Does it bother you when your SO finds others attractive?

**EricJ** · 01-09-2011, 02:19 PM

Does it bother you when your significant other considers someone else (or multiple people) attractive? This category doesn't necessarily just apply to specific individuals. It could also be something as simple as "I find people with brown hair [arbitrary feature] hot."

**Feral** · 01-09-2011, 02:33 PM

No. It would be silly.
Neither my husband or I have any trouble pointing out someone of the same or opposite sex who may be attractive. It's rather like judging cuts of meat.

To think that just because someone loves you above all others, that suddenly everyone else is ugly or something is just naive.

**teri** · 01-09-2011, 02:41 PM

No. Why would that bother me? It is unrealistic to think that other people are not attractive.

**Ilara** · 01-09-2011, 03:23 PM

It doesn't bother me at all. I'm not the only attractive woman in the world; as long as I'm his only girlfriend/genuine relational interest, it's all cool. *shrug*

**karenann33** · 01-09-2011, 03:32 PM

I'm okay if my dh finds other people attractive but I do not want to hear about it. He feels the same way about me. This is something we agreed on a long time ago.

He can make a generic statement like "I think stilleto's are hot" that's fine but not "I find blondes hot" if I'm say a brunette.

**exist** · 01-09-2011, 04:05 PM

I know my gf finds other people attractive, I just don't want to hear about it.

**Mai** · 01-09-2011, 04:25 PM

I check out girls with my boyfriend. It's how we were before we were together. It is how it is now. I am confident in my own appearance. I don't find it offensive and rather comforting because I'd feel somewhat hurt if he tried to hide stuff like that... as if something more is going on in his head.

It's that cliche. You can look but no touch.

**ZerroDefex** · 01-09-2011, 04:51 PM

I think it was the TV show "Men of a Certain Age" which had what I feel was a good quote on this topic: "Your mother doesn't care where I get my appetite from as long as I come home for dinner."

Anyhow if a girl is gonna get jealous any time I so much as look at another woman then I don't see it working out between her and I in the long run.

**sirius** · 01-09-2011, 05:55 PM

**rara avis** · 01-09-2011, 05:59 PM

There's attractive, and then there's attractive.
It's one thing to say "that girl is hot"; it's another to say "I feel very drawn to this person."

**Damien Black** · 01-09-2011, 06:02 PM

these people are all liars. Everyone is at least a *little* insecure.

Should it bother us? rationally, of course not.

Does it? sure, maybe not all the time, but no one can say never.

**Blse** · 01-09-2011, 07:26 PM

	Originally Posted by karenann33 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I'm okay if my dh finds other people attractive but I do not want to hear about it. He feels the same way about me. This is something we agreed on a long time ago. He can make a generic statement like "I think stilleto's are hot" that's fine but not "I find blondes hot" if I'm say a brunette.

I think that's the best answer so far.

I'll add though that attractiveness is influenced by emotions and personal feelings for your significant other. You certain cease to be drawn to others.

**Bonamona** · 01-09-2011, 08:04 PM

No, as long as my boyfriend loves me the most.

**Muse** · 01-10-2011, 03:24 AM

I don't mind, prefer not to hear about it though. (i mean why mention it?)

**rika** · 01-10-2011, 04:13 AM

My partner might say that someone 'looks good' and be specific in what way rather than using an expression like 'looks hot'.
That's fine. At the same time he is also very open and direct about my appearance with me which I really appreciate. Ultimately there is an unquestionable loyalty between the two of us.

**Malsqueek** · 01-10-2011, 08:20 AM

Not really. As long as we are still drawing breath we are going to find other humans physically appealing. My wife and I even play a game where we try and guess how attractive the other person thought someone was (movies, random strangers, servers at restaurants, never people we know because that's kinda awkward).

I am also very loyal, and my wife knows unquestioningly that she would be aware of a situation long before any infidelity (eg. Divorced), and I expect the same from her.

**vampyremage** · 01-10-2011, 09:26 AM

Not really. I find others attractive so why should I expect that my SO didn't? I have a look but don't touch policy.

**El Cas** · 01-10-2011, 10:30 AM

Nope.

I always use the "I need a baseline to compare your beauty with" line when I started getting the "Why are you looking at other women?" speach from my Ex-GF and SO. It doesn't work all the time but that is my way of thinking and they just learn to accept it or deal with it.

Kricket · 01-10-2011, 11:45 AM

I wish my SO would tell me who/what he finds attractive. My appearance is malleable and I'd like to tailor it more finely to his preferences, because I find that sort of thing fun.

