INFP Ebb and Flow - Page 5

**Allen3373** · 05-12-2010, 10:49 PM

Thought you all might find this funny..

I just had to email my INFP's roommate who is currently in Bolivia to ask her their street address... because when I asked my girlfriend for her address to 'send her a postcard', I got a PO box in response! LOL

**ms infp** · 05-13-2010, 01:39 AM

	Originally Posted by Allen3373 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Thought you all might find this funny.. I just had to email my INFP's roommate who is currently in Bolivia to ask her their street address... because when I asked my girlfriend for her address to 'send her a postcard', I got a PO box in response! LOL

LOL!! Yeah, flowers might not look so good after they've been crumpled up in a tiny little box!

The roommate won't tell your girlfriend what you're up to, right?
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**Allen3373** · 05-13-2010, 01:42 AM

I told her that I knew how girls were, and that she better not say anything to her!!!! LOL.

**SereCompostela** · 05-13-2010, 06:00 PM

4 weeks! One whole month... wow!!

Yeah, keeping in touch is going to be a MUST! No doubt!
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I hope you made her friend PROMISE not to say anything! But even so, if she squeals, I don't think it would diminish the excitement for your INFP. It'd make her look forward to see when you were going to send them, if you sent them already, or when she was going to receive them. You'd still have the secret
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**Allen3373** · 05-14-2010, 01:10 PM

Yeah, she said she wouldn't say anything. And 4 weeks is a long time!!!! I will definitely stay in touch.

On a side note, I'm currently in Reykjavik, Iceland, grounded until tomorrow lol.

Good times.

**SereCompostela** · 05-16-2010, 10:48 PM

Thanks for the update on your travels!
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How'd you end up in Iceland on your way to London?

**Allen3373** · 05-20-2010, 08:14 AM

We flew Iceland air LOL!!! It was like 400 dollars cheaper than everyone else. We were in London for a couple of days, and now we're in Ireland. We will be here until Monday, and then we will be visiting friends in England for a week and a half or so.

**wotsamattaU** · 05-20-2010, 12:30 PM

How is it going with keeping in contact with your INFP?

**LadyInHeels** · 05-21-2010, 01:06 PM

I have a question

INFPS: do they usually like to be touched?

just wondering what sort of approach I should take with someone I'm interested in....

**JTG** · 05-21-2010, 01:13 PM

My INFP isn't very physically driven. She likes to touch/be touched if she feels comfortable with the person touching, but too much is overbearing and will make her withdraw.

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Check out the link. I think your INFP's love language will influence how much he or she likes to be touched (or complimented, or served, etc)

However, i don't think speaking their love language will be enough to guarantee real closeness. It can't hurt, especially when you're trying to build attraction between you, but i think INFPs need to feel connected, safe, trusted, and needed. It can be difficult for an INTJ to establish an emotional connection, but showing yourself as dependable and trustworthy with an INFP's heart is really the best way to establish a strong bond.

**ms infp** · 05-21-2010, 06:47 PM

	Originally Posted by LadyInHeels To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I have a question INFPS: do they usually like to be touched? just wondering what sort of approach I should take with someone I'm interested in....

It all depends on the relationship for me. I'm only affectionate with my children, with whom I hug and snuggle and hold hands every chance I get, and with an SO, when I have one. For those special people, I'm extremely affectionate. Anyone else, I do not like to be touched. Hugging feels weird and false most of the time, and I have a "space bubble" I don't like to have invaded.

I went on a date a few nights ago, and I was on edge because I knew we weren't compatible and I wasn't into him (and yet, there I was). When he would walk past me, he would kind of touch my sides. I positively recoiled. Then, as we were driving back from the date, he touched my knee a couple times. It was everything I could do to keep from yelling at him.

Lady, you might want to make a new thread for this topic. There are probably quite a few people who are not watching this one anymore, including some INFPs!
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---------- Post added 05-21-2010 at 08:51 PM ----------

	Originally Posted by JTG To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	However, i don't think speaking their love language will be enough to guarantee real closeness. It can't hurt, especially when you're trying to build attraction between you, but i think INFPs need to feel connected, safe, trusted, and needed.

