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INFJ and Vengeance? None
Old 08-01-2010, 09:08 AM   #1
Angie1988
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I had an INFJ say to me the other day that she is vengeful. Is that possible? Clearly it is possible, if she says she is I believe her...but is that compatible with being an INFJ. I mean are most INFJs like that...almost like many INTJs are considered rather "blunt". That is definitely not a characteristic I would have ever attributed to an INFJ.
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Old 08-01-2010, 10:41 AM   #2
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Hmm. INxJ here, I'm pretty much 50/50 on the T/F function so maybe I can provide some personal input. For me, I'm not vengeful, I do however remember any great wrongs that someone has commited and will take that into account when dealing with that person in the future. For example, if I find out they are deceitful or manipulative of me or anyone for that matter I will always keep a keen eye on them and feel they can't be trusted. I think it's the same for most INFJs but if you lose my trust it sure takes a long time to gain it back, I'll still care about you, but I'll be cautious. But as for the INFJ you are mentioning, we are all different, we are products of our environment and molded by our belief systems and personal ideologies. Maybe this INFJ was raised around some pretty vengeful people, or they had something truly horrible happen to them that made them think in such a way. Beats me. Hopefully this helped a bit. Good luck finding answers!
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Old 08-01-2010, 10:14 PM   #3
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Any other INFJs have any thoughts about this? She is actually my employee and I am trying my best to understand and be open minded!
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Old 08-01-2010, 10:31 PM   #4
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Couldn't just anybody be vengeful regardless of type?
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Old 08-01-2010, 11:23 PM   #5
Angie1988
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I suppose so but I guess I expected it least from feeler types and definitely would not expect her to say it to her boss. I guess part of my question is do other INFJs think she is for real or just blowing smoke. If an INTJ made such a statement, they would more than likely be saying it in jest or they would really mean it...in which case you better watch out! Lol
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Old 08-01-2010, 11:33 PM   #6
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Well, if I am personally wronged, I do find it a challenge to just drop it or forget about it. Whether I take action or not is a different story, but for sure, I do seem to have problems letting go. Don't know if that is an INFJ trait or exclusive to me though.

When I was younger (and had less emotional maturity), I used to fancy myself as a mastermind of revenge. Ha ha...
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Old 08-02-2010, 12:14 AM   #7
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I guess anyone could feel vengeful and even imagine all kinds of brutal payback and such. It's just that most people don't have enough activation energy that compells them to carry out an act of revenge. I can see how some types would be more prone to hold onto that thought longer than others (but then it is a probability issue, isn't it?). As for me, I am quite forgetful about things that cross me, so it would be difficult for me to feel vengeful for normal everyday tickoffs.
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Old 08-02-2010, 01:03 PM   #8
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Generally I would say I'm not vengeful. But there are a few cases where someone really got under my skin that I've gone out of my way to spite them.
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Old 08-02-2010, 06:16 PM   #9
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Some people say they're vengeful as a warning to others that they'll face some special threat from crossing an unknown line in the sand of their sensitivities. The truth is usually just an insecurity trying to lash out. But if its an employee, I suppose you should monitor it against policy regarding workplace safety.
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Old 08-02-2010, 06:25 PM   #10
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The INFJs I've met are masters of the passive aggressive attack and yes, it's entirely possible and compatible with the type. I think any type could be vengeful if in a temper. I think it's kind of funny, to be honest, they can get REALLY inflamed and suddenly an issue that you didn't even know about is being hurled in your face and for reasons you can barely comprehend. XD
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Old 08-03-2010, 10:18 AM   #11
infjer
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  Originally Posted by Angie1988
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I had an INFJ say to me the other day that she is vengeful. Is that possible? Clearly it is possible, if she says she is I believe her...but is that compatible with being an INFJ. I mean are most INFJs like that...almost like many INTJs are considered rather "blunt". That is definitely not a characteristic I would have ever attributed to an INFJ.

I'm not vengeful, but I don't play games either... so that might come off as mean to some people. She could just be analyzing herself and exaggerating a characteristic that she feels is an issue when it really isn't that bad... INFJs love to pick themselves apart.
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I guess it could also depend on how mature she is.

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Old 08-04-2010, 11:45 PM   #12
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  Originally Posted by Silverity
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The INFJs I've met are masters of the passive aggressive attack and yes, it's entirely possible and compatible with the type. I

This is my experience as well....I think they are full of shit.

