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How to seduce the INTJ woman: A definitive guide None
Old 04-19-2010, 10:12 PM   #1
rain
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since qGrav suggested, I wanted to share my observations:

INTJ women are a specific breed of women who do not respond to overt male manipulation. They are also the type who prefer to seduce men as opposed to men seducing them.

Hence, if you want to seduce the INTJ woman, just let her seduce you by doing the following:

1. Be predictable and consistent. One thing INTJ women find immensely annoying are people who are unpredictable and like to change plans at the last minute.

2. Don't ever say "I don't know," "I haven't thought about it" and "It never occurred to me to do that" to the INTJ female. Always have an answer ready with 3 possible motivations and reasons why. INTJ women like men who have a very clear understanding of their own actions and motivations and who take responsibility for themselves in the way they interact with others.

3. Be a good driver with an excellent sense of direction. There's nothing that irritates an INTJ woman more than a man she has to give directions to when they are attempting to go somewhere. Furthermore, pick her up on time.

4. Do not argue with the INTJ female. She likes lively discussions but if you start to insist you are always right and she is wrong, she'll look on you like a prey ready to be pounced on. Humor her instead if she has a contrary opinion to hers. Tickle her funny bone and make friendly bets.

5. Don't give her shallow compliments on her physical appearance. Compliments on appearance can be saved for when you've known her a long time. Instead make sure you compliment on her ability to do something well that is competency related. On another note, don't be condescending to the INTJ female. This neg hit method will only work against you as she will list all the things wrong with you and send out a mass email to all her friends if you start to act in a condescending manner towards her. Neg hits might work on NF women, but never on NT women.

6. Don't be overtly touchy feely with her in public. PDA embarasses the INTJ female. Instead of acting grabby and uncouth, do little things that shows you're respectful of her personal space and also that you are protective of her: hand on her lower back- walking on the outside of the sidewalk with her on the inside, leading her in/out of doorways etc. Secondly, don't stare at other women and don't act flirtatious with others in front of her in a futile attempt to instigate jealousy in her. Instead of making her jealous, you will make her resentful and she will ignore you and give you the silent treatment and will act as if she doesn't know you when with others.

Remember INTJ women like men whom they can show off to their friends, and who can act well amongst people they introduce you to. They might appear cold and calculating, but underneath their ice princess persona, they are warm, loyal and devoted people who want the bring out the best in their mates. If you want to seduce an INTJ woman, simply let her seduce you by first winning her affections and being the polite, predictable, dependable, man she is looking for. This isn't to say being polite and dependable is the same as being a doormat- on the contrary, the INTJ woman likes the man who is outspoken and who can handle himself in a crowd full of rowdy men, not the nice guy who is meek and stays quiet when he knows he should speak up.

INTJ women also like direct, confrontational communicators who express any problems they may have. She doesn't like passive-aggressive communicators with whom she has to guess what the other person is thinking. Instead, if you show passive-aggressiveness, this will be similar to a tiger smelling blood, and she will pounce on your weakness and drag your ego through the mud.


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Old 04-19-2010, 10:27 PM   #2
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Maybe you should have stated why it's worth bothering to seduce the INTJ woman, then lead into how. I am an INTJ guy and I find it positively depressing to read this, no wonder we seek out those fun EFxP girls to go out with!
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Old 04-19-2010, 10:32 PM   #3
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Most of that resonates with me, except maybe the directions part, which I've never really thought about. I also don't mind being argued with, provided the point of view makes sense.
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Old 04-19-2010, 10:38 PM   #4
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I am an INTJ female and I must disagree with just about everything here.

1. Be predictable and consistent. - I myself am quite consistent and planned out, and I prefer when a man has his roots firmly planted, but that doesn't mean his branches can't lead to beautiful buds in a hundred different colours.

2. Don't ever say "I don't know," "I haven't thought about it" and "It never occurred to me to do that" to the INTJ female. - I find incompetence frustrating, but as long the "I haven't considered it" is a segue into more interesting, deep and introspective conversation, I have no problem with this. Also, I quite enjoy being the expert in matters, so it's nice to explain things to people.

3. Be a good driver with an excellent sense of direction. - This is one I agree with, but only because a good driver is safe and knows where he's going, which is quite nice in a man. I'm not a weak person, but I enjoy when I have personal relationships with internally strong people.

