Opposites attract, apparently...

**Plethorix** · 03-27-2011, 01:30 AM

When I took my the kiersey temperament test a few week ago, I was surprised by it's accuracy. The mastermind temperament seemed to have been made just for me.

I also found it interesting that my ideal self was the exact opposite of my current self. What I have wanted to be for much of my life is a performer (esfp).

Additionally, I find female esfps to be incredibly attractive - moreso than any other type.

Any idea why this is?

**froyo** · 03-27-2011, 01:43 AM

You need someone else to balance out your personality. I'm also attracted to extroverted feeling types. They make me seem less of a quiet jerk.

**mastermind23** · 03-27-2011, 04:29 AM

Maybe you don't like who you are?

**PRBori** · 03-27-2011, 05:12 AM

Finding someone with the traits we don't always have is important to help us balance. I'm with an ENFJ and he pretty much takes me out of my comfort zone and fills the gaps.

Although sometimes I have a feeling that he is an INTJ who manage to develop the E and F rather well. He seems to be borderline between E &I and T&F.

Either way, there is nothing wrong with being attracted to the opposite. They fills the gaps and help make life more exciting.

**coupdhaha** · 03-27-2011, 07:40 AM

Definitely. Not only in partners, but in friends as well. Most of my friends are Es. They bring out the vibrant, exciting side of me and importantly, balance me out.

In da ladiez, I'm attracted to the vibrant, cheerful types. Not nessarily the 24/7 bubbly types, but definitely the extroverted ones.

But man, I won't deny those cool, cold girls don't get me hot and bothered. Read: Effy Stonem.

**benr3600** · 03-27-2011, 09:10 PM

lol there is this girl that I met working one night, that turned out to be one of the tellers at the credit union I just started banking at. Quintessential ESFP. I know she's into me, but I can't help but get sad every week I go in there and she has that emo look on her face, because I'm not into her at all.

Overall, no, I'm not really into the opposite personality type. Extroverts just make themselves more noticeable, which increases the odds that you, well, notice them. Ideally I need a woman that understands me, that won't treat me like I'm Satan incarnate because I won't give them the attention they feel they deserve every waking minute of every day. I'm most likely to find that in a woman with a similar disposition. The only real differences I find myself looking for in women, is height. Which, it turns out, is probably a subconscious attempt to improve my offspring's genes (I'm a little below average in height).

**Jerick** · 03-27-2011, 09:47 PM

	Originally Posted by Plethorix To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I also found it interesting that my ideal self was the exact opposite of my current self. What I have wanted to be for much of my life is a performer (esfp).

Being a performer is not the same thing as being an ESFP. And by the way, Arnold Schwarzenegger is an INTJ. There are other actors, but he's just the one that comes to mind.

It might seem nice to be an E but I can't imagine being a high E because I like to introvert too much. Introverting means paying more attention to your thoughts or inner world more than your environment. It doesn't mean you lack social anxiety, or whatever is usually associated with extroversion.

**Chameleon** · 03-27-2011, 10:16 PM

I am INTJ
My wife is ESFP

It is that we make each other feel complete that connects us.

I love her because she is everything I cannot be.

**sunshinekisses** · 03-27-2011, 11:44 PM

Yes. Opposites do attract. The only one for me is ISTJ <3! He is everything I am not and I want him more than I ever wanted anybody else.

**Sailor** · 03-28-2011, 12:51 AM

Hrm well my opposite would be ISTJ too, like sunshinekisses. I really can't relate well to sensing types though. I can dig the opposites theory, but, I think I at least need the "iNtuition" glue (for lack of a better word) if nothing else for a serious relationship to work. Having that in common seems to make it easier to make progress understanding each other.

**benr3600** · 03-28-2011, 12:56 AM

Interesting. I would have figured that an attraction to the ESFP would be more of a fleeting thing, something that couldn't last forever, like lust. Something like a 7 year marriage; eventually, you can't hide the differences and they rear their ugly heads. I'll have to keep that in mind. I had figured that the reason the ESFP types seemed to be more attracted to me, was the fact that their personality just predisposes them to be more outgoing, forthcoming etc. and not a yin/yang-type thing.

