When for example I say:
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I can't really put too much air to this red balloon. Seems like it won't get any bigger than a 25cm diameter though.
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And I get this type of response:
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Stop complaining at the balloon. The fact that you are worrying about the centimeters of the balloon only reflects your need to relax and have more fun in life. If you understood the meaning of the vibrant color red, then maybe you could dance a little better and, therefore, be a happier person. As a matter of fact, my aunt recently bought a little puppy named DooDoo.
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When for example I say:
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Employment opportunities are really scarce nowadays. I am tired of sending copious amounts of copies of my CV and get nothing in return. I really want to get the hell out of the country and look for other opportunities where my field is considered more important.
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And I get this type of response:
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Seriously? And completely skip the fact that we are number 1 in frog biodiversity? Where are you going to find another place in the world where you walk in the street and have this random person waving hello at you from some random window? Considering that <insert nosy statistical factoid here>, and knowing that <insert yet another hackneyed shibboleth> you should really stay and <copy-pasted United Nations motto that contains at least one of the following words: sustainable development, peace, change, future, warming, generation>.
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When for example I say:
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It has been raining a lot. This must be caused by either regional scale phenomena, or just some local atmospheric disturbance.
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And I get this type of response:
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As was announced, have mercy, Lord, on us: <insert bible quotation #1 here>, <insert bible quotation #2 here>; <insert bible quotation #3 here>. That's why I <insert last, this time lengthy bible quotation #4 here>. This is why I love myself and all of us should go to the street holding hands because as it as previously said, said was in the realm of the said, and what is said should be interpreted as said. <Additional nonsensical word labyrinth optional here>. Moreover, the feet that touch the ground are indeed the feet the touch the ground and, they will ultimately lead you to a paradise.
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When for example I say:
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Okay, so I am definitely going to read this. Can't wait!
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And I get this type of response:
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There will be a time when you grow up to become a successful individual. When this happens, you won't even read books. This will be the ultimate sign of your openness and positive outlook in life.
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When for example I say:
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Hello Good Morning. My name is... I am .. years old. I work in...
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And I get this type of response:
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Seriously? On that note, provide now a list your previous romantic relationships. Don't forget to include date, length, experiences, way and causes of breaking up if any, consequences of breaking up if any, your bank account number including credit card number and CVN, a 1000-word monologue about your morning toilet and a why for each item. Next, provide 15 minutes of laundromat chat on the mundane and morose. When you are done, then you will (sorry, not optional) come to a weekly 9pm-4am party for yet another 7 hours of chit chat while your throat literally explodes for attempting to talk with glassbreaking music in the background. This is, you know, to maintain a nice work environment.
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When for example I say:
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Mmm, I really like this white t-shirt. I think I will buy it! (smile on my face)
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And I get this type of response:
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If you're not willing to use it for flirting, it's pointless. There is so little time in life so we have to do the right stuff today in order to avoid regrets tomorrow.
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When for example I say:
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This brewery astonishes me. They don't only have seasonal beers, but also have nice types that range from cherry beer to the regular pale ale.
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And I get this type of response:
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Flavors are for sissies, seriously. Really, anything that gets me wasted is okay. When you drink beer that's all you want.
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When for example I say:
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Oh, that's a very exotic place!. What did you like about it?
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And I get this type of response:
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Actually we were SO wasted like LOL. We were throwing up nonstop since monday until the night before the flight back home! And this random person threw up on me LOL. And also, in the airport I was like so drunk I had to eat like 12 cups of ramen to stand up.
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Actually, that response is like being forced to watch this nonstop for 12 hours:
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When for example I say:
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Ok I'll meet you at the bar at 8pm. See you there!
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And I get this type of response:
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And arrive just by yourself? You are nuts, aren't you? What if you meet with X and wait in their house for like an hour and then I'll pick you up for another 20min commute. Then we can see if Y is ready but we have to make sure we pick up Z before 6:30pm because that's when his/her permission to go out expires. Having accomplished this, we are free to go for T, but we have to call first because he/she works just by the bar so he/she may go with Q instead. On the go, we can pick some balloons for my little brother's school project real quick in the supermarket; and then get a little wasted on a park bench before getting to the bar so that we don't spend a lot of money inside. If we get to the bar and there are people of our group that have not arrived yet, we will wait outside until the place is fucked up full, to then spend another 20 min deciding where else we're gonna go. When we finally get there, then the task is to find someone that wants to drink the same thing you want, to split the Happy Hour drink cost and not pay the extra $0.50 choosing a regular drink represents.
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When for example I say:
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Tsunamis are real concerns for coastal areas.
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And I get this type of response:
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I follow. Not only they're a clear impact of human industry on the earth's nucleus but a real consequence of bad energies, both from evil people that don't care about the environment and the ones that escaped, according to studies, from Pandora's box in <insert ridiculous date here>. Knowing that air is at least 6% energy, we can make legendary midgets wave their hammers in the air, catch that benevolent energy and hit the floor with them to transmit good waves to the earth, ultimately causing the calm we all want.
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When for example I say:
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I really wanna try this foreign coffee blend.
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And I get this type of response:
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Snob, Traitor. In 191X when the war exploded we experienced <insert factoid about politics> and <insert factoid about economics>. What you are attempting to do is clearly <insult here>. We need to support <particular group of people> because <unrelated emotional rattle>. Moreover <World history quotes and qualia>...
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When for example I say:
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What's up for the weekend?
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And I get this type of response: (hopelessly retarded)
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Dog, I'm gonna go mad shopping and like MAD driving. Then I'm gonna get mad drinks in a mad bar with mad gals. You know, mad birdies dog, mad hooka, mad drinks. Later I'll meet up with ma' sons: <insert up to seven people here> to even get more mad <drinks, food and whatnot>
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*Seriously, wtf with the mad thing?
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Had fun writing this rant
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. Cathartic
04-13-2011, 05:50 PM
Anemoi is offline
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![[And I am] pleased to recognise in nature and the language of the sense, The anchor of my purest thoughts, the nurse, the guide, the guardian of my heart, and soul of all my moral being](customavatars/avatar16479_100.gif){kind=avatar}
