Meeting Introverts

**akkadian** · 08-13-2010, 02:00 AM

Hello everyone. I'm (very) new to MBTI and I'm starting to learn about all of the different personalities and stuff, so excuse me if I sound noob-ish when based on these thoughts...

I'm new to relationships. I've never had a gf (not because I'm a bad guy or anything like that, and people say I look like Michael Phelps (I'm assuming this is a good thing?), except I have a tan, and I don't have his radar-like ears, and based on the Google search images that popped up, I have bigger abs than him). One reason I think is due to the fact that I was always busy with either sports or studying or working or whatever, so I didn't have a lot of time to invest in this area. A second reason, probably the most important, is because I wasn't truly interested in a relationship; that is until recently, so I did what any INTJ would: I researched. The research has proven to be fruitful...

Eh, this is turning into a longer than expected post so I'll cut to the chase. Apparently (most) Introverts (Ins) like other Ins. Yet Ins (myself included) like to be alone for the most part, physically and mentally. Even in a social setting, like a party or something, Ins would appear as if they would not want to be bothered, so naturally we would avoid them, right? As you can see, a paradox is presented.

So, how the heck are Ins ever supposed to meet each other if Ins all off doing their own thing?

(If you're wondering "why not go for an extrovert instead?", well, let's just say not my type...)

**fonmaneal** · 08-13-2010, 06:35 AM

I don't know how much help I can offer( I like ENTP and ENFP types. They are such gamers),
but here goes.
If there in a socal situation, then they are there to socalize.
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So you pick someone(for what ever reason), go up and say"Hello, my name is _______.".Worst case is they pull out a gun, and shoot you in the head(up side all your worries are over.
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Next ask questions!(Whats your favorite color? What shade? ect.) They should be personal, but not too personal.
Then you continue from there.
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**OJlovedNicole** · 08-13-2010, 07:09 AM

Before you go writing off a significant portion of the population because you deemed them 'not your type', you may surprise yourself. I've dated extroverts and been surprised at how much I liked them.

To use your example at a party, I am drawn to the other introverts, because I can easily identify with their non-verbal communication. So while other extroverts read "Talk to me and I'll ignore you", I think "Perfect. Someone I don't have to concern myself with social graces". We hate small talk, most parties are all about small talk at first. IMO, the paradox lies with extroverts attempting to communicate with introverts, and not introverts with introverts.

When you can immediately delve into a conversation about the psychology of baby pandas, rather than the normal 'what do you do, what do you drive, what are your hobbies, blahblahblah', that's attractive. Coming back to my original point, many extroverts will surprise you in that area.

**JulietCapulet** · 08-13-2010, 07:17 AM

I'm an E but you probably wouldn't know that from seeing me around. I can be shy and bookish. Sometimes Es come off as Is...you might like an I like E.

**Plethora** · 08-13-2010, 07:24 AM

Extraverts can be good fun. Just make sure you find a smart one.
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**akkadian** · 08-13-2010, 09:32 AM

Thanks for the replies everyone.

**Ilara** · 08-13-2010, 10:31 AM

Are you specifically setting out to meet an introvert?

From what I've seen, introverts meet because ultimately, we have to. Introverts need to buy groceries and go to work or class, too. Sometimes we're hard to spot (especially those of us who have learned social graces, of whom there are many--in spite of the stereotype).

If you want to meet introverts, talk to people. Some of 'em will be introverts. Some of 'em will be extraverts. You'll find interesting and boring people in roughly equal proportions from both groups. I would recommend running with whatever interest and enjoyment you find. Join a club or group; talk to people in class/at work.

I'm a little surprised that you've simply written extraverts off from the get-go, though. I like introverts and extraverts quite equally, actually. Extraverts have a lot to offer. My boyfriend is an extravert, and I find that his approach to life and people teaches me a lot, and also that being with him takes a lot of the social pressure off me. My best friend is also an extravert, and she has over the years been very kind, loving, and exceedingly helpful in aiding my education in social graces. Not all of them are draining, either
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. My boyfriend is one of the few people whose presence in my space and personal time is not disruptive to my recharging.

**Zsych** · 08-13-2010, 12:02 PM

Meeting and talking to introverts is not the most pleasant and easy of tasks. They don't open up easily, they have issues, and they may find the experience of talking to people draining
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**True Rune** · 08-13-2010, 12:23 PM

As much as forumites whine about people bothering them, if you're as you say you are, most of them won't mind. It's hard to go past small talk sometimes (we can be our own worst enemy) but I imagine if their head isn't up their ass they'll at least listen and exchange. Some of the NTs are really opinionated though and will not respect you if you have certain opinions (same with some of the NFs, but they'll do it over what kind of music you like)

**LifesEcstasy** · 08-13-2010, 12:43 PM

Well your assumption is incorrect. Approximtely 25% of the people in my industry are I. Being I doesn't mean you'll only ever work in a dungeon or never be out there. Plenty of I's I work with could easily be mistaken for Es because act like one on the job. Its only in their downtime that it becomes apparent they are not.

I find it very easy to meet other Is because I can sense a similarity with them I don't get from others even when they are in full-on E-mode. Most people have no idea that I am an introvert when they meet me on the job.

**dalsgaard** · 08-13-2010, 12:49 PM

You have a point there. I'm male, yet everyone I've ever been with (It's two people, but I always phrase it that way) were the ones to take the initiative. My current girlfriend had to grab my hands and and force them to her breast to make me realize that she meant business. The INTJ passiveness in particular is very pronounced!

