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INTJ and Bullies conflict
Old 07-14-2010, 07:41 AM   #1
osirisguard
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is it because of the personality of an INTJ that they get bullied? why do they bully INTJ's?
Personally I'm an INTJ and has been bullied TWICE... although I don't understand why they do it because I did not do anything harsh to them. Probably some comments that I said but I did not mark those comments as sharp and harsh...
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Why do INTJ's get bullied? Did this happen to you also?
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Old 07-14-2010, 08:40 AM   #2
undertow
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Never been bullied. I've actually bullied others instead but only through words. I have (had) a tendensy to make someone stupid feel very stupid which causes them to think about their stupidity and then they realize they don't like it either and then they get pissed at me for being an ass, when all I'm doing is pointing out the obvious. I tend to get annoyed by people and I'm not afraid to let them know if they really annoy me. I'm an ass, but I'm sweet too.
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Old 07-14-2010, 08:51 AM   #3
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Yeah I've never been bullied. I'm not exactly an easy target because of my strong self-confidence (often perceived as arrogance, cockiness etc) and I've never really given anyone any reason to bully me. I think bullies tend to target more self conscious people and I'm certainly not one of those.
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Old 07-14-2010, 08:54 AM   #4
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I dont really remember getting bullied. When I was little my sister and brother protected me from that type of stuff and then when I got older I didn't take anyones crap. Now when I got older and my sister picked on my I tended to lash out and beating her up... if that counts for anything. I tend to follow people to avoid conflict, and or dont voice my opi. Its just easier to ignore people then to interact with them.
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Old 07-14-2010, 09:06 AM   #5
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I've almost never been bullied...I can usually just break out the INTJ stare and ppl run. I try not to do any bullying either.
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Old 07-14-2010, 09:34 AM   #6
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How old are you, osiris?

And I've never been bullied for real.
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Old 07-14-2010, 09:47 AM   #7
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I used to get bullied b/c I was a fat kid. Then I realized that I was stronger than most of the people that were "bullying". Trust me on this, it only takes hitting someone in the mouth one time and they keep it shut the next time you come around.
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Old 07-14-2010, 09:53 AM   #8
ctclough
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Hi,

First of all, I'm sorry you are having to deal with this.

Are you a female? Female bullying is very different than male bullying: they use emotional tactics like rumors, gossip, and shunning. I think it can be a jealousy thing, as well as cause by non-typical INTJ behavior. INTJ females may be less likely to "stay in their place" or "act like girls are supposed to." Female INTJ confidence can actually bring on the jealousy, bullying, and drama.

Female bullying is stealthy and very hard to prove, let alone defend yourself from.

Are INTJ females bullied more than INTJ males? I'd be curious.

At any rate, find yourself a more supportive group. Bullies tend to pick on other females who are different and who don't have a support system to stand up for them. Forget the back-stabbers. Make a new friend in a different group.

And yes, I was sometimes slandered mercilessly by backstabbing, rumors, and gossip when I was younger. The result in female circles is that nobody wants to be friend with the girl who is being gossiped about. Females will sell their soul to fit in to the cliques, so if you are the target of female bullying, it feels like you have suddenly become an Untouchable. It takes a while to actually figure out what is going on, because all of this is covert and done in whispers.

Girls are MEAN. I've been there, survived. It's really hard when you are going through it, though.

If you are smart, quiet and attractive, it can actually get the other girls jealous. It's about who THEY are. They are jealous and threatened by your INTJ awesome-ness, so they feel the need to take you down a notch.
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Old 07-14-2010, 09:55 AM   #9
Lucan
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Bullying happens simply because you are different. In a society where its normally a case of conform or die anyone who stands out is a target. I was targeted when I was young too. They didn't get very far with me either. Its handy having my Dad's irish temper. ;-)
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Old 07-14-2010, 10:04 AM   #10
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I've never been bullied, I also can have the meanest stare.
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Old 07-14-2010, 10:47 AM   #11
gestalt
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I used to get into fights with strangers at least once or twice a year, every year from elementary to Junior in HS. 12-17. I was skinny and self conscious and I thought I was tougher than I was. Now I'm more of a verbal bully when I get riled. Funny, I was just reading an article about this today:
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Old 07-14-2010, 11:35 AM   #12
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I think bullying is a social pressure thing. People feel that pressure needs to be equalized so they pressure you until you act like them. I remember being bullied for being smart in middle school. When I got to high school I started making an effort to look and act more like other people and didn't have any bullying issues. There were a few that I dealt with but I found that direct confrontation worked pretty well.

