Girls: Should I NOT kiss an INTx girl on the first date ?

**oldnick** · 04-21-2011, 05:57 AM

I asked out this girl at work,

Quite shy, discreet, definitively an INTx

But I never went out with INTx girls

Is a kiss on first date a big NO for them ?

I'm INTJ by the way...

**Haumea** · 04-21-2011, 06:02 AM

I don't think it's useful to attempt to type someone based on first impressions. It adds too much "noise" to your thinking (which is frankly 'filling your head with shit'.)

Don't overcomplicate things by tailoring a strategy for an "INTJ girl." Simply go with the flow. I really think game is more of an SP type activity - more tactical than strategic, more opportunistic than calculated.

**vertex** · 04-21-2011, 06:09 AM

It all depends on the chemistry you have. MBTI has nothing to do with it. What rapport did you build already with her, have you talked about sexual things, romantic things? Do you know what triggers her? Does she touch you in a flirty way or when you make a joke or tease her?

If you say "no" on all those questions, then I'd wait until you can say yes on those questions.

**Reddkatz** · 04-21-2011, 08:24 AM

Well if you keep worrying if you should or not it probably won't because your nervousness and worrying will pour out during your date. Just go with the flow of the date. There will be a right time to do so, it may or may not be the first date however.

Coralaisly · 04-21-2011, 08:53 AM

I wouldn't try to type her right off the bat either. It might put unrealistic expectations in your head and make you act from logic instead of animalistic instinct* like should be done on a date.

Keep your eyes and ears open. Listen to what she says and where she emphasizes her words. Be watching her body language, and mirror a little if you're really into her.

If you're swimming at the end of the date, you can always employ the age old walk her to her door, give her a hug, look at her lips and then her eyes and ask if you can kiss her (quietly). People keep doing it because it works.

*animal instinct- contextual definition- assessing your situation based on what you see, hear and sense at the moment. How are her actions making you feel? This isn't a videogame. There is no "right" answer. You're on an interview. Sometimes when you don't get the job it really is because you weren't right for it, not because there was someone arbitrarily "better," or because you preformed badly in the interview.

**oldnick** · 04-21-2011, 08:56 AM

thanks for the tips

**Aronnax** · 04-21-2011, 08:57 AM

Don't worry about "INTX girls" and pay attention to the one in front of you. You'll know if you should go for that kiss at the end of the evening; pay attention to what's going on in the present and don't over think this.

**Autumnleaf** · 04-21-2011, 10:46 AM

Yes, you should go for it. When she starts talking about relationships and shows open posture you start talking about she has kissable lips. She smiles. You touch her hair. If she still smiles you kiss her. Or something like that.

**Zsych** · 04-21-2011, 10:47 AM

See how she's responding to your touch and or how interested she seems and go from there?

**Beric** · 04-21-2011, 10:51 AM

	Originally Posted by Autumnleaf To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Yes, you should go for it. When she starts talking about relationships and shows open posture you start talking about she has kissable lips. She smiles. You touch her hair. If she still smiles you kiss her. Or something like that.

Wow. And you do this naturally? How much practice have you had?

It appears I need to take a class on how to even touch a girl (let alone kiss), seeing as I've never really done so - in fact, I avoid touching anyone. I've patted my best friend on the back once, and even that felt weird.

**Autumnleaf** · 04-21-2011, 10:56 AM

	Originally Posted by Beric To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Wow. And you do this naturally? How much practice have you had? It appears I need to take a class on how to even touch a girl (let alone kiss), seeing as I've never really done so - in fact, I avoid touching anyone. I've patted my best friend on the back once, and even that felt weird.

Its like driving a car. You start with learning how not to stall it when you switch gears. After you get the hang of it, its pretty hard to mess up too badly unless a deer crosses the road at night when you are driving under the influence.

**Zsych** · 04-21-2011, 11:17 AM

Yes the wonders of having so much logic that our emotions and instincts get wiped.

