[castalia]

I wonder if it is better to keep my whereabouts secret most of the time. I have friends and acquaintances in different parts of the world and I travel a lot. I have started to resent telling people where I will be going and how long I will be staying there due to the following reasons:

Past experiences have taught me the following:

a) some idiots assume that I like to travel a lot so I could have sex with men I meet on my travels
b) some so-called friends or colleagues will use my absence as an excuse to badmouth me. As a PhD student, I get to live off campus for a good part of the year. Some of them have accused me of not focusing or working when I am abroad (as if they really know what I am doing there!)
c) Some people are jealous of my lifestyle and will try to demean me or offer advice for me to settle down
d) Some people have assumed that my traveling means that I must be working for some secret service agency (LOL)
e) The older relatives who have never traveled in their lives worry that traveling is unsafe

I can list a few others but it is late and my mind is a bit slow at the moment. Basically I have stopped telling people (well, sometimes I might tell my parents or a relative/friend or two) where I am, where I plan to be, and what I will do there. If I decide to share information the information, I usually tell them AFTER the trip took place.

Can you guys identify or am I just being overly paranoid?

[Jarem Asyder]

I would at least suggest informing someone about your whereabouts in case something really bad were to happen. I think people just have too much desire to gossip and be stupid about someone's private life. Your travel and where you go are your own business and no one else's.

[castalia]

	Originally Posted by Jarem Asyder To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I would at least suggest informing someone about your whereabouts in case something really bad were to happen.

I usually do, but it's often not the same person.

	I think people just have too much desire to gossip and be stupid about someone's private life. Your travel and where you go are your own business and no one else's.

The gossip and the stupidity. I'm shocked I tell you! Maybe because I have become older and wiser, but the older I get, the more I see that people have a tendency to rip you apart behind your back. Why can't they say nice things about someone for a change?

[Jarem Asyder]

	The gossip and the stupidity. I'm shocked I tell you! Maybe because I have become older and wiser, but the older I get, the more I see that people have a tendency to rip you apart behind your back. Why can't they say nice things about someone for a change?

I thought that by grad school the gossiping would stop but it's just as bad. It's absolutely exhausting especially since I seem to have a big cosmic sign that says "tell me about all of your problems and bitch about my friends while they're not around."

Back on topic, I found it exhilarating and liberating the first time I lived somewhere where my parents didn't know where I lived. It's also great that "friends" from high school don't know. I like having the option to drop all communication with my past if I so desire.

[castalia]

	Originally Posted by Jarem Asyder To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I thought that by grad school the gossiping would stop but it's just as bad. It's absolutely exhausting especially since I seem to have a big cosmic sign that says "tell me about all of your problems and bitch about my friends while they're not around."

It is even worse when you deal with most older people. They think that by tearing apart someone, they are seen as trustworthy by the person listening to them. "No, dear, the only thing you are doing is exposing yourself as someone who is an untrustworthy, gossipy, idiot!"

	Back on topic, I found it exhilarating and liberating the first time I lived somewhere where my parents didn't know where I lived. It's also great that "friends" from high school don't know. I like having the option to drop all communication with my past if I so desire.

Yes, that. It is the freedom to become "lost" in your independence.

[Jarem Asyder]

	Originally Posted by castalia To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	It is even worse when you deal with most older people. They think that by tearing apart someone, they are seen as trustworthy by the person listening to them. "No, dear, the only thing you are doing is exposing yourself as someone who is an untrustworthy, gossipy, idiot!"

I have a friend who's kind of like that. It's like she never grew out of going to a Catholic high school. She has to know everything about everyone and if you tell her something in trust the entire department will know by the end of the week.

	Yes, that. It is the freedom to become "lost" in your independence.

Do you have any theories as to where your wanderlust comes from? For me I feel like I've never had a true sense of "home" so it's just easy to go where ever I'd like to go.

[Akzis]

Abuse it. Tell people you can't tell them where you're going. They'll automatically assume it's CIA related. :P

If you're going to get badmouthed, at least do it in style.

[MikeC]

I wouldn't care about their opinions, to be honest. If I had convictions in my actions, I wouldn't let anyone phase me out.

[Fox]

World travel, sex with strangers and the secret service. Who are you James Bond?

[castalia]

	Originally Posted by Fox To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	World travel, sex with strangers and the secret service. Who are you James Bond?

LOL. According to some people I may well be......

[ms infp]

Castalia, I empathize, though in a more "localized" manner. IMO, there is no winning. If you stop telling people where you're going, what you're doing, they will talk just as much, if not more. Now you have a whole new mess of gossip to deal with. All you can do is pick your poison.

