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Engagement Rings ceremonies, marriage
Old 04-01-2010, 02:57 PM   #51
terra incognita
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  Originally Posted by Lycurgus
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Do you think the same thing when you see designer jeans, a sushi dinner or pair of nike shoes? What about a BMW or Benz?


Yes. And I am currently wearing Lucky Brand jeans, Nike shoes, and just had a $200 dollar Japanese dinner in Manhattan Saturday night.

My propensity to dump money into expensive things is a constant source of cognitive dissonance. Kind of like a priest who continues to molest alter boys when he knows it's morally wrong.

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Old 04-01-2010, 03:00 PM   #52
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  Originally Posted by SelfMadeBum
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*looks down*

Yup, still have my woman parts. I don't really like jewellery.

Me too.
Why spend tons of money on something that im just not into? You dont want my contribution to the stereotypes.

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Old 04-01-2010, 03:40 PM   #53
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I always maintained that I never wanted a ring. My fiance really wanted to get me one anyway. He knew me well enough to know that I would not have liked something big or flashy. He picked out the perfect ring to suit my tastes. Even though I never really wanted one before, I've become quite found of it. My hand feels naked if I'm not wearing it.
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Old 04-01-2010, 06:12 PM   #54
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I just don't understand what the big fuss is.

A small ring is fine by me, I actually prefer it. I hate rings, but, in the future, when ever that is, I like the sentimental meaning behind the idea of a " ring" to show your commitment.

I like the idea of having a little "piece" of the person you love with you, always. It's a beautiful thing.

In my culture, people do not buy expensive rings, usually they are just gold bands, since they are easier to have on.

I can NOT believe that people spend 1 k+ on rings. That's insane, I can never expect someone to spend more than that on just a ring.

...maybe a flatscreen tv..... LOL
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EDIT: so I figured I'd atleast share wtf im talking about LOL


a ring like #1 one would be nice.. maybe even a little smaller.
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Old 04-01-2010, 09:05 PM   #55
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My face when I was informed there was a wedding ring involved ALSO--->
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I thought you just put the engagement ring on during the ceremony.
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Old 04-01-2010, 10:41 PM   #56
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Engagement rings are visible signs that allow the rest of society to know your status. Having said that, I often go to the pawn shop to see the big, flashy, marked up 700 percent engagement rings that outlasted the marriage. When it comes to engagements and weddings, I would invest in making sure the marriage is solid and less on the ring. When you pawn it, you may get fifty-two dollars back if Pookie and RayRay are working that day.
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Old 04-01-2010, 10:53 PM   #57
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  Originally Posted by UrWrongImRit
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I just don't understand what the big fuss is.

A small ring is fine by me, I actually prefer it. I hate rings, but, in the future, when ever that is, I like the sentimental meaning behind the idea of a " ring" to show your commitment.

I like the idea of having a little "piece" of the person you love with you, always. It's a beautiful thing.

In my culture, people do not buy expensive rings, usually they are just gold bands, since they are easier to have on.

I can NOT believe that people spend 1 k+ on rings. That's insane, I can never expect someone to spend more than that on just a ring.

...maybe a flatscreen tv..... LOL
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EDIT: so I figured I'd atleast share wtf im talking about LOL


a ring like #1 one would be nice.. maybe even a little smaller.
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A small ring seems more romantic to me. No need to prove anything to anyone, or show off, or be flashy. Less distracting from the reason you wear the ring, which hopefully, is because you love someone.

Perhaps I am bothered by rings because romantic love to me seems inherently private, and big rings seem to be a form of advertisement. The idea of purposefully and intentionally showing off my commitment to anyone other than my partner is irksome to me. Possibly why I dislike the thought of big weddings.

I suppose rings are useful for signaling whether someone is taken...but it would be far more helpful for me if people wore rings at the boyfriend/girlfriend stage :-P

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Old 04-01-2010, 11:25 PM   #58
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  Originally Posted by MyOtherSelf
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Do you know any couples who could have afforded a fancy engagement ring but chose not to do so? Did they choose to symbolize their commitment to one another in a different way?

My parents did not bother with engagement or wedding rings.

I think it is handy to have a universally recognizable symbol of wedlock, and a ring on the finger is relatively hassle-free and uninhibiting, compared to the requirements of some other cultures.
That said, the significance given the sizes and styles of engagement rings is ridiculous. A stainless steel band should suffice.

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Old 04-02-2010, 11:55 AM   #59
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Yeah, the two carat ring my then-fiancee gave to me just disgusts me to no end. Actually, this is a symbol and sign of a promise, agreement, and intention. It goes back thousands of years. If you want a cheap ring and a cheap honeymoon, there's nothing stopping you.

If a gift costs you nothing, it's not much of a gift is it? I suppose this hearkens to a tangible evidence of being willing to sacrifice, provide for, and share the best of your resources with your beloved.