Agreed. The key, imo, is to show the INFP that you won't bail on them when they show you their eccentric side.
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**katrin** · 05-22-2010, 05:58 AM

	Originally Posted by LadyInHeels To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I have a question INFPS: do they usually like to be touched? just wondering what sort of approach I should take with someone I'm interested in....

I don't like to be touched unless it's an SO and we are in the relationship. I once had a guy drive me home and we got out of the car to say goodbye. I wasn't into him and didn't want the kiss, but he kept edging closer as we leaned against the car. It was almost like a silly cartoon where we were just going around and around the car...
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Okay I'm exaggerating but that's how it felt.

Another time, with a different SO, it started to rain and we had only my SO's umbrella. He handed me the umbrella--a big, heavy golf umbrella--to hold over both of us. This was difficult because it was heavy and since I'm only 5' 7" and he was about 6' 3", I had to hold it up really high to get it over both our heads. Then he proceeded to wrap both arms around me as we were walking down the street. I felt so suffocated that I just decided I wanted to break up then and there. He and I weren't esp. compatible and that was the last straw!

So my advice to you is be careful and use touch sparingly. As pretty as you are, I'd think just about any potential SOs would love to receive interest from you, so it's just a matter of being sensitive as possible to the reactions received by your preliminary moves and to proceed accordingly so as not to frighten the person. They may be intimidated by your appearance.

**dontmesswithme** · 05-22-2010, 08:39 AM

@LadyInHeels
If a man I wasn't interested in touched me it would make me feel uncomfortable. I wouldn't get mad unless he kept doing it, especially if he's married. This happened to me this past winter with a married man I was working with. He rubbed my shoulders a couple of times. It was really pissing me off so I walked away rather coldly. That's very out of character for me and he knew that. The next time I saw him there was no more shoulder rubbing and he was much more professional. And I wasn't pissed off any more and things are fine now!

If the man I'm interested in were to touch me................I would never stop smiling.

**LadyInHeels** · 05-22-2010, 03:31 PM

Great advice everyone!

I think INTJ's and INFP's are pretty similar when it comes to touch preference- I completely identify with what JTG, Katrin, dontmesswithme, ms infp said. Touching is pretty much only for the select few that we REALLY like.

I will definitely keep the touching on the DL, until further confirmation
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Thanks guys!

**Calica** · 05-23-2010, 04:25 AM

I agree, I mostly recoil from touch unless I feel like touching them myself. It`s kind of ironic, since among the love languages, touch came first for me. And I guess it does, just with the right person. An ENTP friend of mine is the same, he visibly recoils when someone unexpectedly touches him, but he`s really touchy feely when he initiates it.

**wotsamattaU** · 05-23-2010, 01:43 PM

LadyinHeels - get inside his personal bubble a little and see how he reacts. Stand a little too close for a few moments. Does he take a step back, or does he accept it? Test this on a few different days.

If he consistently is okay with your being within the
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then he will likely be fine accepting a gentle touch on the arm or shoulder in conversation.

By placing yourself so near to him, this also will create strong chemistry/sexual tension. Being so close and yet so far may very well amp up the attraction you two have going.

Sometimes suppressing an impulse (to touch the person you want) while being within the intimate zone is actually hotter.

Suppression + short 'dips' in to the intimate zone = RAWR

**Allen3373** · 05-25-2010, 04:07 AM

	Originally Posted by wotsamattaU To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	How is it going with keeping in contact with your INFP?

Wow! Ireland was a lot of fun! Not a lot of internet access though...

It's going okay. Like I just said, haven't been about to email her but two times not, and I called her once. We were only able to talk about 10 minutes before my phone ran out of credit though.

Emailed her right at the beginning of the trip, just not, and the phone call was about 5 days ago.

Gonna send her the flowers this saturday I think. That'll pretty much be halfway through the trip.

**wotsamattaU** · 05-25-2010, 01:56 PM

You had mentioned earlier about having a friend send a letter you had written while you were still at home - did you decide to do it?

re: flowers Just tossing a couple suggestions/options out there - something which flowers in the countries are you are visiting. This is something a local florist could put together for you. (examples: Snapdragons, Foxglove, Holly hocks, bells of Ireland, roses, etc.)

