Are people always telling you what you think/feel and always wrong about it

**catd** · 05-04-2008, 09:25 AM

Looked around didn't see a similar thread. I was just curious - this has happened to me since the day I was born and continues to this day. Even with some people that I have known for years.
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**curiousjane** · 05-04-2008, 12:14 PM

LOL.

Oh, I know the good INTJs are going to probably say "yes."

But I have to most emphatically say "NO!" I can't believe how well people can tell what I am thinking or feeling, even when I am so sure I'm hiding behind a neutral front. I'm a stinkin' open book. Hate it sometimes. Love it others.

At any rate, I get irritated by this. I wish I was harder to figure out.

Huh. Maybe that's why I'm hanging out with you guys ... I'm a mystery in this place. And I like it.
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**sriv** · 05-04-2008, 12:31 PM

Yes, curiosjane. YES.

Once people catch the jist, that I usually detach my emotions and that I am solidly "content" most of the time, they start getting the hand of it. Often not.

Logic is a simple process, and yet people mispredict so horribly wrong.

I hear this a lot:
"You must feel bad because I said that."
"You must think I'm an idiot."
"You probably hate me." (?!? completely unfounded most of the time, I am guessing it is because of my lack of compliments/feedback)

"No, I dont" "No, I dont" and "What gave you that idea?"

**FrankieBones** · 05-04-2008, 12:57 PM

My oppinion on this is that it is impossible for someone other than myself to know what I am thinking. When someone tells me that I am "thinking wrong" what they are really saying to me is "I do no agree with my interpretation of your actions" They do not know your thoughts. All they know is their interpretation. Nothing more.

That interpretation quite possibly has nothing to do with reality and is infact a reflection of the mind and the person that owns it. Above all, it is not personal.
You have no idea what that person is thinking either.

I hope my mad rambling helps.

**sneakers** · 05-04-2008, 01:33 PM

I get that a lot. I have a fairly flat affect [i just don't really get outwardly excited about things]. Everyone generally thinks I'm mad or upset or something. I don't know. I hate that it makes me feel almost obligated to like fake interest or emotion in things that to me - seems really pointless.

**mkay** · 05-04-2008, 01:59 PM

Maybe tangentially, when people incorrectly project specific motivation on my actions (I stupidly do that, too). Maybe online, because words can be "heard" in readers' heads much differently than I intended, like even the same message can be "heard" differently by different people.

In general, no big instances I can think of. But I'm pretty thick-skinned. Maybe it's happened to me and it just didn't register. If someone misunderstands, I would try to explain, but only if I thought it was worth my effort. Otherwise, I would shrug and move on. But I can see how it would be frustrating if it happened to you a lot and you cared what those people thought.

**catd** · 05-04-2008, 02:51 PM

	Originally Posted by sriv To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	"You must think I'm an idiot."

If I had a nickel for every time I heard that one! Or "You think I'm stupid".

Where do they get this stuff???

Why on earth would I be discussing anything with someone that I thought was stupid???

	Originally Posted by FrankieBones To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	My oppinion on this is that it is impossible for someone other than myself to know what I am thinking. When someone tells me that I am "thinking wrong"

Sorry, my post was unclear, ran out of room... I meant that people are wrong in their assumptions about what I think and feel. I've edited the title.

	Originally Posted by sneakers To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I get that a lot. I have a fairly flat affect [i just don't really get outwardly excited about things]. Everyone generally thinks I'm mad or upset or something.

I get that ALL the time! "Are you mad? Are you mad at me?"

"No I'm not mad - trust me if I get mad, there will be no doubt that I am mad...."

	Originally Posted by sneakers To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I hate that it makes me feel almost obligated to like fake interest or emotion in things that to me - seems really pointless.

I feel the same way - like I have to fake a response. I have to pretend to be/feel something that they will be able to understand/accept.

It's driving me crazy lately. It still happens even with people that I have known for years...............

**FrankieBones** · 05-04-2008, 03:53 PM

	Originally Posted by catd To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Sorry, my post was unclear, ran out of room... I meant that people are wrong in their assumptions about what I think and feel. I've edited the title.

No worries bro. My thoughts stand unchanged. They are only reacting to their interpretation of your actions and it is not personal.

