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The No Stupid Questions Thread - LBGT Questions None
Old 03-30-2010, 09:20 AM   #1
TheBlackKnight
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Well, I've been seeing alot of gay-themed threads, and there was that asexual one a while back, so I thought I'd start this up.

Anyone have any questions about/for anyone in the LBGT community?

For anyone unaware, LBGT stands for Lesbian, Bisexual, Gay and Transgender/Transexual, and also includes Asexuals, Queer/Questioning, Intersexed, Allies... it's the alphabet soup community, I'm probably missing someone somewhere. But that should get us started.
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Old 03-30-2010, 09:57 AM   #2
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As a homosexual myself, I'm unsure of whether or not I would define myself as being in the "gay community".


A question to fellow homosexuals: Do you feel as though something such as sexuality should define a "community" or "lifestyle" of people.

I get offended when people attribute my life as a "gay lifestyle" as it often connotes more than sexual interactions. Do you (gays) think that we are pigeonholed into having a certain form of interaction even within the gay community? And if so, do you find hints at bisexuality and homosexuality in the media for "shock value" is offensive and detrimental to equality?
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Old 03-30-2010, 02:42 PM   #3
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How do gays find partners? If you don't TELL everyone that you're gay, and you don't act in a stereotypically "gay" manner, how would you know if someone else wants to get in a relationship with you?
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Old 03-30-2010, 03:32 PM   #4
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Well, some people have what they call ca gaydar. They seem to be able to tell who is gay and who is not just by seeing them.

Otherwise, there are gay meeting groupes, internet and gay bars where you can find someoneé

Also, most people tell whoever they are comfortable with. I have told my coworkers and my friends that i'm gay so sometime they will want to present me someone.

Finally, I have asked a few guys out a bit randomly. Never worked so far and only one person really freaked out.

Another small trick, you can have a gay magazine (nothing pornographic) around with you. Most people will not reconize it as such
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Old 03-30-2010, 03:44 PM   #5
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How does the masculine/feminine thing work psychologically? For example, in some female homosexual relationships there sometimes is one who is more masculine and the other more feminine. The psychology of the woman who prefers feminine women makes sense to me, because it's almost as though the woman feels as though she is a man in all other ways except biologically. But how does the psychology work for the feminine lesbian who likes masculine women? Or the masculine man who prefers feminine men? There seems to be a disconnect between attraction to gender versus attraction to sex that I don't necessarily understand.


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Old 03-30-2010, 04:18 PM   #6
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I love stupid Questions! I excel at them!

Seriously the Lisp and all the stereotypical traits like it. That is like all an act right so the Straights and Gays can tell each other apart? You can't naturally all be gay and suffering from the same common speech disorder.
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Old 03-30-2010, 05:00 PM   #7
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  Originally Posted by Deliberator
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How does the masculine/feminine thing work psychologically? For example, in some female homosexual relationships there sometimes is one who is more masculine and the other more feminine. The psychology of the woman who prefers feminine women makes sense to me, because it's almost as though the woman feels as though she is a man in all other ways except biologically. But how does the psychology work for the feminine lesbian who likes masculine women? Or the masculine man who prefers feminine men? There seems to be a disconnect between attraction to gender versus attraction to sex that I don't necessarily understand.


"There are no stupid questions... just stupid people."
- Anon

I have always wondered this. In wal-mart once i saw what i thought was a mother and her adolescent son. I shortly realized that it was a lesbian couple, and i pondered why somebody who prefers women would end up with somebody who is, aesthetically speaking, a male.

Don't get me wrong. I don't have a problem with it. I think to each their own. I just don't understand why the attraction to women if not feminine women.

(and i prefer the alternate quote: "There are no stupid people, but there are a lot of inquisitive idiots" haha)

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Old 03-30-2010, 06:45 PM   #8
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Feather boas and high heels - when did this leave the nightclubs?

Along with the above, I don't remember any 'really gay' men the firsst 35 years of my life - Iknow they were there, but they weren't out-of-the-closet dramatic. Why the change.

Men wearing foundation in public - why? I mean, if I could get away with no makeup and no hair, I would.

Do you ever feel confined by being called Gay, or Lesbian or Bi-Sexual? For me it is a label and I would rather think of folks as individuals.

Has anyone ever prayed for you in public or 'layed hands' on you hoping for your conversion?