Yes, in a way I could see where an INTJ would be more likely to be bullied on the basis that we tend to be very different from others. Bullying seems like internalized shame, bully sees something in you that makes them feel bad about themselves, perhaps even your social awkwardness. They see the social awkwardness, feel awkward about it, and then lash out at you for making them feel awkward. Sometimes it can be helpful to meet people half-way, other times you have to push back. I have seldom found pushing back helpful with pathological people though.
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Old 07-14-2010, 12:14 PM   #13
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I used to be bullied - for reasons that elude me. However I took no bullshit and fought back. That, surprisingly, stopped 'em. Even if you're physically meh. And if you can exploit their weaknesses through verbal assaults that they understand they'd usually fear you in a manner.
Also female bullying is lulzworthy and laughable at.
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Old 07-14-2010, 01:48 PM   #14
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I was never bullied (or maybe that is just how I remember it), although I was accused of intimidation a few times. Total apathy is apparently a fairly potent weapon in the world of socially conscious youth.
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Old 07-14-2010, 02:06 PM   #15
Distance
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INTJs lean towards being loners, internally sensitive, a bit eccentric and determined not to be assimilated. This makes INTJs good targets for bullies since they're easily identified and isolated further through social ostracizing.
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Old 07-14-2010, 02:50 PM   #16
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I was never bullied, that I recall. I think part of the reason was that a bully would have had no foothold with me; I wouldn't necessarily have really noticed them, on an emotional level, so I'm difficult to antagonize. Speaking really broadly, my natural reaction when someone says something to me or about me is that either they're right or they're stupid, and I would respond accordingly. That is, in terms of verbal and psychological bullying. If someone had come after me physically, I'm not sure what I would have done. Probably wouldn't deal with that very well.

My younger sister was bullied in late elementary and junior high. She's an ENF. I don't know what drew the mean kids' attention to her that way to begin with, but I've always thought it stayed on her because she couldn't help but be very vulnerable to them. Even if she'd tried to pretend they weren't having any effect, everyone would see through it, because they really, really were having a horrible effect on her, it hurt. Blood in the water. I also think she had the bad luck to happen to be in a class with a generation of genuinely nasty little MFs. If she'd been born a couple months earlier, or gone to a different school, her luck might've been better that way.
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Old 07-14-2010, 04:16 PM   #17
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  Originally Posted by Distance
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INTJs lean towards being loners, internally sensitive, a bit eccentric and determined not to be assimilated. This makes INTJs good targets for bullies since they're easily identified and isolated further through social ostracizing.

The bolded part is key to why this is wrong. Bullies feed on the obvious emotional reactions, and most INTJs won't give them that.

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Old 07-14-2010, 07:08 PM   #18
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  Originally Posted by Shagrath
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Also female bullying is lulzworthy and laughable at.

...not when you're being cornered in a bathroom by several of them because someone's boyfriend "gave you a look". That can get rough.
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I was bullied moderately in middle school, but by high school most of it had waned. I think my appearance drew in a lot of it; I appeared easy to pick on with my light blond hair, or something. I also moved frequently, so I was always the new kid unacquainted with the social dynamics of a particular school. I did try to be cordial with other kids, but I was always one to do my own thing---and I think that pissed a few of them off.

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Old 07-14-2010, 07:13 PM   #19
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I was bullied a little bit in elementary school, and bullied quite a bit in high school. I think it's probably because I was (am) a bit nerdy, and was quiet and reserved in class. Both periods of time were after I had transferred schools, and high school was especially bad because I had only moved to the city a year before I started high school, so I didn't have a whole lot of friends. It's much harder to handle that kind of thing and easier for others to push you around when you don't have anyone to rely on. I eventually befriended a guy who would become one of my best friends, and the bullying (mostly) stopped.

