Your opinion on rewarding kids

**Zsych** · 01-06-2011, 01:55 PM

Reverse of the 'Your opinion on whipping kids' thread.

Realistically rewards incorrectly applied cause as much trouble as punishments incorrectly applied in how they control the development of someone's personality. Its just that people are afraid of pain and make a bigger fuss over it. Wisdom always focuses on long term effects.

Anyway, what bad habits have you seen developed because they were incorrectly rewarded/praised/supported?

**Seriously** · 01-06-2011, 01:59 PM

As my child got older I found using a reward system worked better than a punishment one. It gives positive reinforcement instead of negative. She does well in school and she is rewarded, she doesn't do well and she gets nothing. Works for us.

Though I'm sure someone well tell me she is probably a simmering kettle of resentment just waiting to boil over on me.
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**karenann33** · 01-06-2011, 02:54 PM

My kids respond well to rewards. I think the misuse comes because the kids get rewarded for too many things so it's no longer special or even a reward. It becomes an entitlement.

As a parent I would be able to tell if that line has been crossed because they would ASK for the reward. Suddenly I wouldn't be able to get them to do anything without a bribe. I've seen kids like that and it's not pretty.

**discontinuous** · 01-06-2011, 03:25 PM

Well many people live completely fake lives where they think they are one of the smartest, sexiest etc.. due to over appraisal from parents/family. (Usually giving you a hard time if you don't share the distorted perceptions of their peers as well.)

I' heard of a study claiming that kids who are rewarded for effort do better in life than those who are mainly rewarded for intelligence or talent (while in fact not trying). This, in combination with the sheep factory of an educational system we have, may have enabled me to develop a PhD level skill-base in procrastination and under-achievement.

**catzmeow** · 01-06-2011, 05:15 PM

A good friend of mine who is a parenting instructor told me years ago to "Feed the behavior you want to see, starve the behavior you want to stop."

It totally works, whether you're parenting elementary school kids, intervening with gang members, or supervising employees.

01-06-2011, 01:55 PM	#1
Zsych Core Member [309%] MBTI: XNTX Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 12,376	Reverse of the 'Your opinion on whipping kids' thread. Realistically rewards incorrectly applied cause as much trouble as punishments incorrectly applied in how they control the development of someone's personality. Its just that people are afraid of pain and make a bigger fuss over it. Wisdom always focuses on long term effects. Anyway, what bad habits have you seen developed because they were incorrectly rewarded/praised/supported?
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01-06-2011, 01:59 PM	#2
Seriously Core Member [497%] MBTI: ISTP Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 19,884	As my child got older I found using a reward system worked better than a punishment one. It gives positive reinforcement instead of negative. She does well in school and she is rewarded, she doesn't do well and she gets nothing. Works for us. Though I'm sure someone well tell me she is probably a simmering kettle of resentment just waiting to boil over on me. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
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01-06-2011, 02:54 PM	#3
karenann33 Member [31%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 1,278	My kids respond well to rewards. I think the misuse comes because the kids get rewarded for too many things so it's no longer special or even a reward. It becomes an entitlement. As a parent I would be able to tell if that line has been crossed because they would ASK for the reward. Suddenly I wouldn't be able to get them to do anything without a bribe. I've seen kids like that and it's not pretty.
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01-06-2011, 03:25 PM	#4
discontinuous Member [39%] MBTI: INTx Join Date: Jan 2011 Posts: 1,572	Well many people live completely fake lives where they think they are one of the smartest, sexiest etc.. due to over appraisal from parents/family. (Usually giving you a hard time if you don't share the distorted perceptions of their peers as well.) I' heard of a study claiming that kids who are rewarded for effort do better in life than those who are mainly rewarded for intelligence or talent (while in fact not trying). This, in combination with the sheep factory of an educational system we have, may have enabled me to develop a PhD level skill-base in procrastination and under-achievement.
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01-06-2011, 05:15 PM	#5
catzmeow Core Member [148%] MBTI: ENFP Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 5,949	A good friend of mine who is a parenting instructor told me years ago to "Feed the behavior you want to see, starve the behavior you want to stop." It totally works, whether you're parenting elementary school kids, intervening with gang members, or supervising employees.
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