[trancelogix]

Alright ladies, I'm going to possibly throw myself under the bus for the sake of conversation. How many of you, as INTJ's, have children, and how do you feel about your role as a mother? Or, if you don't yet have children, do you want them or not and why?

My curiosity stems from the fact that I'm a mother of a 5 year old daughter, and while I love her, I find motherhood to be completely exhausting and relentless. I find it very difficult to show emotion or provide the emotional support I know a child needs, so I fake it most of the time, which leads me to be resentful. I have no desire to "play" and run around with her to relive my childhood, and I'm just waiting for the day she and I can have a worthwhile conversation.

Any others experiencing a similar situation?

[floramacivor]

I have children, and love being a mother. But I have to admit, I loved playing with my first-born and I find it tedious to play with my youngest. My first-born is INTP, and we had a lot in common, so even playing was fun, and he loved to be read to. My youngest is a very loud Exxx and wants an enthusiastic audience, and I have a harder time with that.

My first-born is now in college, and is the most interesting person to talk to. He loves to speculate about ideas and language.

[Deliberator]

I have a six-month-old, and right now for me it's kind of like having a puppy. I take mothering very seriously, like it is a job that is worth doing well. My husband sometimes tells me I'm too detached and need to spend more time interacting with him, so I try to do that. It isn't unpleasant, because it is so adorable to make him laugh.

But I must admit I do dread the following few years. Right now I am the one who works while my husband stays at home, and I prefer it that way. Soon I will quit and I'll be the one taking care of him while my husband goes to class. I think "relentless" just about sums it up. I only have one, and will only ever have one. Once when I had to take care of my brother's four kids I just remember feeling like a slave. I hated it. I think my life will be much better if I stick around my mother and MIL so I can leave my little boy with them if I need a sanity break.

[Glider]

I have two children, 8yo and 5yo, and I think I am lucky because both seem to be xNTx types. I am also blessed with a mildly extraverted husband (ENFJ) who does the part of "mothering" that requires emotional support and entertainment. I absolutely did not like the baby years and could not wait for the babies to turn into someone you can talk to and reason with, and thank god that day arrived! I work full time and I did not stay at home with either of my kids beyond 10 weeks maternity leave, which I think was the right choice, otherwise I would have been a psychotic mess.

I can relate with the difficulties you may be having, many children can be difficult to handle and quite emotionally and (yes!) physically draining, especially the ones that have the personalities that may not work well with yours. It is the same way as with the adults, and just because it is your own child it doesn't always mean that love will conquer all. I guess learning what works and doesn't for your child with regard to motivation, stressors, etc. and setting limits may create a reasonable balanced relationship.

[PRBori]

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Alright ladies, I'm going to possibly throw myself under the bus for the sake of conversation. How many of you, as INTJ's, have children, and how do you feel about your role as a mother? Or, if you don't yet have children, do you want them or not and why? My curiosity stems from the fact that I'm a mother of a 5 year old daughter, and while I love her, I find motherhood to be completely exhausting and relentless. I find it very difficult to show emotion or provide the emotional support I know a child needs, so I fake it most of the time, which leads me to be resentful. I have no desire to "play" and run around with her to relive my childhood, and I'm just waiting for the day she and I can have a worthwhile conversation. Any others experiencing a similar situation?

I have mix feelings about this... I have two kids, but only one lives full time with me. I'm not much into playing wasteful games... so I have bought a lot of educational games with the hopes that she will learn... but that has being unsuccessful.. I'm not sure what my little one is, but I will have to admit, she makes my patience run thin most of the time... She is a very popular 5yr old in school, everybody knows who she is... thankfully not many people know who I am...

Don't get me wrong is great to have kids around, is just that as a single mom responsible for every little freaking thing is kind of hard to keep up with all that it entails to take care of child. I barely have time with her and because of the type of work I have which requires continuous learning to ensure I can have an extremely successful career which I have, but of course I want more and to ensure I can provide for her.. time with my little one is extremely limited and yes because is just the two of us, its hard for me... sometimes I need time out and she doesn't yet understand it... and not having someone around to help taking care of her makes things a lot harder... I don't trust people with my little one, and I don't have many friends I can let her stay with, specially now that I had to limit who I can deal with due to my career choice... which trust me my career is above any friends, because its what will pay for me and my little ones future...

That said, you're not alone on your feelings... I'm not good at showing feelings towards my daughter either... or playing useless games, although, I do try very hard to come to terms with the situation and try to come up with activities that will hopefully let her know that I do love her, I'm just not good at showing it.

This summer my new hobby is BIKING... got a double bike and order special backrest with sides for her so that I can do long distances without having to worry about her... She enjoys it and I can relax and have my time, sort of... we can stop along the way have a picnic play some games and that I think is worthless time with my little one...

Maybe you should try to integrate things you like into your daughters life... I love the outdoors so hiking, biking, and very soon kayaking are some of the things I try to integrate... but yes, they are expensive if you want to do it in a way that there is no worries... My new hobby has cost over $1000... One thing I'll say is that kids are not cheap...


Daycare alone is about $12,000 per year... doesn't include food or clothing... and going to school full-time while attending daycare part-time makes no difference... you may pay less at the daycare, but then you have to pay for school lunch which adds up to the same thing at the end...

That's motherhood.... easier for those married, harder for those who have to do it on their own... Gladly I only have one to worry about... I feel pitty for those that have more than one in this age and are single.... Kids are not for everyone....

Personally, I dont' want any more kids... two is enough for me.

[Linwenilid]

Damn, now I'll have to try not to be discouraged of having kids after reading some of your thoughts...

I still don't have any kids, but do want them in the future. All I know is that I enjoyed talking and playing with my baby/toddler nephew, but I did that only for short periods of time and didn't really do any of the grunt work (diaper-changing, feeding, etc); I enjoyed it so much because I could teach him things and he'd learn them because he's very intelligent.

As for now, I'm actively preparing my mind to be in control during troublesome situations, telling myself "should difficulties arise, don't forget you're the adult: avoid resorting to a childlike display of emotions that might cloud your judgement". I hope it works.

[Mader]

Having kids is great. Very fulfilling. Dont worry, nothing is easy or great every minute of every day.

However, the teenage years suck, no matter what your personality type.

We INTJ's probably spend less time in grown-up land than other folks (and we need it), but we tend to want to do something very well. Plus, if you want something to be done right, do it yourself.......

Grandkids are MUCH better!