[Bonamona]

Warning: rant post

I have this friend whom I've known for many years already. I would consider her close, but not as close as the best friends I have found when studying in the UK.

I used to keep in touch with her a lot, and I used to emotionally depend on her (many years ago..heh..I was still a 'kid' at heart).

I still care about her, but the thing is, many times now I feel too tired to talk to her.

She was there to witness about the craziness I had gone through relating to my family and my love life during the earliest stages of my teen. She was there to witness my breakdown (over the phone) when I first broke up with a long distance ex. She was there to hear my conversations about how lost I felt when I felt taken advantage of by so-called 'friends.'

But lately since I realize how I have never truly faced how hard it was to lose my first love (the dear first ex I had for years 2005-2006) until this year (yes I think it opens the door to many things, and forces me to reassess all my issues with everyone else in my life), I just feel... unappreciated by her.

I have already told her that it's been so tough for me, she shows her sympathy but she doesn't seem to understand. I told her I've changed, but she said she doesn't know if she will like the new change in me (actually she means she hasn't met me face to face for over a couple of months, so she doesn't know how I've changed)

I am suddenly facing all the issues I've had with her ; that I've never actually truly faced before. I feel that all these years, I've helped her more than she helps me. Comparing love lives, she's had a much more stable love life than mine yet on the phone she talks more about hers than mine. Don't get me wrong, she has comforted me a great deal. In the past when I cried, she had gotten concerned about me during certain breaking points of my life. It's just I remember this one time when I said (a long time ago),''owh well I realize something valuable about the break up'' (knowing me long enough, she should've understood what I meant behind the words.'' Then she suddenly said,''At least you don't have much to worry about you're single..'' then few seconds later, complained all about her boyfriend. I don't even understand why she complains about him, everytime she has paranoia about him cheating on her, it never is the case. Like what the heck. I was not happy at that time the phone conversation took place, couldn't she have read properly? Doesn't she know me enough?

So far I have tolerated all of this..until last month. Last month I told her on the phone I've been tired already and I need time plus space to fix myself. She mumbled something about running from everything, and I was like,''No I'm not running, I'm just changing.'' Then she suddenly talked about such trivial matters like a fight with flat mates and how the weather is too hot until she can't stand it. Then afterwards she brought up the subject of an old 'friend' from high school who suddenly contacted her. (Let me nickname the old friend Melissa and my 'best friend' Reese)

I was like, shocked. I said,''Why that person suddenly contact you?'' For eff's sake, all these years I've known Reese, I never knew that Melissa even talked to her! (Yes Reese and I went to the same high school)

She said,'' Oh she was an old friend..Melissa had trouble with Janice, so she asked me for help.''

I was like, huh? My gut picked up on something sharp and I said,''Please be careful. She might be taking advantage of that situation. It's just odd she never really gets close to you until now.''

Then Reese was like all defensive. She said,''you should stop being paranoid you know. I'm not like you, running away from everything'' What the hell?! I had a good reason for saying something like that.

So Melissa got into a fight with one of Reese's old friends, (the weird thing is back in high school I have seen Janice and Reese get close, but not Melissa and Reese), and suddenly Melissa warms her way into Reese's life... HELLO?!!

Plus, Reese is one to talk. When I told her one of the biggest regrets I had in life was being friends with a manipulative ass like John, Reese said,''I told you so a long time ago I don't trust him.'' One of the things I hate the most is a friend saying,'I told you so.'

I've had it. I still care about Reese. I don't want to backbite her, but hey at least nobody on this forum knows her. But I don't want to get too close to her anymore. Even she senses a change in me. I've had it, I want to concentrate on my life. I don't have to protect her anymore, since I don't feel appreciated by her. I've grown sick of her attitude. So self centered. I appreciate the fact that I can feel she's concerned about me at some point (I know her well enough) but I no longer have the energy to tolerate her or care about her like I used to.

Thank God that in life I have found better friends than her.

[scalene square]

Are you sure that you're being honest with yourself? Although your attitude sounds like "good riddance", it seems like you are in actuality still very hurt. And that's probably why you posted this. It does sound like she was being selfish, but are you sure that she knows that? Some people just don't realize how their actions affect their friends until their friends actually tell them about it. I would talk to her about it if I were you. Obtain some closure.

About Melissa, I'm not really sure what's going on. Are you upset that your best friend found another good friend? If that's the case, I realize it's upsetting but you can't let jealousy control you. Just try to be okay with it, and if Melissa hurt you too then maybe try to resolve those issues. Good luck!

[Bonamona]

I am okay with Reese having other friends all this time, I never objected.

Don't you find it a bit odd if someone who hardly talked to you in high school suddenly out of nowhere kept in touch with you just because of a problem with someone else? I was just telling Reese to be careful.

---------- Post added 07-20-2010 at 09:02 AM ----------

The point is, I feel unappreciated, I still care about her but I guess it comes to a point I don't wish to get that close with her anymore.

[Synamon]

	Originally Posted by Bonamona To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I still care about her, but the thing is, many times now I feel too tired to talk to her.

	She was there to hear my conversations about how lost I felt when I felt taken advantage of by so-called 'friends.'

She probably feels the same.

[prefect]

If you don't want to be close to her, then don't be. You don't actually need a reason - it's your life and your right to see who you please. But keep in mind that if you end this friendship based on a current mood/situation, you might not be able to get it back if your mood/situation changes again.

As for Melissa, people have all sorts of reasons for suddenly connecting with people. Unless you have an extremely good reason to believe this is bad news (not just a feeling or because it's odd behaviour) it would be best to keep it to yourself. It's been over a decade since I graduated, and still people contact me out of the blue. Nostalgia is a funny thing.

[Bonamona]

I wrote this rant entry in a quick rage..I'm not angry at her anymore ^_^' *embarrassed* The issues are resolved.