[pensivemuse7]

Straightforward question: How does an INTJ show they care for or love someone?

I know that there is not right or wrong answer. I just want to know your thoughts and/or opinions.

[ElstonGunn]

Trick question. We never love. We don't understand this concept you Earth humans call "love."

[azelismia]

we roll over and show you our fuzzy belly.

[DrEast]

	Originally Posted by pensivemuse7 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Straightforward question: How does an INTJ show they care for or love someone? I know that there is not right or wrong answer. I just want to know your thoughts and/or opinions.

Initial Romance/Crush:

By freezing up utterly around them.

By avoiding them actively to avoid the freezing up.

By going from fully confident to zero self-confidence in three seconds flat around them.

General stiffness and awkwardness.

Actual love/affection

By becoming experts in the person so loved, to the point of accurate prediction of that person's actions and thoughts from observed data.

By yielding some of the precious autonomy to put that person's interests first.

By careful study of sexual technique to transfer to passion in the bedroom.

By extreme thoughtfulness in interaction, in marked contrast to thoughtlessness normally characterizing INTJ social interactions.

These are just a few indicators I've observed or come across in research. Hope this helps!

[Moriarty]

Personally, when I manage to scavenge a piece of fruit or a carcass that isn't too ripe to eat, I like to bring it back to mama and the cubs and share it with them.

Seriously, there's no single answer to this question because everyone has their own comfort level.

Some will simply tell you, others will demonstrate it in more subtle ways like bringing you something after you've been apart in order to show you that you've been on their mind.

Are you trying to gauge an INTJ's feelings towards you?

[ElstonGunn]

	Originally Posted by Moriarty To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Are you trying to gauge an INTJ's feelings towards you?

And if you are, don't you have something easier to do, like building a perpetual motion machine or a cold fusion reactor?
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[Moriarty]

	Originally Posted by ElstonGunn To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	And if you are, don't you have something easier to do, like building a perpetual motion machine or a cold fusion reactor? To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

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If you ARE trying to feel out an INTJ type person, I would recommend asking that person how they feel about you. As uncomfortable as it is, you may save alot of time by asking some very specific questions. You'll probably get some specific answers.

Good luck.

[pensivemuse7]

	Originally Posted by Moriarty To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Are you trying to gauge an INTJ's feelings towards you?

Yes. Because I am the way I am, I would just like some kind of affirmation of his 'feelings' towards me. My guess is that he shows it nonverbally through holding me or holding hands (I sound like a 5 year old). Now, I don't want him telling me that he loves me every single moment and any kind of act that is clingy/needy, because I don't like that, but every now and then I just appreciate some acknowledgement that we are not just in this relationship just because we are.





pensivemuse7 added to this post, 0 minutes and 56 seconds later...

	Originally Posted by Moriarty To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. If you ARE trying to feel out an INTJ type person, I would recommend asking that person how they feel about you. As uncomfortable as it is, you may save alot of time by asking some very specific questions. You'll probably get some specific answers. Good luck.

Hey. Thanks. Just what i needed to know.
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pensivemuse7 added to this post, 2 minutes and 8 seconds later...

	Originally Posted by ElstonGunn To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	And if you are, don't you have something easier to do, like building a perpetual motion machine or a cold fusion reactor? To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

i thought stopping world hunger would be easier...
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[Parallel]

Originally Posted by pensivemuse7 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Yes. Because I am the way I am, I would just like some kind of affirmation of his 'feelings' towards me. My guess is that he shows it nonverbally through holding me or holding hands (I sound like a 5 year old). Now, I don't want him telling me that he loves me every single moment and any kind of act that is clingy/needy, because I don't like that, but every now and then I just appreciate some acknowledgement that we are not just in this relationship just because we are.

I definitely show that I care through nonverbal cues over verbal cues. And usually just the fact that I am willing to put up with "being with" someone else is to me enough of a confirmation and acknowledgment that we are not just in a relationship just to be in one, because it usually really means something that an INTJ puts forth even a half-assed effort at a relationship.

[theunstrungharp]

When they choose you over going to their proverbial or literal library, they they like you a lot.

[Phrixos]

I wear a mood ring, when im in love it goes blue. When im angry it leaves a red mark on her head.

[DrEast]

	Originally Posted by Moriarty To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. If you ARE trying to feel out an INTJ type person, I would recommend asking that person how they feel about you. As uncomfortable as it is, you may save alot of time by asking some very specific questions. You'll probably get some specific answers. Good luck.

