[Szepi311]

...that you are an INTJ, it can be a challenge to set a new course. Anyone struggling with reworking their lives in terms of their MBTI?

Sometimes it is a blessing and sometimes it is a curse to know what separates you from your coworkers. I still rather know, but it does not make things less frustrating. In this economy trying to make a change to re-position yourself to work with more like-minded people can be difficult.

The home setting can have its moments as well, where I am more analytical than others. (It gives people the impression that I am always dissatisfied with how they do things). I wonder how other INTJs deal with living in a non-INTJ world, especially if they did not know they were INTJs for long.

Now that I know, I try to explain my actions to the people that matter. That seems to help to some degree anyway. I still believe they think of me as "odd" and I find myself more tolerated than truly accepted.

[1superkawaii]

Well I'm luckily a stay at home mom so I don't have to leave the house except for taking the child to and from school and if I'm feeling outgoing or want to push my limits I'll volunteer. I get to stay home and it makes me very happy. I really have no desire to go out and I really don't know anyone who can stay at home all day and not go crazy. I get my housework done and I'm free to read, take a free online class, or learn about anything my heart desires. The only thing that could possibly make me any happier is if my house was a giant library.
I hate working with others. Either I end up doing all the work or I get very bossy. Either put me in charge or give me my part and let me on my way. The best way I deal is to stay away from others unless I'm looking for amusement in the way of people watching and analyzing. It's really hard for me to be in a work enviornment and the jobs I've had have all required heavy interraction. It's how I was able to get over any social anxiety and I learned proper interraction so pretending to be more of an E is easy.
As for explaining actions to others I don't. My work should speak for itself. Do you need to feel accepted? Tolerated means you will have to deal with others less.

[Haumea]

I don't look at it this way.

We are not "special" people who need "understanding", accomodation and a hothouse environment. It almost makes it seem like a disability - like we need to go on a chat show to talk about our feelings or something.

Many INTJs don't need that - what they need is a kick in the ass. They need to balance themselves by learning other qualities, like extraversion and sensation. That is when real growth and satisfaction becomes possible - not through avoidance of unpleasantries from an alien society.

[Zsych]

Trying to get others to understand you better is a risky endeavor... also something that most people aren't interested in doing.

[Szepi311]

I appreciate the responses. Believe it or not, I agree to some degree with all of you, especially Zsych's oneliner.

I have spent some time as a "stay-at-home" mom. Unfortunately, my field was unforgiving when I tried to return to work. (It is also somewhat State specific). Although I have done my share of volunteering to keep up with skills,through the years I have moved further and further from my original training.

I moved onto other work that allowed me to use my analytical and problem solving skills. Then we experienced our initial economic downturn in the US, and my company went bankrupt.

During my educational years and during early employment I did not know I was an INTJ. I had a difficult time figuring out why I was unhappy working for certain employers and why some of the work seemed challenging at first but quickly became boring. Once the MBTI clarified matters, it was like putting on a pair of glasses. Things became obvious.

Unforunately that discovery came quite late, while putting one child through college... which really strained our finances. I am about put another one through four years from now. So, returning to school, as much as I love to do that, is not an immediate option.

Add to that issues with age, and upbringing (that scarred me for life) and keeps me from working for difficult or overbearing employers, I am pretty much done for.

So, I decided that perhaps a satisfying job is better than nothing. Unfortunately, jobs are mostly part time now. When no one would hire me, I decided to persist, and I worked things creatively to create my own job within a company. They hired me as a technician but allowed me to work as a trainer. (I just happen to have the right certification). So, the job keeps me challenged. Unfortunately, once you are hired as a tech, at this company, you will continue to receive tech wages. (Not quite what I had in mind).

So, I reduced my hours there and I added on another part time job. Luckily both jobs were flexible enough and posed no conflict of interest. However, all I accomplished is to spend even more time at similarly low wages. Luckily both jobs involve some personal interests and have built in atonomy. At least we are getting closer to the INTJs favorite environment.

As much as I agree that the INTJ personality is more of an asset than a disability, I do struggle among the obviously non-INTJ in these lower level jobs. Luckily I am only leaning about 33% on the introverted side, so I manage the social contact that is necessary before I need to recharge. I am still quite often misunderstood and intelligent conversation among co-workers is rare.

Because most of our INTJs are younger on this forum it appears that few people are in the same boat as I am.

I do not try to explain how I work best even to employment agents or employers. In today's environment, they really do not care (just like Zsych said). If anything, it backfires on you. With significant others, though, you have to get to some level of understanding, so I make the attempt. Sometimes it works, sometimes it does not.

[Pika]

I'm in my mid-70's and learned that I am an INTJ about 4-5 years ago. I have been retired for about 16 years so I never had knowledge of my having been an INTJ while I was working. While I found it interesting to learn my "type" it certainly was not a moment of epiphany.

