[Curious Kitty]

Here is the deal. I'm interested, and he acts like he's interested, but everytime I try to get him to hang out, he goes hiding under the furniture so to speak. I'm rather a direct kind of girl "I like you, you seem to like me, want to get coffee and compare notes?". Is this not maybe the best approach? Anyone have any ideas?

At this point, I think moving on is my only option, if my stupid excuse for a heart will grow a clue...

[Mogura]

	Originally Posted by Curious Kitty To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	"I like you, you seem to like me, want to get coffee and compare notes?"

I like that. It's direct but it doesn't force him into a corner (he could always weasel out with, "I don't like coffee" or some other lame-o excuse). I think you should try it before giving up...

[roninpro]

It might be something independent of the MBTI system.

If I was interested in a girl and she asked me to hang out, I would definitely agree. So it could just be that he really isn't interested in you.

[Tyrant Soup]

If he appears attracted to you, then it is possible that he is shy. Try inviting him to an activity that does not look like it would require a lot of social skills. Ask him to help you with your computer, homework or something similar at first to break the ice.

[AngryGroceries]

Do that. I wish people were always that direct.

[Jantei]

I would suggest asynchronous communication. Write him an e-mail. Allow him time to reflect, react, and avoid awkwardness.

I used to panic whenever girls approached me, and I would drive them away with terse, monosyllabic remarks, which were likely interpreted as disinterest or outright animosity, despite the fact that I was not necessarily averse to them.

[Optimaler]

	Originally Posted by AngryGroceries To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Do that. I wish people were always that direct.

I echo this a thousand times. It'd be way easier on me if I knew people's (read as: girl's) intentions.

[Toad]

If a female that I was attracted to did that to me, I would love it. Just be direct. If he is really an INTX, then chances are that he will, like most of us here, really appreciate that direct question.

[Blse]

Originally Posted by Curious Kitty To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Here is the deal. I'm interested, and he acts like he's interested, but everytime I try to get him to hang out, he goes hiding under the furniture so to speak. I'm rather a direct kind of girl "I like you, you seem to like me, want to get coffee and compare notes?". Is this not maybe the best approach? Anyone have any ideas? At this point, I think moving on is my only option, if my stupid excuse for a heart will grow a clue...

Go with that approach. As a girl, if he's at all interested, he'll respond. He might be akward about it, but would still be happy. If he's not interested then you can move on.

[Zamarok]

I say go with the email approach. Unlike a conversation, he will be able to closely analyze your text and plan the perfect response, which will probably be 'yes' from what I know so far.

[Blse]

	Originally Posted by Zamarok To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I say go with the email approach. Unlike a conversation, he will be able to closely analyze your text and plan the perfect response, which will probably be 'yes' from what I know so far.

Alternatively, he will over-analyze it and be paralyzed by it.

[Zamarok]

	Originally Posted by Blse To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Alternatively, he will over-analyze it and be paralyzed by it.

Possibly, but I feel like that's the best possible solution for the scenario to workout in OP's favor. But then, I don't have much information.

[Pandemonium]

Originally Posted by Curious Kitty To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Here is the deal. I'm interested, and he acts like he's interested, but everytime I try to get him to hang out, he goes hiding under the furniture so to speak. I'm rather a direct kind of girl "I like you, you seem to like me, want to get coffee and compare notes?". Is this not maybe the best approach? Anyone have any ideas? At this point, I think moving on is my only option, if my stupid excuse for a heart will grow a clue...

If a girl was that direct with me I would probably develop a crush at that instant or at least the girl would gain my respect.

[esperanza]

I think it would be better in person, because this will allow you to read his body language. But seeing as he doesn't seem to respond well to invitations to hang out, I'd do it by email.

I think he quite likely will overanalyze and be paralyzed - but if he does like you he'll probably get over it and give you an answer one way or another. I suspect at the very least he'll respect you for it.

I would probably build up as much rapport as is feasible before saying anything too direct, though, to reduce the freakout chances
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[Lord Shadowbane]

Somebody that direct would immediately gain some respect. If I were "available", I would definitely take her up on her opportunity.

[ElstonGunn]

	Originally Posted by Jantei To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	[...] despite the fact that I was not necessarily averse to them.

They should make a Hallmark card for that. "Happy Valentine's Day. You're tolerable."

	Originally Posted by Pandemonium To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	If a girl was that direct with me I would probably develop a crush at that instant or at least the girl would gain my respect.

	Originally Posted by Lord Shadowbane To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Somebody that direct would immediately gain some respect. If I were "available", I would definitely take her up on her opportunity.

Me too. I'd have to get to know someone who's willing to be that direct. It would make me think that she had lots of other great qualities, too, so I'd like to see what they were.

[Slowandeasy1]

	Originally Posted by Zamarok To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I say go with the email approach. Unlike a conversation, he will be able to closely analyze your text and plan the perfect response, which will probably be 'yes' from what I know so far.

I concur. I prefer emails at first. I need time to sort out my instincts, emotions and will.

[Tyrant Soup]

Directness is only welcomed if you found the other person attractive. Otherwise, it is extremely awkward. Rejection is not fun to give or receive.

