Reply
Thread Tools
I Rub People the Wrong Way. Do you? social skills
Old 07-26-2010, 07:08 PM   #1
Exodus
Member [08%]
MBTI: INTJ
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 356
 
I attempt to make friends and relate to people. At work I've become friends with a group of women around the age of 30 who are from Poland. I find that at least once a week these women become upset with me. It is not an experience that is exclusive to this group of people, most groups I am around seem to react to me in this manner. I used to try to cater to others emotions and talk through the conflict, but lately I’ve decided to not even bother and only worry about my own emotions.

I honestly don’t know the cause of such consistent hostility, a few idea’s might be:

1. I’m inflammatory and I do not realize it

2. Other people are simply more emotional and I’m having a hard time understanding how most people behave

3. There is some element about me or my personality that is irritable to others.

4. Perhaps these individuals feel comfortable enough around me to allow themselves to behave in this manner

Can anyone relate to this phenomenon? Does anyone have any insight into the cause of this experience?

Needless to say, it is difficult enough to make meaningful relationships without (what I perceive as) the added barrier of incurring hostility consistently.
Exodus is offline
Reply With Quote

Old 07-26-2010, 08:00 PM   #2
jfc
Member [31%]
 
MBTI: INTJ
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,252
 
I do it simply by being myself: aloof and quiet. You cant win.
jfc is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 07-26-2010, 08:09 PM   #3
Mind Marauder
Member [13%]
MBTI: INTJ
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 529
 
I can relate to this phenomenon extremely well. I've had girls just come up to me and say "______ you're such an arse-hole." Then again, I've had girls come up and randomly hug me which freaks me out on some levels. Then again, I'm not quite sure why I'm focusing solely on women, when men have called me just as many names. Maybe it's just that women tend to get more of a noticeable emotional stir out of me. I don't go out of my way to be rude, but I am also tired of choosing words carefully just so other people think better of me. Being polite has its uses and so does being blunt. People are going to perceive what they want regardless of how you meant something. I've tried so hard to come off as the "nice guy" before, but only to end up still seeming like a dick to the girl. You have to cultivate an attitude of caring very little and only about the right people. Otherwise everyone just runs you over with their petty feelings and fluctuating emotional states.
Mind Marauder is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 07-26-2010, 08:17 PM   #4
Exodus
Member [08%]
MBTI: INTJ
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 356
 
Mind Marauder, do you think this is a phenomenon that is experienced primarily by INTJ and similar types? Or do you think that this is a universal experience?
Exodus is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 07-26-2010, 08:32 PM   #5
Mind Marauder
Member [13%]
MBTI: INTJ
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 529
 
I think it is primarily a phenomenon occurring when Introverted iNtuitives are thrown into the mix. I flip back and forth between Thinking and Feeling but I always have felt somewhat hated by others for various reasons. Sometimes the hate was imagined other times it was very, very real. I've also heard that INTJ's, INFJ's, INFP's, and INTP's suffer from the similar experience. So I can't really say universal, but it seems concentrated among certain types.

Then again, it's not solely other people's faults either. Sometimes I have the urge to simply mess up the situation and fight. I've even caught myself knowing that something will cause a bad situation but I do it anyways just to see what happens. Sometimes I just need to fight. It ranges in its premeditation.
Mind Marauder is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 07-26-2010, 08:39 PM   #6
BuShinJu
Veteran Member [99%]
MBTI: xxxx
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,974
 
You can't be responsible for others emotions and thoughts. Having said that you shouldn't go around upsetting people (not saying that you do). You sound fair and reasonable. Anything beyond that is other peoples problems. Don't let people walk over you.

I try to roll with the punches now, it's just like Mario Kart, some people are Bowsers and go around clunking people on the head, it's just their nature, they aren't going to change, just dodge the blows.
BuShinJu is online
Reply With Quote
Old 07-26-2010, 09:12 PM   #7
Kanizsa
Member [06%]
MBTI: INTJ
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 262
 
Ya fuck people.
Kanizsa is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 07-26-2010, 09:21 PM   #8
Mind Marauder
Member [13%]
MBTI: INTJ
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 529
 

  Originally Posted by Kanizsa
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Ya fuck people.

Yeah, generally girls, though. Well, you can also treat them to them to a nice dinner first. Let's not rush things.
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


(if you're confused as to what I mean, I am taking his statement as a literal imperative statement).

Mind Marauder is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 07-26-2010, 09:30 PM   #9
Exodus
Member [08%]
MBTI: INTJ
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 356
 

  Originally Posted by Kanizsa
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Ya fuck people.

I struggle to stay interested in people as well. It seems as though I'm inevitably disapointed by people. I think many of us feel similarly, which is why so many of us isolate ourselves. On that note, I have become a much happier person by:

1. Forcing myself to keep people in my life
2. Forcing myself to mature, which makes dealing with people being shitty so much easier.

Exodus is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 07-26-2010, 09:40 PM   #10
Mind Marauder
Member [13%]
MBTI: INTJ
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 529
 

  Originally Posted by Exodus
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
I struggle to stay interested in people as well. It seems as though I'm inevitably disapointed by people. I think many of us feel similarly, which is why so many of us isolate ourselves. On that note, I have become a much happier person by:

1. Forcing myself to keep people in my life
2. Forcing myself to mature, which makes dealing with people being shitty so much easier.

Well, I applaud your forced movements. I do not really see that much importance in company right now, though. I analyze people to pieces and put them back together in order to see something that isn't there in the first place.

Mind Marauder is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 07-26-2010, 09:43 PM   #11
True Rune
Core Member [211%]
Dying is as pointless as living.
MBTI: INTx
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 8,476
 

  Originally Posted by Mind Marauder
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Yeah, generally girls, though. Well, you can also treat them to them to a nice dinner first. Let's not rush things.
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


(if you're confused as to what I mean, I am taking his statement as a literal imperative statement).

lol.

I think I'm pretty easy to get along with, just the Ni overwhelms, and when you supress that the T becomes pretty cold and sharp.

True Rune is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 07-26-2010, 09:45 PM   #12
Kanizsa
Member [06%]
MBTI: INTJ
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 262
 
I try to keep people in my life too, but I just think about situations too much and people are usually boring and uninspiring at the end of the day. For example a lot of my "friends" when I see them on the street always expect me to say Hi first and ask about their meaningless lives (but I really don't give a shit cause I am existentialist and if your life is affecting me why should I care). There have also been times where people I know have seen me and just walk by and then try to blame me later for not saying Hello or whatever the fuck they want me to say to appease their ego. At the end of the day I'm just like fuck you too bitch.

I have a few good friends, but I have a lot of marginal friends too who just cause me mental difficulties and anxiety I do not need because my brain needs to be full of ideas not of this pesky meaningless bullshit. So fuck those Poland girls.

You can also consider asking them why you rub them the wrong way, you really need to do this. I have been in your situation where people and I have gotten into little disagreements and it always ends up with someone getting really angry and you because you are an INTJ eventually becoming insensitive to their emotions and boom end of friendship because you don't give a fuck about their feelings. I have lost a few good friends this way. I think you should try this if and only if you value the Poland girls' relationship. They may also try to team up on you and bicker behind your back. Just find something you like and think about that whenever they come up and eventually they'll go away.
Kanizsa is offline
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
social skills

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:45 PM.


Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, Myers-Briggs, and MBTI are trademarks or registered trademarks of the
Myers-Briggs Type Indicator Trust in the United States and other countries.