Of course, now that I've been out of high school for a couple years, I've matured a lot both mentally and physically. I'm much more confident and secure in myself than I was in high school. It also doesn't hurt that I've been working out a lot since then and am a pretty big guy compared to what I once was. Oh, and shaved heads, for whatever reason, intimidate people
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Old 07-14-2010, 09:46 PM   #20
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I've been bullied in the workplace a couple of times. The first time it was because the girls were just mean--they bullied others to make them feel better about themselves.
The last time I got bullied, it was a weird situation. In this job, it was mandatory to take an IQ test and apparently I did well (how well? Not sure but I definitely got the boss' respect). I guess the others found out and they sabotaged me by not teaching me anything, ostracizing/backstabbing me, yelling at me, and eventually I was fired for things that they falsely accused me of doing. It wasn't a good work environment anyways--I always felt like the boss was looking over my shoulder and you know how INTJs HATE to be micromanaged. It was a horrible experience, but if it weren't for workplace bullying, I may not have left that awful place.
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Old 07-14-2010, 09:57 PM   #21
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  Originally Posted by Shagrath
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Also female bullying is lulzworthy and laughable at.


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Old 07-14-2010, 10:03 PM   #22
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I've been bullied because I'm short, but I never felt threatened. At my school regardless of the situation if you were caught in a fight you were probably going to be expelled.

The bullies I've faced were total cowards, if I caught them alone they'd almost be submissive to my stare, but if they had a group of people they'd not hesitate trying to trip me or something.

It was really, really hard for me hold back attacking them (my philosophy is I don't care how much damage I take, just as long as they're screwed up too at the end.) but I figured putting a bully in his place wasn't worth ruining my academic career.

It's interesting, a group of 3 bullied me (for a total of maybe a dozen times over a period of 4 years) in highschool and no-one else... one of the group died due to a drug OD before the end of highschool, one of them basically flunked out, and one of them completely stopped and became sortof an acquaintance.
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Old 07-15-2010, 03:07 AM   #23
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I was both bullied and a fleeting bully. I seldom ever had any physical altercation unless initiated by the other person. I did not respond to the bullies in their expected ways; I always thought my feet sunk roots where they stood cause I did not move when I got the customary shove. I was usually bullied by people 2-3 grades older but it did not occure more than once or twice before they moved on to other victims. I think that is how I first became cognisant of my lack of emotional response.

As far as being a bully (which usually caused others to bully me), I intimidated a kid for two quarters to get a soda from the pop machine. I actually felt bad for doing so (one of the few times I felt bad) and discontinued the practice. I still verbally bullied some of the guys who thought they were hot shit.
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Old 07-15-2010, 03:19 AM   #24
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I changed schools every few years growing up (navy brat), so there was always some sizing up every time I entered a new school. It wasn't until I reached the 8th grade that somebody actually began to harass me. He did it as a way to try to become more popular. I let it slide for a month or so until I decided that he wouldn't stop. His posse was always hanging around (3-4 usually) so I watched him each day, waiting for him to go into the bathroom alone.

I got my chance after a week or so, he went in and followed. We got in there and I pounded him in the face a few times before a teacher heard the commotion and broke it up. Strangely this tactic backfired on me; I wasn't bothered again, instead I became popular overnight. It was a win-lose situation.
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Old 07-15-2010, 08:27 AM   #25
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I turned 40 this year and it truly amazes me how people generally behave and treat others the same as they always have. The only place where I have to subject myself to being around people that I have no desite to intereact with is at work. And being the quiet guy seems to automatically invite the bullies (yes, they never go away completely) to come and "test" me.

But over the years I guess I grew sick of entertaining these guys and I REALLY get pissed off when I realize someone is mucking with me. If you ever get tired of someone f'ing with you for no reason, turn to your inner crazy and let it deal with them.
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