Afraid to be yourself?

**Kanizsa** · 07-26-2010, 01:55 PM

Are you ever afraid to be yourself? I had lunch today with a coworker and she was making so many jokes and I didn't find them really funny but I laughed out of kindness, if she was just a friend tho and not a co worker I probably would have sat stone faced. Does anyone else deal with this and compromise the self to appease others?

**masterpeach** · 07-26-2010, 02:02 PM

Of course. Lots of people in RL mistake my friendliness for genuine interest in them. As that leads to even more social pressure, I have decided to be more "me".

**JulietCapulet** · 07-26-2010, 02:03 PM

Sure, all the time...I think we have to. I feel like being stone faced all the time at my research position, but it won't win me any friends...so not a good idea. Often times I would rather just be reading a book or sleeping and don't want to be around anyone but we have to do our best to make others around us feel comfortable even if they are boring, silly or mean. It's really hard.

**rad** · 07-26-2010, 02:25 PM

I never try to be anybody but myself. I'm under the impression that faking congeniality is disrespectful to others; as far as I'm concerned it's a form of deception (leading them on).

**dandylion** · 07-27-2010, 11:09 AM

Sometimes, actually. While I don't pretend to be someone else, I censor off some aspects of my personality to certain people so they'll view me the way I want them to, in a way that I believe they will like me better. I believe I can be mean or unpleasant even if I don't mean to come off that way, so I take extra care to not scare anyone off my being myself. In this way, I can still sort of be myself, but I'm holding back the "bad." I did this for someone who eventually came to be my best friend and consequently one of the most important people in my life now. Eventually I became comfortable enough to totally be myself, and he likes me all the more for it. I'm not sure if it would have turned out this way if I was just 100% me.

That is just the case for special individuals, however. These individuals matter to me and have some value to me (and I don't mean the kind of worth that comes with using someone). This is not the same as sucking up to people. In any other case, I am myself. And I don't really care what other people think. But people do like me, so I guess I'm not all that bad, eh?

**Baihes** · 07-27-2010, 11:51 AM

There are lots of benefits in acting in ways which please other people. For example I know for sure that I would probably be regarded as having better social skills when I am "nice".

I rarely do it though because I feel some kind of unfaithfulness towards myself (I dont know if that is a proper way to put it in English). I feel that I am selling myself and also I believe in sincerity as the best way to build relation between people.

**Banin** · 07-27-2010, 01:29 PM

Sometimes I start telling a story about something that I find really interesting, only to realize the other person doesn't care at all, so I cut it short.

**The One** · 07-27-2010, 01:53 PM

Nope, that is how I separate the good from the bad. And I do not make any apologies from being myself.

**elfbrick** · 07-27-2010, 07:21 PM

I often laugh or smile so I don't hurt someone's feelings. Or I'll laugh or smile if I'm around a certain type of extrovert who has a tendency to label me as "icy" or "cold" and try to bring me out of my supposed shell. Life's too short to fend off shell-takers.

07-26-2010, 01:55 PM	#1
Kanizsa Member [06%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 262	Are you ever afraid to be yourself? I had lunch today with a coworker and she was making so many jokes and I didn't find them really funny but I laughed out of kindness, if she was just a friend tho and not a co worker I probably would have sat stone faced. Does anyone else deal with this and compromise the self to appease others?
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07-26-2010, 02:02 PM	#2
masterpeach Core Member [209%] MBTI: xxxx Join Date: Jul 2010 Posts: 8,397	Of course. Lots of people in RL mistake my friendliness for genuine interest in them. As that leads to even more social pressure, I have decided to be more "me".
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07-26-2010, 02:03 PM	#3
JulietCapulet Veteran Member [96%] MBTI: XNFX Join Date: May 2010 Posts: 3,865	Sure, all the time...I think we have to. I feel like being stone faced all the time at my research position, but it won't win me any friends...so not a good idea. Often times I would rather just be reading a book or sleeping and don't want to be around anyone but we have to do our best to make others around us feel comfortable even if they are boring, silly or mean. It's really hard.
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07-26-2010, 02:25 PM	#4
rad Member [02%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 92	I never try to be anybody but myself. I'm under the impression that faking congeniality is disrespectful to others; as far as I'm concerned it's a form of deception (leading them on).
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07-27-2010, 11:09 AM	#5
dandylion Member [41%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 1,678	Sometimes, actually. While I don't pretend to be someone else, I censor off some aspects of my personality to certain people so they'll view me the way I want them to, in a way that I believe they will like me better. I believe I can be mean or unpleasant even if I don't mean to come off that way, so I take extra care to not scare anyone off my being myself. In this way, I can still sort of be myself, but I'm holding back the "bad." I did this for someone who eventually came to be my best friend and consequently one of the most important people in my life now. Eventually I became comfortable enough to totally be myself, and he likes me all the more for it. I'm not sure if it would have turned out this way if I was just 100% me. That is just the case for special individuals, however. These individuals matter to me and have some value to me (and I don't mean the kind of worth that comes with using someone). This is not the same as sucking up to people. In any other case, I am myself. And I don't really care what other people think. But people do like me, so I guess I'm not all that bad, eh?
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07-27-2010, 11:51 AM	#6
Baihes New Member [01%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jul 2010 Posts: 6	There are lots of benefits in acting in ways which please other people. For example I know for sure that I would probably be regarded as having better social skills when I am "nice". I rarely do it though because I feel some kind of unfaithfulness towards myself (I dont know if that is a proper way to put it in English). I feel that I am selling myself and also I believe in sincerity as the best way to build relation between people.
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07-27-2010, 01:29 PM	#7
Banin New Member [01%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 15	Sometimes I start telling a story about something that I find really interesting, only to realize the other person doesn't care at all, so I cut it short.
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07-27-2010, 01:53 PM	#8
The One Member [05%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jul 2010 Posts: 226	Nope, that is how I separate the good from the bad. And I do not make any apologies from being myself.
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07-27-2010, 07:21 PM	#9
elfbrick Member [03%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jul 2010 Posts: 131	I often laugh or smile so I don't hurt someone's feelings. Or I'll laugh or smile if I'm around a certain type of extrovert who has a tendency to label me as "icy" or "cold" and try to bring me out of my supposed shell. Life's too short to fend off shell-takers.
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