesn't care about your issues and accepts you.

An acquaintance is a person you don't nescasarily like, and you would not help them except in dire circumstances. You would not go out of your way for this person.

[Reddkatz]

My friends are people whom I can actually be comfortable at being myself. Acquaintances will still have that reserved manner to deal with.

I also choose to spend time with my friends freely and as much as possible while acquaintances usually have to prod me into spending time with them if they want me to.

My really close friends have no problem relying on me as I will do anything they ask me to. Other friends and acquaintances, I have to ask why they want me to do something and what I will get out of it.

[Korovjov]

I would agree with four points posted by Still Standing.

And the best friends are those with whom you can sit together in silence and still feel as though you’re having the most inspiring dialogue.