Women, what crosses the line from charming to creepy in male behavior?

**Mendi the ISFJ** · 12-07-2010, 02:07 PM

I find that it can be small things that make the difference in what male behavior gives me a creepy feeling to what is romantic or thughtful. How do you feel about the subject and have any male INTJ posters accidentally creeped someone out and learned the hard way?

**OneHertz** · 12-07-2010, 03:11 PM

If the woman already likes the man for whatever reason then most things would be "thoughtful". If she does not like the man then it is "creepy".

**plotthickens** · 12-07-2010, 03:17 PM

Behaviours that lead to bad behaviours are creepy.

Gazing into eyes=romantic
Staring without blinking=creepy

You get my drift.

**delahov** · 12-07-2010, 04:45 PM

If only I knew...

**Ilara** · 12-07-2010, 04:51 PM

When refusals are met with repeated efforts, it gets creepy.

Also, the usual crap "nice rack, wanna fuck" etc. Gross but fine in a bar--creepy in a classroom.

A lot of it is situational. A guy who mysteriously knows your schedule but has never spoken to you? Creepy. A guy who's been friendly with you who walks with you to your next class to keep chatting? A-OK.

**Vagrant** · 12-07-2010, 04:58 PM

Usually I only get creeped out responses when I say something unusual that pops into my head. Occasionally my staring will get some people creeped out, but I'm usually spaced out when I'm doing that.

My other friend, however, creeps women out all the time, because he has a very persistent but subservient manner. He gives off the eery feeling of the stalking butler. My friend and I have tried talking to him about it, but nothing changes.

**GettingBetter** · 12-07-2010, 05:09 PM

When you tell a guy to stop doing something, and he acts as if he understands, but then it happens again. And you tell him once again that you don't like that. etc.

too much attention where he is the beneficiary and not you.

**blatant** · 12-07-2010, 05:13 PM

SIMPLE! Very very simple! :D

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This is a video which demonstrates the difference between being women finding you creepy, and women being flattered.

Warning: not very PC

**catzmeow** · 12-07-2010, 06:36 PM

Refusing to accept no for an answer is about the only big one for me.

**H3rAcL1tU5** · 12-07-2010, 08:25 PM

Easiest way to not be creepy, is to not even engage with the person you're trying to impress. First of since most of the time they will eventually annoy you anyway, and if they really want to get to know you. They will come and ask you.

Kinda sucks when you look at it that way.

**Anreader** · 12-07-2010, 08:30 PM

Infringing on my personal space without a go ahead makes you creepy. Also See
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I read about this on another post here on INTJf. I think its mostly true.

**Deliberator** · 12-07-2010, 08:33 PM

	Originally Posted by blatant To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	SIMPLE! Very very simple! :D To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Wow, I was just about to post this link too. Win!

I hate to say it, but how attractive the guy does seem to make a difference in the "creepy" factor at times.

	Originally Posted by GettingBetter To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	When you tell a guy to stop doing something, and he acts as if he understands, but then it happens again. And you tell him once again that you don't like that. etc.

I second this. It gets too close to sexual predator behavior. In fact, a coworker recently got ousted from our lab for this kind of behavior. None of the women could stand him. And to go against the whole "only attractiveness matters" thing, this guy was actually quite attractive (and built like fabio, mmm).

**Fubudis** · 12-08-2010, 06:49 AM

Speaking from personal experience:

Being overly agressive tends to immediately make anything you do creepy.

Sometimes guys get overly excited and make impulsive, agressive moves (creepy) towards a woman, instead of being patient and letting the attraction foster itself, at which point almost anything they do will be considered romantic or thoughtful.

Example: Flowers and a relationship proposal on the first date. ("WTF" creepy)

Example: Flowers and a relationship proposal after two months of dating. (Average/cute)

Example: Epic scavenger hunt with cute clues such as teddy bears, flowers, chocolates, pictures of the two of you, all leading to a marriage proposal and a ring. Executed after long term relationship. ("WTF Chuck Norris Mode Engaged" Romantic)

Example: Epic scavenger hunt with cute clues such as teddy bears, flowers, chocolates, pictures of the two of you, all leading to a marriage proposal and a ring. Executed on the first date. ("Run for your life, he's an axe murderer" creepy)

**soleilune** · 12-08-2010, 08:35 AM

Having had a man say both these things to me, on separate occasions, I would say the first defines charming, the second creepy:

"You look really good with your hair in braids. It suits your personality."

