How does one date, incidentally?

**heartland** · 03-20-2010, 06:49 PM

Just as a matter of interest.
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I live in Ireland, where the 'dating game', such as it exists, is largely about 'scoring' in pubs and nightclubs, etc. Which I was never very good at, and in any case I'm too old for now. I prefer the American social dating scene, whereby it's ok to, you know, have a conversation, display an interest if there is sufficient common ground, romance her, etc. Irish women, in my experience, are frankly pretty repressed when it comes down to it. I don't even mean sexually as such, they are just hard work in general.

2002-2004, I did a reasonable amount of dating but frankly, didn't feel much of an interest in any of the chicks I dated, so didn't bother following up. I will go to a certain degree of effort, but if there's no connection, I won't bother. I suppose that's not untypical INTJ behaviour. Last year I went on a blind date, which was literally my first date in five years, and same result again - no real connection, at least as I saw it, so didn't follow up.

I have no problem being forward, in terms of asking females out on dates. Of the three eligible females in my office that meet my standards - as in: around my age, passably good looking, not completely stupid - I've asked two out. One was in a relationship with a guy in the same workplace, which I wasn't aware of at the time, so no harm done, and we get in fine on the office, before and since. The other said she was currently in a 5 month relationship, and yet interestingly, didn't turn me down flat as such.

I'm pretty old-fashioned, I like the romance thing, so in theory I should be successful at this old dating mullarkey, as opposed to one-night-stands and scoring in pubs/nightclubs, etc.

But, apparently, I'm pretty unsuccessful at both. So, any suggestions?

**Lycurgus** · 03-20-2010, 06:58 PM

If your issue is that you're not finding someone to connect with (not that you're unable or unwilling to ask someone out), use the law of large numbers to benefit you.

Keep asking women out until you find a connection.

**Blse** · 03-20-2010, 11:30 PM

	Originally Posted by Lycurgus To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	If your issue is that you're not finding someone to connect with (not that you're unable or unwilling to ask someone out), use the law of large numbers to benefit you. Keep asking women out until you find a connection.

Agreed. Also some venues where might have better luck than bars (which I too hate - so I too have been wondering where to find women):

Tennis & running clubs
Self-improvement classes/clubs
Internet
Volunteering organizations
Professional developmend clubs (Young professionals of Dublin?)

Now one thing you'll notice that all these clubs have in common as that they're centered on self-improvement (except the internet which includes... well, everyone). This focus on self-development and improvement in turn tells you something about the women you'll find there, doesn't it? You see what I'm saying...
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What you mean by "dating incidentally" I don't understand.

**Lycurgus** · 03-20-2010, 11:37 PM

Originally Posted by Blse
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Agreed. Also some venues where might have better luck than bars (which I too hate - so I too have been wondering where to find women):

Tennis & running clubs

Self-improvement classes/clubs

Internet

Volunteering organizations

Professional developmend clubs (Young professionals of Dublin?)

Now one thing you'll notice that all these clubs have in common as that they're centered on self-improvement (except the internet which includes... well, everyone). This focus on self-development and improvement in turn tells you something about the women you'll find there, doesn't it? You see what I'm saying...
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Only do those things if you're actually interested in them. If you're normally a sedentary person, joining a running club to meet someone is probably a bad idea.

**Blse** · 03-20-2010, 11:47 PM

	Originally Posted by Lycurgus To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Only do those things if you're actually interested in them. If you're normally a sedentary person, joining a running club to meet someone is probably a bad idea.

Well, yeah... haha. They all sound interesting to me (although I haven't done all of them yet), but I shouldn't assume they'll appeal to everyone true. Yeah, definintely don't try to learn tennis or volunteer for something you don't beleive in... that would be... uh, not so good
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.

**Silence** · 03-22-2010, 08:47 PM

The ideas given above sound like an excellent start. I'm going to offer a bit of advice- don't date people that you work with. Just from my own personal experience, it can make things very awkward between not only the two of you, but your co-workers as well.

03-20-2010, 06:49 PM	#1
heartland Member [08%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 347	Just as a matter of interest. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. I live in Ireland, where the 'dating game', such as it exists, is largely about 'scoring' in pubs and nightclubs, etc. Which I was never very good at, and in any case I'm too old for now. I prefer the American social dating scene, whereby it's ok to, you know, have a conversation, display an interest if there is sufficient common ground, romance her, etc. Irish women, in my experience, are frankly pretty repressed when it comes down to it. I don't even mean sexually as such, they are just hard work in general. 2002-2004, I did a reasonable amount of dating but frankly, didn't feel much of an interest in any of the chicks I dated, so didn't bother following up. I will go to a certain degree of effort, but if there's no connection, I won't bother. I suppose that's not untypical INTJ behaviour. Last year I went on a blind date, which was literally my first date in five years, and same result again - no real connection, at least as I saw it, so didn't follow up. I have no problem being forward, in terms of asking females out on dates. Of the three eligible females in my office that meet my standards - as in: around my age, passably good looking, not completely stupid - I've asked two out. One was in a relationship with a guy in the same workplace, which I wasn't aware of at the time, so no harm done, and we get in fine on the office, before and since. The other said she was currently in a 5 month relationship, and yet interestingly, didn't turn me down flat as such. I'm pretty old-fashioned, I like the romance thing, so in theory I should be successful at this old dating mullarkey, as opposed to one-night-stands and scoring in pubs/nightclubs, etc. But, apparently, I'm pretty unsuccessful at both. So, any suggestions?
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03-20-2010, 06:58 PM	#2
Lycurgus Member [17%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 704	If your issue is that you're not finding someone to connect with (not that you're unable or unwilling to ask someone out), use the law of large numbers to benefit you. Keep asking women out until you find a connection.
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03-22-2010, 08:47 PM	#6
Silence Member [35%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 1,404	The ideas given above sound like an excellent start. I'm going to offer a bit of advice- don't date people that you work with. Just from my own personal experience, it can make things very awkward between not only the two of you, but your co-workers as well.
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