Thanks for the clarification!

**darkkodiak** · 05-04-2008, 04:43 PM

Hehe, I get this all too often. I simply got tired of dealing with it since it's just endless and just shrug it off and go my separate way so I won't get infected with their habit to assume things. I don't know if that last part makes sense but I can't put it into words at the moment lol. If I'm really bored and want some entertainment I play with their minds so that any assumption they make about how I'm feeling or thinking just confuses them and amuse me haha.

**erm** · 05-04-2008, 06:39 PM

Most of the time yes, but sometimes no.

For example, most people aren't willing to consider themselves sexist, racist or the like. Other people are, therefore are more likely to spot those kind of trends.

A better example would be therapists. In a lot of cases they aren't just there to counsel people, they are there to tell people what they are feeling which they have repressed, denied or plain not noticed.

An even better example is to watch some Derren Brown.

However, I normally get asked "why are you sad?" when I'm at my happiest. It's annoying.

**True Rune** · 05-04-2008, 07:50 PM

Usually. If they get it, it's because I intend it.

**quest ion** · 05-05-2008, 05:54 AM

People always think I'm stressed or angry. Yeah they 'think' and they are wrong almost all the time.

**DrEast** · 05-05-2008, 08:00 AM

My friends complained that I was unreadable in college, and were awed that I managed to somehow avoid the deep levels of meaningless drama that seemed to surround everything to them. I didn't point out that the two were related.

**theunstrungharp** · 05-05-2008, 08:12 AM

I am pretty quiet, but pretty agreeable and able to laugh off or ignore a lot of BS. However.
An INFJ I work with is always labeling how he thinks I feel about something, or tells me what he thinks my reaction is/was.

What sucks is when I wish to clarify with a very calm and polite, "you know actually, I see it as this" or "No, not so much, it's actually this way..." I get reprimanded for being argumentative and "always needing to have the last word".

Puh-lease.

So yes, I totally share your frustration. Oy.

**Motor Jax** · 05-05-2008, 09:25 AM

i never get the, "you must be feeling this way" treatment

its more like, "i wonder what/how you are thinking/feeling because you seem angry but calm all the time."

...if only they knew...

**EsoteriEccentri** · 05-05-2008, 09:33 AM

INFPs are intensely private. And well known for it.
I feel I have a shell around myself, and I show a different face to everyone I know. And so, people often tell me how I'm feeling, my mum often starts to talk to me about a feeling that I do not actually have. And, being INFP, it's impossible for me to explain my feelings to her.
Still, I cannot bear it if anyone comes even close to being right, as it scares me. Like someone has found a way past my shell. It scares me because I feel invaded, and extremely unsafe. If that makes sense?

In other words, yes. But that's the same complaint of everyone in the world. Still, I believe it makes everyone more open minded because if they can feed upon their own experiences of being mis read, then hopefully they will be more open minded and less likely to presume things about others.

**Mafiaangel180** · 05-05-2008, 09:50 AM

Haha, I have more tact than to say "you must" as in "you must think" or "you must feel."

My S mother has the mentality that if she doesn't tell you how she feels, then you just don't know. Bull.

You gotta remember...one of the big strengths of an enfp is that we are very perceptive about people's thought and motives. We have an exceptional ability to intuitively understand a person after a very short period of time, and use our intuition and flexibility to relate to others on their own level. However, I will add that it gets a big trickier for us when it's a relationship and our hearts are thrown into the mix. So yeah, there are some types (not all of course) that can pick up on unsaid feelings and thoughts.

**catd** · 05-05-2008, 09:57 AM

	Originally Posted by Mafiaangel180 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	We have an exceptional ability to intuitively understand a person after a very short period of time, and use our intuition and flexibility to relate to others on their own level.

Well maybe I should be hanging out with you guys. I am soooooo tired of being misunderstood.

**Solaris** · 05-05-2008, 10:20 AM

People often think I'm mad when I'm really just thinking, or staring off into space. This seems to happen more when I'm sleepy. So sleepy + thinking = angry?? I don't get it. Really though, if I'm mad, there will be no mistake that I am mad. Emotions may have a hard time coming out, but mad/angry comes out just fine.

