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INTJ male, INFP female None
Old 04-08-2011, 11:24 PM   #1
Grits
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I saw that someone I'm interested in is typed as an INFP, and from reading that type description I'd say it's probably accurate. She is definitely an extrovert at times, but also seems strongly introverted other times. I've read some good info on an INTJ/INFP relationship here, but it was the other way around (INFP girl going for INTJ guy).

Any tips for making a solid connection with an INFP female? We know each other relatively well, but don't see each other very often (I usually see her at school stuff, we have similar interests). We get along perfectly fine and she's friendly to me, but I probably won't know if she has a romantic interest in me.

note: I'd rather have an actual INFP girl give advice than some INTJ jackass telling me to just ask her out. All good advice is appreciated though!
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Old 04-08-2011, 11:33 PM   #2
katrin
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I don't know what to tell you aside from "ask her out" since she seems to like you well enough and there's not any problem between you. If you don't want to ask her out, is there a way you could manage to see her more and get to know her as a good friend first?
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Old 04-08-2011, 11:43 PM   #3
Grits
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I'm not 100% sure, but we may be signed up for the same May Term after this semester, in which case we would see each other a lot everyday.
But yea, I guess I'm trying to think of ways we could get to know each other better. Since we're involved in a lot of the same stuff I think it would be really awkward if I asked her out and it failed. For instance, we're signed up to do the same semester abroad.
Basically, I don't want to risk destroying our friendship.
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Old 04-09-2011, 12:02 AM   #4
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but don't you want to be more than friends with her?

If you wait too long she might develope the same fear too, and wont want to take that risk either.

You will remain just friends.

I myself preffer risk takers.

Make her laugh a lot, ask her about herself and share about you too--your thoughts, your likings etc--flirt your heart out so to show you are interested and try to read her reaction. Make your feelings and interest obvious but not pushy--with enough space for her to figure her's out.
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Old 04-09-2011, 12:03 AM   #5
Haumea
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I'd rather have an actual INFP girl give advice than some INTJ jackass telling me to just ask her out. All good advice is appreciated though!

No offense, but sounds like the advice you need is the advice you don't want to hear.

Restating the obvious - flirt with her? Invite her to hang out?

This isn't rocket science.

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Old 04-09-2011, 12:58 AM   #6
Autumnleaf
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  Originally Posted by Grits
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I'm not 100% sure, but we may be signed up for the same May Term after this semester, in which case we would see each other a lot everyday.
But yea, I guess I'm trying to think of ways we could get to know each other better. Since we're involved in a lot of the same stuff I think it would be really awkward if I asked her out and it failed. For instance, we're signed up to do the same semester abroad.
Basically, I don't want to risk destroying our friendship.

If you want the reward you have to be willing to risk it. Some guy is eventually going to be with her. If that guy is going to be you then you better move before its too late.

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Old 04-09-2011, 01:06 AM   #7
Grits
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Message heard. I want to do my best, but simply put, it's easier for me to risk my life than ask a girl out.
I do not want this thread to go in that direction though. I'm much more interested in the psychology between INTJs and INFPs. Thanks for the comments though.
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Old 04-09-2011, 02:31 AM   #8
Allen3373
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  Originally Posted by Grits
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Message heard. I want to do my best, but simply put, it's easier for me to risk my life than ask a girl out.
I do not want this thread to go in that direction though. I'm much more interested in the psychology between INTJs and INFPs. Thanks for the comments though.

Here's a bit of psychology for you: Most people find most other people to be alright...

What I mean is, if someone has some desirable traits, and then they show interest in us, we are more likely to be interested in them. So, to my main point, INFPs often times might have an suspicion that you like them, but they will push that aside and assume that they are misunderstanding, or that you're just like that with everyone.. etc etc.

You won't hear from her if she likes you or not (99% probability here) unless you express interest first.

So, you sound like a nice guy. She sounds like a nice girl. Ask her to coffee. Don't even call it a date. Hang out together alone a few times. If it seems like there is a mutual spark, and if she keeps accepting your requests to do things on your own, then maybe escalate to asking her to an actual date, like dinner.

IF you don't think there is a spark, the worst that will happen is that you went to coffee a few times, nothing happened, perhaps there is some slight awkwardness about it all for a bit.. but it'll go back to normal, assuming YOU didn't do anything weird. INFPs are really good about salvaging/keeping friendships, and are very forgiving people.