**Djeri** · 01-10-2011, 09:12 PM

It depends on how secure I am in the relationship, and what my self esteem is like at the time.

If it's a relationship I've been in for a while and I'm secure in it and my self-image isn't too shabby, then it doesn't bother me in the slightest if my significant other checks out other people. Sometimes we both end up admiring the same girl at the same time, which is always entertaining.

If it's a new, budding relationship and I am not yet secure in it or in my position in the other person's life, it's a little more unnerving - especially if my self-esteem has dipped low for whatever reason, adding to the insecurity. But not hugely bothersome; I'm pretty good at talking things out with my significant other(s).

**zef** · 01-10-2011, 10:22 PM

I'm fine, as long as my wife is not attracted to anyone name Ken/ny.
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**Zombicide** · 01-10-2011, 10:44 PM

Wouldn't bother me, if my SO is genuinely my type rather than simply someone who essentially forces a relationship on me like in the past, I'd probably just be turned on by it.

**flux88** · 01-10-2011, 11:48 PM

I dated an ISTJ for a while and whenever I ever mentioned the attractiveness of another girl she would get annoyed and upset. She almost treated it like cheating! I tried multiple times to explain my logic but she never really understood! Conversely I never understood how she could ignore the opposite sex so much. Needless to say this was a big turn off for me. I really needed some treat em' mean keep em' keen.

**OhTheHumanity** · 01-11-2011, 12:06 AM

Obviously both genders are going to find others than their SO attractive, but I'd rather not hear about it.

**Philanthropist** · 01-11-2011, 12:37 AM

Yes of course it would, I find that highly disrespectful. The only time this sort of thing wouldn't bother me is if I didn't care about my SO at all and thus didn't value their opinion.