08-13-2010, 02:00 AM	#1
akkadian New Member [01%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Aug 2010 Posts: 10	Hello everyone. I'm (very) new to MBTI and I'm starting to learn about all of the different personalities and stuff, so excuse me if I sound noob-ish when based on these thoughts... I'm new to relationships. I've never had a gf (not because I'm a bad guy or anything like that, and people say I look like Michael Phelps (I'm assuming this is a good thing?), except I have a tan, and I don't have his radar-like ears, and based on the Google search images that popped up, I have bigger abs than him). One reason I think is due to the fact that I was always busy with either sports or studying or working or whatever, so I didn't have a lot of time to invest in this area. A second reason, probably the most important, is because I wasn't truly interested in a relationship; that is until recently, so I did what any INTJ would: I researched. The research has proven to be fruitful... Eh, this is turning into a longer than expected post so I'll cut to the chase. Apparently (most) Introverts (Ins) like other Ins. Yet Ins (myself included) like to be alone for the most part, physically and mentally. Even in a social setting, like a party or something, Ins would appear as if they would not want to be bothered, so naturally we would avoid them, right? As you can see, a paradox is presented. So, how the heck are Ins ever supposed to meet each other if Ins all off doing their own thing? (If you're wondering "why not go for an extrovert instead?", well, let's just say not my type...)
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08-13-2010, 06:35 AM	#2
fonmaneal Member [10%] MBTI: intj Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 403	I don't know how much help I can offer( I like ENTP and ENFP types. They are such gamers), but here goes. If there in a socal situation, then they are there to socalize. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. So you pick someone(for what ever reason), go up and say"Hello, my name is _______.".Worst case is they pull out a gun, and shoot you in the head(up side all your worries are over. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Next ask questions!(Whats your favorite color? What shade? ect.) They should be personal, but not too personal. Then you continue from there. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
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08-13-2010, 07:09 AM	#3
OJlovedNicole Member [02%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Mar 2010 Posts: 119	Before you go writing off a significant portion of the population because you deemed them 'not your type', you may surprise yourself. I've dated extroverts and been surprised at how much I liked them. To use your example at a party, I am drawn to the other introverts, because I can easily identify with their non-verbal communication. So while other extroverts read "Talk to me and I'll ignore you", I think "Perfect. Someone I don't have to concern myself with social graces". We hate small talk, most parties are all about small talk at first. IMO, the paradox lies with extroverts attempting to communicate with introverts, and not introverts with introverts. When you can immediately delve into a conversation about the psychology of baby pandas, rather than the normal 'what do you do, what do you drive, what are your hobbies, blahblahblah', that's attractive. Coming back to my original point, many extroverts will surprise you in that area.
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08-13-2010, 07:17 AM	#4
JulietCapulet Veteran Member [96%] MBTI: XNFX Join Date: May 2010 Posts: 3,865	I'm an E but you probably wouldn't know that from seeing me around. I can be shy and bookish. Sometimes Es come off as Is...you might like an I like E.
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08-13-2010, 07:24 AM	#5
Plethora Member [05%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 217	Extraverts can be good fun. Just make sure you find a smart one. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
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08-13-2010, 09:32 AM	#6
akkadian New Member [01%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Aug 2010 Posts: 10	Thanks for the replies everyone.
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08-13-2010, 10:31 AM	#7
Ilara Veteran Member [95%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Mar 2010 Posts: 3,835	Are you specifically setting out to meet an introvert? From what I've seen, introverts meet because ultimately, we have to. Introverts need to buy groceries and go to work or class, too. Sometimes we're hard to spot (especially those of us who have learned social graces, of whom there are many--in spite of the stereotype). If you want to meet introverts, talk to people. Some of 'em will be introverts. Some of 'em will be extraverts. You'll find interesting and boring people in roughly equal proportions from both groups. I would recommend running with whatever interest and enjoyment you find. Join a club or group; talk to people in class/at work. I'm a little surprised that you've simply written extraverts off from the get-go, though. I like introverts and extraverts quite equally, actually. Extraverts have a lot to offer. My boyfriend is an extravert, and I find that his approach to life and people teaches me a lot, and also that being with him takes a lot of the social pressure off me. My best friend is also an extravert, and she has over the years been very kind, loving, and exceedingly helpful in aiding my education in social graces. Not all of them are draining, either To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. . My boyfriend is one of the few people whose presence in my space and personal time is not disruptive to my recharging.
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08-13-2010, 12:02 PM	#8
Zsych Core Member [309%] MBTI: XNTX Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 12,372	Meeting and talking to introverts is not the most pleasant and easy of tasks. They don't open up easily, they have issues, and they may find the experience of talking to people draining To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
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08-13-2010, 12:23 PM	#9
True Rune Core Member [200%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 8,022	As much as forumites whine about people bothering them, if you're as you say you are, most of them won't mind. It's hard to go past small talk sometimes (we can be our own worst enemy) but I imagine if their head isn't up their ass they'll at least listen and exchange. Some of the NTs are really opinionated though and will not respect you if you have certain opinions (same with some of the NFs, but they'll do it over what kind of music you like)
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08-13-2010, 12:43 PM	#10
LifesEcstasy Member [45%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Apr 2010 Posts: 1,804	Well your assumption is incorrect. Approximtely 25% of the people in my industry are I. Being I doesn't mean you'll only ever work in a dungeon or never be out there. Plenty of I's I work with could easily be mistaken for Es because act like one on the job. Its only in their downtime that it becomes apparent they are not. I find it very easy to meet other Is because I can sense a similarity with them I don't get from others even when they are in full-on E-mode. Most people have no idea that I am an introvert when they meet me on the job.
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08-13-2010, 12:49 PM	#11
dalsgaard Member [02%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Aug 2010 Posts: 90	You have a point there. I'm male, yet everyone I've ever been with (It's two people, but I always phrase it that way) were the ones to take the initiative. My current girlfriend had to grab my hands and and force them to her breast to make me realize that she meant business. The INTJ passiveness in particular is very pronounced!
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