4. Do not argue with the INTJ female. - I POSITIVELY THRIVE on arguments. Please argue with me. It's what I live for, as long as we don't kill each other at the end. The word "argue" has such negative connotations. You can totally argue points back and forth without getting into a fight.

5. Don't give her shallow compliments on her physical appearance. - Not my favourite thing, but not a necessarily horrible thing to do.

6. Don't be overtly touchy feely with her in public. - This is the only one I completely agree with. I hate physical touching with anyone as it is, so in public it's just a hundred times worse.
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Old 04-19-2010, 10:43 PM   #5
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  Originally Posted by rain
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...
Remember INTJ women like men whom they can show off to their friends, and who can act well amongst people they introduce you to.
...

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I'd say that'd apply to any woman, especially the latter half of that statement.
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Old 04-19-2010, 10:49 PM   #6
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Everything there makes sense, but #2!? Oh! 2! Of course! 2! That's what I've been doing wrong!

Dammit!

I have a habit of saying "I don't know" because it gives me a chance to follow up with "what do you think?" which gives me a chance to review my own thoughts to avoid violating rule #4. Rule #4 for me is the worst one unless you can actually prove me completely and utterly wrong. Then it becomes sexy. I'm usually always right though :P

If her thoughts on the subject aren't totally in line with mine, I will verbally agree with what I agree with but try to hold back the condescending chuckle.
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Old 04-19-2010, 11:13 PM   #7
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  Originally Posted by rain
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1. Be predictable and consistent. One thing INTJ women find immensely annoying are people who are unpredictable and like to change plans at the last minute.

I agree. As a P, I rarely make strict plans. But when I do, I get super-annoyed when people do not adhere to them when they claimed they would.

  Originally Posted by rain
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2. Don't ever say "I don't know," "I haven't thought about it" and "It never occurred to me to do that" to the INTJ female. Always have an answer ready with 3 possible motivations and reasons why. INTJ women like men who have a very clear understanding of their own actions and motivations and who take responsibility for themselves in the way they interact with others.

"I know nothing except the fact of my ignorance." -Socrates

  Originally Posted by rain
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3. Be a good driver with an excellent sense of direction. There's nothing that irritates an INTJ woman more than a man she has to give directions to when they are attempting to go somewhere. Furthermore, pick her up on time.

I fail this category, but I agree. Some women(any gender, really) cannot stand a bad driver. I once took a girl out on a date and prematurely stopped at a yellow(we could have made it). She tried to be polite about it, but it was obvious this did not go over well. SAhe was also a nascar fan.

  Originally Posted by rain
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4. Do not argue with the INTJ female. She likes lively discussions but if you start to insist you are always right and she is wrong, she'll look on you like a prey ready to be pounced on. Humor her instead if she has a contrary opinion to hers. Tickle her funny bone and make friendly bets.

I will argue with someone I believe is wrong. It won't get me laid...but that's rarely the point of an argument. I won't be taking this advice.

  Originally Posted by rain
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5. Don't give her shallow compliments on her physical appearance. Compliments on appearance can be saved for when you've known her a long time. Instead make sure you compliment on her ability to do something well that is competency related. On another note, don't be condescending to the INTJ female. This neg hit method will only work against you as she will list all the things wrong with you and send out a mass email to all her friends if you start to act in a condescending manner towards her. Neg hits might work on NF women, but never on NT women.

Where do you draw the line on "shallow"? More pertinently; how should I admit my admiration of a girl's looks without being anachronistically ribald?

  Originally Posted by rain
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6. Don't be overtly touchy feely with her in public. PDA embarasses the INTJ female. Instead of acting grabby and uncouth, do little things that shows you're respectful of her personal space and also that you are protective of her: hand on her lower back- walking on the outside of the sidewalk with her on the inside, leading her in/out of doorways etc. Secondly, don't stare at other women and don't act flirtatious with others in front of her in a futile attempt to instigate jealousy in her. Instead of making her jealous, you will make her resentful and she will ignore you and give you the silent treatment and will act as if she doesn't know you when with others.

Good advice. No one wants to see someone else swapping saliva in public.