Are you offended by the folks who are LGBT and go to a clinic to change to heterosexual? Do you feel betrayed? Do you feel sorry for them? Do you think that maybe they are not LGBT, just really confused about sex?
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Old 03-30-2010, 10:23 PM   #9
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Alright, I have quite a bit of work to do it seems so lets get this going.

 
How does the masculine/feminine thing work psychologically?

There really is no answer to that. I mean, even a very feminin man will still be a man and you will see it. Still, i'm guessing this is mostly a trend/fashion in homosexual community and that this is viewed as beautifull. It still should be noted that most homosexual couples are very regular looking person...you just don't really notice them.

 
Seriously the Lisp and all the stereotypical traits like it. That is like all an act right so the Straights and Gays can tell each other apart? You can't naturally all be gay and suffering from the same common speech disorder.

Once again, most homosexual do not conform to those stereotype. I have seen my share of heterosexual who acted that way. It's probably that most homosexual already feel appart from society and as such do not have the same need to follow social norms. Since this behavior is better accepted they probably don't try to change those habits.

 
Along with the above, I don't remember any 'really gay' men the firsst 35 years of my life - Iknow they were there, but they weren't out-of-the-closet dramatic. Why the change.

Men wearing foundation in public - why? I mean, if I could get away with no makeup and no hair, I would.

Well, trend have changed quite a bit. It's really not that far fetched to see man wearing some light makeup and it's becoming more comon. I guess that boundaries between sexes are slowly disseapering and it's mostly groupes that are already a bit outside the norms that embrace it first.

 
Do you ever feel confined by being called Gay, or Lesbian or Bi-Sexual? For me it is a label and I would rather think of folks as individuals.

Well I view it as any other form of label. Something usefull but not really important as long as you are not too regid with them. I say im gay because I have never been attracted to a women. If I am by one at some point, well everything I don't really care.

I do despise hearing about "gay lifestyle". That does not exist. I'm just living an average lige except it's a bit harder to meet people to go out with.

 
Has anyone ever prayed for you in public or 'layed hands' on you hoping for your conversion?

Religion is almost non-existent here so no, never happened.

 
Are you offended by the folks who are LGBT and go to a clinic to change to heterosexual? Do you feel betrayed? Do you feel sorry for them? Do you think that maybe they are not LGBT, just really confused about sex?

I feel sorry for them because they are either being scam, pressured or tortured. It simply does not work and cause more pain then good. End of story. I think they are even illegal around here.

 

Last edited by Synamon; 03-31-2010 at 08:04 AM. Reason: duplicate unattributed quoted material removed
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Old 03-31-2010, 07:32 AM   #10
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  Originally Posted by mormeguil
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I feel sorry for them because they are either being scam, pressured or tortured. It simply does not work and cause more pain then good. End of story. I think they are even illegal around here.

I think this is a little close-minded; I read a story once about a guy who was homosexual but felt that the reason for this was because he had been abused as a child. Upon his own initiative he eventually converted himself by watching heterosexual porn, which he claimed released his true heterosexuality. I know it's not politically correct to say so, but it seems as though some homosexuality can arise from both biological causes and from psychological causes. What do you think?

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Old 03-31-2010, 07:57 AM   #11
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Would you still have sex with a woman if your a gay man? Or for lesbians, would still have sex with a man? Would it do nothing for you? Would it still be fun?

Also - when or how did you know you were gay? (I don't mean that in any offending way I just don't know how to phrase this)
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Old 03-31-2010, 08:11 AM   #12
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For gay males - have you ever had sex with a woman to compare? What is the mentality that helps you say "yeah, being gay is ok"? Being an INTJ, do you think being gay is inefficient? I mean penis + penis = ???? penis + vagina = sex

For lesbians - have you ever had sex with a man to compare? Same 2nd question.
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Old 03-31-2010, 08:30 AM   #13
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Holy. That didn't take long. Alright, let's get started:

  Originally Posted by shaunmikex
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A question to fellow homosexuals: Do you feel as though something such as sexuality should define a "community" or "lifestyle" of people.

I think of it as the shared culture. It's what we, as a collective, use to cope with oppression. I absolutely hate the word "lifestyle," though - we don't all live the exact same way. There's liberals and republicans and all that - we're not like cowboys or of a shared religion or something.

