INTJ vs INFJ Politeness

**Carpe Diem** · 01-13-2011, 02:41 PM

Here's a bit of a pickle.

How can you tell when a polite individual is an INTJ or INFJ. Assuming the situation weighs against the INTJ (for example, having a boss issue stupid, but albeit, manageable requests) and responding with politeness because it's in the INTJ's best interest to be polite, logically (job security, annoyance of arguing rigid rules with rigid individuals). Versus, on the other hand, the INFJ, who evidently is supposed to be the king of politeness (or something of that accord), and who only yields this politeness when Ti (if cog. func. have any merit) is active.

**Autumnleaf** · 01-13-2011, 02:48 PM

INFJs are consistently polite to everyone. INTJs tend to try to be polite when we have to or if its on our mind to be. Usually we are in our heads oblivious to those around us. We don't try to be rude so much as we're thinking about if vinegar will work instead of lemon juice for the recipe tonight.

**True Rune** · 01-13-2011, 03:01 PM

INTJs are more likely to be dicks while INFJs are more likely to be awkward.

**dogwoodlover** · 01-13-2011, 03:16 PM

I'd wager that when an INFJ is polite, it manifests in being kind to someone, whereas when an INTJ is polite, it shows up in being respectful. It's Te v Fe.

**dunechka** · 01-13-2011, 03:51 PM

	Originally Posted by dogwoodlover To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I'd wager that when an INFJ is polite, it manifests in being kind to someone, whereas when an INTJ is polite, it shows up in being respectful. It's Te v Fe.

Hm. That's interesting and seems true, at least as an INTJ. I wonder if INFJs agree?

**Mogura** · 01-13-2011, 03:53 PM

That's easy. Ask the person who their personal hero is. An INFJ would more than likely respond with the name of someone who is involved in solving humanitarian problems. An INFJ would more than likely respond with the name of someone who is involved in solving scientific/mathematic/technical problems...

	Originally Posted by dunechka To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Hm. That's interesting and seems true, at least as an INTJ. I wonder if INFJs agree?

Respect is earned, not blindly given...

**dunechka** · 01-13-2011, 04:00 PM

	Originally Posted by Mogura To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Respect is earned, not blindly given...

So does that mean you'd be more likely to be polite out of kindness? Or something totally different.

**Autumnleaf** · 01-13-2011, 04:03 PM

	Originally Posted by Mogura To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	That's easy. Ask the person who their personal hero is. An INFJ would more than likely respond with the name of someone who is involved in solving humanitarian problems. An INFJ would more than likely respond with the name of someone who is involved in solving scientific/mathematic/technical problems... Respect is earned, not blindly given...

Does your boss get that vibe from you? I think mine did from me for awhile.

**Mogura** · 01-13-2011, 04:32 PM

	Originally Posted by dunechka To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	So does that mean you'd be more likely to be polite out of kindness? Or something totally different.

I am polite, perhaps out of kindness. This is true when it comes to dealing with strangers or people I know.

But when it comes to dealing with people who are not so kind (i.e., assholes) or people who have rubbed me the wrong way (i.e., fucking assholes), I'm more likely to ignore or avoid them rather than dispense false kindness via polite treatment.

	Originally Posted by Autumnleaf To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Does your boss get that vibe from you?

Get what vibe? That I am humanitarian-focused?

**Capitaine** · 01-13-2011, 05:03 PM

I am always very polite whether it's out of kindness, respect or just manners. For some of us, it's hardwired into our brains at an early age.

Waiter: Enjoy your meal, sir!
Me: Thanks, you too.

**benr3600** · 01-13-2011, 05:12 PM

	Originally Posted by dunechka To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	So does that mean you'd be more likely to be polite out of kindness? Or something totally different.

Probably reciprocation. I feel the exact same way about respect. I get aggravated when I try conscientiously to be polite, and the favor isn't returned, either out of refusal by the beneficiary, or later in the day by somebody else. Even though being polite in general doesn't come naturally to me, I at least try to be conscientious and tactful. With mixed results :P

In general, I am too absent minded to be consistently polite. I try to be chivalrous and polite, but let's face it, sometimes it doesn't happen. Not intentionally, but more out of indifference or ignorance.

**iateyourlunch** · 01-13-2011, 05:39 PM

I think INFJs tend to be more polite.

**dunechka** · 01-13-2011, 05:43 PM

	Originally Posted by iateyourlunch To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I think INFJs tend to be more polite.

The INFJs I know tend to be. If only because they seem more aware of society and how to be polite in general.

**Autumnleaf** · 01-13-2011, 08:44 PM

	Originally Posted by Mogura To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Get what vibe? That I am humanitarian-focused?

That respect has to be earned, and maybe they don't have what it takes.

**ModernLit** · 01-13-2011, 09:48 PM

	Originally Posted by dogwoodlover To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I'd wager that when an INFJ is polite, it manifests in being kind to someone, whereas when an INTJ is polite, it shows up in being respectful. It's Te v Fe.

i think i agree with this. respect is big for me, and i'd much rather be that than kind, i think.

**Mogura** · 01-13-2011, 09:57 PM

	Originally Posted by Autumnleaf To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	That respect has to be earned, and maybe they don't have what it takes.

I think for many bosses respect is thought of as an entitlement.

**benr3600** · 01-13-2011, 11:02 PM

	Originally Posted by Mogura To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I think for many bosses respect is thought of as an entitlement.