I'd really like to side with Akzis, but if you go down that road, then you will be forced at some time to explain why you fed them a line of bull. Then, when you tell them you lied so that they would have something juicy to talk about, their feelings will be all hurt - and then you're the bad guy.

All you can do is tell the truth and let the chips fall where they may, and try not to let all the crap get to you, because gossip never ends.

[mischachiaro]

	Originally Posted by castalia To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	The gossip and the stupidity. I'm shocked I tell you! Maybe because I have become older and wiser, but the older I get, the more I see that people have a tendency to rip you apart behind your back. Why can't they say nice things about someone for a change?

Use it to your advantage. Make them jealous. Be naughty. Say all the bad things you're going to do before they do. "I'm travelling to Germany due to an exchange student programme, I'll be studying there, but everyone knows I'm really going for the sexy Germans and their orgies."

Who cares much about what they think, honestly?

[Warrior]

I don't worry about it at all. I am no more or less out of touch in most places than I am at home and when I am, people know when to expect me back. I don't worry about people talking about me while I am gone. Those things gain traction (or not) regardless of whether I am there. If I was worried about it, that would say more about my character than anything else.

I've been to numerous countries on multiple continents, yet I am one of the least traveled people in my family. My grandparents used to wonder why I didn't travel more.

[Mader]

Sounds like you need some new friends.

I have a brother who travels almost constantly for work. Glamour, exotic sites, the whole thing. Yes, our Mother worries about his safety, but it is better for her to know where he is than be in the dark. He emails at least once a week with pictures of him in the exotic locale and he sends Mom a real letter thru the snail mail every week, often with pictures of him, and that helps her A LOT. Snail mail is different than emails, old folks like to get letters and pictures in the mail. Pictures calm folks down quite a bit.

Maybe don't volunteer the info, but don't hide it, either.

Me: "I haven't seen you for ages. Where have you been?"

You: "Oh, I had to go out of town for a while."

Me: "Really? Why? Where did you go?"

You: " Oh, everything is fine, just some travel for work/my parents/my church."

Avoid talking about Paris or floating down the Nile, save your stories for someone who will enjoy them. Sometimes people are jealous and petty, their failure, not yours.

[seeyouatx]

I agree with Mader.

Although, I think if you're going somewhere, it's best to tell someone close to you just so that if something happens to you, you have someone who knows something about your travel plans. (Ex: Going hiking in the mountains solo. If you let someone know to expect you back at a certain time, they'll be able to mount search parties faster since they know you're missing.)

Sorry, that was a long example...

[TigerL]

	Originally Posted by Mader To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Sounds like you need some new friends.

Agreed.

When I travel, unless it's a very short trip nearby, my family and/or person I am dating seriously always know where I am for reasons of safety and also in case there is an emergency on their end and they need to contact me.

And of course, my colleagues or other people (friends, etc.) that are impacted by my trip need to know.

Travel comes up in conversations with friends but I don't get the reaction you do. More stuff like so how was the place? what did you eat? how was the weather?

[Doggzilla]

If something was going to happen to me, Its going to happen. I dont really tell people where I am going unless its like 7-eleven. If Im going somewhere, like across the country, I dont really want people knowing. IDK, I just get weird vibes from people, like traveling is unnecessary or makes me some sort of person who cant deal with it here.

[reb]

i did not used to tell anyone. it was pointed out to me by a close friend (one who i actually listen to) that, were i to die/be injured in the backcountry or on the river, it might be days or weeks until my carcass/i was found. someone would have to feed my dog if she were not with me....someone would have to pickup my work, as some of it was actually important. and a few (very few) people would be somewhat worried about me.

so, i started mailing a letter to this friend with my general whereabouts and etda/return or calling a reliable friend to tell them.

did anyone gossip about me or make assumptions? fuck the dumb bastards.

the guy who had to saw his arm off with a small knife in utah a few years back made me realize all over again...my friend was absolutely correct in what she told me.

[sircockburn]

You're not being paranoid. You're not a dog, people are not entitled to know your location at all times. Next time, if asked, say you're attending a Peace Conference in Geneva.

I go through the exact same thing, because I do travel a lot, to many places, but I never tell people except for employers, and other people where it's non-optional.

[Doggzilla]

	Originally Posted by reb To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	the guy who had to saw his arm off with a small knife in utah a few years back made me realize all over again...my friend was absolutely correct in what she told me.

Same here