  Originally Posted by shaunmikex
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Do you (gays) think that we are pigeonholed into having a certain form of interaction even within the gay community? And if so, do you find hints at bisexuality and homosexuality in the media for "shock value" is offensive and detrimental to equality?

Not within the community itself, no. But from straight people using the term, definitely.

I find it offensive if that is all there is to it - pure shock value, and not trying to show that there are people out who happen to not be straight.

---------- Post added 03-31-2010 at 11:34 AM ----------

  Originally Posted by Pillowmint
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How do gays find partners? If you don't TELL everyone that you're gay, and you don't act in a stereotypically "gay" manner, how would you know if someone else wants to get in a relationship with you?

Well, to add onto what mormeguil said, there's visual signs that some people use - the Rachel Maddow look, I think they call it now. Short hair, short nails, boots
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(For the girls, obviously.) And then there's little things that only the people who are meant to know what it means will recognize - a Human Rights Campaign sticker, for example. That's usually picked up on.

---------- Post added 03-31-2010 at 11:38 AM ----------

  Originally Posted by Deliberator
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But how does the psychology work for the feminine lesbian who likes masculine women? Or the masculine man who prefers feminine men? There seems to be a disconnect between attraction to gender versus attraction to sex that I don't necessarily understand

Sometimes they're trying to copy a straight relationship, since that's all they know. Other times, that's just what they're attracted to - the "female" body type and "masculine" look, or vice versa. It just doesn't match up the same way society says it should, is all. Think of it like a mix-n-match.

  Originally Posted by Deliberator
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The psychology of the woman who prefers feminine women makes sense to me, because it's almost as though the woman feels as though she is a man in all other ways except biologically.

You're getting more on the grounds of a transgendered person, here.

---------- Post added 03-31-2010 at 11:40 AM ----------

  Originally Posted by Fox
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Seriously the Lisp and all the stereotypical traits like it. That is like all an act right so the Straights and Gays can tell each other apart? You can't naturally all be gay and suffering from the same common speech disorder.

Haha
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To be honest I'm not entirely sure. I think it's just done to show gay pride, in a way that straight people will recognize, too.

---------- Post added 03-31-2010 at 11:44 AM ----------

  Originally Posted by Mader
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Do you ever feel confined by being called Gay, or Lesbian or Bi-Sexual? For me it is a label and I would rather think of folks as individuals.

Not personally, but I don't think of it as any different than saying "vegetarian" or "atheist."

  Originally Posted by Mader
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Has anyone ever prayed for you in public or 'layed hands' on you hoping for your conversion?

I had an attempted exorcism once. Not pleasant.

  Originally Posted by Mader
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Are you offended by the folks who are LGBT and go to a clinic to change to heterosexual? Do you feel betrayed? Do you feel sorry for them? Do you think that maybe they are not LGBT, just really confused about sex?

I feel sorry for them - it's done from an atmosphere of oppression, and there's usually so much self-hate involved. Society makes it so difficult for them to accept themselves that they'll try anything to not have to go through it anymore.

---------- Post added 03-31-2010 at 11:46 AM ----------

  Originally Posted by Deliberator
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I think this is a little close-minded; I read a story once about a guy who was homosexual but felt that the reason for this was because he had been abused as a child. Upon his own initiative he eventually converted himself by watching heterosexual porn, which he claimed released his true heterosexuality. I know it's not politically correct to say so, but it seems as though some homosexuality can arise from both biological causes and from psychological causes. What do you think?

I have some questions for you. If sexual abuse turns you gay, why are there are so many straight survivors of sexual abuse? If you watched a bucketload of gay porn, would that convince you to be sexually attracted to your own sex?

---------- Post added 03-31-2010 at 11:49 AM ----------

  Originally Posted by Necrosis
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Would you still have sex with a woman if your a gay man? Or for lesbians, would still have sex with a man? Would it do nothing for you? Would it still be fun?

It would be incredibly unpleasant, so no.

  Originally Posted by Necrosis
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Also - when or how did you know you were gay? (I don't mean that in any offending way I just don't know how to phrase this)

Don't worry, you phrased that well
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I knew in high school, because that was the first time I came out of my head enough to actually pay attention to which classmates I was attracted to.