Honestly, it is difficult to imagine myself tolerating an ESFP partner. But who knows; love is blind, and I can't say that the females I've loved over the years are INTJs.

**philonous89** · 03-28-2011, 01:06 AM

EF types are so invigorating... if both of us are IT's then I feel too self conscious, like I'm not bringing enough extroversion to the table. Having an N is a bonus because conversations tend to flow better... N's have imagination... love for ideas... in my experience.

**Plethorix** · 03-28-2011, 01:33 AM

	Originally Posted by Jerick To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Being a performer is not the same thing as being an ESFP. And by the way, Arnold Schwarzenegger is an INTJ.

I know
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I was referring to the classifications on the kiersey website, which is where I took my temperament test. Esfp = performer there, and it makes sense.

I agree with the idea that the attraction to the opposite traits is a desire to complete oneself. Compounding the intj's high standards for him/herself with the fact that anything can be learned, I know that's it's a goal that can be accomplished.

Oh, and sunshinekisses? This is you
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whosawesome.com/images/awesome.jpg

**MaybeThanh** · 03-28-2011, 01:38 AM

I'd prefer an ENTP, mainly because I'd like my counterpart to be rational, yet still outgoing and not as uptight as I occasionally am.

Then again, opposites come into play again.

INTJ - Ni Te Fi Se
ENTP - Ne Ti Fe Si

**BellaBianca** · 03-28-2011, 02:26 AM

I guess ESFJs can be all right if they have a rich, inner life which shines through in everything they say or do.

Then again, the only thing that's needed to gain my attraction, is the ability to inspire my mind.

**ZerroDefex** · 03-28-2011, 05:34 PM

I couldn't stand my complete opposite, thought neither could I live with a girl who was just like me. There has to be a balanced mix of differences and similarities.

**Toad** · 03-28-2011, 05:54 PM

I don't think I would prefer a complete opposite, but rather an ISTJ, INFP, INFJ, or maybe an INTP.

**Zsych** · 03-28-2011, 06:20 PM

It seems like the ESFPs are having so much more fun and are more popular in ways you'd like to be.

**Beric** · 03-29-2011, 09:21 AM

I just find ESFP's a bit annoying. For example, my roommate (INTP) is in a relationship with a definite ESFP. She's a bit loud, and doesn't take things seriously enough. I struggle to keep a straight face around her. Very nice, though a bit too inquiring of me. She actually asked me questions about myself, a didn't want me to leave the living room, while she was there with my roommate. I don't know as if I've heard that from anyone before.

I wouldn't mind an ISFP (or really any I), but I'd really go for only EN's.

**Antares** · 03-29-2011, 09:38 AM

I am rather fond of my ESFP female friend, but I can't imagine being married to her. On the long haul there isn't much I want to say to her.

**Darth Revan** · 03-31-2011, 07:09 PM

I think it matters how strong the F in the ESFP or ESFJ for me is to decide on that. If their preference for F is too strong then it would be an overemotional type of person with me which I cannot handle since I know I have a strong preference for T. But if the person is still considered F but isn't overly emotional I wouldn't mind them.

**Tleilaxu** · 03-31-2011, 07:27 PM

Opposites have a habit of repelling me more than attracting me. I'm a quiet and reserved homebody who enjoys reading and learning. Nearly every individual that I've dated has been outgoing, emotional, and loves to go out socializing. It never ended well. Since having become involved with someone much closer to my type, I can safely say that it's by far a better relationship than I had thought possible. Maybe I'm just a narcissist, though.

**laurelw** · 04-01-2011, 05:09 PM

I'm with and INTJ and really, really happy. I understand the idea of wanting someone to balance you out but I love the way he knows the way I think and why I think it. Us having the same personality is actually why we work so well together because we follow the same thought patterns. It doesn't mean we are the same, we have very different opinions, interests, and talents, it's just nice to be able to have conversation and know that the other person is operating on the same wavelength.

