[Galactica]

Through my gathered experiences over the years, I have decided that if I do not have an extreme magnetic attraction to a man, I won't even bother. No sense in going to great lengths when you like someone, but the chemisty isn't there (in my opinion of course). Because of the lack of chemistry, he would make a better friend instead. I should not have to go miles before my engine is warmed up.
If the intellect/temperament are there, and the chemistry is there, it's smooth sailing for me.
I appreciate feeling turned on waaay before I even get around the guy.

[LifesEcstasy]

I concur. I spent a great deal of time in my life dating people who didn't really float my boat but were nice enough in their own way. I did this mainly because I believed that was my lot in life. What I got were a lot of lukewarm friendship type relationships that weren't very satisfying to me or the other person.

Recent events have proven to me though that the people I feel magnetically attracted to may have some interest in me also. Although I can't yet claim success and feel a bit frustrated at the moment. It sure does feel a lot better to be dating someone with whom that attraction is there. I'm more confident now that I can also find one who wants to stick around long term. Now that I've had a bite of that cherry I'm quite unwilling to compromise even if it does mean I'll be single for longer.

[Ilara]

I don't actually feel any sexual attraction to a person I don't know and like, so my way of dealing with this is a little different.

I just get to know somebody, and if the attraction is there, I go for it. If it's not, it just isn't and nothing is going to convince me to date the person in question.

I value attraction in a relationship and don't want to give up that aspect because "he's a super-cool guy". Super cool or whatever without the attraction isn't enough for dating. You're lucky you know so soon whether or not you're attracted to somebody. That must save you quite a bit of time
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[Kisai]

As a guy, If I'm acting interested towards a woman soley towards someone based on extreme attraction, I know I'm screwing up. Guys are notorious for judging women based on looks and buttering over flaws when they're thinking with their penis. If I find myself taking steps towards someone based on their sexual magnetism, I'll take two steps back and reassess.

Frankly, I don't know when I approach someone if I'm going to be attracted to them or not. A woman can be very average looking, yet after a half hour of conversation, I can make a decision whether or not to pursue her. I'd rather chat up 4 girls for half an hour each in an evening, investing the time to make a decision than fall for one girl, beautiful, who may or may not care for me at all.

[Galactica]

Always. I know the feeling well and roll with it when it comes!

---------- Post added 08-28-2010 at 08:13 PM ----------

I was referring to once you've established that you're interested in socializing with a person. It is different for everyone. I know how a person is from the moment I see them. Body language speaks volumes. So does silence.

[Autumnleaf]

Chemistry has a way of leading to relationships that burn too hot to the point that they burn themselves out before they mature to a viable point.

[Ilara]

	Originally Posted by Autumnleaf To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Chemistry has a way of leading to relationships that burn too hot to the point that they burn themselves out before they mature to a viable point.

Perhaps, but a relationship without it is incomplete.

[Autumnleaf]

	Originally Posted by Ilara To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Perhaps, but a relationship without it is incomplete.

That's what I've heard from some people. Problem is those people seems to jump from one relationship to another with surprising regularity which tends to dispel my belief in the chemistry they take so seriously.

Then again, maybe the chemistry completes its reacting and when the reagents are all used up the chemistry is different so the people have no reason to be together anymore.

[Ilara]

	Originally Posted by Autumnleaf To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	That's what I've heard from some people. Problem is those people seems to jump from one relationship to another with surprising regularity which tends to dispel my belief in the chemistry they take so seriously. Then again, maybe the chemistry completes its reacting and when the reagents are all used up the chemistry is different so the people have no reason to be together anymore.

You imply that it's a dichotomy (sex vs long-term relationship).

I hadn't heard that we're required to choose partners who are either a) attractive or b) interesting people. And here I've been going for a person who is both. How greedy of me.

[alphawolf]

	Originally Posted by Galactica To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Through my gathered experiences over the years, I have decided that if I do not have an extreme magnetic attraction to a man, I won't even bother.

If I have an extreme magnetic attraction to a woman, I run the other way. Seriously.


"Mr. Laurio, never trust a beautiful woman, especially one who's interested in you." -Magneto

[Booko]

	Originally Posted by Autumnleaf To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	That's what I've heard from some people. Problem is those people seems to jump from one relationship to another with surprising regularity which tends to dispel my belief in the chemistry they take so seriously. Then again, maybe the chemistry completes its reacting and when the reagents are all used up the chemistry is different so the people have no reason to be together anymore.