Perhaps ignorance is bliss but I cannot think of a single thing that I might have done differently had I known of my personality type. As noted by other posters, being an INTJ is not an illness nor is is something that requires any kind of special handling or accommodation from ones friends, family and co-workers. It is really nothing more than one way of many of dealing with day-to-day issues.

I get the impression from reading a lot of the posts and threads on this forum that in the view of many here, INTJ's are supposed to be withdrawn, robotic, socially inept, misanthropic loners. Frankly, in my opinion, if that is how one pictures oneself there is something wrong beyond simply being an INTJ.

I spent a large portion of my life working in the INTJ/INTP-rich field of academic science. Overall, I had a happy, stable and productive life. Most of the folks with which I worked were happily married, had a selection of friends, seemed quite comfortable in social situations and liked going out for pizza and beer on Friday nights. Few of them were aware of MBTI or their personality type or if they were, it was never mentioned.

Given that the average contributor to this forum is probably in their late teens to early twenties, a lot of what seems to be interpreted as issues unique to INTJ's is more than likely the general, youthful, angst shared by all personality types and are quickly outgrown.

[larrysb]

The MBTI is a tool to further enhance *your* understanding of *yourself*.

It's not a way to explain away your peccadillos, or as some sort of astrological sign to use in finding or rejecting a mate. It is just a way of describing certain patterns of personal, internal preferences and strengths and weaknesses you may not be otherwise conscious of. I'm middle-aged and didn't really discover or even put much stock into the MBTI until recently in life.

There are INTJ's in all walks of life and all degrees of happiness and success from not-at-all to incredibly-wonderful. There's no one-to-one relationship, like no INTJ can ever be a successful salesman or that we all hate people and want to be alone.

The tool helps us understand ourselves, our needs and preferences, that's all. For example, I need lots of alone time, but it doesn't mean I have to avoid interactions with people. I just need to respect that need, sense when I'm getting fatigued and set myself some time to recharge in happy solitude in between interactions. Another example is that I can be too quick to judge and inflexible. I have to be aware of that and stop myself, allow some time for the facts to creep in. I cannot demand the world treat me a certain way, but of those that choose to be close with me, I need to make my needs clear as well as learn to respect and honor those of the other in a relationship.

But it is just a tool, like a stapler or a hammer or a paint brush.

[Abgrund]

Why in the hell would you want to change anything in your life because of the results of a psych test? Nothing about YOU has changed; it's not like you just found out you have AIDS.

[digger]

My live has changed. But the change that comes from understanding the difference. I have gained guru status at work and take some teasing about some of my reactions to the stupid shit that goes on. It has always bothered me that we thought differently. But now I understand the differences and try to use them to everyone's benefit. Now the others know that they can depend on me to give them studied help on their work problems. (and to blow off steam when the stupid gets me down.

[RBM]

I learned of my MBTI status 2 years ago at 55 years old. It was rather anti-climatic for me, but did put some pieces together and provide me some clarity like the reading glasses I now have to use for detail work.

I was raised by lifelong alcoholic parents and adopted their lifestyle for the first 19 years of my life. I then got sober and straight in '90. Since then I've been sorting lots of things out. At the macro level I got retrained into a skilled trade in '08. Getting a foot hold in a new field at the typical age of managers has been difficult to say the least.

[Abgrund]

	Originally Posted by RBM To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Getting a foot hold in a new field at the typical age of managers has been difficult to say the least.

Fun though, weren't it?

[jfc]

I have tried to change myself, several times, since finding out about MBTI and INTJ almost 20 years ago. It lasts maybe a year or two. However my real self eventually takes over, and people, being the flaky 'tards that they generally are, let me slip out of their lives no matter what I do. INTJ is who I am and I accept it. I will never be outgoing, surrounded by freinds, a people person so why bother trying.

[Urshulgi]

Learning I was an INTJ explained some previously held conclusions, but not much else.

It did help me explain to my friends why I wasn't interested in parties or being the nice guy at work.

[NixonKneivel]

I think Haumea is right- at least my posterior feels kicked, from thousands of miles away (opposite coasts). The world is run by non-INTJ's, and we do need to figure out how to interface with them, and not to whine about it.

I think Haumea is also evidence of a need for regional INTJ subclassifications- for instance, an "East Coast Tough Guy" INTJ. Which might explain some of the violence in DeNiro movies.

---------- Post added 04-23-2011 at 07:57 PM ----------

Beautiful tiger picture!

That's all, really. And good luck with your work situation!

