[psychosylocibin]

Are any of you guys attracted to a type that is sort of your "opposite", or maybe a type that you could never imagine being attracted to you (for personality reasons).

I have this problem.

I am attracted to very feminine, outgoing, educated, mothering, girly girls.

so the kind that wears black dresses, goes out with her girlfriends, giggles, reads cosmopolitan, and works with or loves kids/has a mothering personality. The holy grail is when I find girls like this who are very intelligent.

I don't know why I am, I just can't help it, like it is hardiwired into my brain.

the problem lies in the fact that whenever I do end up liking a girl like this (which I try to avoid happening), I probably get about 2 steps in (since I am pretty good at attracting women), only to be inevitably rejected due to my inherent "cold" and "monotonous" personality.

[azelismia]

If you never get more than two steps with them do you think you're really attracted because you know you can't have them rather than actually being attracted? Forbidden fruit is always the sweetest.

odds are if you actually managed to land a relationship with one she'd drive you insane

what intelligent person reads cosmo? what is your bar for "intelligence"? When you first meet a woman. How do you decide if she is smart or not?


do you really think you have anything in common with that kind of personality, enough to sustain a real relationship?

[Daimai]

It is the same with me, I am only feeling attraced to ESFP-like outgoing party girls.

Stupid problem really..

[SelfMadeBum]

Actually I've found this common among INTJ males, to be attracted to ExFx types while INTJ women tend to stick to men more like themselves.

[Daimai]

	Originally Posted by SelfMadeBum To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Actually I've found this common among INTJ males, to be attracted to ExFx types while INTJ women tend to stick to men more like themselves.

Is there any special reason?

[Seriously]

	Originally Posted by SelfMadeBum To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Actually I've found this common among INTJ males, to be attracted to ExFx types while INTJ women tend to stick to men more like themselves.

Explains why both sexes have issues finding someone, eh? The INTJ men go after the Exfx women while the INTJ women are hankering after the INTJ men.

I usually go for men who go for me first. Tends to make things easier.

[JohnDoe]

	Originally Posted by azelismia To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	odds are if you actually managed to land a relationship with one she'd drive you insane do you really think you have anything in common with that kind of personality, enough to sustain a real relationship?

Yes well this is the problem with thinking with your second brain.

[Synamon]

	Originally Posted by Daimai To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Is there any special reason?

A lot of young INTJ males seem to have bought into gender stereotypes so they want a traditional "50's housewife" type.

[Megalomania]

I have the same problem. I don't like girls who are as prissy as you described though. The girls who think they are fashionistas or spend an ungodly amount of time on their appearance are a big turn off (or ditsy). I like extroverted types who would make good kindergarten teachers or nurses, the kind of girls who are my complement. So far I've yet to attract a single girl who fits these criteria though. I don't think girls to begin with are naturally attracted to the INTJ personality. Add that to the fact that they are outgoing and you stay inside all day then it's even worse.

I wouldn't say I am attracted to a 50s stereotype either.......

[JohnDoe]

Originally Posted by Megalomania To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

I have the same problem. I don't like girls who are as prissy as you described though. The girls who think they are fashionistas or spend an ungodly amount of time on their appearance are a big turn off (or ditsy). I like extroverted types who would make good kindergarten teachers or nurses, the kind of girls who are my complement. So far I've yet to attract a single girl who fits these criteria though. I don't think girls to begin with are naturally attracted to the INTJ personality. Add that to the fact that they are outgoing and you stay inside all day then it's even worse.

Your missing out on the really smart, really good looking people though.
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
They do exist.

[Daimai]

	Originally Posted by Synamon To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	A lot of young INTJ males seem to have bought into gender stereotypes so they want a traditional "50's housewife" type.

How strange, I do not feel like that. Though on the other hand, I havent met an intelligent woman yet.

Basically everyone around me are ExFx so that might be it though.

[paperclip]

Oh man, as an INTJ female it bothers me so much to see an INTJish male going after these dizty girls. I chalk it up to male and female stereotypes- they are of no intellectual threat.

