INTJ young women attracted to older men? - Page 2

**Moriarty** · 03-30-2008, 09:02 AM

Originally Posted by vaguely dissatisfied
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I agree with all of this, but I have found that the ability and inclination to ".....weigh and consider..." is largely within an individual from birth. These people who become wise from their life experiences are, for the most part, people who are mature as youths. They become more mature and wise as they age. Those individuals who are immature from birth tend to be the ones who "....disregard information that doesn't reinforce their black-and-white view of themselves, their beliefs, or their niche....."

There are exceptions, but I think they are few and far between.

Well, we mostly agree and will have to agree to disagree on the rest. I think people change a great deal as they grow, and I don't think it's uncommon to see the behavior of a senior and be unable to recognize or match that person to the behavior they may have displayed when young. That goes for thought processes, too.

Since I find the taste of irony delicious, I'll conclude by stating that those are my opinions and I'm not gonna change em no matter what.
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**vaguely dissatisfied** · 03-30-2008, 09:42 AM

Originally Posted by Moriarty
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Well, we mostly agree and will have to agree to disagree on the rest. I think people change a great deal as they grow, and I don't think it's uncommon to see the behavior of a senior and be unable to recognize or match that person to the behavior they may have displayed when young. That goes for thought processes, too.

Since I find the taste of irony delicious, I'll conclude by stating that those are my opinions and I'm not gonna change em no matter what.
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And you should stick to your guns. I do want to say though, that my own experience has been that a cranky, racist, misogynistic old man was probably a cranky, racist, misogynistic young man and a kind, dottering, simple old woman was probably a kind, dottering, simple young woman. I've seen a large amount of immaturity and ignorance across the generations.

**escapist11** · 03-30-2008, 12:30 PM

I'm 19, and allow me to say "EWW"
I would MUCH rather have someone my age.
About a year below and a year above, MAYBE MAYBE 2 years older,
but for the most part, would rather want someone my age.

**umop_3pisdn** · 03-30-2008, 01:58 PM

	Originally Posted by vaguely dissatisfied To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	And you should stick to your guns. I do want to say though, that my own experience has been that a cranky, racist, misogynistic old man was probably a cranky, racist, misogynistic young man and a kind, dottering, simple old woman was probably a kind, dottering, simple young woman. I've seen a large amount of immaturity and ignorance across the generations.

Yes, that is true, and I was trying to avoid this sort of response, because I don't disagree with it.

I just tend to think, on average, most people have to have their asses kicked by life a few times before they learn stuff like humility, and genuine charm or poise despite life's annoyances, and not taking one's self so seriously. And males especially so, as humility and such isn't exactly iconic of the male gender role. Things like tunnel vision and lacking a well formed personal identity seem more iconic to me.

There are people my age who have humility and such, but most of the time I get the impression this is because they've been kicked a few too many times by life, and kind of lack a sense of self-worth or something. And their humility isn't so much because they're secure in their place in the world, and more because they're looking for something to gain through it. I don't really find that all that attractive. I find a good balance of humility and self-respect is found more often in people older than myself. It's mostly about balance, and acting naturally, which I think generally takes people time to get the hang of. Breaking down all those egoistic barriers takes time. I've done alright with it despite my relative youth, but I haven't found that many people my age, IRL, in a similar situation.

Though don't get me wrong. If someone younger than myself came around with qualities like the above, I'd jump on that shit without a second thought. Youth + wisdom/perspective = mega hawt. It's almost kind of like magic, or somewhat otherworldly. From where exactly does it come from? It can seem almost bestowed upon them or something. Not only would they have to be quite smart, they would also have to have the right attitude, and probably life experiences that are conducive of this, as well. I tend not to expect it, it just strikes me as very rare.

**Sod** · 03-30-2008, 02:13 PM

You women just need to meet me
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I do not engage in any of the idiocy typical of young men, but I'm still young. (Sorry, couldn't resist!)

**ginandsour** · 03-31-2008, 01:48 AM

I'm not suggesting that younger men have the market cornered on stupidity and ignorance and they magically shed it as they age, but I do find myself attracted to particular qualities. I've noticed they tend to manifest in men who are older than I am.

**vaguely dissatisfied** · 03-31-2008, 04:03 AM

I'll add a little something else since I've got alot of experience with 'older' men. Often, these older men who appear to have matured well with the passing years have really just learned how to hide their immaturity better than when they were young.