**Autumnleaf** · 04-21-2011, 11:27 AM

	Originally Posted by Zsych To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Yes the wonders of having so much logic that our emotions and instincts get wiped.

Its akin to muscle memory which involves emotion and instinct. As an INTJ I'd say its heavily intuition. You notice patterns and act in the moment. Until you get a solid knowledge base you tend to be stuck in analysis paralysis.

**Allie** · 04-21-2011, 11:37 AM

Not sure about type, but I would take note of the "shy and discreet" signs, and tread lightly. Kisses come in many forms. If you feel like it, just go for a peck on the cheek or lips. Even if/when she is amenable to kisses, keep it light.

Ah wait. I am thinking long term and such...

If it is a matter of chemistry and each other's ease of dating, then go with the flow.

**Shadizar** · 04-21-2011, 01:20 PM

If the date goes well, tell you wanna chew on her bottom lip while you rub your nose against hers; then take a step back so she can absorb it without feeling pressured. Don't expect to give in.
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**Muse** · 04-21-2011, 01:21 PM

	Originally Posted by Autumnleaf To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Its like driving a car. You start with learning how not to stall it when you switch gears. After you get the hang of it, its pretty hard to mess up too badly unless a deer crosses the road at night when you are driving under the influence.

Completely agree.

For shy girls i just go slower. Once they start to warm up to you then its smooching time. Usually starts with teasing, then mention of kissing, then a kiss on the cheek, then maybe the lips.

something cute like "how do you like to be kissed?" *kisu* "like this?"

**TallGuy89** · 04-21-2011, 02:40 PM

	Originally Posted by Aronnax To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Don't worry about "INTX girls" and pay attention to the one in front of you. You'll know if you should go for that kiss at the end of the evening; pay attention to what's going on in the present and don't over think this.

I agree with this, just go with the flow, over thinking it can easily mess up you up.

**ladyobscure** · 04-21-2011, 02:53 PM

Only one guy has ever had the courage to kiss me on the first date. I didn't like him all that much to begin with, but he actually asked, and we ended up making out for an hour :P

I am neutral most of the time, and will gladly go with the flow if the right moves are made on me.

**Mogura** · 04-21-2011, 04:13 PM

	Originally Posted by oldnick To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I asked out this girl at work, Quite shy, discreet, definitively an INTx But I never went out with INTx girls Is a kiss on first date a big NO for them ? I'm INTJ by the way...

If she's genuinely an INTx, you could probably bring this up as a dinner conversation topic without it feeling weird, and she will most likely give you an honest answer (probably more honesty than you're looking for).

Or, you could try reading signals from her during the date (avoiding the topic altogether) and taking cue when appropriate.

**karenann33** · 04-21-2011, 05:08 PM

For guys I'm serious about I'm not a big fan of a kiss on the first date. I'm also old fashioned. My dh (intj) didn't kiss me until the 3rd date and it was totally worth the wait.

**SacrificialLove** · 04-22-2011, 08:20 AM

I'm not an INTx girl, but being touched is a huge thing for me -- With anything sexual (kissing included), my permission should definitely be obtained first. I didn't do kisses on first dates. Ever. And I'd be completely turned off by a guy who was so forward that he kissed me on the first date. I guess that makes me old fashioned, too, like Karen.
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**Ilara** · 04-22-2011, 09:07 AM

Depends on how it's going, really. Just feel her out and basically do what Aronnax said, ignore what you think about "INTX" girls. Go with what you see and know about the actual girl you're with. You'll be fine. It's going to depend on the circumstances and on her personally anyway.

Sometimes the best plan is no plan.

**Jennywocky** · 04-22-2011, 09:20 AM

Should I be redundant and just say, "Go with the flow?"
Because that is the right answer.

(I just feel bad offering it again after the first fifteen times.)

But seriously, there's no way around it: You're on a date, you're gonna have to actually be present and respond to things in the moment rather than planning it all out ahead of time. Stay tuned in to what is happening.