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Old 08-05-2010, 12:59 AM   #13
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  Originally Posted by BlackOp
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This is my experience as well....I think they are full of shit.

HAHA - guilty as charged

BO (can I call you that? feel such a closeness already) has nailed it. We ARE full of shit and we revel in it. Unlike the idealistic fantasies of the INFP, our J-ness convinces us that we can actually remake the world to fit our internal vision. And if we can't remodel reality then, by God, somebody has to pay for it.

Vengence? I prefer to think of it as re-education.
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Old 08-05-2010, 01:13 AM   #14
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INFJs have a strong sense of what they deem as "right." I can see an angel of vengeance sweeping down on the populace.
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Old 08-07-2010, 06:30 AM   #15
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I do think that's one of the main features of the INFJ type, vital even: a strong sense of right and wrong; they can't tolerate wrongdoings of any kind. But at the same time, I've observed that INFJ's attitude over their sense of morals comes in two variants; Jesus-like ones that say "turn the other cheek", and the badass Kenshin ones that punish wrongdoers.

  Originally Posted by BlackOp
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This is my experience as well....I think they are full of shit.

Some are passive agressive and hypocritical, that's true.

  Originally Posted by Dante
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INFJs have a strong sense of what they deem as "right." I can see an angel of vengeance sweeping down on the populace.

Yeah, something like that. *cool*

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Old 08-10-2010, 01:33 AM   #16
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  Originally Posted by Angie1988
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I had an INFJ say to me the other day that she is vengeful. Is that possible? Clearly it is possible, if she says she is I believe her...but is that compatible with being an INFJ. I mean are most INFJs like that...almost like many INTJs are considered rather "blunt". That is definitely not a characteristic I would have ever attributed to an INFJ.


My best friend's INFJ. My friend is vengeful too. Sometimes I think she let her emotions rule her head. If she absolutely cannot stand some action of people, and someone does that in front of her, she'll just jump right in and shout at that person, before taking a step back to wonder if it were worth it.

She's also highly critical of people.

Hmm..I wonder, do F people get really emotional at times and sometimes not? My friend behaves exactly like that. There was once she actually told me "clubbing seals" was fun. that is mortifying. She's clearly biased sometimes and speaks it quite matter-o-factly, as though she weren't biased at all.

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Old 08-11-2010, 12:17 AM   #17
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  Originally Posted by Mogura
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Well, if I am personally wronged, I do find it a challenge to just drop it or forget about it. Whether I take action or not is a different story, but for sure, I do seem to have problems letting go. Don't know if that is an INFJ trait or exclusive to me though.

I know where you're coming from. Though with me, it's not limited to "personally" wronged. If they've wronged me unnecessarily or have an inconsiderate personality that gets on my nerves, it's a major influence on my opinion of them as a person.

  Originally Posted by Silverity
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The INFJs I've met are masters of the passive aggressive attack and yes, it's entirely possible and compatible with the type. I think any type could be vengeful if in a temper. I think it's kind of funny, to be honest, they can get REALLY inflamed and suddenly an issue that you didn't even know about is being hurled in your face and for reasons you can barely comprehend. XD

INFPs are notorious for this too. The only difference is the source of where our trigger issues come from and that INFPs are significantly more random than INFJs in our patterns of issues. I guess it's the J-P difference in action lol


  Originally Posted by Angie1988
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I suppose so but I guess I expected it least from feeler types and definitely would not expect her to say it to her boss. I guess part of my question is do other INFJs think she is for real or just blowing smoke. If an INTJ made such a statement, they would more than likely be saying it in jest or they would really mean it...in which case you better watch out! Lol

As an INFP, I can pretty much guarantee that she's not blowing smoke.

The only real difference is that instead of warning people I'm vengeful, I warn people that I'm volatile. INFJs, according to how she's putting it, are more organized in how they let their emotions fall, but that doesn't change the strength with which those emotions are felt, which is basically saying that the emotions she's talking about have some serious weight behind them.

The picture above is an example of an INFP rampage.

Hers would be of the same magnitude, but less Godzilla-like and more Machiavellian; where my anger is indiscriminate, hers is focused and refined.