**alone** · 05-05-2008, 10:48 AM

This happens to me _all the time_ and I can't stand it. My wife and mother especially seem to do this, but then, they're the main females in my life, so they're a bit more social/emotional...

**Solaris** · 05-05-2008, 10:55 AM

	Originally Posted by alone To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	This happens to me _all the time_ and I can't stand it. My wife and mother especially seem to do this, but then, they're the main females in my life, so they're a bit more social/emotional...

Generalizations will earn you no allies. I'm female. I'm social and not outwardly emotional. My best friend is not so social, but very outwardly emotional. The lesson here, don't assume women are more social or emotional, it's just not so.

But yes, I dislike it too, drives me nuts. I worked to just have a default smile on my face, and that worked. However, that became so natural that people really think I'm angry when it's not there. True, I am generally a positive, happy person, but sometimes I'm just thinking and not angry at all.

**changos** · 05-05-2008, 02:52 PM

Most of people don't know what I'm thinking they assume...

Some "emotional" friends assume I think they are dumb, idiots... I just get bored at explaining... Usually assume negative things.
Some feel intrigued about the "guessing" game or with WHAT I am going to end up saying...
Some assume positive things (I'm coming up with a solution or wise comment)

At the end most of them just don't have a clue... they guess but are often wrong on what I think or feel except from like 4 people close to me.

Some times I just hate how one, us, you... can understand and get along but most of the times... people just won't... won't understand this intj (me). Usually I don't care-need, but sometimes you get tired at explaining and need somebody to hit the nail huh-.--.

**RoyalINTJ** · 05-05-2008, 05:37 PM

well what i have found is that its very effective to fake a lot... social interactions are very wierd... people like all sorts of rituals and stuff they are doing all the time.. talking about things that are unimportant (trash talk).. telling about they problems (which they dont want to slove just want to tell somebody to make them feel better).. and most of the time they are not even interested in real solutions(which i can always provide...but i have learned not to)... so what i wanted to say that most social interactions are pointless...
So if we assume they are pointless we should adjust ourselfs... So if you wanna be social there is a lot of fakeing to be done by an INTJ (if we assume we are all alike)... this tho is what i have come to realize just lately... most of the time i want to be myself but its not possible if i want to keep those people i need around.. if i want lets put it this way somewhat manipulate or get something from them... cuz most of the time it is all i need.. most of the time there is nothing interesting they might tell me cuz most of them are so into their own reality..into they problems and life in general (not into solutions how to make things better for them)...

So yeah.. hope you understand my point here... cuz if your personality somewhat like mine we might be thining and viewing things alike...
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**searcher** · 05-05-2008, 06:02 PM

All the time.
My brother and mum in particular.
Though some of my mates do it too.
It hacks me off

**jay c** · 05-07-2008, 12:01 PM

I hate it when people try to read me. They are almost always wrong. Recently I made a very matter-of-fact observation to someone and it turned into a huge argument about me being haughty and confrontational. I didn't have a clue what they were talking about. Eventually, in order to end it and get back to work, I just agreed with everything they said.