03-27-2011, 01:30 AM	#1
Plethorix Banned MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 398	When I took my the kiersey temperament test a few week ago, I was surprised by it's accuracy. The mastermind temperament seemed to have been made just for me. I also found it interesting that my ideal self was the exact opposite of my current self. What I have wanted to be for much of my life is a performer (esfp). Additionally, I find female esfps to be incredibly attractive - moreso than any other type. Any idea why this is?
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03-27-2011, 01:43 AM	#2
froyo Member [28%] MBTI: INTj Join Date: Jan 2011 Posts: 1,149	You need someone else to balance out your personality. I'm also attracted to extroverted feeling types. They make me seem less of a quiet jerk.
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03-27-2011, 04:29 AM	#3
mastermind23 Member [12%] MBTI: INTx Join Date: Dec 2010 Posts: 508	Maybe you don't like who you are?
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03-27-2011, 05:12 AM	#4
PRBori Core Member [109%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 4,367	Finding someone with the traits we don't always have is important to help us balance. I'm with an ENFJ and he pretty much takes me out of my comfort zone and fills the gaps. Although sometimes I have a feeling that he is an INTJ who manage to develop the E and F rather well. He seems to be borderline between E &I and T&F. Either way, there is nothing wrong with being attracted to the opposite. They fills the gaps and help make life more exciting.
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03-27-2011, 07:40 AM	#5
coupdhaha Member [03%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 126	Definitely. Not only in partners, but in friends as well. Most of my friends are Es. They bring out the vibrant, exciting side of me and importantly, balance me out. In da ladiez, I'm attracted to the vibrant, cheerful types. Not nessarily the 24/7 bubbly types, but definitely the extroverted ones. But man, I won't deny those cool, cold girls don't get me hot and bothered. Read: Effy Stonem.
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03-27-2011, 09:10 PM	#6
benr3600 Member [28%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jan 2011 Posts: 1,131	lol there is this girl that I met working one night, that turned out to be one of the tellers at the credit union I just started banking at. Quintessential ESFP. I know she's into me, but I can't help but get sad every week I go in there and she has that emo look on her face, because I'm not into her at all. Overall, no, I'm not really into the opposite personality type. Extroverts just make themselves more noticeable, which increases the odds that you, well, notice them. Ideally I need a woman that understands me, that won't treat me like I'm Satan incarnate because I won't give them the attention they feel they deserve every waking minute of every day. I'm most likely to find that in a woman with a similar disposition. The only real differences I find myself looking for in women, is height. Which, it turns out, is probably a subconscious attempt to improve my offspring's genes (I'm a little below average in height).
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03-27-2011, 10:16 PM	#8
Chameleon Veteran Member [92%] MBTI: INTP Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 3,703	I am INTJ My wife is ESFP It is that we make each other feel complete that connects us. I love her because she is everything I cannot be.
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03-27-2011, 11:44 PM	#9
sunshinekisses Member [13%] MBTI: enfp Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 539	Yes. Opposites do attract. The only one for me is ISTJ <3! He is everything I am not and I want him more than I ever wanted anybody else.
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03-28-2011, 12:51 AM	#10
Sailor Banned MBTI: ENFP Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 372	Hrm well my opposite would be ISTJ too, like sunshinekisses. I really can't relate well to sensing types though. I can dig the opposites theory, but, I think I at least need the "iNtuition" glue (for lack of a better word) if nothing else for a serious relationship to work. Having that in common seems to make it easier to make progress understanding each other.
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03-28-2011, 12:56 AM	#11
benr3600 Member [28%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jan 2011 Posts: 1,131	Interesting. I would have figured that an attraction to the ESFP would be more of a fleeting thing, something that couldn't last forever, like lust. Something like a 7 year marriage; eventually, you can't hide the differences and they rear their ugly heads. I'll have to keep that in mind. I had figured that the reason the ESFP types seemed to be more attracted to me, was the fact that their personality just predisposes them to be more outgoing, forthcoming etc. and not a yin/yang-type thing. Honestly, it is difficult to imagine myself tolerating an ESFP partner. But who knows; love is blind, and I can't say that the females I've loved over the years are INTJs.