  Originally Posted by rain
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INTJ women also like direct, confrontational communicators who express any problems they may have.

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this would seem to violate rule 4, at first glance...

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Old 04-19-2010, 11:33 PM   #8
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This does not describe me at all. Sorry. And she sounds like a right pill to be around. I like to be a bit of a mystery so I won't bother to post my rules, I'd much rather you find out yourself.

Although I really do have to mention the handsy thing in public. It turns me on, but only if you're extremely clever and low key about it.
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Old 04-19-2010, 11:42 PM   #9
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I would not want to be with a man like that all. Nor is it how I like to be seduced. Maybe later I'll write up my own.
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Old 04-19-2010, 11:46 PM   #10
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The only one that is even close is #5. The rest can be summarized as "Be Boring" and that would not be a good approach with an INTJ female.
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Old 04-19-2010, 11:50 PM   #11
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To expand, I found some of these pieces of advice almost disrespectful to me as an independent being. I think this one is most illustrative:

 
6. Don't be overtly touchy feely with her in public. PDA embarasses the INTJ female. Instead of acting grabby and uncouth, do little things that shows you're respectful of her personal space and also that you are protective of her: hand on her lower back- walking on the outside of the sidewalk with her on the inside, leading her in/out of doorways etc

I'm not a fan of lots of PDA - but I also don't like men being protective of me. I don't need to be led around or protected from the scary curb. It would make me feel like a dog.

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Old 04-19-2010, 11:52 PM   #12
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Wow, I found this incredible refreshing to read. My God, maybe I've been looking for a woman with the same personality type all these years!
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Old 04-20-2010, 12:23 AM   #13
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Well, most of those make you risk being boring. From what I know #5 and the second part of #6 might work well. I don't know what #3 has to do with building attraction but being a good driver never hurts.
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Old 04-20-2010, 12:34 AM   #14
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  Originally Posted by rain
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s


2. Don't ever say "I don't know," "I haven't thought about it" and "It never occurred to me to do that" to the INTJ female. Always have an answer ready with 3 possible motivations and reasons why. INTJ women like men who have a very clear understanding of their own actions and motivations and who take responsibility for themselves in the way they interact with others.


4. Do not argue with the INTJ female. She likes lively discussions but if you start to insist you are always right and she is wrong, she'll look on you like a prey ready to be pounced on. Humor her instead if she has a contrary opinion to hers. Tickle her funny bone and make friendly bets.


Remember INTJ women like men whom they can show off to their friends, and who can act well amongst people they introduce you to.


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The above are points I don't agree with or have some caveat about.

1. I like men who can say 'I don't know.' No one knows everything; this shows humility. I do like men who take responsibility for their own actions.

2. Argue with me. Don't humor me if I have a contrary opinion. Debate me; humoring me means you don't take me and my ideas seriously. Of course if it is a minor point, it's fine to joke about it.

3. I don't care about showing a guy off to my friends. I do need to respect the guy I am with and I need to be proud of him on a personal level but this is a quiet kind of proud and not an external showy one. I do expect him to treat people with civility and care.

4. I find nothing wrong if the guy wants to be a bit protective. One of the guys I dated was not overly touchy-feely but would do things like guide me through a crowd with his hand on my back, offer his arm when we were walking, open car/ building doors, pull chairs out for me, walk on the side of the curb, etc. Very old school and very cool. But he wasn't an American.

True about the loyalty and devotion part re: INTJs. I've got your back if you've got mine.

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Old 04-20-2010, 01:04 AM   #15
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  Originally Posted by rain
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INTJ women are a specific breed of women who do not respond to overt male manipulation.

Agreed. We can easily see manipulation since it's an inherent trait of an INTJ.

 
They are also the type who prefer to seduce men as opposed to men seducing them.

Yes and no. We put out signals and if the guy isn't interested or is clueless, we wander off.

 
1. Be predictable and consistent. One thing INTJ women find immensely annoying are people who are unpredictable and like to change plans at the last minute.

Agreed! As long as he has an interesting mind, we don't need to be emotionally challenged.

 
2. Don't ever say "I don't know," "I haven't thought about it" and "It never occurred to me to do that" to the INTJ female. Always have an answer ready with 3 possible motivations and reasons why. INTJ women like men who have a very clear understanding of their own actions and motivations and who take responsibility for themselves in the way they interact with others.