If it's meaningless, then don't do it.

---------- Post added 04-02-2010 at 08:03 AM ----------

We just returned from a 5 star resort in the Carribean that was a gift from my husband for our tenth anniversary. We are not wealthy or anything, and so he saved and sacrificed for some time to be able to do it. He is willing to give me the best of the best, and spoil me. It started during our engagement and has continued from there. It's awful.

Not really. I love that man, and my heart skips a beat every time he walks through the door. Even after ten years. It's not the material things themselves, it is the way he is willing to give 100%.
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Old 04-02-2010, 05:12 PM   #60
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If people have the money, they can get whatever the hell they want, as far as I'm concerned. That's the beauty of capitalism and a free society. You want to spend $500 on a pair of shoes because you like them and you have the money, that's no skin off my nose. I'm not going to sit and go on a Robin Hood rant about it because I don't have that kind of money or other people don't have that kind of money.

No. I don't find engagement rings disgusting. They carry a lot of sentimental value for a lot of people, plus it can be a pretty valuable family heirloom. And if it's something that you're going to wear all the time, you don't want some cheapy thing that will turn your finger green. No, it's not wise to blow your money on a 10k ring when you only make 2k a month, but I think some of the sentimental value it carries with it involves the sacrifice that was made. A $5 ring is not a sacrifice, unless you're living out on the streets.

Personally I don't require a big ring that costs thousands of dollars from my fiance. In fact, I don't require a ring at all if he can't swing it. But I do understand the value some people place on it.

EDIT
I don't understand how some women think it symbolizes that the man is "staking his claim," because all you have to do is take off the ring and say "the wedding's off."
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Old 04-02-2010, 10:44 PM   #61
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I don't wear rings or any other baubles, so when my (now former) husband and I got engaged he gave me a very nice gold watch. It's just a plain, simple gold watch with no jewels on it, and it's feminine and delicate. I really liked it. It actually cost him more than an engagement ring would have cost him, but when the people I worked with at the time looked at it they were decidedly underwhelmed. They wanted to see "ice". Something big enough to skate on. I hate that.

Now that we are no longer together I don't wear the watch. I still have it, though.

When we got married we each just had plain gold wedding bands that were only 14 k gold. There were only 19 guests at our wedding. Everyone was able to sit together at one large oval shaped table. I couldn't get the wedding small enough.
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Old 04-03-2010, 01:20 PM   #62
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I hate jewelry. Really hate it.
Me and my bf got engaged, with titanium rings. They cost abour 100 bucks each.

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I don't want any fancy-schmancy wedding. Just the two of us and the required two witnesses. My dream wedding is either wedding in the town hall, or a Star Trek wedding. I don't believe in the whole marriage thing (the religious part). But what I know is that I've found my soul mate and want to spend my life with him. For now. Who knows what we feel for each other in abour 5-10-20-40 years? No one knows. But IF we're getting married, it's between us, no one else.

Marriage has never been something i yearned for. EVER.
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Old 04-03-2010, 02:21 PM   #63
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I like the idea of sentimental objects, but an engagement ring is a forceful social ritual. Maybe some ladies can chime in, but I have found that women melt over any thing you add a personal touch to. For instance, I got a very nice (not too expensive) ring made and had the nickname I gave to my girlfriend engraved on to it. She thought it was incredibly adorable. She is a NF though
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Old 04-03-2010, 02:30 PM   #64
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  Originally Posted by astrolite
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Maybe some ladies can chime in, but I have found that women melt over any thing you add a personal touch to. For instance, I got a very nice (not too expensive) ring made and had the nickname I gave to my girlfriend engraved on to it. She thought it was incredibly adorable. She is a NF though
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A
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Oh yeah, you definitely know what you are doing.
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By the way, I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of men appreciated "a personal touch", too.

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Old 04-03-2010, 03:52 PM   #65
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I just found out from my husband that his mother and sister not only picked it out but his mother paid for it.

I will be taking it the pawn shop forthwith!
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Old 04-03-2010, 04:03 PM   #66
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  Originally Posted by Deliberator
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I just found out from my husband that his mother and sister not only picked it out but his mother paid for it.

I will be taking it the pawn shop forthwith!

Ouch.

May I suggest melting it down and making a bullet with it? :D

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Old 04-03-2010, 09:18 PM   #67
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  Originally Posted by Deliberator
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I just found out from my husband that his mother and sister not only picked it out but his mother paid for it.

I will be taking it the pawn shop forthwith!

I don't get it.

He had the two women he trusted most (excepting you, presumably) help him pick out the ring. This would be a good thing typically, wouldn't it?

As for her paying for it -- meh. It's not like you were paying for it, either way, was it?