Hmmm. I've been known to lie when confronted with this question.

[ElstonGunn]

Originally Posted by DrEast To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Originally Posted by Moriarty To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. If you ARE trying to feel out an INTJ type person, I would recommend asking that person how they feel about you. As uncomfortable as it is, you may save alot of time by asking some very specific questions. You'll probably get some specific answers. Good luck. Hmmm. I've been known to lie when confronted with this question.

It not so much lying as it is trying to avoid having the other person get all emotionally worked up. I'll do what I have to to avoid that scene. It's like they're on fire, and I'm just trying to put them out. Or like when a kid throws a tantrum in a public setting. It's very tempting to just give him what he wants, just to end the situation, but you're probably not doing him or yourself any favors in the long term.

[Santana28]

i just show up. my presence alone and interest in their lives is usually enough
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[Antares]

I would show affection by holding and squeezing the hand of that special someone; but verbally it would be invisible (or inaudible, if you will).

[JMX]

I show I care about her by:
- Being in the relationship. If I didn't care about her, I would be single.
- Physical affection.
- Learning about her and understanding who she is as a unique individual (as deeply as possible.)
- Telling her I care about her. This one is new to me, something I've been able to do since developing some Fe in my advancing years.
- Working to resolve differences and find compromises between us. If I didn't care about her, I wouldn't put so much effort into making the relationship work for both of us -- see point #1.

[Motor Jax]

flowers and a card is sometimes pretty good, especially if it feels like an awkward situation

or at least, a nice ice-breaker

[slp7]

I find the beginning getting-to-know-you stages of a relationship to be quite awkward. Sometimes women bolt before they really get to know the real me that my friends all know. If I can just keep her interested enough to stick around and get to know me, then it usually goes pretty easy after that. I know I will rock her world, but in the beginning most women don't really see me as sexy or attractive. Everybody puts up a front and pretends they don't think about the opposite sex most the time- but for some reason, when an INTJ does it, everyone actually believes it.

And I agree- I show affection mostly with subtle touchy-feelly gestures too.

[sriv]

	Originally Posted by Santana28 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	i just show up. my presence alone and interest in their lives is usually enough To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Same. By spending time with another is showing that I care.

[pensivemuse7]

Originally Posted by ElstonGunn To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

It not so much lying as it is trying to avoid having the other person get all emotionally worked up. I'll do what I have to to avoid that scene. It's like they're on fire, and I'm just trying to put them out. Or like when a kid throws a tantrum in a public setting. It's very tempting to just give him what he wants, just to end the situation, but you're probably not doing him or yourself any favors in the long term.

I have been thinking about writing a letter instead of just confronting him. I figure that I can lay out my thoughts in a more organized matter that is clear and expresses my exact thoughts and feelings. Good/bad idea?





pensivemuse7 added to this post, 15 minutes and 36 seconds later...

Originally Posted by JMX To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

I show I care about her by: - Being in the relationship. If I didn't care about her, I would be single. - Physical affection. - Learning about her and understanding who she is as a unique individual (as deeply as possible.) - Telling her I care about her. This one is new to me, something I've been able to do since developing some Fe in my advancing years. - Working to resolve differences and find compromises between us. If I didn't care about her, I wouldn't put so much effort into making the relationship work for both of us -- see point #1.

I like this list. But, in fact, I had to actually bring up the problems with some of the differences we have. He initially just wanted us to forget about it. He did agree and recognize that we have problems and that he wanted it to work out, but we have not talked about it since then.

The thing is, I wish he would tell me he cared. But he is not that type of person to out right say it. Basically, there is no hint of support i can get from him although i support him in all his endeavors. He may not realize this, but i don't show that i feel unappreciated sometimes. I just brush it off thinking that he does care, and that he just doesn't show it. Bad idea.

Even if he does not care about me, I am unsure if he would actually admit it, unless i brought it up. Perhaps he will tell me when he is ready? or confront him? I don't know.