I don't know how an INTJ woman would respond, but as a "P," not a "J," rest assured I am sizing you up during the date itself, experiencing our synergy (or lack of it), and forming a pretty quick big-picture opinion of whether I want to kiss you or not and/or am open to being kissed. I might have an idea going into the date, but I'm very open to the moment-by-moment possibilities based on the large pattern meshing of our time together.

(Sorry if that doesn't sound romantic. Then again, maybe to an INTJ guy, it does!)

**Blse** · 04-22-2011, 10:59 AM

	Originally Posted by Haumea To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I don't think it's useful to attempt to type someone based on first impressions. It adds too much "noise" to your thinking (which is frankly 'filling your head with shit'.) Don't overcomplicate things by tailoring a strategy for an "INTJ girl." Simply go with the flow. I really think game is more of an SP type activity - more tactical than strategic, more opportunistic than calculated.

Exactely, esp. the part I bold-faced. Don't use MBTI here. If her body language is open and she's comfortable with casual touches throughout the date (and returns them!), go in.

**Indubitably** · 04-22-2011, 01:58 PM

It entirely depends on which "x" she is, if shes INTP then you want to be open, touchy-feely, and give lots of attention but be very careful to not imply that this in any way entitles you to any sort of commitment, or that it otherwise obligates her to respond in any fashion that is not solely of her own choosing. This is probably good advice for interacting with most all P type girls, but INTPs in particular are especially put off by obligation/entitlement. In fact, at first they probably won't even stop to consider the possibility that you think you are owed something for your efforts, and once they do, they are going to feel both insulted and repulsed by your behavior. More than any other type, INTPs live in their own little world, and until the INTP has very well developed behavioral models to explain why 99% of humans appear to be batshit insane, we tend to expect people to think like us, the way they do in INTP land, which, sadly, is almost never the case.

INTJs are a different story all together. With an INTJ girl your number 1 concern is emotional vulnerability, in that she should basically never have to feel it until she knows you really, really, reeeeaaaaallllyy well. They put up a tough facade, and they've got their shit together pretty much 24-7, but INTJs are in fact extremely sensitive. There is a reason why they need everything to be just exactly so; they hold their life (and by extension themselves) together by sheer force of will. Shit needs to go down the way they expect it to go down, because they live under the constant fear that the whole damn thing could come crashing down around them. Basically, they've already pushed themselves to the brink, so if you know what is good for you, you will do very very little pushing of your own. It is also important that you not impede progress towards their goals; INTJs have a difficult time separating themselves from their aspirations, so obstructing their progress will be interpreted as a direct threat to their person which, in turn, = pushing. Basically, be prepared to do 90% of the emotional grunt work yourself. Unless they are very very mature INTJs, they are simply not going to be putting their neck on the emotional chopping block, and at least one of you will have to in order for anything resembling a healthy relationship to form, so guess what, yeah, that is your new full time job. Make an ass of yourself on a daily basis if thats what it takes. You more or less need to make it clear beyond a shadow of a doubt that your feelings are sincere, and that you will accept them for who they are (borderline obsessive compulsive / paranoid tendencies included). If you can do that much, show them that you are at least as intelligent as they are, and that you are not a complete tool, they will be so stoked that you even exist that they will do the rest of the legwork themselves. Oh yeah, and make them laugh, they seem to like that.

