[obnoxious]

Anybody else (through years of introspective observation) develop a tendency to just not talk - AT ALL - in social situations? Like, I'll be in a group and 20 minutes will have gone by where I'm just listening to the convos, and then either I'll resign to the fact that I can't all of a sudden butt in, or I do and it's followed by jokes about how they thought I had left. Obviously if a subject of interest comes up I'll talk easily, but for the 99% of the time it's small talk, I'll just be 'meh, not even worth getting into.' But that 99% adds up, lol.

[lumin]

Well, since 99.99% of the content in most social situations is small talk...

My vocal cords must have been abnormally developed.
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[BlackFlames]

I dont talk at all in group settings only if asked a question. I rather observe everyone and take in information instead of joining in. If like we have a group project and obviously no one is going to speak up because of lack of interest then I will say something to get the group moving...I can sense some peoples vibe towards me though that isn't welcoming because I'm too quiet...

[MrFreakaficial]

	Originally Posted by Friedrich Nietzsche
	If we stay silent for a year, we forget how to chat and learn how to talk.

Or something along those lines.

I find most people talk a lot without saying anything. I don't mind small talk when running into someone, but in prolonged interaction I'm only talkative around people who provide interesting topics or can be witty about simple things and take a piss out of small talk.

[oldnick]

My teen life:

*wakes up*

"hi mum/dad"
"bye mum/dad"

*goes to school*

*listens to friends* & *crickets*

*school day ends, back home*

"hi mum/dad"

*evening over*

"good night mum/dad"

*loop*

Sometimes I said 4 words a day

[Jeroen De Dauw]

Same story for me. I just can't understand how people do not bore themselves to death with the constant small talk >_>

[Dru]

i know i'd be bored to tears if i never made much of an effort to jump into a conversation, and if you're bored then you're boring.

consider that your butting in might improve the quality of the conversation, bumping it up from mere small talk to an actual discussion, that's maybe even a little intellectual. maybe, somewhere in that crowd, there's another NT who may be participating, but is just dying for a kindred soul with whom to discuss something real. maybe the reason you have such disdain for socializing is that you've more or less condemned it before giving it the ol' college try, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy of "this seems boring; i won't participate" when, really, your participation could be the marking point at which it ceases to be a mind-numbingly dull conversation, for whatever reason.

i guess we'll never know, will we?

[obnoxious]

	Originally Posted by BlackFlames To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I dont talk at all in group settings only if asked a question. I rather observe everyone and take in information instead of joining in. If like we have a group project and obviously no one is going to speak up because of lack of interest then I will say something to get the group moving...I can sense some peoples vibe towards me though that isn't welcoming because I'm too quiet...

I definitely alienate myself from the group at times doing this

Originally Posted by Dru To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

i know i'd be bored to tears if i never made much of an effort to jump into a conversation, and if you're bored then you're boring. consider that your butting in might improve the quality of the conversation, bumping it up from mere small talk to an actual discussion, that's maybe even a little intellectual. maybe, somewhere in that crowd, there's another NT who may be participating, but is just dying for a kindred soul with whom to discuss something real. maybe the reason you have such disdain for socializing is that you've more or less condemned it before giving it the ol' college try, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy of "this seems boring; i won't participate" when, really, your participation could be the marking point at which it ceases to be a mind-numbingly dull conversation, for whatever reason. i guess we'll never know, will we?

It could be the most interesting topic in the world, if it's a group of 4+ I'll just sit back and listen to everyone else's opinion most times, maybe even break a person down to see how and why they arrived at their conclusion.

I do enjoy intellectual conversation, but it only happens one on one or in a group of 3. In bigger groups everyone dumbs themselves down to find common ground with everyone else (laughing at dumb jokes, etc.) so an intellectual conversation is almost impossible (unless it's a group of NTs I guess where it would be strictly business, but I've never found myself in such favorable company)

[Capitaine]

I remain silent and observant when in a social group. Often times I listen to them talk and try to analyze what they say. Since usually it's small talks, I remain out of such conversations and observe peacefully. Mind you, I am not angry at anyone for participating in small talks. All I ask is to be remain out of it. That's all I want. People will sometimes stop and ask me if I am OK since I have not spoke much.

If the topic at hand is interesting, I thrust myself into it (I can't help it!).

However, if it's a group project then I intentionally interject to take charge when I know no one else will contribute/talk to move the project forward. Like someone pointed out, this can cause alienation in a group since you are viewed as quiet. People give you the funny look.

[antistu]

I mentioned in another thread how I frequently strategically plant myself to the side of an area (especially busy places like airports) and observe everyone to no end. Since I sometimes keep a journal I will often write about these as well. I recently took a trip to Philly and although had lots of thoughts with abundant holiday traveling observations, I was much too close in comfort beside others in capturing it all in words.

Getting back to your topic specifically, I can find myself in a bar (drinking or not) and not saying a word to anyone or have any interest in doing so whatsoever. This happened around week of Thanksgiving where I was frequently stopping off a local pub along my bicycle commute home. Day after day the same patrons would be present and some would come over and joke with me “we’re not going to bite, you can join us in conversation” but I would only smile and keep to myself (observing all of them to no end yet still looking like I didn’t care).