05-04-2008, 09:25 AM	#1
catd Member [04%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 184	Looked around didn't see a similar thread. I was just curious - this has happened to me since the day I was born and continues to this day. Even with some people that I have known for years. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Last edited by catd; 05-04-2008 at 02:42 PM. Reason: Clarity
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05-04-2008, 12:14 PM	#2
curiousjane Veteran Member [60%] MBTI: INFP Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 2,406	LOL. Oh, I know the good INTJs are going to probably say "yes." But I have to most emphatically say "NO!" I can't believe how well people can tell what I am thinking or feeling, even when I am so sure I'm hiding behind a neutral front. I'm a stinkin' open book. Hate it sometimes. Love it others. At any rate, I get irritated by this. I wish I was harder to figure out. Huh. Maybe that's why I'm hanging out with you guys ... I'm a mystery in this place. And I like it. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
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05-04-2008, 12:31 PM	#3
sriv Member [46%] MBTI: IxTJ Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 1,865	Yes, curiosjane. YES. Once people catch the jist, that I usually detach my emotions and that I am solidly "content" most of the time, they start getting the hand of it. Often not. Logic is a simple process, and yet people mispredict so horribly wrong. I hear this a lot: "You must feel bad because I said that." "You must think I'm an idiot." "You probably hate me." (?!? completely unfounded most of the time, I am guessing it is because of my lack of compliments/feedback) "No, I dont" "No, I dont" and "What gave you that idea?"
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05-04-2008, 12:57 PM	#4
FrankieBones New Member [01%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 16	My oppinion on this is that it is impossible for someone other than myself to know what I am thinking. When someone tells me that I am "thinking wrong" what they are really saying to me is "I do no agree with my interpretation of your actions" They do not know your thoughts. All they know is their interpretation. Nothing more. That interpretation quite possibly has nothing to do with reality and is infact a reflection of the mind and the person that owns it. Above all, it is not personal. You have no idea what that person is thinking either. I hope my mad rambling helps.
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05-04-2008, 01:33 PM	#5
sneakers New Member [01%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 3	I get that a lot. I have a fairly flat affect [i just don't really get outwardly excited about things]. Everyone generally thinks I'm mad or upset or something. I don't know. I hate that it makes me feel almost obligated to like fake interest or emotion in things that to me - seems really pointless.
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05-04-2008, 01:59 PM	#6
mkay Member [29%] MBTI: ENTP Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 1,171	Maybe tangentially, when people incorrectly project specific motivation on my actions (I stupidly do that, too). Maybe online, because words can be "heard" in readers' heads much differently than I intended, like even the same message can be "heard" differently by different people. In general, no big instances I can think of. But I'm pretty thick-skinned. Maybe it's happened to me and it just didn't register. If someone misunderstands, I would try to explain, but only if I thought it was worth my effort. Otherwise, I would shrug and move on. But I can see how it would be frustrating if it happened to you a lot and you cared what those people thought.
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05-04-2008, 04:43 PM	#9
darkkodiak New Member [01%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 71	Hehe, I get this all too often. I simply got tired of dealing with it since it's just endless and just shrug it off and go my separate way so I won't get infected with their habit to assume things. I don't know if that last part makes sense but I can't put it into words at the moment lol. If I'm really bored and want some entertainment I play with their minds so that any assumption they make about how I'm feeling or thinking just confuses them and amuse me haha.
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05-04-2008, 06:39 PM	#10
erm New Member [01%] MBTI: INFP Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 9	Most of the time yes, but sometimes no. For example, most people aren't willing to consider themselves sexist, racist or the like. Other people are, therefore are more likely to spot those kind of trends. A better example would be therapists. In a lot of cases they aren't just there to counsel people, they are there to tell people what they are feeling which they have repressed, denied or plain not noticed. An even better example is to watch some Derren Brown. However, I normally get asked "why are you sad?" when I'm at my happiest. It's annoying.
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05-04-2008, 07:50 PM	#11
True Rune Core Member [200%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 8,028	Usually. If they get it, it's because I intend it.
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05-05-2008, 05:54 AM	#12
quest ion Member [03%] MBTI: ESFJ Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 139	People always think I'm stressed or angry. Yeah they 'think' and they are wrong almost all the time.
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05-05-2008, 08:00 AM	#13
DrEast Member [17%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 713	My friends complained that I was unreadable in college, and were awed that I managed to somehow avoid the deep levels of meaningless drama that seemed to surround everything to them. I didn't point out that the two were related.
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05-05-2008, 08:12 AM	#14
theunstrungharp Member [07%] MBTI: ENFP Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 293	I am pretty quiet, but pretty agreeable and able to laugh off or ignore a lot of BS. However. An INFJ I work with is always labeling how he thinks I feel about something, or tells me what he thinks my reaction is/was. What sucks is when I wish to clarify with a very calm and polite, "you know actually, I see it as this" or "No, not so much, it's actually this way..." I get reprimanded for being argumentative and "always needing to have the last word". Puh-lease. So yes, I totally share your frustration. Oy.