04-21-2011, 05:57 AM	#1
oldnick New Member [01%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jul 2010 Posts: 53	I asked out this girl at work, Quite shy, discreet, definitively an INTx But I never went out with INTx girls Is a kiss on first date a big NO for them ? I'm INTJ by the way...
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04-21-2011, 06:02 AM	#2
Haumea Veteran Member [88%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 3,523	I don't think it's useful to attempt to type someone based on first impressions. It adds too much "noise" to your thinking (which is frankly 'filling your head with shit'.) Don't overcomplicate things by tailoring a strategy for an "INTJ girl." Simply go with the flow. I really think game is more of an SP type activity - more tactical than strategic, more opportunistic than calculated.
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04-21-2011, 06:09 AM	#3
vertex Member [10%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 410	It all depends on the chemistry you have. MBTI has nothing to do with it. What rapport did you build already with her, have you talked about sexual things, romantic things? Do you know what triggers her? Does she touch you in a flirty way or when you make a joke or tease her? If you say "no" on all those questions, then I'd wait until you can say yes on those questions.
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04-21-2011, 08:24 AM	#4
Reddkatz Core Member [188%] MBTI: InTJ Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 7,557	Well if you keep worrying if you should or not it probably won't because your nervousness and worrying will pour out during your date. Just go with the flow of the date. There will be a right time to do so, it may or may not be the first date however.
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04-21-2011, 08:53 AM	#5
Coralaisly Veteran Member [80%] MBTI: XXXX Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 3,205	I wouldn't try to type her right off the bat either. It might put unrealistic expectations in your head and make you act from logic instead of animalistic instinct* like should be done on a date. Keep your eyes and ears open. Listen to what she says and where she emphasizes her words. Be watching her body language, and mirror a little if you're really into her. If you're swimming at the end of the date, you can always employ the age old walk her to her door, give her a hug, look at her lips and then her eyes and ask if you can kiss her (quietly). People keep doing it because it works. *animal instinct- contextual definition- assessing your situation based on what you see, hear and sense at the moment. How are her actions making you feel? This isn't a videogame. There is no "right" answer. You're on an interview. Sometimes when you don't get the job it really is because you weren't right for it, not because there was someone arbitrarily "better," or because you preformed badly in the interview.
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04-21-2011, 08:56 AM	#6
oldnick New Member [01%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jul 2010 Posts: 53	thanks for the tips
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04-21-2011, 08:57 AM	#7
Aronnax Core Member [103%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 4,142	Don't worry about "INTX girls" and pay attention to the one in front of you. You'll know if you should go for that kiss at the end of the evening; pay attention to what's going on in the present and don't over think this.
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04-21-2011, 10:46 AM	#8
Autumnleaf Core Member [235%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Apr 2010 Posts: 9,404	Yes, you should go for it. When she starts talking about relationships and shows open posture you start talking about she has kissable lips. She smiles. You touch her hair. If she still smiles you kiss her. Or something like that.
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04-21-2011, 10:47 AM	#9
Zsych Core Member [309%] MBTI: XNTX Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 12,376	See how she's responding to your touch and or how interested she seems and go from there?
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04-21-2011, 11:17 AM	#12
Zsych Core Member [309%] MBTI: XNTX Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 12,376	Yes the wonders of having so much logic that our emotions and instincts get wiped.
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04-21-2011, 11:37 AM	#14
Allie Veteran Member [55%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 2,226	Not sure about type, but I would take note of the "shy and discreet" signs, and tread lightly. Kisses come in many forms. If you feel like it, just go for a peck on the cheek or lips. Even if/when she is amenable to kisses, keep it light. Ah wait. I am thinking long term and such... If it is a matter of chemistry and each other's ease of dating, then go with the flow.
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04-21-2011, 01:20 PM	#15
Shadizar Core Member [171%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 6,879	If the date goes well, tell you wanna chew on her bottom lip while you rub your nose against hers; then take a step back so she can absorb it without feeling pressured. Don't expect to give in. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
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04-21-2011, 02:53 PM	#18
ladyobscure New Member [01%] MBTI: INTP Join Date: Oct 2010 Posts: 49	Only one guy has ever had the courage to kiss me on the first date. I didn't like him all that much to begin with, but he actually asked, and we ended up making out for an hour :P I am neutral most of the time, and will gladly go with the flow if the right moves are made on me.