After they've gotten what they want from that 'young thang', their true nature's rear their ugly heads (no pun intended).

**raconteur213** · 03-31-2008, 05:49 AM

	Originally Posted by vaguely dissatisfied To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I'll add a little something else since I've got alot of experience with 'older' men. Often, these older men who appear to have matured well with the passing years have really just learned how to hide their immaturity better than when they were young. After they've gotten what they want from that 'young thang', their true nature's rear their ugly heads (no pun intended).

I agree.
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Plus, it is more carefree and weightless. Nothing is more tiresome than two mates psychoanalyzing each other. Younger females seem to be content, just "being".

**vaguely dissatisfied** · 03-31-2008, 06:44 AM

	Originally Posted by raconteur213 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I agree. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Plus, it is more carefree and weightless. Nothing is more tiresome than two mates psychoanalyzing each other. Younger females seem to be content, just "being".

I think you'll get the psychoanalysis after a period of time with certain types regardless of age. However, there is definately a carefreeness that comes with youth. Perhaps that's what I've been missing with all these doddering old men.

mahamadeh88 · 03-14-2009, 10:20 AM

I am an INTJ as well, however I'm also a polyamorous, non-monogamous. thus no sexual preference, as long as I could find someone I trust, I can open up to (not yet found), I don't care what sex they are.

I agree as I seem to be very interested in the older figure, however going back in my head, people I'm attracted to -- usually crushes that never progress cause of my "weird" (almost stalker like behaviour) are the arrogant, quiet, very much an ass-hole, intelligent, very attractive type. come to think of it, I think I'm attracted to myself. sorry for the useless message.

**lambpox** · 03-14-2009, 04:38 PM

Is this thread made for me or something?! I'm 16 and friends often joke about how "(insert my name here) is attracted to old, silver-haired, skinny white men". hahah. I don't know why I have this odd attraction to older men, I guess I'm just attracted to intelligence more than anything; and like the above poster, the "asshole" type. Age/Intelligence > Immaturity, in my book.

**Trenchant1** · 03-14-2009, 05:31 PM

All you young women out there looking for an older man - Here I am. Come and get me. I look forward to meeting you all (or should that be y'all, given the high proportion of American people on here?). Anyway, I'm very much open to offers. I'm now 51 but I don't look a day over 48. I'm very mature and yet fun-loving. I'm erm... experienced, if you know what I mean. Tap tap nudge nudge wink wink. So, before you go wasting your passion on all those young fellows, come and waste it on me first. If only you lived around the corner from me. Sigh.

**Prunesquallor** · 03-14-2009, 05:38 PM

I don't like older men much. I find guys patronising enough without them thinking the whole "with age comes wisdom" proverb somehow means that they're smarter than me.

There can be exceptions to any rule, of course.

**Bobert** · 03-14-2009, 05:43 PM

	Originally Posted by Courtney To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I'm 19 and I find myself attracted to older men like guys in 30-40's.

WOOHOO!
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Sorry, girls, but I'm married. 18 years now. Got married when I was 19. But thanks for the ego boost.

Bobert added to this post, 3 minutes and 36 seconds later...

	Originally Posted by Prunesquallor To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I don't like older men much. I find guys patronising enough without them thinking the whole "with age comes wisdom" proverb somehow means that they're smarter than me. There can be exceptions to any rule, of course.

With age comes wisdom, not necessarily intelligence. Trust me there are a lot of dumb people at all ages.
I prefer a variation of the phrase to be, "with experience comes wisdom" as more appropriate.

**azelismia** · 03-14-2009, 05:59 PM

I never liked older men. I just don't see how it could ever work over hte long term and here's a basic inequality that is inherent in that sort of pairing. I've always found equality to be very important.

**Prunesquallor** · 03-14-2009, 06:03 PM

	Originally Posted by Bobert To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	With age comes wisdom, not necessarily intelligence. Trust me there are a lot of dumb people at all ages. I prefer a variation of the phrase to be, "with experience comes wisdom" as more appropriate.

I believe you; I've met a lot of older men who were frikkin' morons. (And, of course, really patronising)

Experience, however, is not always enough, or the only way. Frankly, I'd much rather learn from other people's mistakes than my own...I'm sure it's lovely and all, but I don't like to idolise it. Intelligence is better.