Another option would be to have a friend who goes to Menards, Home Depot, Lowes or the like to pick up a pot of blooming heather in the Garden section. It could be placed in a Gift bag and deposited at her door...perhaps with your letter tucked inside.

Don't forget to pick up a note or post card or two for her. :-)

**Allen3373** · 05-26-2010, 01:13 AM

No, I wasn't able to do the letter thing. I really wanted to. I was scrambling to get everything done before we left, and then I planned on doing it at the airport and sending it off, but our flight was bumped forward 2 hours and we barely made it, so I wasn't about to then either :-(

**ms infp** · 05-26-2010, 03:12 AM

	Originally Posted by Allen3373 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	No, I wasn't able to do the letter thing. I really wanted to. I was scrambling to get everything done before we left, and then I planned on doing it at the airport and sending it off, but our flight was bumped forward 2 hours and we barely made it, so I wasn't about to then either :-(

I think you're doing great - don't worry 'bout it!
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**SereCompostela** · 05-26-2010, 10:12 AM

Originally Posted by Allen3373
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Wow! Ireland was a lot of fun! Not a lot of internet access though...

It's going okay. Like I just said, haven't been about to email her but two times not, and I called her once. We were only able to talk about 10 minutes before my phone ran out of credit though.

Emailed her right at the beginning of the trip, just not, and the phone call was about 5 days ago.

Gonna send her the flowers this saturday I think. That'll pretty much be halfway through the trip.

Don't worry - You're doing great already! We all can vouch for that!
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Just wondering though: Her friend still hasn't said anything to her about the flowers, right?
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**Allen3373** · 05-27-2010, 02:28 AM

	Originally Posted by SereCompostela To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Don't worry - You're doing great already! We all can vouch for that! To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Just wondering though: Her friend still hasn't said anything to her about the flowers, right? To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

I appreciate the support of you all :-)

As far as I know, no. She told me that she wouldn't want to ruin a surprise

**Riela** · 05-27-2010, 10:39 PM

Just dropping in to let you know you are doing wonderfully. I have very much respect and admiration for how you have so far been conducting your relationship. *Pats Allen on the back*

As for the gift, don't sweat it. Really. As has been said, the fact that you were considerate enough to get her something you thought she might enjoy will make her quite content, I should think.

Hope you're enjoying your trip!

**Allen3373** · 06-14-2010, 10:40 PM

So, had an interesting conversation tonight with my INFP. We were talking about marriage. Both of us are religious, so we see marriage as the point of dating (eventually).

She actually admitted to me, 'to be completely honest, I am afraid of marriage'. On one hand I am a bit relieved that she feels comfortable enough and is honest enough to admit that to me, but it's sort of a strange thing to hear from someone you are dating with the intention of that might happened.

Is that a common thing with INFPs? Not just with marriage, but just commitment in general?

---------- Post added 06-14-2010 at 10:47 PM ----------

Also, forgot to mention that she later explained that she is essentially afraid of being trapped or caged in by someone. As in, someone that was controlling, needing to know who they are with and what they are doing all the time, etc.

Which is completely understandable.

**katrin** · 06-15-2010, 05:28 AM

Originally Posted by Allen3373
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So, had an interesting conversation tonight with my INFP. We were talking about marriage. Both of us are religious, so we see marriage as the point of dating (eventually).

She actually admitted to me, 'to be completely honest, I am afraid of marriage'. On one hand I am a bit relieved that she feels comfortable enough and is honest enough to admit that to me, but it's sort of a strange thing to hear from someone you are dating with the intention of that might happened.

Is that a common thing with INFPs? Not just with marriage, but just commitment in general?

Also, forgot to mention that she later explained that she is essentially afraid of being trapped or caged in by someone. As in, someone that was controlling, needing to know who they are with and what they are doing all the time, etc.

Which is completely understandable.

I need to get to work soon but here are some random thoughts for now:

The fact that she admitted the bolded part to you is HUGE. Big biggity big.
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That you two are both religious and have the same understanding of marriage is a very good thing.