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Old 04-03-2010, 09:23 PM   #68
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  Originally Posted by Lycurgus
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I don't get it.

He had the two women he trusted most (excepting you, presumably) help him pick out the ring. This would be a good thing typically, wouldn't it?

As for her paying for it -- meh. It's not like you were paying for it, either way, was it?


I don't get the venom from this either? Why would you want to pawn it just because he didn't pick it out or pay for it?

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Old 04-03-2010, 09:32 PM   #69
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^^^ Because he didn't PAY for it. It cost him nothing.
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Old 04-03-2010, 09:36 PM   #70
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  Originally Posted by AnotherA
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^^^ Because he didn't PAY for it. It cost him nothing.

If his family is anything like mine, getting something from a parent doesn't cost you nothing.

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Old 04-03-2010, 10:08 PM   #71
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  Originally Posted by Lycurgus
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I don't get it.

He had the two women he trusted most (excepting you, presumably) help him pick out the ring. This would be a good thing typically, wouldn't it?

As for her paying for it -- meh. It's not like you were paying for it, either way, was it?

If it's supposedly a symbol of our relationship then his over-involved ENFJ mother who thinks she knows everything should not be able to get involved in something that is supposed to be just between the two of us. What made it worse is the fact that I had told him what kind of ring I liked and he still let her pressure him into buying the one she liked.

Most of all I feel embarrassed for assigning a meaning to something that turned out to have been completely meaningless. It's just a pretty rock to me now, something I don't even wear or like, so there's no point in keeping it because it just reminds me of how I was duped into thinking he picked it out and paid for it. Man, I feel like such a chump.

and no, it is absolutely NOT a good thing for him to have valued their opinion on what I would like over my own. Makes sense, doesn't it, that my opinion counts a little more than theirs?


  Originally Posted by AnotherA
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^^^ Because he didn't PAY for it. It cost him nothing.

Exactly.

  Originally Posted by Lycurgus
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If his family is anything like mine, getting something from a parent doesn't cost you nothing.

Another good point. It costs ME something (I have to pretend that I like it) whereas it costs him nothing.

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Old 04-04-2010, 01:23 AM   #72
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My husband designed an engagement ring for me from antique styles I liked (he had to do some fishing, though. I refused to point to anything and be like ... gimme.) I had worked in advertising for the designer jewelry industry and he said he had wanted to make sure I got something that I had never seen before
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.

I've seen everything from $70 rings to $450,000 rings. Yes, you read that correctly. I once tried on a ring that cost as much as a nice house in the Southeastern US, where I live. It was beautiful, no doubt about that, but I would have been terrified to wear it out, even if I could have afforded it, haha!

As for average cost, it depends on the stone's purity, and the metal. Gold sells for nearly $1,000 an ounce right now. A diamond goes up in value as its purity increases. A larger diamond does not necessarily mean it is a BETTER diamond. This could mean a small, flawless, diamond in a thin band could actually be a better quality than the large flashy one.

I like the tradition, and I've not personally felt it was a business transaction or some kind of archaic claim of property. I liked wearing my engagement ring because it was a promise of our future. Plus, it kept other guys from hitting on me and making me uncomfortable! A girl who expects something big and flashy has her priorities wrong, though. (I will admit to loving my nice ring, but also chiding my then-fiance for spending so much. He said he wanted to do it, so I accepted the gift gladly.)

I knew people who had their ring fingers tatooed. I know people who have large rings. I know people who have small rings. I know people who have no rings. I know people who have only a gold band. I know guys who have bling. I know people who bought their rings at a department store. It's all across the board. I don't think the important thing is the jewelry. It's the commitment that counts. The jewelry is just a traditional way to demonstrate that commitment.
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Old 04-04-2010, 07:26 AM   #73
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Okay, I have to side with you.
I used to be totally against the idea of an engagement ring but now I think if the guy wants to do it let him.
I do not do jewellery myself. All the significant pieces I have have been bought by men and they did not do a bad job. I think jewellery shops are for men that is their job. I am a blank canvas - adorn me! Surprisingly most of them are good at picking the right pieces.
You can definitely tell when a women gets involves with the picking. I can see your point entirely if your future husband can't trust himself to pick out the right thing for you then how can you trust his judgement? I know this seems a bit extreme but let me put it this way. Your husband to be has not chosen the thing that you will wear every day to remind each other of the commitment you have made to each other but rather a third party. That would suck in my book as well.
By the way I have sort of thought if I get the ring I would get them something as well. Probably a Rolex.
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Old 04-04-2010, 05:19 PM   #74
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  Originally Posted by Deliberator
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Makes sense, doesn't it, that my opinion counts a little more than theirs?

I was unaware that you had given your opinion on the subject.

Obviously, since it's your ring, your opinion should be the only one of matter.

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