When I asked how his Christmas was he replied, "Not great. All I wanted to find under the tree was you, wearing nothing but those braids."

Should I mention he was a client and became my second stalker?

**teri** · 12-08-2010, 08:59 AM

So, at my one job, guys flirt and try to pick us up all of the time. It gets creepy when they come on too strong too fast. Also when they only seem to concentrate on our looks. The funny thing is, the less attractive, more oddly dressed, less personally groomed and more "odd" the guy; the more likely he will be one of the ones who only talks about our looks and starts acting in creepy ways that scare us.

**Seriously** · 12-08-2010, 09:01 AM

^^ Overtly sexual comments when I don't know you well.

Googling me and then telling me you know where I work and live after a first date.

Any and all comments made about my daughter before you know me well.

**esperanza** · 12-08-2010, 09:24 AM

	Originally Posted by OneHertz To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	If the woman already likes the man for whatever reason then most things would be "thoughtful". If she does not like the man then it is "creepy".

A lot of truth here. You get a lot more leeway if you're liked to begin with. This stems from what many posters have said about it being creepy to fail to take no for an answer. "No" includes the implied no contained in body language, evasiveness when pressured and all the other vaguely subtle means ppl employ to let you know they don't really like you in that way before saying outright that they don't like you in that way.

Coming on too strong too early also does it. Anything that gives me the impression that you're not really responding to me, but rather are projecting me onto some pre-existing fantasy in your head can feel creepy in some circumstances

**Anima Mundi** · 12-08-2010, 09:43 AM

A guy who doesn't know when to quit. If I turn you down for a date today, I'm not going to say yes tomorrow.

**masterpeach** · 12-08-2010, 09:50 AM

	Originally Posted by Vagrant To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Occasionally my staring will get some people creeped out, but I'm usually spaced out when I'm doing that.

This. (Especially when the person is proud of doing it.)

	Originally Posted by Vagrant To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	He gives off the eery feeling of the stalking butler.

This.

Guys collecting information about me online and using it in a conversation to "make a connection". (Trying to find something out about me isn't a bad thing per se.)

Guys collecting information about me who never talk to me in person.

**Dolores** · 12-08-2010, 10:20 AM

Stalkers. I had a stalker a few years ago. He crossed my way when I went to and back from work. It was obvious that he was waiting for me. I ignored him and just passed him by. Then I took a different way. But he found out about it. One day, he followed me on my way back home. I was scared. I did not ignore him this time. I turned to him and shot him an angry look. This made him give up. Luckily. But I felt scared for many weeks. It was creepy.

**Anreader** · 12-08-2010, 11:10 AM

In HS a guy changed his schedule to mine exactly. I also caught him lurking outside my window at home... Mondo creepy.

**Calica** · 12-08-2010, 12:46 PM

	Originally Posted by Anreader To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Infringing on my personal space without a go ahead makes you creepy. Also See To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. I read about this on another post here on INTJf. I think its mostly true.

Great article. I agree with the not accepting no for an answer thing as well. It`s not like I`m gonna change my mind just because you keep asking me.

Short story: Staring without blinking and looking every girl you see carefully over, when you`re clearly not in your teens, is creepy.

[HIDE="long story"]I often take the train to the city about 20 min away, and usually at last another person will sit across from me, if not all of the 4 seats are taken. So I was sitting there and an older gentleman sat across from me. I acknowledged him with a smile, letting him know that yes, it`s okay for him to sit there (apparently foolishly thinking people need to ask at all or be polite), but I only got a non-blinking stare in return. I just thought about how unpleasant his eyes seemed, but whatever. Most of the journey he was typing something on his cellphone (or it was a cover), but there were times when I could feel him staring at me and saw his reflection in the glass. Warning bells in my head. I deliberately ignored him, listened to my music and putting my best "don`t you dare get funny ideas" face on. At one point, a girl sitting one row behind answered her cell ringing and he turned around to look at her for what seemed like an unneccessary long amount of time. It seemed almost as if he were looking her up and down. Creepy vibes. Then he turned around again until people started getting their coats on. The girl stood up to get her coat on, at which point the guy turned around again to watch her. Major creepy vibes now. I deliberately stood up then, still with that look on my face, to get him to move off the train faster. The fact that I towered over him made me feel better too, and his reaction was a wide-eyed look and scampering off the train without a backward glance. It seems paranoid, but I think I can be pretty sure my intuition wasn`t wrong about what kind of thoughts were running trough his mind.[/HIDE]