The easy solution is to just not piss her off. You'd have to ask an INFJ how to handle this specifically, but it's nothing that being a good, decent person doesn't include.

With me, it involves being a decent person in general, but with an INFJ it might involve more of a justice-related issue with specific problems they have that can be listed, where mine are just the general feelings I get from a person.

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Old 08-11-2010, 02:00 PM   #18
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I have an INFJ friend, who is someone I would never EVER want to piss off, I've seen him angry only once in my life, and he goes all out then, lashing out to the point that it's fearsome and it takes nearly an hour for him to cool down...it would start with him just suddenly becoming quiet and very isolated and then bam!

If ever in a war, that dude is on my side as a general!
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Old 08-11-2010, 02:24 PM   #19
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i've come to be an inxj, so i think i can comment on this.
i think the vengeance stems from being so concerned about humanity that one sort of.. 'implodes', for the lack of a better word. but it may just be displaced frustration, on a lighter level.
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Old 08-11-2010, 02:25 PM   #20
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We are a very competative group of people. We like being right. We like proving we are better more evolved people. When someone gets the better for us, and they do so in a way that not admirable they become mortal enemies that must be vext immediately.
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Old 08-11-2010, 02:35 PM   #21
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No, INFJs can never be vengeful. Case closed.
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Old 08-11-2010, 06:54 PM   #22
Mogura
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  Originally Posted by TenochAcampicht
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I have an INFJ friend, who is someone I would never EVER want to piss off, I've seen him angry only once in my life, and he goes all out then, lashing out to the point that it's fearsome and it takes nearly an hour for him to cool down...it would start with him just suddenly becoming quiet and very isolated and then bam!

If ever in a war, that dude is on my side as a general!

Ha ha ha... So true... We go through great efforts to keep everything civil, friendly, and harmonious, and we even allow people a certain amount of "buffer space". But once you've overstepped that boundary or pushed things to far, then BAM! Tactical. Nuclear. Strike.

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Old 08-12-2010, 02:24 PM   #23
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  Originally Posted by TenochAcampicht
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I have an INFJ friend, who is someone I would never EVER want to piss off, I've seen him angry only once in my life, and he goes all out then, lashing out to the point that it's fearsome and it takes nearly an hour for him to cool down...it would start with him just suddenly becoming quiet and very isolated and then bam!

If ever in a war, that dude is on my side as a general!

  Originally Posted by Mogura
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Ha ha ha... So true... We go through great efforts to keep everything civil, friendly, and harmonious, and we even allow people a certain amount of "buffer space". But once you've overstepped that boundary or pushed things to far, then BAM! Tactical. Nuclear. Strike.

I think it depends on maturity, I used to be very hot-headed many years ago and if I was scorned, look out. I never used to put any weight of it being worthy of my negative energy. Now, I am still very vengeful, but it takes a lot to get me to that point. Most of the time, they get a big fat door slam before nuclear attack.

I agree with the above. I will take a lot of abuse now, but once I am pushed to a point and feel I have nothing to lose or protect, well, you are pretty much dead meat. I will sit on every piece of ammunition I have and let the offender do their best, and then in the end, I let it all loose.

As their employer, I don't know if you really have anything to worry about (unless you are screwing them over), I can't recall anything at work ever setting me off. For me, it has to be something very personal, and I don't ever take my work home mentally, so it's never really personal.

Edit: If you get on their good side, you have made a wonderful ally for life, and most likely they will use their arsenal to protect you.

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Old 08-12-2010, 02:59 PM   #24
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My husband is an INFJ, and I highly doubt he would ever ACT out the revenge or admit that he wanted revenge, but I know him better than he thinks I do and he gets very angry inside over some things (Particularly dealing with injustice). Depending on environmental settings growing up, I could see an INFJ being very vengeful. Though it would be in a systematic way, and Mr. SAnnBR would probably be a villain with a world peace sort of vision.
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Old 08-12-2010, 03:18 PM   #25
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well according to the book (I'm involved in teaching MBTI) this trait is totally NF; NF people go by their values they tend to idealize/put on a pedestal people they like/love/respect. therefore if those highly regarded people would suddenly behave very against the certain NF's values and disappoint them deeply or hurt them, this would be a very big emotional trauma for them. So it is send that NFs are fantastic people with people, but they SOMETIMES bear grudges and can be vengeful towards people who failed to be their ideals.
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