I personally have never dated anyone who was a controlling asshole, so I've never had that particular fear. You also don't seem like a controlling asshole, so I'm not sure why she's afraid of that. Maybe she has dated such men in the past? Or maybe it's an irrational fear that once one is married, one's spouse will change? I've heard of that happening so I guess it's not an irrational fear.

I have been afraid that marriage would be boring, that is to say, that the intellectual or emotional or sexual connection with the partner would fail at some point and what if we couldn't get it back. So yeah, I've been afraid of commitment, although really only had one relationship that was that serious.

I think it's probably pretty common for INFPs to be afraid of marriage because one of the generalizations about us (that is very true for me) is that we are ridiculously loyal. So, we will not commit to anyone or anything lightly. (The reason I didn't marry guy in above paragraph was that I still had some feelings for a friend.) The up side of that, of course, is that if you do end up getting married and treat her well, she is very likely to remain emotionally and sexually loyal and supportive of you.

So, this is still all good, Allen, but it looks like you need to remain patient, possibly for a long while yet.
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05-12-2010, 10:49 PM	#101
Allen3373 Member [05%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 236	Thought you all might find this funny.. I just had to email my INFP's roommate who is currently in Bolivia to ask her their street address... because when I asked my girlfriend for her address to 'send her a postcard', I got a PO box in response! LOL
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05-13-2010, 01:42 AM	#103
Allen3373 Member [05%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 236	I told her that I knew how girls were, and that she better not say anything to her!!!! LOL.
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05-13-2010, 06:00 PM	#104
SereCompostela Member [02%] MBTI: INFP Join Date: Apr 2010 Posts: 114	4 weeks! One whole month... wow!! Yeah, keeping in touch is going to be a MUST! No doubt! To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. I hope you made her friend PROMISE not to say anything! But even so, if she squeals, I don't think it would diminish the excitement for your INFP. It'd make her look forward to see when you were going to send them, if you sent them already, or when she was going to receive them. You'd still have the secret To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
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05-14-2010, 01:10 PM	#105
Allen3373 Member [05%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 236	Yeah, she said she wouldn't say anything. And 4 weeks is a long time!!!! I will definitely stay in touch. On a side note, I'm currently in Reykjavik, Iceland, grounded until tomorrow lol. Good times.
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05-16-2010, 10:48 PM	#106
SereCompostela Member [02%] MBTI: INFP Join Date: Apr 2010 Posts: 114	Thanks for the update on your travels! To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. How'd you end up in Iceland on your way to London?
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05-20-2010, 08:14 AM	#107
Allen3373 Member [05%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 236	We flew Iceland air LOL!!! It was like 400 dollars cheaper than everyone else. We were in London for a couple of days, and now we're in Ireland. We will be here until Monday, and then we will be visiting friends in England for a week and a half or so.
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05-20-2010, 12:30 PM	#108
wotsamattaU Member [18%] MBTI: INFP Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 759	How is it going with keeping in contact with your INFP?
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05-21-2010, 01:06 PM	#109
LadyInHeels Member [06%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 275	I have a question INFPS: do they usually like to be touched? just wondering what sort of approach I should take with someone I'm interested in....
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05-21-2010, 01:13 PM	#110
JTG Core Member [246%] MBTI: INFJ Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 9,844	My INFP isn't very physically driven. She likes to touch/be touched if she feels comfortable with the person touching, but too much is overbearing and will make her withdraw. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Check out the link. I think your INFP's love language will influence how much he or she likes to be touched (or complimented, or served, etc) However, i don't think speaking their love language will be enough to guarantee real closeness. It can't hurt, especially when you're trying to build attraction between you, but i think INFPs need to feel connected, safe, trusted, and needed. It can be difficult for an INTJ to establish an emotional connection, but showing yourself as dependable and trustworthy with an INFP's heart is really the best way to establish a strong bond.
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05-22-2010, 08:39 AM	#113