[Szepi311]

Originally Posted by RBM To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

I learned of my MBTI status 2 years ago at 55 years old. It was rather anti-climatic for me, but did put some pieces together and provide me some clarity like the reading glasses I now have to use for detail work. I was raised by lifelong alcoholic parents and adopted their lifestyle for the first 19 years of my life. I then got sober and straight in '90. Since then I've been sorting lots of things out. At the macro level I got retrained into a skilled trade in '08. Getting a foot hold in a new field at the typical age of managers has been difficult to say the least.

Thanks for your post. I think few people understood that I was in a similar boat as you, with the exception that I am at that point where you needed the retraining and right now my current situation and the economy won't allow it. So, I am wondering whether there will be enough time or will it even be worthwhile to try to get into a new field (when I do get the chance). I am even older than when you made your change and you said it was not easy then.

I am currently trying to get around having the pieces of paper that tell the average non-INTJ that you have knowledge of things (as that is the only thing that seems to convince them).

My current bosses view that someone they trained for an entry level job six months ago has more experience than I, who had 40 plus years learning a lot more in depth about the same subject. So, they can water plants! But only if they are told exactly how many cups to pour over a plant (if the conditions of the room or the plant does not change). That gives them more experience than someone who has grown and propogated plants and solved various problems and brought some plants back from the dead. Go figure!

Dealing with mentality like that on a daily basis, I am eager to retrain and possibly end up somewhere where more like-minded people might turn up.

In my other job, I clearly got the guru status (only without proper pay). Go figure.

I am looking for creative ideas how INTJs would fight their way out of this narrow little box, not pity or alike. I know that the MBTI is a tool. What I am saying is that because that "tool" was not available to me and I had no parental input while growing up (in fact parents sabbotashed and still continue to sabbotash anything I do), I ended up in the wrong field and now desparately trying to "change course". Unfortunately, compared to most of you, I am considered "ancient".

---------- Post added 04-24-2011 at 08:01 AM ----------

Originally Posted by digger To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

My live has changed. But the change that comes from understanding the difference. I have gained guru status at work and take some teasing about some of my reactions to the stupid shit that goes on. It has always bothered me that we thought differently. But now I understand the differences and try to use them to everyone's benefit. Now the others know that they can depend on me to give them studied help on their work problems. (and to blow off steam when the stupid gets me down.

I can see from the above quote that you understand how one can get down when dealing day to day with the "stupids".

I know what you mean about "life changing" once one gets a better understanding of who they are and what motivates them. Growing up under the supervision of "strange parents", one or possibly both of them a narcissist, it took me a while to figure things out. There were and still are many distractions. All one can do is remain focused and try to still go one step ahead each time one is pulled two steps backward.

Thanks for your post.

[RBM]

	Originally Posted by Abgrund To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Fun though, weren't it?

Hahaha Sometimes.

Survival in acquiring some semblance of stability for the basics - food, shelter, means of future production to continue to acquire the first two - can be a little grim at times. Being less grim is a major lifelong project for me.

@ Szepi311

Your welcome.

Making a transition in today's environment at advanced age is a major challenge. My broad view on life is, challenges is what life is about and it doesn't stop. So, it goes. Go with care.

[Persona]

	Originally Posted by Szepi311 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Anyone struggling with reworking their lives in terms of their MBTI?

Just an opinion: if you have to rework your life to express your MBTI type, you're not the MBTI type you think you are..

Not intended as a personal attack, just... it pains me to see people struggling to fit themselves into a box when they'd be happier forgetting about the whole ordeal.

[K27]

Except the fact that something happened in this forum has some life-changing effect, the mere realisation of my own type have never changed even a single bit of my mode of behaviour and preference. It helps me to understand myself more and spot some bad traits from myself though.

[Szepi311]

Ok, let me put it this way. If you were born before the first computer was even thought of, yet you were an analytical problem solver. You start your training for a suitable career. Then your parents yank you into a new country where you no longer speak the language. So, you do a start over at age 14. I mean START OVER from learning the alphabet. Being a true INTJ you look at this as a challenge. The new language will now be your third afterall. What is another language anyway? However, with four years of the new language behind you, you are confronted with the question of higher education. As much as you like challenges, you are starting to realize that your goals of being an educator may be unrealistic when you barely speak the language yourself. While confused and lacking parental and school guidance, someone convinces you to try a two year school that puts you into a clerical field. The suggestion comes without anyone considering personality testing, and totally ignoring that you have so far aced all the math and science subjects. Being in a foreign country, you have very little knowledge of your choices, but it appears that a decision has to be made. So in your last year of high school you quickly learn to type to go with the new developments. Because you are an avid reader, you master not only the language but eventually realize that you are not satisfied with your work. However, by this time you are settled with a family and putting your kids through school. You spend some years as a stay at home mom, which gives you even more opportunities to figure out where things went wrong. Yet the time is never right to make any meaningful changes.