Or perhaps it's a little of each. I've had relationships that were good with no chemistry and some that weren't with plenty of it.

I do think it's smart to distinguish between infatuation and actual love though.

I suspect one of the reasons our marriage has survived 25 years is though while it started with chemistry, it had to persist for another 4 years, including a year spent in different states, before we got married.

Though at my age, honestly I wonder if I had to get married again (as my mother did) whether chemistry would be that big a deal. What someone in their 50s looks for in a relationship often seems quite different than what someone in their 20s looks for.

Frankly, at my age and being female, probably the first thing I'd be looking for is to prevent my job title from being "nurse," because unfortunately that's a common reality of many older women looking to get married again.

[Causa Mortis]

Originally Posted by Galactica To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Through my gathered experiences over the years, I have decided that if I do not have an extreme magnetic attraction to a man, I won't even bother. No sense in going to great lengths when you like someone, but the chemisty isn't there (in my opinion of course). Because of the lack of chemistry, he would make a better friend instead. I should not have to go miles before my engine is warmed up. If the intellect/temperament are there, and the chemistry is there, it's smooth sailing for me. I appreciate feeling turned on waaay before I even get around the guy.

The only way I think INTJs are likely to succeed with flirting is by making fun of people. ALl other forms we will fail miserably at, however this is fortunately a very effective method, and we're naturally good at it.

[Zsych]

Really the girls I feel chemistry for, are all girls I should have sense enough to avoid.

[Galactica]

Not in my experience. Probably because that wasn't the only component to the adhesive...

[Zsych]

I rarely feel much chemistry for the girls I get along with well, its the passionate and crazy that intrigue me... and that tends to go to hell fast
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[Galactica]

Long ago, I SOMETIMES used teasing as a flirting method. Now? I would not dream of it. ...it is for a time when you are insecure and can't bear to let your guard down for a healthier form of flirting.

[paperclip]

^ what would you consider to be a healthier form of flirting? Is sexual chemistry the chemistry you are describing or something else Galactica?

[JustMel]

	Originally Posted by Causa Mortis To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	The only way I think INTJs are likely to succeed with flirting is by making fun of people. ALl other forms we will fail miserably at, however this is fortunately a very effective method, and we're naturally good at it.

Not true. Some INTJs flirt exceptionally. Some of us have perfected the art of flirting and can do so quite well. It helps to have well developed shadow functions. And a boat load of confidence.

However, there are different types of flirting. The casual comment type of flirting that doesn't intimate actual sexual attraction is far harder than the "I want to fuck your brains out" variety. However, the latter does require some subtlety while the former is just *waves hand in air absently* there and usually out before it's even realized.

It also helps if the person you're flirting with has a clue what they're doing.

If there's a large amount of sexual chemistry with the person then flirting is like foreplay. Really good foreplay.

[Brittle]

I've had a couple reltionships that started off as pure chemistry - they lasted 3-4 years before fizzling out.

My current SO and I have been together 7 years and are getting married in May '11. We began as friends - which developed into very good friends - and while the chemistry wasn't there from the very start (at least not on my side), it certainly came once I got to know him better. It's like, the more I knew about him and got to know him, the more attractive he became and the more the chemistry built.

Of course, there have been some guys who it was just never going to happen with, but usually they had something about them I found quite repellant (and not just looks).

[rickster]

	Originally Posted by JustMel To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Not true. Some INTJs flirt exceptionally. Some of us have perfected the art of flirting and can do so quite well. It helps to have well developed shadow functions. And a boat load of confidence. If there's a large amount of sexual chemistry with the person then flirting is like foreplay. Really good foreplay.

Absolutely. It's a skill all INTJs need to develop, otherwise you come off flat, ham-fisted and boring. And very, very uninteresting. Sexual chemistry needs some flirting to help it along.

A vast number of well-adjusted people flirt for the hell of it. Flirting means a light-hearted acknowledgment that you find somebody attractive, and we all need that. Non-gay men flirt with me & I flirt back. I flirt with women and they flirt back.
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I do think a lot of INTJs freeze up and send very wrong signals to somebody they have immediate sexual attraction for. And it's to our detriment: we're just trying to be in control from the get-go.
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[Galactica]

	Originally Posted by paperclip To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	^ what would you consider to be a healthier form of flirting? Is sexual chemistry the chemistry you are describing or something else Galactica?

It depends on your confidence level. I have been told on many occasions that my "mac" is in my conversation...unbeknownst to me.

If I think of anything else, I'll get back to you...