[bebegirl]

Originally Posted by pensivemuse7 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

I have been thinking about writing a letter instead of just confronting him. I figure that I can lay out my thoughts in a more organized matter that is clear and expresses my exact thoughts and feelings. Good/bad idea? pensivemuse7 added to this post, 15 minutes and 36 seconds later... I like this list. But, in fact, I had to actually bring up the problems with some of the differences we have. He initially just wanted us to forget about it. He did agree and recognize that we have problems and that he wanted it to work out, but we have not talked about it since then. The thing is, I wish he would tell me he cared. But he is not that type of person to out right say it. Basically, there is no hint of support i can get from him although i support him in all his endeavors. He may not realize this, but i don't show that i feel unappreciated sometimes. I just brush it off thinking that he does care, and that he just doesn't show it. Bad idea. Even if he does not care about me, I am unsure if he would actually admit it, unless i brought it up. Perhaps he will tell me when he is ready? or confront him? I don't know.

I am guessing that the guy is around your age, early 20's or so? I would not write a letter to him...I think it might just freak him out being so concrete and requiring some kind of response that he might not be ready for or good at. If for the most part your relationship is going along well and he seems to be happy around you, I might just try to say something like "you know sometimes I am not sure what you're thinking about things with us and it would be nice to hear how you feel about that". That way you are not asking him directly about you so there isn't any pressure, and probably when he responds, he will let you know how he feels about you inadvertantly. If he is with you and seems happy, I would just go with it...I think INTJs are very true to their relationships, but maybe just not so good letting others know that.....good luck!!

[schwartzie]

	Originally Posted by pensivemuse7 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Straightforward question: How does an INTJ show they care for or love someone? I know that there is not right or wrong answer. I just want to know your thoughts and/or opinions.

Initially, by acting alternately friendly and distant, for no apparent reason. This is the stage where they are recognizing that you are appealing, but they're unable to step up to the plate.

If you are able to get a relationship going, it's because you have some attributes they really like, such as being smart, interesting and/or funny, so, your job, really is to just not blow it.

You will need to take the lead in drawing them out. If you display vulnerability--such as by telling stories about yourself that you would only share with someone you trust, and the intj responds in kind, they are hooked. (Keeping in mind that "In kind" for an intj means that they reveal one intimate thing about themselves for each 10 or so that you do...)

They will reveal some particularly geeky thing about themselves to you, to see your response. This is a test. To pass, you need to be totally casual about the information, and if possible, have your own silliness to toss out, or at least be able to say something to show that you are not going to run away from this weirdness.

They might casually touch you while talking or gesturing--a fleeting contact with your arm, say.
good luck!
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[pensivemuse7]

Originally Posted by bebegirl To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

I am guessing that the guy is around your age, early 20's or so? I would not write a letter to him...I think it might just freak him out being so concrete and requiring some kind of response that he might not be ready for or good at. If for the most part your relationship is going along well and he seems to be happy around you, I might just try to say something like "you know sometimes I am not sure what you're thinking about things with us and it would be nice to hear how you feel about that". That way you are not asking him directly about you so there isn't any pressure, and probably when he responds, he will let you know how he feels about you inadvertantly. If he is with you and seems happy, I would just go with it...I think INTJs are very true to their relationships, but maybe just not so good letting others know that.....good luck!!

See that is the problem. I don't know where our relationship is at the moment. It's just going. It's not bad, but it's not good either. It can definitely go up or down. It's a difficult situation because if I asked him how he felt about the situation, he usually ends up thinking so much that he has no response or he inadvertently lets me know i am too sensitive ....which I am not since I have had to just 'let go' some things he has said. He doesn't seem happy or sad or anything really. He is just his usual self. He doesn't express very much
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[Genuine]

I think they would do a lot of research, observing and they may or may not speak first.

[pensivemuse7]

Originally Posted by schwartzie To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Initially, by acting alternately friendly and distant, for no apparent reason. This is the stage where they are recognizing that you are appealing, but they're unable to step up to the plate. If you are able to get a relationship going, it's because you have some attributes they really like, such as being smart, interesting and/or funny, so, your job, really is to just not blow it. You will need to take the lead in drawing them out. If you display vulnerability--such as by telling stories about yourself that you would only share with someone you trust, and the intj responds in kind, they are hooked. (Keeping in mind that "In kind" for an intj means that they reveal one intimate thing about themselves for each 10 or so that you do...) They will reveal some particularly geeky thing about themselves to you, to see your response. This is a test. To pass, you need to be totally casual about the information, and if possible, have your own silliness to toss out, or at least be able to say something to show that you are not going to run away from this weirdness. They might casually touch you while talking or gesturing--a fleeting contact with your arm, say. good luck! To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

See, we're kind of already pass these events already. Does anyone actually verbally express care and affection? And if not, why?