**catzmeow** · 12-08-2010, 01:00 PM

I thought of something else...touching me, without me initiating. I have a large personal space. I don't particularly enjoy being touched by strangers. Men who put their hands on me in public places...make me want to throat punch them. That means...don't touch me on my back, arms, buttocks, etc., unless you're my boyfriend and we're dating.

It makes me feel like I'm being violated, and truthfully, it pisses me off.

**Axel** · 12-08-2010, 01:32 PM

Quite simple really!

Attractive = Cute
Unattractive = Creepy

**yisit** · 12-08-2010, 01:38 PM

	Originally Posted by Axel To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Quite simple really! Attractive = Cute Unattractive = Creepy

Yep...that's it.

Although sometimes Cute can turn into Creepy; whereas Totally Hot rarely heads down that road...
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12-07-2010, 02:07 PM	#1
Mendi the ISFJ Member [05%] MBTI: ISFJ Join Date: Nov 2010 Posts: 235	I find that it can be small things that make the difference in what male behavior gives me a creepy feeling to what is romantic or thughtful. How do you feel about the subject and have any male INTJ posters accidentally creeped someone out and learned the hard way?
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12-07-2010, 03:11 PM	#2
OneHertz Member [24%] MBTI: ISTJ Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 995	If the woman already likes the man for whatever reason then most things would be "thoughtful". If she does not like the man then it is "creepy".
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12-07-2010, 03:17 PM	#3
plotthickens Core Member [661%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 26,450	Behaviours that lead to bad behaviours are creepy. Gazing into eyes=romantic Staring without blinking=creepy You get my drift.
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12-07-2010, 04:45 PM	#4
delahov New Member [01%] MBTI: INTX Join Date: Nov 2010 Posts: 40	If only I knew...
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12-07-2010, 04:51 PM	#5
Ilara Veteran Member [95%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Mar 2010 Posts: 3,835	When refusals are met with repeated efforts, it gets creepy. Also, the usual crap "nice rack, wanna fuck" etc. Gross but fine in a bar--creepy in a classroom. A lot of it is situational. A guy who mysteriously knows your schedule but has never spoken to you? Creepy. A guy who's been friendly with you who walks with you to your next class to keep chatting? A-OK.
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12-07-2010, 04:58 PM	#6
Vagrant Core Member [155%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 6,222	Usually I only get creeped out responses when I say something unusual that pops into my head. Occasionally my staring will get some people creeped out, but I'm usually spaced out when I'm doing that. My other friend, however, creeps women out all the time, because he has a very persistent but subservient manner. He gives off the eery feeling of the stalking butler. My friend and I have tried talking to him about it, but nothing changes.
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12-07-2010, 05:09 PM	#7
GettingBetter Member [23%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Sep 2010 Posts: 959	When you tell a guy to stop doing something, and he acts as if he understands, but then it happens again. And you tell him once again that you don't like that. etc. too much attention where he is the beneficiary and not you.
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12-07-2010, 05:13 PM	#8
blatant Member [10%] MBTI: intj Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 435	SIMPLE! Very very simple! :D To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. This is a video which demonstrates the difference between being women finding you creepy, and women being flattered. Warning: not very PC Last edited by blatant; 12-08-2010 at 12:46 AM.
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12-07-2010, 06:36 PM	#9
catzmeow Core Member [148%] MBTI: ENFP Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 5,949	Refusing to accept no for an answer is about the only big one for me.
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12-07-2010, 08:25 PM	#10
H3rAcL1tU5 New Member [01%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Dec 2010 Posts: 24	Easiest way to not be creepy, is to not even engage with the person you're trying to impress. First of since most of the time they will eventually annoy you anyway, and if they really want to get to know you. They will come and ask you. Kinda sucks when you look at it that way.
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12-07-2010, 08:30 PM	#11