**Feral** · 03-15-2009, 06:19 AM

I've always been that way. I've only ever had one relationship with someone who was even close to my age.
I am usually most interested in guys about 6 or 7 years older than myself.

**MaleVolentworld** · 03-15-2009, 07:05 AM

Ok I just thought you read The Sunday Telegraph until I realised you have it the other way around.

There is an article about older women dating younger men, one woman in her early 40s was dating a man in his early 20s, who approached her with a chat up line as off putting as "Do you want to come back to my place?". Apparently then, women love this stuff, whereas I find it bizarre, unless he said it jokingly.

Feral do you want to come back to mine?

**Kisai** · 03-15-2009, 11:03 AM

Originally Posted by Courtney
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I'm 19 and I find myself attracted to older men like guys in 30-40's. I think it's because they're more mature and interesting. And I keep having these annoying crushes on my American Literature and Philosophy professors. I know we INTJ are an especially lonely type of people but I'm so weirded out by myself sometimes,so is there any other young women on this board who feel the same? or even young INTJ guys that are attracted to older women?

*sigh* I just saw the House episodes where Leighton Meester stalks House...

I wanna make me a Hugh Laurie- Leighton Meester sandwich...

**Squirelznflight** · 03-15-2009, 04:00 PM

	Originally Posted by Bobert To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I prefer a variation of the phrase to be, "with experience comes wisdom" as more appropriate.

I agree with the further modification "with experience and an open mind comes wisdom".

**Brittle** · 03-15-2009, 08:31 PM

I've always been attracted to the older man, perhaps part of that was because I've never wanted children and this was less of an issue with older guys. I also found - in general - that their interests were a little more mature than the guys who were my age. They were past all the testosterone fuelled partying with the boys and you could have an intelligent coversation with them.

That said, I'm not one to pigeon-hole anyone and subsequently have ended up with a very wonderful man 2 years my junior! He is smart and funny and rocks my world
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**Cocoa** · 03-16-2009, 06:25 PM

On average I tend to be attracted to men about 5 years older then myself.

Then again, I have discovered this year that age doesn't really matter that much and that I would definitely consider someone younger. My professors for Social History said that in the 18th century men preferred to marry older women, so what does that tell you? :P

I do have some restrictions on age, for example, unlike Madonna, I wouldn't touch an 18 year old with a 10 foot pole. So it really depends. However, a few years forward and a few years back, I don't see a problem at all either way. Even if my friends say "eww, but he's like 5 years younger!" I'll say.... and?
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**Stratego** · 03-16-2009, 07:24 PM

Hi everybody--

I'm just jumping in here and have failed to read the majority of the posts---forgive me please, but I have quite an interest in this topic because of personal experience and wanted to add to the discussion while my thoughts are fresh. If I repeat anything that anyone has said, please forgive me for that too.

First of all, my advice:

You're better off with someone closer to your own age. It's different if the age difference is a mere 5 years or so, (either way, because let's not forget that sometimes young men like older women) but anything approaching 10 years or more really isn't a good idea.

19...man...to be that age again knowing what I know now...

Look--your attraction seems exciting now but you've got your whole life ahead of you. Ask yourself why you're attracted to older men and be honest with yourself. As an INTJ (and therefore probabaly a whole hell of lot smarter than 90% of the population) naturally you're attracted to a man that has the charisma and charm and maturity that is very appealing to your refined understanding---but there is an imbalance of power if this type of relationship that's very hard to overcome--don't put yourself in that position.

I fell deeply and stupidly in love with my English professor. I was 23 and he was 46. He was very attractive physically, not in the conventional way but in the way that appealed to me. He was also as thrilling and exciting as the villian Moriarty. He had the most amazing mind, sharp as a shard of glass, but he played me so well I wasn't aware of it until later on. Smart as I thought I was, I was totally under his sway and didn't realize what he really thought of me. He wanted my attention because it stroked his ego, but he never thought that I was serious prospect. It hurt pretty bad when I realized that...

And usually these men are married--so don't even go there. It's not worth it.

Find someone closer to your own age. They're out there, just start looking.

**Maybe to Dream** · 03-17-2009, 01:34 PM

I set a personal rule of never being with a guy younger than two years older than me when I was younger-but interestingly enough I never set a limit on how much older. So for whatever reason even though I'm not even 20 I've said before that if I was in love I would marry someone whose in their 50s now and wouldn't blink.

