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Why don't men file for divorce? breakups, marriage
Old 04-22-2011, 06:17 PM   #1
AnaK
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It"s a statistic that women file for divorce more than men. Why? You"ll see men who don't seem to love, or sometimes even like, their wives, but they never file. You could say it"s all about money, but these same men will be heartbroken when their wife files. I've read men have a more difficult time emotionally after a divorce. This would make you think men love their wives more than women love their husbands. But you see how men talk about their wives, so many of them don't seem to be that much in love. Until it ends anyway.
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Old 04-22-2011, 06:19 PM   #2
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I'm going to hazard a guess that sex is a factor.
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Old 04-22-2011, 06:24 PM   #3
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So they are distressed after it ends because they miss the easy access to sex? Hmmmm. Why didn't that cross my mind? (It didn't, not being funny.)
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Old 04-22-2011, 06:33 PM   #4
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  Originally Posted by AnaK
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It"s a statistic that women file for divorce more than men. Why? You"ll see men who don't seem to love, or sometimes even like, their wives, but they never file. You could say it"s all about money, but these same men will be heartbroken when their wife files. I've read men have a more difficult time emotionally after a divorce. This would make you think men love their wives more than women love their husbands. But you see how men talk about their wives, so many of them don't seem to be that much in love. Until it ends anyway.

Three points:
1. Men cherish companionship but don't want to invest much in love to gain companionship. Consequently they are less likely to file for divorce and risk being single again (socks, breakfast, sex). It is also considered less manly to talk about how you love your wife. As an example men want to make up much sooner than the women ("Oh, come on now!", "Still sulking?" etc.) which lowers their general power in negotiating.

2. Research has made it clear that it is a woman who initiates a relationship by encouraging the male and is more aware of how things are. Many women wait a long time to file until they are financially secure, weigh less or the kids are younger. Due to the clarity in awareness and single-minded nature of execution, divorced men have significantly lower life expectancy than non-divorced men whereas no such distinction is observed for women.

3. As men age they become "distinguished", but women just get old: that's how our society sees is. So women need to make sure they make the best use of their younger years. Hence they are more likely to file for divorce to give themselves a better shot at love and/or wealth, depending on their persuasions.

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Old 04-22-2011, 06:57 PM   #5
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My ex never filed because he got to fool around behind my back while I paid all of the bills and took care of everything. Why would you leave if you got to have your cake and eat it too?

My good friend has been miserable in his marriage for 13 years or so. His wife hasn't had sex with him in about 5 years, and she makes him sleep in another room because he snores (he's a decent looking guy with a funny personality who is a great breadwinner, not some gross schlub). My friend won't divorce her because it will cost him half of his business and savings.

I think that men don't divorce because they feel, whether you're talking about my ex or my friend, that they have a lot to lose. Of course, in my ex's case, he wasn't worried enough about losing his life to keep his dick in his pants.
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Old 04-22-2011, 07:22 PM   #6
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I guess men could also be afraid they"ll miss out on their kid"s lives, or not be as involved.
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Old 04-22-2011, 07:31 PM   #7
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  Originally Posted by Iota Null
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I'm going to hazard a guess that sex is a factor.

I doubt it, my friends who've gone through divorce stopped having sex long before the divorce and some are still in sexless marriages.

I think it has more to do with seeing their kids every day and the financial problems that come with divorce.

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Old 04-22-2011, 07:32 PM   #8
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Honor, duty.. a fix it attitude over the feel and listen to feelings attitude. Men also suffer from a sense of entitlement less.
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Old 04-22-2011, 07:47 PM   #9
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  Originally Posted by Aronnax
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I doubt it, my friends who've gone through divorce stopped having sex long before the divorce and some are still in sexless marriages.

I think it has more to do with seeing their kids every day and the financial problems that come with divorce.

Since I'm not into casual sex very much at all, I'd be so bummed if I got married and didn't have sex. That would be awful.

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Old 04-22-2011, 07:48 PM   #10
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  Originally Posted by AnaK
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It"s a statistic that women file for divorce more than men. Why?

Well child, women make up the majority of divorce initiates; likewise, women also make up the majority of Fs.

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Old 04-22-2011, 07:54 PM   #11
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I've also heard that men are the last to know when their marriage is in trouble - they go to work, come home, have dinner, watch TV, and don't even notice that she's unhappy and trying to connect with him. Status quo is regular to him, so, to his mind, everything must be fine. Then one day, he comes home to find her ready to go, with her bus ticket in hand and suitcase by the door and he's totally stumped - he had no idea she was unhappy, even though she'd been trying to tell him for years.
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Old 04-22-2011, 08:00 PM   #12
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  Originally Posted by Zsych
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Honor, duty.. a fix it attitude over the feel and listen to feelings attitude. Men also suffer from a sense of entitlement less.

You mean they don't feel entitled to the perfect marriage?

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Old 04-22-2011, 08:17 PM   #13
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  Originally Posted by AnaK
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You mean they don't feel entitled to the perfect marriage?

Men don't feel entitled to anything they don't work towards. T can be such a bitch in that regard.