dontmesswithme Core Member [129%] MBTI: INFJ Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 5,163	@LadyInHeels If a man I wasn't interested in touched me it would make me feel uncomfortable. I wouldn't get mad unless he kept doing it, especially if he's married. This happened to me this past winter with a married man I was working with. He rubbed my shoulders a couple of times. It was really pissing me off so I walked away rather coldly. That's very out of character for me and he knew that. The next time I saw him there was no more shoulder rubbing and he was much more professional. And I wasn't pissed off any more and things are fine now! If the man I'm interested in were to touch me................I would never stop smiling.
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05-22-2010, 03:31 PM	#114
LadyInHeels Member [06%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 275	Great advice everyone! I think INTJ's and INFP's are pretty similar when it comes to touch preference- I completely identify with what JTG, Katrin, dontmesswithme, ms infp said. Touching is pretty much only for the select few that we REALLY like. I will definitely keep the touching on the DL, until further confirmation To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Thanks guys!
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05-23-2010, 04:25 AM	#115
Calica Core Member [144%] MBTI: infp Join Date: Mar 2010 Posts: 5,792	I agree, I mostly recoil from touch unless I feel like touching them myself. It`s kind of ironic, since among the love languages, touch came first for me. And I guess it does, just with the right person. An ENTP friend of mine is the same, he visibly recoils when someone unexpectedly touches him, but he`s really touchy feely when he initiates it.
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05-23-2010, 01:43 PM	#116
wotsamattaU Member [18%] MBTI: INFP Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 759	LadyinHeels - get inside his personal bubble a little and see how he reacts. Stand a little too close for a few moments. Does he take a step back, or does he accept it? Test this on a few different days. If he consistently is okay with your being within the To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. then he will likely be fine accepting a gentle touch on the arm or shoulder in conversation. By placing yourself so near to him, this also will create strong chemistry/sexual tension. Being so close and yet so far may very well amp up the attraction you two have going. Sometimes suppressing an impulse (to touch the person you want) while being within the intimate zone is actually hotter. Suppression + short 'dips' in to the intimate zone = RAWR Last edited by wotsamattaU; 05-23-2010 at 07:13 PM.
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05-25-2010, 01:56 PM	#118
wotsamattaU Member [18%] MBTI: INFP Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 759	You had mentioned earlier about having a friend send a letter you had written while you were still at home - did you decide to do it? re: flowers Just tossing a couple suggestions/options out there - something which flowers in the countries are you are visiting. This is something a local florist could put together for you. (examples: Snapdragons, Foxglove, Holly hocks, bells of Ireland, roses, etc.) Another option would be to have a friend who goes to Menards, Home Depot, Lowes or the like to pick up a pot of blooming heather in the Garden section. It could be placed in a Gift bag and deposited at her door...perhaps with your letter tucked inside. Don't forget to pick up a note or post card or two for her. :-)
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05-26-2010, 01:13 AM	#119
Allen3373 Member [05%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 236	No, I wasn't able to do the letter thing. I really wanted to. I was scrambling to get everything done before we left, and then I planned on doing it at the airport and sending it off, but our flight was bumped forward 2 hours and we barely made it, so I wasn't about to then either :-(
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05-27-2010, 10:39 PM	#123
Riela New Member [01%] MBTI: INFP Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 57	Just dropping in to let you know you are doing wonderfully. I have very much respect and admiration for how you have so far been conducting your relationship. Pats Allen on the back As for the gift, don't sweat it. Really. As has been said, the fact that you were considerate enough to get her something you thought she might enjoy will make her quite content, I should think. Hope you're enjoying your trip!
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06-14-2010, 10:40 PM	#124
Allen3373 Member [05%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 236	So, had an interesting conversation tonight with my INFP. We were talking about marriage. Both of us are religious, so we see marriage as the point of dating (eventually). She actually admitted to me, 'to be completely honest, I am afraid of marriage'. On one hand I am a bit relieved that she feels comfortable enough and is honest enough to admit that to me, but it's sort of a strange thing to hear from someone you are dating with the intention of that might happened. Is that a common thing with INFPs? Not just with marriage, but just commitment in general? ---------- Post added 06-14-2010 at 10:47 PM ---------- Also, forgot to mention that she later explained that she is essentially afraid of being trapped or caged in by someone. As in, someone that was controlling, needing to know who they are with and what they are doing all the time, etc. Which is completely understandable.
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