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INTJ + ESTJ intj and estj
Old 04-18-2010, 02:00 AM   #1
Synkor
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So I just recently started dating this girl who I have known on and off for a couple years. Before we got into the serious relationship were in now, we were having a lot of fun together, the sex was pretty good and I felt pretty optimistic about us. We have been dating for about six months now and I find myself completely bored and have lost a lot of interest. The thing is this girl is very nice, good looking and when I think about it logically shes a good pick. I just dont feel the passion there, and when shes talking to me I find myself thinking, "and the point of this story is .....?" She just seems overly simple, boring, and predictiable yet very solid, loyal with a kind heart. Am I just attracted to bitchy girls who present me a challenge, and when I find a nice one like this I cast her aside and look for the next one to screw me over? Ha, there is much more to this I know, but those are the basics.

Discuss compatability between INTJ + ESTJ
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Old 04-18-2010, 02:10 AM   #2
random
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I kind of like women who present me with a challenge as well.
Till now,I have interacted with one who did pose a veritable challenge to my argumentative and logical faculties.It was fun arguing with her.Maybe she was an ESTP.But then again,this is just a guess.Although,I don't think we would hit it off romantically.I found her a little domineering.
And yes,even I get bored easily with people who are "not my type".My guess is INTJ and ESTJ may not really be such a hot couple.I hang out with a couple of ESTJ guys and their topics of conversation bore me to tears.I hardly have anything to contribute to their discussions.And the feeling is generally "yucky" when I am around them.
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Old 04-18-2010, 02:17 AM   #3
Ben1220
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ugh... keep them away from me...

  Originally Posted by random
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I hang out with a couple of ESTJ guys and their topics of conversation bore me to tears.I hardly have anything to contribute to their discussions.And the feeling is generally "yucky" when I am around them.

I could have said this word for word!

Many ESTJs I know have a very very different way of looking at the world and it often seems rather superficial and empty. I'm sure there are plenty of wonderful and interesting ESTJs though, I just haven't been fortunate enough to meet many of them...

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Old 04-18-2010, 02:20 AM   #4
Blse
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You don't want her? Give me her number.

On a serious note, think about this carefully. Think long-term. Trust your brain over your gut.
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Old 04-18-2010, 04:19 AM   #5
random
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  Originally Posted by Ben1220
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ugh... keep them away from me...



I could have said this word for word!

Many ESTJs I know have a very very different way of looking at the world and it often seems rather superficial and empty. I'm sure there are plenty of wonderful and interesting ESTJs though, I just haven't been fortunate enough to meet many of them...

I think no matter how wonderful ESTJs maybe,when an INTJ becomes a part of a group of ESTJs,he is going to have a hard time interacting with them.

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I wish there were more INTJs in this world.Or more appropriately,more people who INTJs would find easier to relate to.

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Old 04-18-2010, 08:28 AM   #6
Synkor
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  Originally Posted by Ben1220
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ugh... keep them away from me...



I could have said this word for word!

Many ESTJs I know have a very very different way of looking at the world and it often seems rather superficial and empty. I'm sure there are plenty of wonderful and interesting ESTJs though, I just haven't been fortunate enough to meet many of them...

Yeah it seems anything I bring up that is deep or about the bigger picture, she just doesn't understand where I am coming from. This is a persistent problem I have with most women, usually I don't give 95% of girls I meet the time of day. The area I live in is struck with poverty and uneducated people, not trying to sound full of myself but I find my self shaking my head in disappointment more so then nodding with approval in most human to human interactions. This forum feels refreshing to know people actually use their brains somewhere in this world lol. Maybe I just need some more time to warm up to her, but then again I feel like conversation is lacking , like we are a married couple of fifty years.

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Old 04-19-2010, 12:04 AM   #7
Dasein
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ahh. that is a problem that only will get worse, with time not better.
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Old 04-19-2010, 07:00 AM   #8
Jeremy
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  Originally Posted by Synkor
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Discuss compatability between INTJ + ESTJ


I dated an SJ girl once. Like yours, she paid attention to her looks and knew how to squirm in the backseat. But also, like yours, there was no intellectual chemistry between us. I wouldn't say she was stupid because she actually did well in school and was good at her job. But her entire world was watching sports, driving around her little hot rod, and looking good - and she really couldn't talk about anything else. Bored the hell out of me.

Meanwhile, she found me too reserved, cold and abstract.

We lasted three months.
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Old 04-19-2010, 08:27 PM   #9
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I actually rather enjoy intellectual conversations, but in my experience usually 1 of 2 things happen:

- The conversation never gets started.
- The conversation gets too heated and emotions start flying.

It seems that you INTJs enjoy debating and discussing all sorts of interesting things, but you also have to understand that when most people would be offended by talking politics, religion, or any other deeper issue, ESTJs aren't going to want to jump in head first.

I don't know that I'd be able to pick a topic out of thin air to discuss at length, but if a discussion point is presented to me, it would make it a lot easier to participate. It's not that we aren't capable of having an intelligent conversation, it's just not something we are used to so it may take a few tries.
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Old 04-20-2010, 01:10 AM   #10
sircockburn
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  Originally Posted by Synkor
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Yeah it seems anything I bring up that is deep or about the bigger picture, she just doesn't understand where I am coming from. This is a persistent problem I have with most women, usually I don't give 95% of girls I meet the time of day. The area I live in is struck with poverty and uneducated people, not trying to sound full of myself but I find my self shaking my head in disappointment more so then nodding with approval in most human to human interactions. This forum feels refreshing to know people actually use their brains somewhere in this world lol. Maybe I just need some more time to warm up to her, but then again I feel like conversation is lacking , like we are a married couple of fifty years.