I personally think that it has everything to do with the fact that maturity is something alot of young guys haven't developed enough as people for me to really look closely. Too many are too concerned with the "here and now" and not at all about intelligent things so it is always easier to just converse with someone older. Mental stimulation can lead to other forms of attraction I think.

**Jesseh** · 03-17-2009, 08:57 PM

I have a thing for Stephen Colbert and Robert Downey Jr. It sickens me. ALthough lately I've been crushing on Matthew Gray Gubler (his character Dr. Reid is on Criminal minds, I really just like the character...but his looks don't hurt). I think it's a step in the right direction, finally finding a 20 something year old attractive. Then again on the show he has an IQ of 186, is socially awkward and is a criminologist. (*sighs longingly* Where is my Dr. Reid?)

03-30-2008, 12:30 PM	#28
escapist11 Member [30%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 1,214	I'm 19, and allow me to say "EWW" I would MUCH rather have someone my age. About a year below and a year above, MAYBE MAYBE 2 years older, but for the most part, would rather want someone my age.
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03-30-2008, 02:13 PM	#30
Sod Member [02%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 94	You women just need to meet me To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. I do not engage in any of the idiocy typical of young men, but I'm still young. (Sorry, couldn't resist!)
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03-31-2008, 01:48 AM	#31
ginandsour Member [02%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 107	I'm not suggesting that younger men have the market cornered on stupidity and ignorance and they magically shed it as they age, but I do find myself attracted to particular qualities. I've noticed they tend to manifest in men who are older than I am.
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03-31-2008, 04:03 AM	#32
vaguely dissatisfied Member [38%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 1,540	I'll add a little something else since I've got alot of experience with 'older' men. Often, these older men who appear to have matured well with the passing years have really just learned how to hide their immaturity better than when they were young. After they've gotten what they want from that 'young thang', their true nature's rear their ugly heads (no pun intended).
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03-14-2009, 10:20 AM	#35
mahamadeh88 New Member [01%] MBTI: xxxx Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 2	I am an INTJ as well, however I'm also a polyamorous, non-monogamous. thus no sexual preference, as long as I could find someone I trust, I can open up to (not yet found), I don't care what sex they are. I agree as I seem to be very interested in the older figure, however going back in my head, people I'm attracted to -- usually crushes that never progress cause of my "weird" (almost stalker like behaviour) are the arrogant, quiet, very much an ass-hole, intelligent, very attractive type. come to think of it, I think I'm attracted to myself. sorry for the useless message.
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03-14-2009, 04:38 PM	#36
lambpox Member [12%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 511	Is this thread made for me or something?! I'm 16 and friends often joke about how "(insert my name here) is attracted to old, silver-haired, skinny white men". hahah. I don't know why I have this odd attraction to older men, I guess I'm just attracted to intelligence more than anything; and like the above poster, the "asshole" type. Age/Intelligence > Immaturity, in my book.
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03-14-2009, 05:31 PM	#37
Trenchant1 Member [31%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 1,266	All you young women out there looking for an older man - Here I am. Come and get me. I look forward to meeting you all (or should that be y'all, given the high proportion of American people on here?). Anyway, I'm very much open to offers. I'm now 51 but I don't look a day over 48. I'm very mature and yet fun-loving. I'm erm... experienced, if you know what I mean. Tap tap nudge nudge wink wink. So, before you go wasting your passion on all those young fellows, come and waste it on me first. If only you lived around the corner from me. Sigh.
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03-14-2009, 05:38 PM	#38
Prunesquallor Veteran Member [66%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 2,647	I don't like older men much. I find guys patronising enough without them thinking the whole "with age comes wisdom" proverb somehow means that they're smarter than me. There can be exceptions to any rule, of course.
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03-14-2009, 05:59 PM	#40
azelismia Core Member [166%] MBTI: INTj Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 6,657	I never liked older men. I just don't see how it could ever work over hte long term and here's a basic inequality that is inherent in that sort of pairing. I've always found equality to be very important.
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03-15-2009, 06:19 AM	#42
Feral Veteran Member [59%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 2,375	I've always been that way. I've only ever had one relationship with someone who was even close to my age. I am usually most interested in guys about 6 or 7 years older than myself.
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03-15-2009, 07:05 AM	#43