[Seriously]

Most men I think are attracted to the more obviously attractive. Men are visual...they like the pretty shiny things.

[Megalomania]

	Originally Posted by paperclip To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Oh man, as an INTJ female it bothers me so much to see an INTJish male going after these dizty girls. I chalk it up to male and female stereotypes- they are of no intellectual threat.

I just specifically said I dislike ditsy girls.
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

	Originally Posted by Seriously To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Most men I think are attracted to the more obviously attractive. Men are visual...they like the pretty shiny things.

I think that most women are just as visually attracted to a man initially as a man is to a woman. I for one am initially attracted by appearance, but if they don't meet other criteria then I immediately lose interest.

[paperclip]

^ I was referring to psycho...

Yes, I do see the irony of misspelling ditsy
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

[Megalomania]

	Originally Posted by paperclip To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	^ I was referring to psycho... Yes, I do see the irony of misspelling ditsy To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

My bad. I read that as INTJ males in general.

[visitor]

I don't like men who are extremely outgoing or extremely introverted. There needs to be a balance.

I just broke it off with a guy because he was too quiet and passive. I invited him out with my friends where he stood by me the whole time. I'd prefer someone who includes himself and tries to get to know my friends. I think he was either INFP or INTP.

I wasn't very physically attracted to him either so there was just not much there. Didn't challenge me mentally. I need a man who has some confident so I don't feel like I'm wearing the pants. I'm not looking for someone who can complement me, he needs to match me. Probably why I prefer ENTJs.

I'm very introverted, but I'm not shy. I can at least act like an ESFP at a party.

[Storm]

	Originally Posted by Daimai To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	How strange, I do not feel like that. Though on the other hand, I havent met an intelligent woman yet.

Since there is little real difference between the IQ of men and women and women succeed in the academics in equal to higher numbers than men, it is almost statistically impossible that you have never in your life met an intelligent woman. It says more about you than the women in your life.

I'm personally not attracted to my opposite, but I don't want someone just like me either. Balance is key.

[Daimai]

	Originally Posted by Storm To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Since there is little real difference between the IQ of men and women and women succeed in the academics in equal to higher numbers than men, it is almost statistically impossible that you have never in your life met an intelligent woman. It says more about you than the women in your life. I'm personally not attracted to my opposite, but I don't want someone just like me either. Balance is key.

I know, it probably depends on me not going out of the house except for studies.

Also by meeting I meant actually initiating a conversation etc.

[catzmeow]

	Originally Posted by psychosylocibin To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I am attracted to very feminine, outgoing, educated, mothering, girly girls. so the kind that wears black dresses, goes out with her girlfriends, giggles, reads cosmopolitan, and works with or loves kids/has a mothering personality. The holy grail is when I find girls like this who are very intelligent.

I'm like this. Though I'm more likely to have a beer than a Cosmo. And read sci fi than Cosmopolitan. But, I hide my nerdy well.

[Nemesis]

	Originally Posted by paperclip To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Oh man, as an INTJ female it bothers me so much to see an INTJish male going after these dizty girls. I chalk it up to male and female stereotypes- they are of no intellectual threat.

I am probably in the minority by saying this, but "intelligence" really isn't a big factor in what I look for in a woman (*GASP*). I've dated the smartest person I've ever known, as well as the dumbest and found that there's many more important factors to be concerned about than how "smart" someone is. For me it's very simple... if I deeply enjoy being around a woman, for whatever reason, I am more likely to be attracted to them. I really couldn't care less if she's bouncing around shaking her ass off in a nightclub or studying her ass off to become a brain surgeon.

The reason I think many INTJish guys are not super attracted to INTJish women, is that INTJish people (regardless of gender) take themselves way, way, way too seriously and are... well, quite frankly... boring as all hell. Sometimes it's very nice to have someone in your life that can pull you away from your boring and serious self for a while. "Ditzy" women can be pretty good at doing this. It's also important to note that many times, "ditzy" women can have much more going on in their heads than many would initially assume.

---------- Post added 02-08-2010 at 04:11 PM ----------

However, this...

