[rara avis]

My mom was needling me once at dinner, and I looked her in the eye and replied that maybe I would be married with kids by now, if only I'd been properly socialized in my preschool years.

I was joking, but it seems I hit a nerve. She got quiet and backed off for quite a while.

Overall, my family is pretty used to the concept of me as a different drummer/late bloomer.

[Brittle]

Each time they ask tell them your answer is no different from the last time they asked and should there be any change, you'll be sure to let them know. Until such time they can stop wasting their time and breath asking the same crap over and over again!

Now what's for lunch?

[panzom]

	Originally Posted by castalia To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	You are right. That's why I have been avoiding them for a while now. I got rid of one aunt who was extremely judgemental. However, the others are still family and one can't alienate an entire family just like that.

Well you have two choices then. You can tell them the truth and risk alienating them or you can just hold it all in and lie about who you are. Nether one seems like a very good outcome but at some point you will have a make a choice. My pick, be you.

[Plethora]

I'm always open with my life towards other people. I have nothing to hide, and if they want to get nightmares by trying to peep inside my head, well let them! As such I answer all questions honestly, assuming I'm in the mood for social interaction.

[ElstonGunn]

	Originally Posted by castalia To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	And you just can't bring up the fact that you want to be childfree: you are seen as an anomaly and I always get "you will change your mind."

You could always try to honestly engage them in that conversation. When they say that you'll change your mind, you could ask them (not with an attitude), "I'm curious about why you think you know what I'll want better than I know that myself. Could you explain why you think I lack that kind of self-awareness on a choice that's that important?"

Or, if they take a more, "Well, you should want to get married and have kids" kind of approach, you could do a similar sort of thing. Ask them why they think that their preferences for your life are more important than your own preferences for your own life. You could say something like, "Okay, I understand that you want me to get married and have kids, and that you think it's both important and enjoyable for people to do that. I get that, and I think that it is true for most people. But I don't think I would like it, and I hope you don't think so little of me that you assume that you know what I want better than I do. It is possible for someone to have a different preference than you do, isn't it? In that case, my question to you is whether you want my choices in life to make you happy at the expense of my own happiness, or if you'd prefer to see me happy, even if that means that I make a couple of choices differently than you did."

I think that if you were going to do something like that, you'd have to do it in a non-retaliatory kind of way. Don't ask in a snippy way, or to get back at them for being pushy, or just to shut them up or piss them off. Ask the same way you'd ask them what they're doing next weekend-- more to get information than to make a point. There's a chance that if you ask someone that way, they might see that they really don't have any reasons. But then again, I'm guessing that there's a significant amount of overlap between people who believe that their own personal preferences are, or should be, universal and the kind of people who don't understand the term "respectfully disagree." So maybe it's a lost cause.

Just as a disclaimer though, I should point out that I almost never had to deal with this kind of thing. My family is pretty respectful of individual choices in these matters. And even on the few issue that they have stronger opinions on, they seemed to figure out quickly that I'm going to do what I want to do, regardless of how they try to influence me.

[Tito]

	Originally Posted by castalia To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	How do you deal with family members who want to know about your romantic relationships? It is beginning to bother me and I have begun to avoid seeing some of them as much as I used to in the past.

Just say the truth. If you're not seeing someone, tell them that.

Also, it might help letting them know of your personality type and that what you're going through is more or less normal for your type.