Not only that, but some seem to think it is a one way street. Thinking you deserve it by default is one thing, but treating people like garbage and expecting respect anyway is ridiculous.

**silicon212** · 01-13-2011, 11:16 PM

I am generally polite out of respect, like many others here.

**Asocialkat** · 01-14-2011, 04:45 PM

People are less annoying when I'm polite.

**Dover** · 01-14-2011, 04:59 PM

	Originally Posted by Asocialkat To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	People are less annoying when I'm polite.

I second this.
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**ShuTheDoor** · 01-14-2011, 05:36 PM

Kindness can be faked, respect cannot.

**dungeonguy88** · 01-14-2011, 05:59 PM

	Originally Posted by Asocialkat To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	People are less annoying when I'm polite.

This. Also, years of conditioning, and a personal desire to hold myself with dignity.

**khadi** · 01-14-2011, 06:28 PM

	Originally Posted by Autumnleaf To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	INFJs are consistently polite to everyone. INTJs tend to try to be polite when we have to or if its on our mind to be. Usually we are in our heads oblivious to those around us. We don't try to be rude so much as we're thinking about if vinegar will work instead of lemon juice for the recipe tonight.

When I'm at work, for instance, my politeness is on autopilot. I don't have to be fully present, or try very hard, to be polite to someone. So one sign may be relative detachment from what is going on.

MrFreakaficial · 01-15-2011, 04:54 AM

	Originally Posted by Asocialkat To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	People are less annoying when I'm polite.

Good lord. That's probably the best way of phrasing it ever
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**sircockburn** · 01-16-2011, 12:05 PM

I've spent a lot of time with ESFJs, so I'm just naturally polite without even knowing or caring. Automatic conditioned response.

I have less F and Fe than you do, so don't use your type as an excuse to behave like a heathen. ;-P People will cooperate more quickly and efficiently if you're not wasting time arguing or repairing damage from people who oppose you and/or your goals. Be civil and maintain your dignity.

INFJs though, can be a little overboard with the "kindness" at times, to the point where they hold everything up in order to coddle someone else's feelings. Not my problem, I say!

I define respect as "civility", not awe or worship. I think civility should be a given, but actual ass kissing should be earned (or handsomely paid for)...

01-13-2011, 02:41 PM	#1
Carpe Diem New Member [01%] MBTI: INTP Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 48	Here's a bit of a pickle. How can you tell when a polite individual is an INTJ or INFJ. Assuming the situation weighs against the INTJ (for example, having a boss issue stupid, but albeit, manageable requests) and responding with politeness because it's in the INTJ's best interest to be polite, logically (job security, annoyance of arguing rigid rules with rigid individuals). Versus, on the other hand, the INFJ, who evidently is supposed to be the king of politeness (or something of that accord), and who only yields this politeness when Ti (if cog. func. have any merit) is active.
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01-13-2011, 02:48 PM	#2
Autumnleaf Core Member [227%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Apr 2010 Posts: 9,097	INFJs are consistently polite to everyone. INTJs tend to try to be polite when we have to or if its on our mind to be. Usually we are in our heads oblivious to those around us. We don't try to be rude so much as we're thinking about if vinegar will work instead of lemon juice for the recipe tonight.
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01-13-2011, 03:01 PM	#3
True Rune Core Member [200%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 8,015	INTJs are more likely to be dicks while INFJs are more likely to be awkward.
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01-13-2011, 03:16 PM	#4
dogwoodlover Member [47%] MBTI: ISTP Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 1,913	I'd wager that when an INFJ is polite, it manifests in being kind to someone, whereas when an INTJ is polite, it shows up in being respectful. It's Te v Fe.
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01-13-2011, 05:03 PM	#10
Capitaine Member [02%] MBTI: xxxx Join Date: Nov 2010 Posts: 90	I am always very polite whether it's out of kindness, respect or just manners. For some of us, it's hardwired into our brains at an early age. Waiter: Enjoy your meal, sir! Me: Thanks, you too.
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01-13-2011, 05:39 PM	#12
iateyourlunch New Member [01%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jan 2011 Posts: 2	I think INFJs tend to be more polite.
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01-13-2011, 11:16 PM	#18
silicon212 Member [23%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jul 2010 Posts: 939	I am generally polite out of respect, like many others here.
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01-14-2011, 04:45 PM	#19
Asocialkat Member [16%] MBTI: INTx Join Date: Nov 2010 Posts: 647	People are less annoying when I'm polite.
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01-14-2011, 05:36 PM	#21
ShuTheDoor Member [08%] MBTI: InTJ Join Date: Sep 2010 Posts: 330	Kindness can be faked, respect cannot.
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01-16-2011, 12:05 PM	#25
sircockburn Veteran Member [79%] MBTI: ENTP Join Date: Feb 2010 Posts: 3,171	I've spent a lot of time with ESFJs, so I'm just naturally polite without even knowing or caring. Automatic conditioned response. I have less F and Fe than you do, so don't use your type as an excuse to behave like a heathen. ;-P People will cooperate more quickly and efficiently if you're not wasting time arguing or repairing damage from people who oppose you and/or your goals. Be civil and maintain your dignity. INFJs though, can be a little overboard with the "kindness" at times, to the point where they hold everything up in order to coddle someone else's feelings. Not my problem, I say! I define respect as "civility", not awe or worship. I think civility should be a given, but actual ass kissing should be earned (or handsomely paid for)...
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