	Originally Posted by Synamon To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	A lot of young INTJ males seem to have bought into gender stereotypes so they want a traditional "50's housewife" type.

probably has a lot of merit, as well (although I'd much rather run my head through a ban-saw then end up with a Stepford wife
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
).

[cannotseethe]

	Originally Posted by Nemesis To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	The reason I think many INTJish guys are not super attracted to INTJish women, is that INTJish people (regardless of gender) take themselves way, way, way too seriously and are... well, quite frankly... boring as all hell.

My ex-wife was an INTJ. As it happened, she was also a hell of a lot of fun. She was very serious about what she did, but she knew how to cut loose (unfortunately, a little too much, which relates to why we're not together anymore...). The combination was, for me, extraordinarily attractive. I'd really like to have both.

[UMDRevan]

For me, I like a girl to be intelligent. She doesn't have to be the next Einstein (although that would be pretty fricking cool), but she has to be able to have a conversation about something on a deep level--even if it is people/relationships, which holds only a moderate interest to me (I'd much rather talk about M-theory, musical composition, etc.). She doesn't have to be an INTJ.

I think INTJs put too much emphasis on mathematical/linguistic intelligence as being the definition of intelligence (read: the definition of a person's worth), although there are many other types of intelligence: physical, interpersonal, etc. Ideally, a person should have many different types of intelligence at high levels. So that I should only be attracted to an INTJ female because she is "intelligent" and not "ditsy" seems to me to be a result of a fractured/incomplete view of people.

Also, if I'm going to be in a relationship with someone, it would be nice if they at least outwardly show they care every now and then. Plus, I'm an INTJ. I know how boring an INTJ can be:

Friend: "Do you want to come over and do ________?" INTJ: "Sorry, I'm busy sitting in my room, by myself, reading an esoteric article in a JSTOR archive. Besides, I'm not interested in ________, so why am I going to go out of my way for you to go do _______?"

Not the stuff of a good relationship. I see that sort of tendency in myself and try to correct it; other INTJs I have known haven't cared to correct it, and it in turn isn't surprising that most people don't bother themselves to take an interest in those INTJs. Why should they? Someone that is that self-absorbed, no matter how "intelligent" they are, probably isn't worth the time of day (relationship-wise).

So, for me, a girl should have some kind of intelligence, she should be able to show that she in some way cares about me, she shouldn't be too judgmental/harsh on or disinterested in other people, and after that, it's pretty much up for grabs.

[catzmeow]

	Originally Posted by paperclip To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Oh man, as an INTJ female it bothers me so much to see an INTJish male going after these dizty girls. I chalk it up to male and female stereotypes- they are of no intellectual threat.

	Originally Posted by Daimai To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	How strange, I do not feel like that. Though on the other hand, I havent met an intelligent woman yet. Basically everyone around me are ExFx so that might be it though.

Wow...the arrogance here is breathtaking.

ENFP's might be ditzy and social, but most of us are highly intelligent and can hold our own in a serious discussion if it piques our interest.

Maybe men are attracted to women who are somewhat girly, feminine, warm, and pleasant because we're EASY TO BE AROUND. For an introvert, we can smooth over social situations and make them easier. We're funny. We laugh a lot. We're easy to please and entertain. We aren't constantly looking down our noses at people, assuming we're better. We LIKE people, which makes it easy for them to feel comfortable around us and like us back.

I mean, seriously. My IQ is probably as high as any of the posters I've quoted here.

	Originally Posted by Synamon To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	A lot of young INTJ males seem to have bought into gender stereotypes so they want a traditional "50's housewife" type.

That's not what the OP said. You're misquoting his intentions.

[Nemesis]

	Originally Posted by cannotseethe To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	My ex-wife was an INTJ. As it happened, she was also a hell of a lot of fun. She was very serious about what she did, but she knew how to cut loose (unfortunately, a little too much, which relates to why we're not together anymore...). The combination was, for me, extraordinarily attractive. I'd really like to have both.

Of course I'm not saying that INTJs aren't capable of striking up a very good balance, but it tends to be fairly rare. However, if that's what is appealing to somebody, then it is by all means worth pursuing.