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05-05-2008, 09:25 AM	#15
Motor Jax Veteran Member [52%] MBTI: INFJ Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 2,105	i never get the, "you must be feeling this way" treatment its more like, "i wonder what/how you are thinking/feeling because you seem angry but calm all the time." ...if only they knew...
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05-05-2008, 09:33 AM	#16
EsoteriEccentri Member [05%] MBTI: INfP Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 200	INFPs are intensely private. And well known for it. I feel I have a shell around myself, and I show a different face to everyone I know. And so, people often tell me how I'm feeling, my mum often starts to talk to me about a feeling that I do not actually have. And, being INFP, it's impossible for me to explain my feelings to her. Still, I cannot bear it if anyone comes even close to being right, as it scares me. Like someone has found a way past my shell. It scares me because I feel invaded, and extremely unsafe. If that makes sense? In other words, yes. But that's the same complaint of everyone in the world. Still, I believe it makes everyone more open minded because if they can feed upon their own experiences of being mis read, then hopefully they will be more open minded and less likely to presume things about others.
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05-05-2008, 09:50 AM	#17
Mafiaangel180 Member [09%] MBTI: ENFP Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 362	Haha, I have more tact than to say "you must" as in "you must think" or "you must feel." My S mother has the mentality that if she doesn't tell you how she feels, then you just don't know. Bull. You gotta remember...one of the big strengths of an enfp is that we are very perceptive about people's thought and motives. We have an exceptional ability to intuitively understand a person after a very short period of time, and use our intuition and flexibility to relate to others on their own level. However, I will add that it gets a big trickier for us when it's a relationship and our hearts are thrown into the mix. So yeah, there are some types (not all of course) that can pick up on unsaid feelings and thoughts.
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05-05-2008, 10:20 AM	#19
Solaris Core Member [178%] MBTI: ENTJ Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 7,152	People often think I'm mad when I'm really just thinking, or staring off into space. This seems to happen more when I'm sleepy. So sleepy + thinking = angry?? I don't get it. Really though, if I'm mad, there will be no mistake that I am mad. Emotions may have a hard time coming out, but mad/angry comes out just fine.
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05-05-2008, 10:48 AM	#20
alone New Member [01%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 42	This happens to me _all the time_ and I can't stand it. My wife and mother especially seem to do this, but then, they're the main females in my life, so they're a bit more social/emotional...
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05-05-2008, 02:52 PM	#22
changos Member [48%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 1,944	Most of people don't know what I'm thinking they assume... Some "emotional" friends assume I think they are dumb, idiots... I just get bored at explaining... Usually assume negative things. Some feel intrigued about the "guessing" game or with WHAT I am going to end up saying... Some assume positive things (I'm coming up with a solution or wise comment) At the end most of them just don't have a clue... they guess but are often wrong on what I think or feel except from like 4 people close to me. Some times I just hate how one, us, you... can understand and get along but most of the times... people just won't... won't understand this intj (me). Usually I don't care-need, but sometimes you get tired at explaining and need somebody to hit the nail huh-.--.
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05-05-2008, 05:37 PM	#23
RoyalINTJ Banned MBTI: INTJ Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 148	well what i have found is that its very effective to fake a lot... social interactions are very wierd... people like all sorts of rituals and stuff they are doing all the time.. talking about things that are unimportant (trash talk).. telling about they problems (which they dont want to slove just want to tell somebody to make them feel better).. and most of the time they are not even interested in real solutions(which i can always provide...but i have learned not to)... so what i wanted to say that most social interactions are pointless... So if we assume they are pointless we should adjust ourselfs... So if you wanna be social there is a lot of fakeing to be done by an INTJ (if we assume we are all alike)... this tho is what i have come to realize just lately... most of the time i want to be myself but its not possible if i want to keep those people i need around.. if i want lets put it this way somewhat manipulate or get something from them... cuz most of the time it is all i need.. most of the time there is nothing interesting they might tell me cuz most of them are so into their own reality..into they problems and life in general (not into solutions how to make things better for them)... So yeah.. hope you understand my point here... cuz if your personality somewhat like mine we might be thining and viewing things alike... To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
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05-05-2008, 06:02 PM	#24
searcher Veteran Member [67%] MBTI: INTP Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 2,693	All the time. My brother and mum in particular. Though some of my mates do it too. It hacks me off
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05-07-2008, 12:01 PM	#25
jay c New Member [01%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 5	I hate it when people try to read me. They are almost always wrong. Recently I made a very matter-of-fact observation to someone and it turned into a huge argument about me being haughty and confrontational. I didn't have a clue what they were talking about. Eventually, in order to end it and get back to work, I just agreed with everything they said.
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