Is there a way you can get out of that area? Because unfortunately, even if people are born with qualities that should set them apart from others, if they've spent most of their life in one place, chances are they'll be shaped by the environment.

Are you sure she's an ESTJ though? Because if she is, I'd think you'd have other kinds of problems, like her barking at YOU to get to the point. She could very well be a Sensor, which would lend her a view of life at an angle foreign to you.

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Old 04-20-2010, 04:12 AM   #11
Synkor
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  Originally Posted by sircockburn
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Is there a way you can get out of that area? Because unfortunately, even if people are born with qualities that should set them apart from others, if they've spent most of their life in one place, chances are they'll be shaped by the environment.

Are you sure she's an ESTJ though? Because if she is, I'd think you'd have other kinds of problems, like her barking at YOU to get to the point. She could very well be a Sensor, which would lend her a view of life at an angle foreign to you.

Yeah I'm a junior in college right now and as soon as I get my degree, I plan to move somehwere near the ocean. It is just a matter of time, most of my friends are still using/selling drugs, dead or in jail. I just lost my best friend to a heroin overdose back in November. Smart kid too, but we decided to take different life paths about two years ago.

Im pretty sure she is a ESTJ, she took the test in one of her career exploration classes awhile back. I read the XSXX and XNXX usually have a problem communicating with each other. I also grew up in a rough area and she grew up in a very strict, wealthy home. I feel much older then her mentally.

---------- Post added 04-20-2010 at 04:22 AM ----------

  Originally Posted by Jeremy
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I dated an SJ girl once. Like yours, she paid attention to her looks and knew how to squirm in the backseat. But also, like yours, there was no intellectual chemistry between us. I wouldn't say she was stupid because she actually did well in school and was good at her job. But her entire world was watching sports, driving around her little hot rod, and looking good - and she really couldn't talk about anything else. Bored the hell out of me.

Meanwhile, she found me too reserved, cold and abstract.

We lasted three months.
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Her major is in fashion too, lol goes with the "superficial" tags I keep seeing. She bores me with talk of new designs she has thaught about , or how the fashion show she attended was "totally awesome" ...like totally OMG!...lol, I don't think this correlates to personality types though , how many guys like to talk fashion with their girlfriends?

I will say though she is extremely physically attractive but I'm coming to the realization that it is nothing beyond that as time progresses.
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Old 04-20-2010, 04:39 AM   #12
INTJDownUnder
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  Originally Posted by Synkor
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So I just recently started dating this girl who I have known on and off for a couple years. Before we got into the serious relationship were in now, we were having a lot of fun together, the sex was pretty good and I felt pretty optimistic about us. We have been dating for about six months now and I find myself completely bored and have lost a lot of interest. The thing is this girl is very nice, good looking and when I think about it logically shes a good pick. I just dont feel the passion there, and when shes talking to me I find myself thinking, "and the point of this story is .....?" She just seems overly simple, boring, and predictiable yet very solid, loyal with a kind heart. Am I just attracted to bitchy girls who present me a challenge, and when I find a nice one like this I cast her aside and look for the next one to screw me over? Ha, there is much more to this I know, but those are the basics.

Discuss compatability between INTJ + ESTJ

Why so sure that it's the girl that is lacking something here?

How do you know this isn't just you and your own emotional baggage (which we all have)?

I'm not saying you should be with someone who you are not happy with. But it makes me wonder when you've been in a "fun" relationship which you felt "optimistic" about for 6 months and all of a sudden you feel a loss of interest.

If it was an (adverse) INTJ/ESTJ thing, you wouldn't have lasted 6 months. You'd have both looked at one another and thought "He/she's nice, but not really for me" and moved on. You'd never have thought the relationship was fun or felt optimistic about it.

I think there is something else at play here.

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Old 04-21-2010, 12:20 AM   #13
cmrain
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I had a similar experience with a girl who I found simple, boring, predictable, but with a huge kind heart. Dated her about four months, then broke up. It just wasn't enough to build the strong emotional connection needed for a passionate, exciting relationship. I fear lack of intelligence was a big player in that one too. In short, just not the right match. Didn't know her type unfortunately, but would guess guardian.

OTOH, I dated a confirmed ESTJ. Passionate, highly intelligent,fun, loyal, dependable, great sex. Can't say enough good things about her as a person overall. She did get me and could relate well intellectually. Really depends on the girl more than the type for me.
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Old 04-21-2010, 01:00 AM   #14
rain
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Here's a suggestion: perhaps you should develop a sense for her appreciation of fashion and she could also develop an appreciation of something you care to discuss with her?

It seems like you fancy her, but that there's just something about her in which there is no psychological chemistry.
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Old 04-22-2010, 03:12 AM   #15
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It does not sound so much like your types are the problem in this relationship so much as the lack of interest in what she is really passionate about. I know I would not like to hear about fashion myself. One of my best friends is an ESTJ and is very intellectually interesting and goes to me when he needs help analyzing problems.
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