01-09-2011, 02:19 PM	#1
EricJ Member [05%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 224	Does it bother you when your significant other considers someone else (or multiple people) attractive? This category doesn't necessarily just apply to specific individuals. It could also be something as simple as "I find people with brown hair [arbitrary feature] hot." Last edited by cannotseethe; 01-10-2011 at 06:39 AM. Reason: better title
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01-09-2011, 02:33 PM	#2
Feral Veteran Member [59%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 2,377	No. It would be silly. Neither my husband or I have any trouble pointing out someone of the same or opposite sex who may be attractive. It's rather like judging cuts of meat. To think that just because someone loves you above all others, that suddenly everyone else is ugly or something is just naive.
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01-09-2011, 02:41 PM	#3
teri Member [10%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Nov 2010 Posts: 437	No. Why would that bother me? It is unrealistic to think that other people are not attractive.
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01-09-2011, 03:23 PM	#4
Ilara Veteran Member [95%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Mar 2010 Posts: 3,835	It doesn't bother me at all. I'm not the only attractive woman in the world; as long as I'm his only girlfriend/genuine relational interest, it's all cool. shrug
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01-09-2011, 03:32 PM	#5
karenann33 Member [31%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 1,278	I'm okay if my dh finds other people attractive but I do not want to hear about it. He feels the same way about me. This is something we agreed on a long time ago. He can make a generic statement like "I think stilleto's are hot" that's fine but not "I find blondes hot" if I'm say a brunette.
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01-09-2011, 04:05 PM	#6
exist New Member [01%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 22	I know my gf finds other people attractive, I just don't want to hear about it.
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01-09-2011, 04:25 PM	#7
Mai New Member [01%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Apr 2010 Posts: 31	I check out girls with my boyfriend. It's how we were before we were together. It is how it is now. I am confident in my own appearance. I don't find it offensive and rather comforting because I'd feel somewhat hurt if he tried to hide stuff like that... as if something more is going on in his head. It's that cliche. You can look but no touch.
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01-09-2011, 04:51 PM	#8
ZerroDefex Member [17%] MBTI: ISTP Join Date: Oct 2010 Posts: 719	I think it was the TV show "Men of a Certain Age" which had what I feel was a good quote on this topic: "Your mother doesn't care where I get my appetite from as long as I come home for dinner." Anyhow if a girl is gonna get jealous any time I so much as look at another woman then I don't see it working out between her and I in the long run. Last edited by ZerroDefex; 01-09-2011 at 06:06 PM.
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01-09-2011, 05:55 PM	#9
sirius Member [05%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jan 2011 Posts: 235	no
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01-09-2011, 05:59 PM	#10
rara avis Core Member [163%] MBTI: INTP Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 6,521	There's attractive, and then there's attractive. It's one thing to say "that girl is hot"; it's another to say "I feel very drawn to this person."
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01-09-2011, 06:02 PM	#11
Damien Black Member [05%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 207	these people are all liars. Everyone is at least a little insecure. Should it bother us? rationally, of course not. Does it? sure, maybe not all the time, but no one can say never.
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01-09-2011, 08:04 PM	#13
Bonamona Member [20%] MBTI: INFJ Join Date: Jul 2010 Posts: 822	No, as long as my boyfriend loves me the most.
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01-10-2011, 03:24 AM	#14
Muse Veteran Member [84%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jul 2010 Posts: 3,392	I don't mind, prefer not to hear about it though. (i mean why mention it?)
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01-10-2011, 04:13 AM	#15
rika Member [19%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: May 2010 Posts: 799	My partner might say that someone 'looks good' and be specific in what way rather than using an expression like 'looks hot'. That's fine. At the same time he is also very open and direct about my appearance with me which I really appreciate. Ultimately there is an unquestionable loyalty between the two of us.
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01-10-2011, 08:20 AM	#16
Malsqueek Member [11%] MBTI: iNTJ Join Date: Oct 2010 Posts: 440	Not really. As long as we are still drawing breath we are going to find other humans physically appealing. My wife and I even play a game where we try and guess how attractive the other person thought someone was (movies, random strangers, servers at restaurants, never people we know because that's kinda awkward). I am also very loyal, and my wife knows unquestioningly that she would be aware of a situation long before any infidelity (eg. Divorced), and I expect the same from her.
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01-10-2011, 09:26 AM	#17
vampyremage Member [09%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Nov 2010 Posts: 387	Not really. I find others attractive so why should I expect that my SO didn't? I have a look but don't touch policy.
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01-10-2011, 10:30 AM	#18
El Cas Veteran Member [65%] MBTI: InTj Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 2,610	Nope. I always use the "I need a baseline to compare your beauty with" line when I started getting the "Why are you looking at other women?" speach from my Ex-GF and SO. It doesn't work all the time but that is my way of thinking and they just learn to accept it or deal with it.
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01-10-2011, 11:45 AM	#19
Kricket Veteran Member [81%] MBTI: INfJ Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 3,266	I wish my SO would tell me who/what he finds attractive. My appearance is malleable and I'd like to tailor it more finely to his preferences, because I find that sort of thing fun.
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01-10-2011, 09:12 PM	#20
Djeri New Member [01%] MBTI: INtP Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 38	It depends on how secure I am in the relationship, and what my self esteem is like at the time. If it's a relationship I've been in for a while and I'm secure in it and my self-image isn't too shabby, then it doesn't bother me in the slightest if my significant other checks out other people. Sometimes we both end up admiring the same girl at the same time, which is always entertaining. If it's a new, budding relationship and I am not yet secure in it or in my position in the other person's life, it's a little more unnerving - especially if my self-esteem has dipped low for whatever reason, adding to the insecurity. But not hugely bothersome; I'm pretty good at talking things out with my significant other(s).
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01-10-2011, 10:22 PM	#21
zef Member [08%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 359	I'm fine, as long as my wife is not attracted to anyone name Ken/ny. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
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01-10-2011, 10:44 PM	#22
Zombicide Core Member [105%] MBTI: INTj Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 4,222	Wouldn't bother me, if my SO is genuinely my type rather than simply someone who essentially forces a relationship on me like in the past, I'd probably just be turned on by it.
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01-10-2011, 11:48 PM	#23
flux88 New Member [01%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jan 2011 Posts: 45	I dated an ISTJ for a while and whenever I ever mentioned the attractiveness of another girl she would get annoyed and upset. She almost treated it like cheating! I tried multiple times to explain my logic but she never really understood! Conversely I never understood how she could ignore the opposite sex so much. Needless to say this was a big turn off for me. I really needed some treat em' mean keep em' keen.
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01-11-2011, 12:06 AM	#24
OhTheHumanity Member [02%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 113	Obviously both genders are going to find others than their SO attractive, but I'd rather not hear about it.
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01-11-2011, 12:37 AM	#25
Philanthropist Member [34%] MBTI: ENTJ Join Date: Apr 2010 Posts: 1,366	Yes of course it would, I find that highly disrespectful. The only time this sort of thing wouldn't bother me is if I didn't care about my SO at all and thus didn't value their opinion.
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