---------- Post added 03-31-2010 at 11:52 AM ----------

  Originally Posted by Kmal
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For gay males - have you ever had sex with a woman to compare? What is the mentality that helps you say "yeah, being gay is ok"? Being an INTJ, do you think being gay is inefficient? I mean penis + penis = ???? penis + vagina = sex

For lesbians - have you ever had sex with a man to compare? Same 2nd question.

No, because I know I wouldn't like it. I don't feel like I should have to prove that I'm gay. Straight people don't have to, but for some reason you can't be sure of any other orientation until you've tried the norm.

Mentality, one of pure acceptance and embracing differences.

Inefficient, no, because I think of it as natural population control, more like a natural counterbalance to overpopulation. (Not everyone thinks of it that way, though, but as long as you're just asking me personally...)

I don't agree that PIV is the only definition of sex. Straight men have fantasies about anal sex with women, don't they? Why does that count but two men doesn't?

 

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Old 03-31-2010, 09:55 AM   #14
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  Originally Posted by TheBlackKnight
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No, because I know I wouldn't like it. I don't feel like I should have to prove that I'm gay. Straight people don't have to, but for some reason you can't be sure of any other orientation until you've tried the norm.

Mentality, one of pure acceptance and embracing differences.

Inefficient, no, because I think of it as natural population control, more like a natural counterbalance to overpopulation. (Not everyone thinks of it that way, though, but as long as you're just asking me personally...)

I don't agree that PIV is the only definition of sex. Straight men have fantasies about anal sex with women, don't they? Why does that count but two men doesn't?

You shouldn't have to prove that you're gay, but you also don't know you wouldn't like vagina. I mean, hell, I don't KNOW if I'd like gay sex, but I won't be trying it.

New question - if you're so open to things, why not try sex with a girl?

The mentality... that doesn't really answer my question. I'll rephrase: how can you rationalize being gay? Or is it emotional? I understand the mentality you posted above, but I don't see WHY.

Haha I like the population control ideal.
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Hmm, I guess it depends on your subjective view on sex. Sex = PIV. Anal sex = anal sex. Gay sex = gay sex? But of course, some people's feelings are hurt when they are not included in the "norm" (but they aren't "normal" [yes, what IS normal?] so why does it matter?), so I could see the discrepancy between what you think of sex and what the majority of people think sex is.

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Old 03-31-2010, 10:04 AM   #15
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  Originally Posted by TheBlackKnight
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I have some questions for you. If sexual abuse turns you gay, why are there are so many straight survivors of sexual abuse? If you watched a bucketload of gay porn, would that convince you to be sexually attracted to your own sex?

I'm quite certain sexual abuse doesn't do the same thing to all people. That isn't an argument.

If I were actually a lesbian underneath who was funneled into being straight due to life circumstances then yes, watching gay porn would turn me gay.

All I'm saying is, perhaps it could happen. Are you going to claim this man was lying, or deluded? He sounded rather introspective when he was talking about his experiences.

My question for you is, do you think all instances of homosexuality are biologically based? How does that explain bisexuality?

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Old 03-31-2010, 11:15 AM   #16
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  Originally Posted by Kmal
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You shouldn't have to prove that you're gay, but you also don't know you wouldn't like vagina. I mean, hell, I don't KNOW if I'd like gay sex, but I won't be trying it.

New question - if you're so open to things, why not try sex with a girl?

You know, I think I was a little hasty there - you hear the same question from so many people with the same insinuation, you eventually just package the whole deal in your mind. I appologize.

But to answer your question, first off, I already like girls
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I wouldn't want to try sex with a boy because I already know I wouldn't like it. The difference in the strength in the hands, for example; that's just a major put-off.

 
The mentality... that doesn't really answer my question. I'll rephrase: how can you rationalize being gay? Or is it emotional? I understand the mentality you posted above, but I don't see WHY.

Ah, I must've misunderstood. But now I don't understand what you're asking. Are you trying to ask why I'm gay?

 
I could see the discrepancy between what you think of sex and what the majority of people think sex is.

I think it's a little presumptive to assume the majority thinks the same way. But everyone does have their own definitions for what they consider sex.

---------- Post added 03-31-2010 at 02:22 PM ----------

  Originally Posted by Deliberator
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I'm quite certain sexual abuse doesn't do the same thing to all people. That isn't an argument.

Fair enough.

 
If I were actually a lesbian underneath who was funneled into being straight due to life circumstances then yes, watching gay porn would turn me gay.