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03-28-2011, 01:06 AM	#12
philonous89 Member [03%] MBTI: INtJ Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 121	EF types are so invigorating... if both of us are IT's then I feel too self conscious, like I'm not bringing enough extroversion to the table. Having an N is a bonus because conversations tend to flow better... N's have imagination... love for ideas... in my experience.
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03-28-2011, 01:38 AM	#14
MaybeThanh Member [05%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 201	I'd prefer an ENTP, mainly because I'd like my counterpart to be rational, yet still outgoing and not as uptight as I occasionally am. Then again, opposites come into play again. INTJ - Ni Te Fi Se ENTP - Ne Ti Fe Si
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03-28-2011, 02:26 AM	#15
BellaBianca Veteran Member [66%] MBTI: INTP Join Date: May 2010 Posts: 2,675	I guess ESFJs can be all right if they have a rich, inner life which shines through in everything they say or do. Then again, the only thing that's needed to gain my attraction, is the ability to inspire my mind.
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03-28-2011, 05:34 PM	#16
ZerroDefex Member [17%] MBTI: ISTP Join Date: Oct 2010 Posts: 719	I couldn't stand my complete opposite, thought neither could I live with a girl who was just like me. There has to be a balanced mix of differences and similarities.
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03-28-2011, 05:54 PM	#17
Toad Member [06%] MBTI: INTP Join Date: Oct 2010 Posts: 247	I don't think I would prefer a complete opposite, but rather an ISTJ, INFP, INFJ, or maybe an INTP.
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03-28-2011, 06:20 PM	#18
Zsych Core Member [309%] MBTI: XNTX Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 12,372	It seems like the ESFPs are having so much more fun and are more popular in ways you'd like to be.
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03-29-2011, 09:21 AM	#19
Beric Member [33%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jan 2011 Posts: 1,331	I just find ESFP's a bit annoying. For example, my roommate (INTP) is in a relationship with a definite ESFP. She's a bit loud, and doesn't take things seriously enough. I struggle to keep a straight face around her. Very nice, though a bit too inquiring of me. She actually asked me questions about myself, a didn't want me to leave the living room, while she was there with my roommate. I don't know as if I've heard that from anyone before. I wouldn't mind an ISFP (or really any I), but I'd really go for only EN's.
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03-29-2011, 09:38 AM	#20
Antares Core Member [170%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 6,822	I am rather fond of my ESFP female friend, but I can't imagine being married to her. On the long haul there isn't much I want to say to her.
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03-31-2011, 07:09 PM	#21
Darth Revan Banned MBTI: INTP Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 99	I think it matters how strong the F in the ESFP or ESFJ for me is to decide on that. If their preference for F is too strong then it would be an overemotional type of person with me which I cannot handle since I know I have a strong preference for T. But if the person is still considered F but isn't overly emotional I wouldn't mind them.
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03-31-2011, 07:27 PM	#22
Tleilaxu New Member [01%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 52	Opposites have a habit of repelling me more than attracting me. I'm a quiet and reserved homebody who enjoys reading and learning. Nearly every individual that I've dated has been outgoing, emotional, and loves to go out socializing. It never ended well. Since having become involved with someone much closer to my type, I can safely say that it's by far a better relationship than I had thought possible. Maybe I'm just a narcissist, though.
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04-01-2011, 05:09 PM	#23
laurelw New Member [01%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Apr 2011 Posts: 29	I'm with and INTJ and really, really happy. I understand the idea of wanting someone to balance you out but I love the way he knows the way I think and why I think it. Us having the same personality is actually why we work so well together because we follow the same thought patterns. It doesn't mean we are the same, we have very different opinions, interests, and talents, it's just nice to be able to have conversation and know that the other person is operating on the same wavelength.
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