MaleVolentworld Member [23%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 944	Ok I just thought you read The Sunday Telegraph until I realised you have it the other way around. There is an article about older women dating younger men, one woman in her early 40s was dating a man in his early 20s, who approached her with a chat up line as off putting as "Do you want to come back to my place?". Apparently then, women love this stuff, whereas I find it bizarre, unless he said it jokingly. Feral do you want to come back to mine?
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03-15-2009, 08:31 PM	#46
Brittle Member [23%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 958	I've always been attracted to the older man, perhaps part of that was because I've never wanted children and this was less of an issue with older guys. I also found - in general - that their interests were a little more mature than the guys who were my age. They were past all the testosterone fuelled partying with the boys and you could have an intelligent coversation with them. That said, I'm not one to pigeon-hole anyone and subsequently have ended up with a very wonderful man 2 years my junior! He is smart and funny and rocks my world To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
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03-16-2009, 06:25 PM	#47
Cocoa Member [30%] MBTI: INTj Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 1,238	On average I tend to be attracted to men about 5 years older then myself. Then again, I have discovered this year that age doesn't really matter that much and that I would definitely consider someone younger. My professors for Social History said that in the 18th century men preferred to marry older women, so what does that tell you? :P I do have some restrictions on age, for example, unlike Madonna, I wouldn't touch an 18 year old with a 10 foot pole. So it really depends. However, a few years forward and a few years back, I don't see a problem at all either way. Even if my friends say "eww, but he's like 5 years younger!" I'll say.... and? To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
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03-16-2009, 07:24 PM	#48
Stratego Veteran Member [57%] MBTI: InTJ Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 2,283	Hi everybody-- I'm just jumping in here and have failed to read the majority of the posts---forgive me please, but I have quite an interest in this topic because of personal experience and wanted to add to the discussion while my thoughts are fresh. If I repeat anything that anyone has said, please forgive me for that too. First of all, my advice: You're better off with someone closer to your own age. It's different if the age difference is a mere 5 years or so, (either way, because let's not forget that sometimes young men like older women) but anything approaching 10 years or more really isn't a good idea. 19...man...to be that age again knowing what I know now... Look--your attraction seems exciting now but you've got your whole life ahead of you. Ask yourself why you're attracted to older men and be honest with yourself. As an INTJ (and therefore probabaly a whole hell of lot smarter than 90% of the population) naturally you're attracted to a man that has the charisma and charm and maturity that is very appealing to your refined understanding---but there is an imbalance of power if this type of relationship that's very hard to overcome--don't put yourself in that position. I fell deeply and stupidly in love with my English professor. I was 23 and he was 46. He was very attractive physically, not in the conventional way but in the way that appealed to me. He was also as thrilling and exciting as the villian Moriarty. He had the most amazing mind, sharp as a shard of glass, but he played me so well I wasn't aware of it until later on. Smart as I thought I was, I was totally under his sway and didn't realize what he really thought of me. He wanted my attention because it stroked his ego, but he never thought that I was serious prospect. It hurt pretty bad when I realized that... And usually these men are married--so don't even go there. It's not worth it. Find someone closer to your own age. They're out there, just start looking. Last edited by Stratego; 03-17-2009 at 08:43 AM. Reason: typo redux
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03-17-2009, 01:34 PM	#49
Maybe to Dream Member [07%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 303	I set a personal rule of never being with a guy younger than two years older than me when I was younger-but interestingly enough I never set a limit on how much older. So for whatever reason even though I'm not even 20 I've said before that if I was in love I would marry someone whose in their 50s now and wouldn't blink. I personally think that it has everything to do with the fact that maturity is something alot of young guys haven't developed enough as people for me to really look closely. Too many are too concerned with the "here and now" and not at all about intelligent things so it is always easier to just converse with someone older. Mental stimulation can lead to other forms of attraction I think.
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03-17-2009, 08:57 PM	#50
Jesseh Member [30%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 1,235	I have a thing for Stephen Colbert and Robert Downey Jr. It sickens me. ALthough lately I've been crushing on Matthew Gray Gubler (his character Dr. Reid is on Criminal minds, I really just like the character...but his looks don't hurt). I think it's a step in the right direction, finally finding a 20 something year old attractive. Then again on the show he has an IQ of 186, is socially awkward and is a criminologist. (sighs longingly Where is my Dr. Reid?)
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