I think we might need a little clarification here - how, exactly, does one get "funneled into" a specific orientation?

 
All I'm saying is, perhaps it could happen. Are you going to claim this man was lying, or deluded? He sounded rather introspective when he was talking about his experiences.

No. I am going to claim he's repressing his natural orientation, though. My impression was he that he was trying to talk himself into it at the same time he tries to talk his audience into it; but on some level, he knows what the truth is.

 
My question for you is, do you think all instances of homosexuality are biologically based? How does that explain bisexuality?

I think it works on more or less the same basis as an MBTI type - biological disposition, then the nuturing aspect must have some role or other. I'm not going to claim to know what that is, though. All I know is that I'm INTJ, and I can't change that; same for being gay.

As for bisexuality, why should it work any differently? I would imagine the same would go for asexuals, too.

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Old 03-31-2010, 11:32 AM   #17
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  Originally Posted by TheBlackKnight
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You know, I think I was a little hasty there - you hear the same question from so many people with the same insinuation, you eventually just package the whole deal in your mind. I appologize.

But to answer your question, first off, I already like girls
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I wouldn't want to try sex with a boy because I already know I wouldn't like it. The difference in the strength in the hands, for example; that's just a major put-off.

Ah, I must've misunderstood. But now I don't understand what you're asking. Are you trying to ask why I'm gay?

I think it's a little presumptive to assume the majority thinks the same way. But everyone does have their own definitions for what they consider sex.

Completely understandable. edit: oohhh, you're a girl?

Yes, I'm asking if there is a defining rationalization of why you're gay. Like "this is the way I was born, so I'll just accept it" or "vagina turns me on, thats it." A reason, I guess.

I agree, but I was basing it off the definition of "sex." To me, when 2 people get naked and start pleasuring each other, that's sex - regardless of the specifics.

edit: if you are a girl, all same questions, but reverse.

 

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Old 03-31-2010, 11:47 AM   #18
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  Originally Posted by Kmal
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Completely understandable. Yet, now, I'm confused. You're gay, but you like girls?

It's entirely possible for a person to be homosexual and attracted to girls.

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Old 03-31-2010, 11:50 AM   #19
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  Originally Posted by firebee
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It's entirely possible for a person to be homosexual and attracted to girls.

I didnt say it wasn't, but it's a little confusing. Hence, why I'm confused.

You'd think that if that we're the case, they'd label themselves as bisexual, or even straight. Gay people are usually... just that: gay. They like the same sex. Bisexuals like both....

I was going on the assumption that it was a dude talking, excuse the ignorance.

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Old 03-31-2010, 11:56 AM   #20
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  Originally Posted by Kmal
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I didnt say it wasn't, but it's a little confusing. Hence, why I'm confused.

You'd think that if that we're the case, they'd label themselves as bisexual, or even straight. Gay people are usually... just that: gay. They like the same sex. Bisexuals like both....

*cough* lesbians *cough*

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Old 03-31-2010, 12:22 PM   #21
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I think this is a little close-minded; I read a story once about a guy who was homosexual but felt that the reason for this was because he had been abused as a child. Upon his own initiative he eventually converted himself by watching heterosexual porn, which he claimed released his true heterosexuality. I know it's not politically correct to say so, but it seems as though some homosexuality can arise from both biological causes and from psychological causes. What do you think?

As I said, reasearch have proven that trying to change one's sexual behavior cause psychological distress. Maybe he is an exception to the rule, maybe he is still repressing himself. I honestly don't know in this particular case. Generally it's simply a bad idea.

 
For gay males - have you ever had sex with a woman to compare?

No and I don't need to. I could ask the same question to any heterosexual. "Have you tried with a man/woman just to be sure?" It's the same idea here. I am not attracted to woman. I can see them as beautifull in the same way a flower is beautifull. I can get pleasure and comfort from being close to another human being. I could even probably have sexe with the right sexual stimulation. But it would feel empty, whitout desire and that would make it un-pleasant.

 
What is the mentality that helps you say "yeah, being gay is ok"?

Well, not anything really. It just is ok. I just consider that so far in my life I have been attracted to men and I never saw any good reason to want anything else. Still can't see any possible reason for it not being ok so not really anything to rationalise here.

