[Dodeca]

My aunt never knows when she is making illogical claims or when is appropriate to say certain things in public. When I try to reason with her she always gets mad or sad and never thinks about what I am trying to saying to her. My brother and sister gets mad and my Mother says that I am trying to control her. Is this because they are unreasonable or is this just a conflict of personalty's.

[Elfrun]

Doesn't sound like you are trying to understand where they're coming from, maybe they're unreasonable, maybe there's a conflict in personalities but mostly there appears to be a breakdown in communication.

Your aunt not knowing she's making an illogical claim doesn't make her unreasonable, if you're trying to show her another way and she simply won't listen then you need to change your approach as your current one clearly isn't working.

[Dodeca]

Originally Posted by Elfrun To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Doesn't sound like you are trying to understand where they're coming from, maybe they're unreasonable, maybe there's a conflict in personalities but mostly there appears to be a breakdown in communication. Your aunt not knowing she's making an illogical claim doesn't make her unreasonable, if you're trying to show her another way and she simply won't listen then you need to change your approach as your current one clearly isn't working.

[rant]

Is there a difference from being illogical and unreasonable. I try to say things without resorting to an emotional appeal. I don't tell my aunt that she's mean when she tells me the truth. I don't try to guilt people into doing what I want because I want them to do things for me (going to church). I told here it was boring. I told her that I learn nothing about ethics and that I cannot be myself around people I don't know. I am not an extrovert especially when I can not express myself freely. I understand what people are thinking and how they will react if I say the wrong things. I cant convince her to see my side because that would be mean of me to think I know whats best for myself. She wants me to be with Gods people when she does not even know what a "God" is. At Macdonald's today she was embarrassing my friend with questions about his faith. Your not supposed to ask religious questions of every person you meet or tell people they're religion is false if yours is too.

Maybe I should have titled this thread "When is it inappropriate to cross boundaries?" I guess my standards are too high and that I am to sensitive to embarrassment. If I told my aunt that I felt like a fish out of watter the first thing she would think is "Why is he having delusions of being a fish". I think that she is both illogical and unreasonable. But it doesn't matter what I think. How mean of me to have an opinions about things. I don't want to intentional hurt here feelings so I just shut up before I do.

[/rant]

Sorry about the rant I feel better now. I still want to focus on the title of the tread if no one minds.

Does unreasonableness have something to do with personality?

[Antares]

Of course unreasonableness has to do with personality. Personality, in terms of psychology, simply means a set of behaviors that are quite constant. By contrast, those whose behaviors change 24/7 are said to have little to no personality. By your description, she is constantly "unreasonable". She has an unreasonable personality, whatever that means. Whether or not it has to do with the typological systems devised by Jung and Myers-Briggs is another question all together. The way I see it the preferences themselves don't directly imply "unreasonableness" or the lack thereof.

[Pachystima]

A lot of life is perspective. I suspect that neither of your relatives feel that they are being at all unreasonable; likely they see you as the unreasonable one. Sometimes one simply can't communicate their perfectly reasonable (to them) point of view to someone who is being unreasonable (also to them). The old saying "I am firm in my convictions, you are stubborn and he is pig-headed" might be adapted here.

[shaunmikex]

	Originally Posted by Dodeca To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	My aunt never knows when she is making illogical claims or when is appropriate to say certain things in public. When I try to reason with her she always gets mad or sad and never thinks about what I am trying to saying to her. My brother and sister gets mad and my Mother says that I am trying to control her. Is this because they are unreasonable or is this just a conflict of personalty's.

Whew, I just went through this with my family and can comment on it from experience. First, logic is not as cut and dry as people claim it to be--
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
. Secondly, the breakdown in communication is more likely to be the cause. INXXs are good future people, but from what I've seen and experience in myself, we can be quite abrasive when this isn't as obvious to others...for certain it must be clearly visible.

I was thinking in the future about the way things would occur if we continued upon a certain path. Did these things come to reality? yeah. at around the same time I expected. Not a demonstration of clairvoyance, just simple inductive/deductive reasoning within my own head.

They, however, were focused on immediately practical ideas, which while beneficial, failed in the long term. A combination between my long-range abilities and their in-the-moment thought processes was the best.

Being all strong-willed, the communication gap can be quite wide sometimes. It would behoove you to take some initiative on softening of approach. No matter how valid your argument may be, some people view an ARGUMENT of any sort as negative. Don't sugar-coat, but be more suggestive as to imposing.

If that fails, then yes, they are closed-minded and quite possibly unreasonable.

[Distance]

Dodeca, the rest of your family is telling you to back off and let her be whoever she is, regardless of doctrine. It sounds like when you pipe up, it causes what they view as unnecessary drama.

As for your question about unreasonableness having to do with personality, yes it does. When two people have strong belief in their own convictions (your aunt and yourself) where neither personality type is of the peacemaker variety, the net result will be more conflict and drama.

[Dodeca]

Originally Posted by Distance To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Dodeca, the rest of your family is telling you to back off and let her be whoever she is, regardless of doctrine. It sounds like when you pipe up, it causes what they view as unnecessary drama. As for your question about unreasonableness having to do with personality, yes it does. When two people have strong belief in their own convictions (your aunt and yourself) where neither personality type is of the peacemaker variety, the net result will be more conflict and drama.

Actually the rest of my family treat her worse than I do. At least I know when to stop. They don't. My brother yells at her in public and my mom tell her she's a dodo brain in front of people. The worse I do is get whiny and I know when to shut up. My family are the one's creating all the drama. I'm the one that try's to contain it. And just because my beliefs are strong does not mean I have to be all emotional about them. Whether I am right or wrong about God doesn't matter so much as to what is and is not appropriate behavior. It is inappropriate to guilt some one into going to church. It is inappropriate to yell at you aunt or call her a dodo brain in public or private. My mom doesn't care how I, my brother or sister talk to my aunt she just stands there. If I pipe up only my brother and sister tell me to shut up. They have anger management issues. I am the most reasonable person in my family. I am the one that uses appeal of emotions the least. I may be offended by what happen to me but at least I try not to let that make me be rude or smirk about my propositions. Having strong convictions is no excuse for having a bad code of conduct.

[Distance]

Originally Posted by Dodeca To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Actually the rest of my family treat her worse than I do. At least I know when to stop. They don't. My brother yells at her in public and my mom tell her she's a dodo brain in front of people. The worse I do is get whiny and I know when to shut up. My family are the one's creating all the drama. I'm the one that try's to contain it. And just because my beliefs are strong does not mean I have to be all emotional about them. Whether I am right or wrong about God doesn't matter so much as to what is and is not appropriate behavior. It is inappropriate to guilt some one into going to church. It is inappropriate to yell at you aunt or call her a dodo brain in public or private. My mom doesn't care how I, my brother or sister talk to my aunt she just stands there. If I pipe up only my brother and sister tell me to shut up. They have anger management issues. I am the most reasonable person in my family. I am the one that uses appeal of emotions the least. I may be offended by what happen to me but at least I try not to let that make me be rude or smirk about my propositions. Having strong convictions is no excuse for having a bad code of conduct.

This and ...

	My brother and sister gets mad and my Mother says that I am trying to control her.

this ....

don't mesh.

So you're saying that when everyone else makes an issue of your aunt, it's okay. But when you do it, everyone gets on your case.

With the above in mind, get a third-party bystander to watch the familial interactions. There's got to be a reason why you're getting shut down and everyone else enabled. The other possibility is that everyone gets on each other's cases but you're sensitive to what's being dished out to you.