[Winklepicker]

	Originally Posted by ElstonGunn To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Me too. I'd have to get to know someone who's willing to be that direct. It would make me think that she had lots of other great qualities, too, so I'd like to see what they were.

I wonder if INTx's are as equally likely to say this across cultures or if it's more desired in cultures that are just more direct (ie, the U.S. vs Asian cultures).

	Originally Posted by Tyrant Soup To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Directness is only welcomed you found the other person attractive. Otherwise, it is extremely awkward. Rejection is not fun to give or receive.

Actually, I've really admired the guys who had the guts/values to be really direct with me (in a classy way) even when there's no way I would've been interested. One reason I liked it is I didn't have to deal with unwanted flirtation, and instead I was more freely able to be equally (and respectfully/tactfully) direct back with them about where I stood with them.

[Tyrant Soup]

	Originally Posted by Winklepicker To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Actually, I've really admired the guys who had the guts/values to be really direct with me (in a classy way) even when there's no way I would've been interested. One reason I liked it is I didn't have to deal with unwanted flirtation, and instead I was more freely able to be equally (and respectfully/tactfully) direct back with them about where I stood with them.

Women and men differ. I don't think women would be that direct unless they believe they know what the answer will be. If I was equally direct in the rejection, there's a good chance that I would hurt their feelings. I rather just pretend not to notice the flirting if I wasn't interested. In most cases I don't think I even need to pretend.
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[Booko]

	Originally Posted by roninpro To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	It might be something independent of the MBTI system. If I was interested in a girl and she asked me to hang out, I would definitely agree. So it could just be that he really isn't interested in you.

He might just be very nervous or very shy.

---------- Post added 10-25-2010 at 11:16 PM ----------

	Originally Posted by Tyrant Soup To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Women and men differ. I don't think women would be that direct unless they believe they know what the answer will be.

Yeah, well, I was that direct and I didn't know what the answer would be.

I'm just not afraid of hearing No for an answer. People do get to choose, after all.

It's not necessarily a reflection on me if I'm not their preference.

My INTP (married 25 years) was delighted to find someone so direct. He said so. He keeps saying so. And I'm delighted he has no time for stupid games either.

[ElstonGunn]

	Originally Posted by Tyrant Soup To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Directness is only welcomed if you found the other person attractive. Otherwise, it is extremely awkward. Rejection is not fun to give or receive.

I'd at least give her a chance, though. If she were willing to be that direct, I'd definitely be willing to spend ten minutes having coffee with her, regardless of how I felt about her as an individual at the moment she asked. Attraction isn't necessarily an instantaneous "yes or no" question for me, although I probably would see directness as a good trait-- at least as initially interest-provoking for me as a good joke or a nice rear end or anything like that.

This is a conscious decision on my part, though. I put a lot of value on a female who'd do the approaching, so I decided to set up my personal dating policy in a way that aligns with what I value. Most people probably aren't such huge dorks about it like I am. I guess there's a chance that I'd be leading someone on, but I'm not sure if it counts as leading on if you genuinely aren't sure whether you like the person or not. And I wouldn't prolong it unnecessarily.

[masterpeach]

I am an INTx myself, and if he is more P than J your directness will drive him away. The P makes us run when someone wants us to decide right away. Try to be a little ... less assertive, I'd say.

---------- Post added 10-26-2010 at 09:23 PM ----------

	Originally Posted by Tyrant Soup To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Directness is only welcomed if you found the other person attractive. Otherwise, it is extremely awkward. Rejection is not fun to give or receive.

Totally second this.

[Fishism]

Honesty and being direct will work best with an INTx. But we will flee and deflect if we don't have adequate time to process and risk/benefit. The e-mail is a great idea. "I'm interested in you and I'd like to explore this further. Just let me know if you reciprocate" is enough to get him thinking without pressure.

Furthermore, even with an INTx, actions speak louder than words. If he's equally interested, especially after you've taken the rejection risk first, he will do the right thing, after some caution and trepidation, to not leave you hanging.

[vampyroteuthis]

	Originally Posted by masterpeach To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I am an INTx myself, and if he is more P than J your directness will drive him away. The P makes us run when someone wants us to decide right away. Try to be a little ... less assertive, I'd say.

Yes. If you're dealing with an INTP, I recommend simultaneously making your interest crystal clear, and letting them know that they have a choice and you won't be too badly hurt if they shy away.

What's worked extremely well with me in the past was something along this sequence:

Phase 1: compliment about way I think --> suggestion that we think alike and that is worth exploring, with something thrown in there about how rare it is to find such a nice mental connection --> "I want to talk to you more".
This led to me talking to them more, exploring a very zingy connection, getting a little bit swoony about the person involved and still not doing anything. That's when you move to:

Phase 2: some version of "I like you" --> INTP possibly responding with uncertainty, indecision, thinking "I think I like you too but I don't know what to do" and "what if I hurt your feelings?" They might even disappear for a few days. All of this is neither a bad nor a good sign in and of itself. It's what comes after that's crucial.

Phase 3: ask INTP what they think about the whole thing. Elicit response, then analyse step by step. Reiterate that you are responsible for your own feelings and that you're willing to take your chances with them, and that they can walk away any time they want, but you'd like whatever they can give.

Works every time. Eventually I reached a point where I realised, wait, no, I can't actually walk away any time I want.
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