 
Being an INTJ, do you think being gay is inefficient? I mean penis + penis = ???? penis + vagina = sex

Actually, for gay men I would consider it more efficient since it gives you more possiblity. Both partners have a penis and a hole. This can make a greater variation of position. Also for penis+ penis = one hand to masturbate both it's an incredible sensation honestly.

Finally, why would I want my sexe life to be efficient ?! It's there to have fun, to hell with efficiency.
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Also - when or how did you know you were gay?

At 14 I realise that I was sexually attracted to other boy and not to other girl. I knew this was called being gay. Thats pretty much it.


 
My question for you is, do you think all instances of homosexuality are biologically based? How does that explain bisexuality?

It seems most plausible to me that, as many human caracteristic, sexual orientation is a mix of genetics factor and environemental. Those environemental factor could be anywhere tought. In the mothers womb, early childhood or early adolescen, etc. We really have no idea.

Now i'm sad. We don't have a rainbow smiley
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Old 03-31-2010, 12:25 PM   #22
Anhedonic Lake
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Why are transsexuals politically alligned to gays when they have more in common with intersexed people?
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Old 03-31-2010, 12:59 PM   #23
larkin
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  Originally Posted by Deliberator
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I'm quite certain sexual abuse doesn't do the same thing to all people. That isn't an argument.

If I were actually a lesbian underneath who was funneled into being straight due to life circumstances then yes, watching gay porn would turn me gay.

All I'm saying is, perhaps it could happen. Are you going to claim this man was lying, or deluded? He sounded rather introspective when he was talking about his experiences.

My question for you is, do you think all instances of homosexuality are biologically based? How does that explain bisexuality?

The bisexual orientation I think is biologically based. Self-definition as bisexual might be considered a choice. That is - I'm sure there are plenty of people who might meet the technical definition of bisexual but choose to live their life as either gay or straight, and that's of course their decision.

Stressful past events like abuse might affect someone's willingness to define a certain way.

  Originally Posted by Kmal
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Yes, I'm asking if there is a defining rationalization of why you're gay. Like "this is the way I was born, so I'll just accept it" or "vagina turns me on, thats it." A reason, I guess.

Sexual attraction to the same gender is the defining rationalization. I know it sounds simple. It actually is!

(Not to complicate things but: I would like to note that women don't tend to be as visually stimulated as men. So there may be some cases where women think to themselves "vagina turns me on" but I certainly don't think that's a prerequisite for sexual attraction. I would describe it more as - I could imagine myself having sex with that girl. That idea and that girl turns me on.)

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Old 03-31-2010, 01:07 PM   #24
Thrasymachus
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  Originally Posted by shaunmikex
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As a homosexual myself, I'm unsure of whether or not I would define myself as being in the "gay community".

The "gay community" is just the colleciton of homosexuals, whether or not you enjoy the way it is displayed in news and media is separate than the individuals that are in it. You are part of the "gay community" by being gay, whether or not you attend pride parades or go to gay bars is a separate issue.

  Originally Posted by Pillowmint
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How do gays find partners? If you don't TELL everyone that you're gay, and you don't act in a stereotypically "gay" manner, how would you know if someone else wants to get in a relationship with you?

I dunno, I get vibes sometimes I follow the vibes.


  Originally Posted by Kmal
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For gay males - have you ever had sex with a woman to compare? What is the mentality that helps you say "yeah, being gay is ok"? Being an INTJ, do you think being gay is inefficient? I mean penis + penis = ???? penis + vagina = sex

1. Yup I have had sex with someone I did not find physically attractive. Had some parts I wasn't to thrilled about and some parts that I wished were there but were missing.

2. I dunno how to answer the second part.

  Originally Posted by Anhedonic Lake
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Why are transsexuals politically alligned to gays when they have more in common with intersexed people?

Gays have better lobbying power than the intersexed.

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Old 03-31-2010, 06:25 PM   #25
qrious
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This is an interesting question about the masculine/feminine binary and the gender vs. sex debate. Given that gender is more about identity and less about biology, I wonder how we can really talk about attraction. If I find a certain set of physical characteristics attractive regardless of a person's sex, can my sexual orientation truly be determined? If I'm sexually attracted to masculine anatomy and physiology but emotionally attracted to feminine sensibility and energy is my orientation definable? If my ideal sex partner is a woman with a penis or a man with breasts, am I gay or straight?
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