Vehemently agree! We make decisions easily so have difficulty with wishy-washy people.

 
3. Be a good driver with an excellent sense of direction. There's nothing that irritates an INTJ woman more than a man she has to give directions to when they are attempting to go somewhere. Furthermore, pick her up on time.

Agreed.

 
4. Do not argue with the INTJ female. She likes lively discussions but if you start to insist you are always right and she is wrong, she'll look on you like a prey ready to be pounced on. Humor her instead if she has a contrary opinion to hers. Tickle her funny bone and make friendly bets.

It's okay to argue, just make sure you know what you're talking about. If all you bring to the table are feelings and opinions, she'll roll her eyes and level you.

 
5. Don't give her shallow compliments on her physical appearance. Compliments on appearance can be saved for when you've known her a long time. Instead make sure you compliment on her ability to do something well that is competency related.

Agree in concept although it's nice to hear the odd superficial compliment so we know you're physically attracted.

 
On another note, don't be condescending to the INTJ female. This neg hit method will only work against you as she will list all the things wrong with you and send out a mass email to all her friends if you start to act in a condescending manner towards her. Neg hits might work on NF women, but never on NT women.

I couldn't agree more!! Neg an INTJ woman and she'll wander off. Respect is very important.

 
6. Don't be overtly touchy feely with her in public. PDA embarasses the INTJ female. Instead of acting grabby and uncouth, do little things that shows you're respectful of her personal space and also that you are protective of her: hand on her lower back- walking on the outside of the sidewalk with her on the inside, leading her in/out of doorways etc.

Agreed again although hand holding and the odd arm around the shoulders can be nice. It's reliant on if the environment is conducive to a little more PDA. Don't put your arm around her shoulders if you're at the ballet or opera.

 
Secondly, don't stare at other women and don't act flirtatious with others in front of her in a futile attempt to instigate jealousy in her. Instead of making her jealous, you will make her resentful and she will ignore you and give you the silent treatment and will act as if she doesn't know you when with others.

Not only will it get you the silent treatment, she will probably withdraw and if it's repetitive behaviour, she'll wander off to find better pastures.

 
Remember INTJ women like men whom they can show off to their friends, and who can act well amongst people they introduce you to.

I disagree with the show-off portion but we do prefer men who are comfortable in any environment and know how to act in polite company.

 
They might appear cold and calculating, but underneath their ice princess persona, they are warm, loyal and devoted people who want the bring out the best in their mates. If you want to seduce an INTJ woman, simply let her seduce you by first winning her affections and being the polite, predictable, dependable, man she is looking for. This isn't to say being polite and dependable is the same as being a doormat- on the contrary, the INTJ woman likes the man who is outspoken and who can handle himself in a crowd full of rowdy men, not the nice guy who is meek and stays quiet when he knows he should speak up.

Agreed.

 
INTJ women also like direct, confrontational communicators who express any problems they may have. She doesn't like passive-aggressive communicators with whom she has to guess what the other person is thinking. Instead, if you show passive-aggressiveness, this will be similar to a tiger smelling blood, and she will pounce on your weakness and drag your ego through the mud.


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Agreed once again except I would remove the word "confrontational" with someone who's unafraid of confrontation but doesn't deliberately agitate for it aka drama queen.

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Old 04-20-2010, 01:08 AM   #16
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  Originally Posted by Distance
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Neg an INTJ woman and she'll wander off. Respect is very important.

Respect is important, but from this forum I've got a feeling INTJ women enjoy witty bantering and teasing as much as any other type.

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Old 04-20-2010, 01:21 AM   #17
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Ok so on second thoughts maybe it's a bit rude of me to trash the original post without contributing to the thread in a meaningful way. So here are some things I would like to see in a man I am dating....

Do, be yourself. Seriously don't hold back at all, I want to see you in all your glory from the get go. If you're the kind of guy who yells obscenities out the car window while you are driving I'd really like to find that out on the first date rather than the third.

Do, ask for directions if you are not a good navigator. I appreciate your self assessment and intelligence in outsourcing that function to someone more capable. Nothing is more frustrating to me than watching you fail at something while pretending you've got it covered. Especially if we spend 45mins circling the same block when I know a simple right hand turn will see us on course again. It's sexy when a man realises his own limitations and recognises capability in another. That's true maturity.