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04-21-2011, 05:08 PM	#20
karenann33 Member [31%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 1,278	For guys I'm serious about I'm not a big fan of a kiss on the first date. I'm also old fashioned. My dh (intj) didn't kiss me until the 3rd date and it was totally worth the wait.
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04-22-2011, 08:20 AM	#21
SacrificialLove Member [10%] MBTI: ENFJ Join Date: Jan 2011 Posts: 435	I'm not an INTx girl, but being touched is a huge thing for me -- With anything sexual (kissing included), my permission should definitely be obtained first. I didn't do kisses on first dates. Ever. And I'd be completely turned off by a guy who was so forward that he kissed me on the first date. I guess that makes me old fashioned, too, like Karen. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
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04-22-2011, 09:07 AM	#22
Ilara Veteran Member [95%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Mar 2010 Posts: 3,835	Depends on how it's going, really. Just feel her out and basically do what Aronnax said, ignore what you think about "INTX" girls. Go with what you see and know about the actual girl you're with. You'll be fine. It's going to depend on the circumstances and on her personally anyway. Sometimes the best plan is no plan.
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04-22-2011, 09:20 AM	#23
Jennywocky Member [04%] MBTI: INtP Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 187	Should I be redundant and just say, "Go with the flow?" Because that is the right answer. (I just feel bad offering it again after the first fifteen times.) But seriously, there's no way around it: You're on a date, you're gonna have to actually be present and respond to things in the moment rather than planning it all out ahead of time. Stay tuned in to what is happening. I don't know how an INTJ woman would respond, but as a "P," not a "J," rest assured I am sizing you up during the date itself, experiencing our synergy (or lack of it), and forming a pretty quick big-picture opinion of whether I want to kiss you or not and/or am open to being kissed. I might have an idea going into the date, but I'm very open to the moment-by-moment possibilities based on the large pattern meshing of our time together. (Sorry if that doesn't sound romantic. Then again, maybe to an INTJ guy, it does!)
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04-22-2011, 01:58 PM	#25
Indubitably Member [34%] MBTI: INTP Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 1,382	It entirely depends on which "x" she is, if shes INTP then you want to be open, touchy-feely, and give lots of attention but be very careful to not imply that this in any way entitles you to any sort of commitment, or that it otherwise obligates her to respond in any fashion that is not solely of her own choosing. This is probably good advice for interacting with most all P type girls, but INTPs in particular are especially put off by obligation/entitlement. In fact, at first they probably won't even stop to consider the possibility that you think you are owed something for your efforts, and once they do, they are going to feel both insulted and repulsed by your behavior. More than any other type, INTPs live in their own little world, and until the INTP has very well developed behavioral models to explain why 99% of humans appear to be batshit insane, we tend to expect people to think like us, the way they do in INTP land, which, sadly, is almost never the case. INTJs are a different story all together. With an INTJ girl your number 1 concern is emotional vulnerability, in that she should basically never have to feel it until she knows you really, really, reeeeaaaaallllyy well. They put up a tough facade, and they've got their shit together pretty much 24-7, but INTJs are in fact extremely sensitive. There is a reason why they need everything to be just exactly so; they hold their life (and by extension themselves) together by sheer force of will. Shit needs to go down the way they expect it to go down, because they live under the constant fear that the whole damn thing could come crashing down around them. Basically, they've already pushed themselves to the brink, so if you know what is good for you, you will do very very little pushing of your own. It is also important that you not impede progress towards their goals; INTJs have a difficult time separating themselves from their aspirations, so obstructing their progress will be interpreted as a direct threat to their person which, in turn, = pushing. Basically, be prepared to do 90% of the emotional grunt work yourself. Unless they are very very mature INTJs, they are simply not going to be putting their neck on the emotional chopping block, and at least one of you will have to in order for anything resembling a healthy relationship to form, so guess what, yeah, that is your new full time job. Make an ass of yourself on a daily basis if thats what it takes. You more or less need to make it clear beyond a shadow of a doubt that your feelings are sincere, and that you will accept them for who they are (borderline obsessive compulsive / paranoid tendencies included). If you can do that much, show them that you are at least as intelligent as they are, and that you are not a complete tool, they will be so stoked that you even exist that they will do the rest of the legwork themselves. Oh yeah, and make them laugh, they seem to like that.
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