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Old 04-22-2011, 08:34 PM   #14
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Divorced twice, I filed both times. I'd need to know more details about this research before I would read much into it. If women file 55% of the time, then no big deal. If women file 70% of the time, I'd be interested in the reasons why. I filed because the marriages needed to end, simple as that.
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Old 04-22-2011, 08:40 PM   #15
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  Originally Posted by Nikonman
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Divorced twice, I filed both times. I'd need to know more details about this research before I would read much into it. If women file 55% of the time, then no big deal. If women file 70% of the time, I'd be interested in the reasons why. I filed because the marriages needed to end, simple as that.

There are other topics regarding this, should be within a few pages of this sub-forum.

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Old 04-22-2011, 08:47 PM   #16
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According to a study published in the American Law and Economics Review, women currently file slightly more than two-thirds of divorce cases in the United States. [56] There is some variation among states, and the numbers have also varied over time, with about 60% of filings by women in most of the 19th century, and over 70% by women in some states just after no-fault divorce was introduced, according to the paper. Evidence is given that among college-educated couples, the percentages of divorces initiated by women is approximately 90%.

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Old 04-22-2011, 08:53 PM   #17
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  Originally Posted by AnaK
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According to a study published in the American Law and Economics Review, women currently file slightly more than two-thirds of divorce cases in the United States. [56] There is some variation among states, and the numbers have also varied over time, with about 60% of filings by women in most of the 19th century, and over 70% by women in some states just after no-fault divorce was introduced, according to the paper. Evidence is given that among college-educated couples, the percentages of divorces initiated by women is approximately 90%.

With the stigma of divorce gone, it is no surprise that women file for an ever-larger fraction of divorces. With college-educated couples the men and women are likely to be similar in ages which has a higher likelihood of divorce. I think 4-5 year age difference (older male) is the least risk for divorce, relatively speaking. Also with college educated couples the woman is not economically disadvantaged and has more choices, relatively speaking. That puts the marriage on a more "equal footing" as it were.

Repeating my previous comments:
Three points:
1. Men cherish companionship but don't want to invest much in love to gain companionship. Consequently they are less likely to file for divorce and risk being single again (socks, breakfast, sex). It is also considered less manly to talk about how you love your wife. As an example men want to make up much sooner than the women ("Oh, come on now!", "Still sulking?" etc.) which lowers their general power in negotiating.

2. Research has made it clear that it is a woman who initiates a relationship by encouraging the male and is more aware of how things are. Many women wait a long time to file until they are financially secure, weigh less or the kids are younger. Due to the clarity in awareness and single-minded nature of execution, divorced men have significantly lower life expectancy than non-divorced men whereas no such distinction is observed for women.

3. As men age they become "distinguished", but women just get old: that's how our society sees is. So women need to make sure they make the best use of their younger years. Hence they are more likely to file for divorce to give themselves a better shot at love and/or wealth, depending on their persuasions.

Top reason for divorce have always been money, depression or not.

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Old 04-22-2011, 09:31 PM   #18
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  Originally Posted by Shadizar
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Well child, women make up the majority of divorce initiates; likewise, women also make up the majority of Fs.

I think the above is a bigger factor than it gets credit for. Stereotypically, women spend more time fantasizing about their relationships and how good they're going to be. There are often plans and schedules made even before they meet a future husband. They're much more emotionally invested in the concept of marriage than men are. When the "insert male into my perfect life fantasy" doesn't work out so well, then it's simply much easier to blame the male and dispose of the marriage than it is to admit to unrealistic expectations.

Just look at how each gender views the wedding day.

The "F" could stand for "Fantasy" in this case just as much as "Feelings".

So, the typically "T" male has lower more realistic expectations for the marriage itself as well as a more realistic and rational view of how divorce will affect their financies and interaction with children.

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Old 04-22-2011, 09:31 PM   #19
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Those stats are very interesting. The financial independence of college educated women appears to be a likely factor. Plus the fact that most college educated women I know are more likely to be "on the ball" about getting things on their "to do" list done. The guys, on the other hand, usually have an "I'll get to it eventually" attitude. If I'd thought either of my ex's would have filed themselves, I'd have waited and let them pay the filing fee.
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Old 04-22-2011, 09:35 PM   #20
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Perhaps because in a lot of circumstances divorce feels like giving into weakness and personal inability to fix a problem, and thus running away or cowardice.

Its not even an option that crosses the mind unless something is going very wrong, and its not a casual decision unless things are going fine and your are being greedy with your relationships.

An opinion.
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Old 04-22-2011, 09:47 PM   #21
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My father was the one who filed for divorce. Both parents still claim to love one another.
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Old 04-22-2011, 09:56 PM   #22
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  Originally Posted by Zombicide
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My father was the one who filed for divorce. Both parents still claim to love one another.

I don't get that. Why get a divorce when you still love each other.

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Old 04-22-2011, 09:56 PM   #23
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Nothing says I love you like a prenup.

That said, I wouldn't marry anyone without one.

Regardless, probably because it's sometimes sex, social benefits, and could cost the breadwinner a LOT of money (especially if there's hard feelings involved).
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Old 04-22-2011, 10:04 PM   #24
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  Originally Posted by AnaK
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I don't get that. Why get a divorce when you still love each other.

Loving someone is easy. Living with them is much harder.

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Old 04-22-2011, 10:09 PM   #25
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  Originally Posted by AnaK
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I've read men have a more difficult time emotionally after a divorce.

According to the DSM, divorced women are more likely to have depression issues.

I think it could have to do with the children. Men filing less for divorce that is.

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