Do, be on time. It's nothing personal, I get pissed when the metro is running late too. I'm just a schedule kind of gal.

Do your research, if you're going to spar with me. Statements like "that's ridiculous\stupid" won't endear you to me. I don't care if you disagree with me as long as there's reasoning behind the disagreement.

Do talk about yourself. I don't take this to be selfish or a sign of disinterest in me. In fact I often encourage potential mates to just rabbit on for hours about themselves. It serves two useful purposes, firstly it takes the pressure of me and I can be my introverted self by listening rather than entertaining. Secondly I am taking mental notes of everything you say and will be checking those mental notes off in subsequent dates to test your consistency and integrity. You'll be amazed by what I remember and how many years I'll remember it for.

Do try not to..pick your nose, eat with your mouth open, or wipe dirty hands on your jeans. I'm always observing to see how my furniture might be treated if you move in, and how embarassed I may be if I introduce you to people I care about.
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Old 04-20-2010, 01:25 AM   #18
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  Originally Posted by Blse
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Respect is important, but from this forum I've got a feeling INTJ women enjoy witty bantering and teasing as much as any other type.

Yes we do but condescension and negging go too far. Give us a leading line to work with and we're more than happy to respond.

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Old 04-20-2010, 01:28 AM   #19
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  Originally Posted by Distance
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Yes we do but condescension and negging go too far. Give us a leading line to work with and we're more than happy to respond.

Sure, condescension is disrespectful. It's all contextual of course. Bantering is not recognized as such by the other person is rude. If you're both smiling and have that certain look in your eyes it's fun. If you every do take the teasing too far (as visible in the other person's reaction), just add a bit of reassurence. Don't apologize either, but say "well, you know what I really think... you're a pretty smart cookie." Maybe not those very words, but you get the point.

The intro threads on this forum are a prime example. Me and some other users teased newbies. Some saw this as malevolent hazing others found it fun and forum-friended us. Just goes to show you.

On the OP, come to think of it, INTJ women are much like women in general IMO (based on this forum since I yet have to meet an INTJ female IRL), just more assertive.

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Old 04-20-2010, 01:38 AM   #20
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  Originally Posted by Blse
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On the OP, come to think of it, INTJ women are much like women in general IMO (based on this forum since I yet have to meet an INTJ female IRL), just more assertive.

Sure, we're like other women but we do have a heightened sense of self therefore expect respect and won't put up with less. You see women of the "NF" varieties who are willing to put up with more crap, more drama, more negative behaviours.

An INTJ woman is more likely to see patterns of behaviour, assess it as not acceptable and walk away.

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Old 04-20-2010, 02:40 AM   #21
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Oh no Rain, I'm not falling for this again like with the ESTP thread...

  Originally Posted by rain
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6. Don't be overtly touchy feely with her in public.

I will address this one point though, since I was just holding a female INTJ's hand in the park a couple days ago near the tail end of a date. I initiated the first hand holding incident, but later she re-initiated it, so it must have been ok!

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Old 04-20-2010, 02:50 AM   #22
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  Originally Posted by rain
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since qGrav suggested, I wanted to share my observations:

INTJ women are a specific breed of women who do not respond to overt male manipulation. They are also the type who prefer to seduce men as opposed to men seducing them.

Hence, if you want to seduce the INTJ woman, just let her seduce you by doing the following:

So be an NT?


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Old 04-20-2010, 03:21 AM   #23
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I don't agree with much in the original post.

The most glaring is "Don't argue with" me?! If we're not going to get into spirited intellectual debates, why would I even look in your direction again?
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Old 04-20-2010, 03:39 AM   #24
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I like you already
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---------- Post added 04-20-2010 at 03:41 PM ----------

Do you think so? I find this to be very true of what I find attractive. Then again, I'm not really attracted to the ENFP males most INTJ girls are; I usually find them weak and at some point I do get sick of being the strong rational one all the time!
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Old 04-20-2010, 03:44 AM   #25
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Perhaps the title of the thread should be how to seduce this INTJ woman. One might even go so far as to say that the specific nature of each guideline reveals much about the author...Just a thought.
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