-----

in short.... ask her to coffee and see where it goes. Friends go to coffee too :-P

---------- Post added 04-08-2011 at 11:32 PM ----------

Oh, I guess I should add, since I'm just some random INTJ on here, that I'm marrying my INFP girl in 2 months :-D

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Old 04-09-2011, 04:31 AM   #9
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not romantically involved with my INFP best friend, but i feel that we balance each other by supporting, listening to, and keeping each other cheered up. she knows i think too much and i know she feels too much. she doesn't think i'm weird. i think she's the greatest thing since sliced bread.

just be aware of her being really sensitive. the feel-y traits. i have some, but F's are very defined. while i think through things before i act and analyze everything to death, i think she acts a lot more out of instinct and goes with her heart and imagination. i'm not as fantasy-oriented, more earth-bound and practical. dont know if these ideas help at all, but thought i'd throw in my 2 cents...
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Old 04-09-2011, 06:04 AM   #10
Calica
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  Originally Posted by Allen3373
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So, to my main point, INFPs often times might have an suspicion that you like them, but they will push that aside and assume that they are misunderstanding, or that you're just like that with everyone.. etc etc.

*nods* well put. It`s very easy to see when someone else is interested into someone, but when it gets to being about me, I have a hard time distinguishing genuine interest and products of my imagination. Mostly that means I think I see hints, but often end up deciding I`m just making a big deal out of nothing. Sometimes I was, sometimes I only saw I wasn`t in retrospect.

So be the initiator, like the others said, ask her out for coffee (or lemonade or whatever), friends/acquaintances do that too. Ask her about her ideas, share your own. You probably won`t get to hear the more personal thoughts right away, but just keep asking and contribute back. For every time she opens up a bit more to you, do the same, so she doesn`t get awkward about you knowing so much about her, while she doesn`t know the same in return.

Don`t make yourself nervous; just approach this as a quest on getting to know her better and see if there`s anything more there to be explored.
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No need to jump right into the dating pool, in my opinion it pays off to get to know one another better as friends, so that if you`re compatible, you can just continue building up on the trust that`s already there. If you won`t feel the chemistry, at least you`ll have bettered your friendship.

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Old 04-09-2011, 10:41 AM   #11
Curiosilla
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  Originally Posted by Allen3373
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INFPs often times might have an suspicion that you like them, but they will push that aside and assume that they are misunderstanding, or that you're just like that with everyone.. etc etc.

You won't hear from her if she likes you or not (99% probability here) unless you express interest first

Hmm I guess this doesn't apply to me so much, it might apply to others but, I'm pretty good at reding people and I can alwys tell pretty accurately when someone is or might be interested in me.

I asked my love out =)

Grits You know what's intresting, I read about relationship pairs between types before (in socionics) and found out that INFPs generally are suppose to kind "look up" to INTJs--a "relationship of benefit" where INTJ is the benafactor and INFP is the beneficiary.

here's the link:
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I was reading bout this with my love (an INTP) when he said "No wonder your always reading what's on their minds!" ...which is kinda true...hmmm

Oh and in socionics the last letter changes for introverts incase you wonder why it's INTP + INFJ

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Old 04-20-2011, 11:01 PM   #12
SereCompostela
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  Originally Posted by Allen3373
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So, to my main point, INFPs often times might have an suspicion that you like them, but they will push that aside and assume that they are misunderstanding, or that you're just like that with everyone.. etc etc.

You won't hear from her if she likes you or not (99% probability here) unless you express interest first.

....

IF you don't think there is a spark, the worst that will happen is that you went to coffee a few times, nothing happened, perhaps there is some slight awkwardness about it all for a bit.. but it'll go back to normal, assuming YOU didn't do anything weird. INFPs are really good about salvaging/keeping friendships, and are very forgiving people.

Yep, Allen3373 pretty much has read and memorized and fully absorbed the handbook "How to Understand the INFP: A Guide for INTJs"... I feel like my INFP shell became a little bit transparent now
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Haha! Well done, Grasshopper! You have learned the way of the INFPs well!!

To the OP, I agree with Allen... we generally won't make a move at all unless we are 10000% sure that there is something mutual from you. And because we're so intuitive, we probably have some sort of "gut feeling" but we'll probably keep dismissing it because we still will need something that supports it as true or is confirmed. INTJs are so hard to read, haha!!

  Originally Posted by Allen3373
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Oh, I guess I should add, since I'm just some random INTJ on here, that I'm marrying my INFP girl in 2 months :-D

And... once again!! CONGRATS!!!
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You have no idea how HAPPY I am for you!!
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Old 04-21-2011, 09:09 AM   #13
Hobbesrevenge
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  Originally Posted by Curiosilla
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Grits You know what's intresting, I read about relationship pairs between types before (in socionics) and found out that INFPs generally are suppose to kind "look up" to INTJs--a "relationship of benefit" where INTJ is the benafactor and INFP is the beneficiary.

here's the link:
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I was reading bout this with my love (an INTP) when he said "No wonder your always reading what's on their minds!" ...which is kinda true...hmmm

Oh and in socionics the last letter changes for introverts incase you wonder why it's INTP + INFJ

Actually, Curiosilla, my things says the opposite


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Apparently, INFP's are the benefactor and INTJ's the beneficiary. On the link there is a little test thingy. It was interesting none the less.

Also I agree with Allen's sentiments. Listen to the man. He seems to know his INFP's.
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