Similarly, I notice when I travel or go to places with others who are more in-tune socially than I am it is refreshing to hear their comments to others and response to many things I could never dream of saying. If I didn’t associate with such people, I firmly believe I would become a shadow. (Joking of course, but relevant to expression).

[Still Standing]

	Originally Posted by obnoxious To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Anybody else (through years of introspective observation) develop a tendency to just not talk - AT ALL - in social situations?

Depends on the type of conversation. In a class setting or work meeting where there's a goal to be achieved, or in, say, a Meetup group where there's a specific topic to be discussed, I will have my opinions and express them. However I can't stand unstructured conversation that isn't meant to go anywhere, even online (which is one of the reasons I don't use chat). Not only will I stay silent, I will also leave.

	Originally Posted by MrFreakaficial To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I find most people talk a lot without saying anything.

Yes, that's how it works. Most people talk either to connect with others (the interaction itself is more important than what is actually said) or to break the "uneasy" silence.

[Shaun89]

I am also a silent observer and don't only talk when asked a question in social groups. This however sometimes leads to discomfort as I sometimes feel burdened by the expectation of others to be part of the conversation. I can have a meaningful discussion on any topic but please...no small talk.

[LonelyObserver]

I rarely find myself in social settings, but when I am I mostly just observe. If I do speak up, it's because I have strong opinions on the subject that is being discssed, which results in everyone giving me the "what, you can talk?" stare.

[Atmey]

As long at the speech is not directed at me I stay silent. If a subject really interests me I join the conversation. I usually make small talk in 1-on-1 walks/drives to prevent awkward silence, but usually the other person is the one who keeps talking, when I keep talking I feel they are off-track, I ask them if they understand they yes just to be polite. I change the subject and let them talk. Sometimes I stay silent to see how far they can keep talking before they notice I never said a word for 10 minutes.

[xSeraphim]

That's how I was for my entire childhood.

	Originally Posted by oldnick To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	My teen life: *wakes up* "hi mum/dad" "bye mum/dad" *goes to school* *listens to friends* & *crickets* *school day ends, back home* "hi mum/dad" *evening over* "good night mum/dad" *loop* Sometimes I said 4 words a day

[MadBomber]

I rarely ever contribute to a conversation, but when I do it seems like others tend to enjoy my contribution for being something other than more meaningless small talk. I'll only chime in if I can add something valuable to the conversation. In classroom settings I try to establish that fact ASAP; I sit in the corner and watch, and my silence doesn't mean I'm not paying attention. Most of the time my professors have figured that out and leave me alone unless nobody else is talking and they're starving for input.

At work I serve and bartend, so I've had to learn the art of small talk. It wasn't fun coming out of my bubble but I'm glad I did. I treat those situations like a game of strategy and no one's ever caught on that my spontaneity is all actually forced.

[Collect3825]

I've learned over the years how to socialize, I can do it but its usually topics i'm not interested in. I try to stick to one liners or sarcasm and the people that get it are usually fun to talk to. Otherwise in meetings and such, if I don't have adequate knowledge on a subject or don't have any valuable input why would I waste time?

[zibber]

Don't they.. stop inviting you after a while?

Shit happened to me once or twice.

[rika]

A few times in life I found myself part of a group of people who would go on and on while I was just quietly sitting there.
Lesson learned: This is a waste of time. In such situations it is better to leave and find real friends to have real conversatons with instead.

[jfc]

If I am feeling lively I will make a few comments here and there. Otherwise I am the silent one in a group setting. Doesnt matter what the group is, it could be people I just met or family I have known all my life.

[Daes]

I do this sometimes, and usually I am observing their behavior and speech patterns within the group. I watch each member of the group while the conversation shifts to different subjects, and try to determine through their posture and how they talk when the subject is being discussed what their opinion is on it.

I've gotten fairly good at telling what people's opinions are without having to speak a word to them.

[aspen]

If the group is larger than 3 or 4 people, I'll stay out of it. I'd have to have something very compelling to speak up, something to contribute(which, I often don't think I have/can do). I figure you learn much more about other people when you're listening to them, as opposed to when you're speaking with them. The quote that comes to mind is:
"The quieter you are the more you can hear".

[Mai]

I act the same with a group of coworkers or with my family. I don't talk most of the time. Much of it is listening or a chuckle here and there. Or my mind is elsewhere and I am occupied over something else. They accept that being quiet is the way I am and they have no problems with it. Hence, I am comfortable in being quiet.

Those who do have problems with it are those who I don't know well. And I am horrible in those group discussions. I feel pressured to talk more. And I mean I do. But it's sooooo draining.

[orangepekoe]

I think I read somewhere that I's are better at one-on-one interaction, and I have found that to be very true. I have problems enjoying the signaling game that comes with group interaction. Somehow I ended up in a profession where that type of interaction is very important, though, so it's something I'm actively working on.

[MissBlossom]

Sounds like me. I usually don't talk, just enjoy wantching the people talk. I don't feel the need to say anything because it is not important anyway. I talk only when I'm asked something.