Anreader Member [23%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 922	Infringing on my personal space without a go ahead makes you creepy. Also See To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. I read about this on another post here on INTJf. I think its mostly true.
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12-08-2010, 06:49 AM	#13
Fubudis Veteran Member [67%] MBTI: iXTp Join Date: Oct 2010 Posts: 2,719	Speaking from personal experience: Being overly agressive tends to immediately make anything you do creepy. Sometimes guys get overly excited and make impulsive, agressive moves (creepy) towards a woman, instead of being patient and letting the attraction foster itself, at which point almost anything they do will be considered romantic or thoughtful. Example: Flowers and a relationship proposal on the first date. ("WTF" creepy) Example: Flowers and a relationship proposal after two months of dating. (Average/cute) Example: Epic scavenger hunt with cute clues such as teddy bears, flowers, chocolates, pictures of the two of you, all leading to a marriage proposal and a ring. Executed after long term relationship. ("WTF Chuck Norris Mode Engaged" Romantic) Example: Epic scavenger hunt with cute clues such as teddy bears, flowers, chocolates, pictures of the two of you, all leading to a marriage proposal and a ring. Executed on the first date. ("Run for your life, he's an axe murderer" creepy)
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12-08-2010, 08:35 AM	#14
soleilune Member [02%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Mar 2010 Posts: 104	Having had a man say both these things to me, on separate occasions, I would say the first defines charming, the second creepy: "You look really good with your hair in braids. It suits your personality." When I asked how his Christmas was he replied, "Not great. All I wanted to find under the tree was you, wearing nothing but those braids." Should I mention he was a client and became my second stalker?
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12-08-2010, 08:59 AM	#15
teri Member [10%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Nov 2010 Posts: 437	So, at my one job, guys flirt and try to pick us up all of the time. It gets creepy when they come on too strong too fast. Also when they only seem to concentrate on our looks. The funny thing is, the less attractive, more oddly dressed, less personally groomed and more "odd" the guy; the more likely he will be one of the ones who only talks about our looks and starts acting in creepy ways that scare us.
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12-08-2010, 09:01 AM	#16
Seriously Core Member [496%] MBTI: ISTP Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 19,879	^^ Overtly sexual comments when I don't know you well. Googling me and then telling me you know where I work and live after a first date. Any and all comments made about my daughter before you know me well.
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12-08-2010, 09:43 AM	#18
Anima Mundi Member [18%] MBTI: INXX Join Date: Apr 2010 Posts: 742	A guy who doesn't know when to quit. If I turn you down for a date today, I'm not going to say yes tomorrow.
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12-08-2010, 10:20 AM	#20
Dolores Core Member [273%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 10,942	Stalkers. I had a stalker a few years ago. He crossed my way when I went to and back from work. It was obvious that he was waiting for me. I ignored him and just passed him by. Then I took a different way. But he found out about it. One day, he followed me on my way back home. I was scared. I did not ignore him this time. I turned to him and shot him an angry look. This made him give up. Luckily. But I felt scared for many weeks. It was creepy.
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12-08-2010, 11:10 AM	#21
Anreader Member [23%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 922	In HS a guy changed his schedule to mine exactly. I also caught him lurking outside my window at home... Mondo creepy.
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12-08-2010, 01:00 PM	#23
catzmeow Core Member [148%] MBTI: ENFP Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 5,949	I thought of something else...touching me, without me initiating. I have a large personal space. I don't particularly enjoy being touched by strangers. Men who put their hands on me in public places...make me want to throat punch them. That means...don't touch me on my back, arms, buttocks, etc., unless you're my boyfriend and we're dating. It makes me feel like I'm being violated, and truthfully, it pisses me off.
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12-08-2010, 01:32 PM	#24
Axel Member [20%] MBTI: XXXX Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 826	Quite simple really! Attractive = Cute Unattractive = Creepy
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