It is very likely that if you were not an INTJ none of the above would bother you. However, because you are, you are constantly planning, organizing, looking to see how you can improve upon a situation. You also don't accept defeat until you are 10 feet under!

So, you hope to connect with other INTJs for understanding and support, so that you have the strength to push on.

I think a few of you understood that, and said the exact words I needed to hear. "It won't be easy, it never is...keep going!"

Many thanks!

If I were not an INTJ, perhaps I could happily blend into the sorrounding ignorance. I would not feel a void.

[Autumnleaf]

I've ended up in some situations where my natural inclinations as an INTJ are in frustration, both at work and at home. A year or two ago I learned about being an INTJ and I finally understood why people treated me the way they do sometimes and why I feel the way I do about them sometimes. Since then I've avoided trying to be what I am not and have focused on my strengths. I stopped thinking there was something wrong with me and started thinking there was something special about me instead. It has made a difference. I've also looked into changing careers and am keeping options open and reading lots of threads around here looking for good tips on the subject.

[Chameleon]

You're damn good, you're damn strong, and you ain't got a damn thing to prove to anyone; that you haven't already proven.

The only person holding you back in life, is you.

Swallow your fears, open your mind, and stand up for what you believe in.

Finally, you are an INTJ. You already know what you can do. If you need a push in that direction, we here at the forums have your back
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*push*

[Haumea]

	I think Haumea is also evidence of a need for regional INTJ subclassifications- for instance, an "East Coast Tough Guy" INTJ. Which might explain some of the violence in DeNiro movies.

Heh. You talking to me?

INTJs are supposed to be learners/knowledge seekers and problem solvers, right?

The way I look at it is this: we do not necessarily need to become other types, but we could learn something from other types, expanding and enriching ourselves in the process. This does make life easier. I genuinely empathize with the younger INTJs who may not have begun this process in earnest, but I stress that it must indeed be undertaken, and the path of self-pity should not be pursued. (I'm speaking generally here, not in response to the OP's specific situation.)

[MrSoloDolo]

It's a blessing or a curse, just as all knowledge is and can be. What it ends up being is up to you, that's where choice comes in.

[Szepi311]

	Originally Posted by MrSoloDolo To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	It's a blessing or a curse, just as all knowledge is and can be. What it ends up being is up to you, that's where choice comes in.

True. Given a choice to change to be like the "masses", none of us would, no matter how frustrating things get at times.

Chameleon...You are pretty intuitive. You tapped on the real problem. I do have to get over a certain amount of fear. Fear that I did not have when I was a younger INTJ, because I had plenty of "time" on my side when I started new ventures.

Some of you youngsters may remember this conversation years from now, when you decide to become slightly more careful and calculating about what is still worth pursuing in terms of how much time you may have left to accomplish it in. Not to mention considering whether you will be around long enough to enjoy it.

However, after we had this little chat, I have concluded that the bottom line is this:
An INTJ will not be happy unless they try. "So try, I must, a more profitable venture".

The problem is that an INTJ is more like Yoda, who says: "Try, what try? There is no such thing as try... DO!" ... So, much for taking off the pressure!

So, I am working up the nerve to "Do!"

---------- Post added 04-25-2011 at 08:34 AM ----------

Originally Posted by Autumnleaf To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

I've ended up in some situations where my natural inclinations as an INTJ are in frustration, both at work and at home. A year or two ago I learned about being an INTJ and I finally understood why people treated me the way they do sometimes and why I feel the way I do about them sometimes. Since then I've avoided trying to be what I am not and have focused on my strengths. I stopped thinking there was something wrong with me and started thinking there was something special about me instead. It has made a difference. I've also looked into changing careers and am keeping options open and reading lots of threads around here looking for good tips on the subject.

Sound like the same thing I am trying to do. Thanks.

---------- Post added 04-25-2011 at 08:54 AM ----------

Haumea
Appreciate your posts. It makes us reflect on our weaknesses and gives us the kick in the pants to work on them. My weakness is sales and marketing. For a person who is otherwise quite entreprenourial, that is a BIG problem. Even if lately I have been sorrounding myself with people who have that skill, you always have it in the back of your mind that that will be your downfall one day.

[momec]

I'm 51, got the "knowledge" about 12 years ago and to me knowledge is power. My wife began to understand me better and me her. Being a 95% introvert I always struggle to get enough alone time but I'm at least aware now that its a thing that makes me better and helps me to be around others and accept them more.
Changing careers is not as hard as going backward in income by outside forces (ecomomy or whatever). You have proven in the past you can reinvent youself but I've found age and emotional beatings in the past effect my self confidence more as I age.
Haumea's advice is good and true, learning to develop our other sides is both hard and rewarding. I suck at it but do try.