Emotionally Mature v.s. Emotionally Void

**Kratos** · 02-02-2010, 02:10 PM

2 Weeks ago I severed ties with a friend who did not want to end the friendship. I felt nothing.

The above is just a minor precursor to my topic so don't worry about the lack of information.
How can you know if you are being emotionally mature rather than void? Are the symptoms the same?

**Still Standing** · 02-02-2010, 02:40 PM

I think an emotionally mature person would have mixed feelings about the situation: they'd feel some concern/sadness/empathy for the friend who is losing their friendship, but also relieved and maybe even happy about not having to deal anymore with whatever problematic issue there was in the relationship.

"Emotionally void" is something I'm not familiar with. We all have feelings about what happens in our lives, whether pleasant or unpleasant, but we sometimes tend to suppress the unpleasant ones.

**Kratos** · 02-02-2010, 02:59 PM

I lied when I said I felt nothing but I didn't feel a whole lot.
How extreme do you suppose those feelings have to be in order for them to be catagorized as "mature"?

**WoodsWoman** · 02-02-2010, 03:22 PM

I don't think they need to be extreme but need to be sincere: honesty with yourself is the most important.

**Aurelia** · 02-02-2010, 03:40 PM

Hard to say as I am not emotionally void. Even when justified in ending certain relationships, I still feel conflicting emotions about it. I don't like hurting other people.

**HappyToBeMe** · 02-02-2010, 04:31 PM

Maybe you felt "almost" nothing because the so called friendship meant "almost" nothing to you as well. You tend to feel like this when you lose something that you don't care much about. How would you feel if a person that you care about would ask you to terminate the friendship?

**plotthickens** · 02-02-2010, 04:38 PM

Do you ever have emotions, large or small?

**Kratos** · 02-02-2010, 05:24 PM

HappyToBeMe: Perhaps you're right but he wasn't a bad friend. I had fun when I was out w/ him. He just did something that totally violated my principles and I decided that we couldn't hang out anymore.

I can't say for sure how I would feel in that situation but I wouldn't want to be friends w/ someone who didn't want to be mine.

plotthickens: It's weird. Some musical pieces can consistanly overwhelm me but the drama from losing this friend had little affect.

**HappyToBeMe** · 02-02-2010, 05:27 PM

Originally Posted by Kratos
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HappyToBeMe: Perhaps you're right but he wasn't a bad friend. I had fun when I was out w/ him. He just did something that totally violated my principles and I decided that we couldn't hang out anymore.

I can't say for sure how I would feel in that situation but I wouldn't want to be friends w/ someone who didn't want to be mine.

plotthickens: It's weird. Some musical pieces can consistently overwhelm me but the drama from losing this friend had little affect.

I think you already answered your question.
You can't blame yourself for not having feelings towards something that is of no interest for you anymore.

**Geminii** · 02-03-2010, 10:41 AM

I'm about to be in a similar situation. I think I'll have to have a chat with the... acquaintance... in question and tell him that although he is free to choose his own path, if he does the thing he was telling me he was thinking of doing than I will simply sever all ties with him.

The situations aren't identical. This guy is more of a potential business partner. We're in the middle of getting a new product developed. His name could end up next to mine on a lot of paperwork and potentially around the internet. And I've just found out that he's thinking of doing something which would pretty much make him the next Gene Ray. This makes me very wary not only of being commercially linked with him, but of having any future confidence in anything he might say on any subject.

Before his revelation, I would probably have called him a friend. If I have to cut him out of my life, however, I don't think I'll feel anything more than a mild annoyance and regret for things which might have been.

**Scatterbrane** · 02-03-2010, 11:58 AM

I go alexithymic (which I reckon might be the same as or similar to being "emotionally void") from highly negative interaction, and stop being able to tell directly what emotions I'm experiencing. Not really helpful for learning mature behaviour from what I can tell.

**Yhor** · 02-03-2010, 02:47 PM

I sever ties with friends and family a lot; when I do it, it is normally 100% no contact. When this happens, I think what I feel, more than anything, has to do with my learned processes of what happens to others when they experience loss. I know I should feel bad, so I attempt to express negative feelings about it so as to not be overly criticized about it. It helps avoid confrontation that I don't wish to engage in with those who 'know me'.. so I can continue on my current path uninterrupted. I think this is more normal than some people let on, but maybe it's difficult to admit to their selves.

**shadrag** · 02-03-2010, 03:01 PM

	Originally Posted by Kratos To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I lied when I said I felt nothing but I didn't feel a whole lot. How extreme do you suppose those feelings have to be in order for them to be catagorized as "mature"?

Strength of feeling has nothing at all to do with maturity.

**True Rune** · 02-03-2010, 03:10 PM

	Originally Posted by shadrag To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Strength of feeling has nothing at all to do with maturity.

This. Emotional maturity is more balancing the head and the heart. Cutting people off because they're of no interest to you isn't something I'd call mature. Not saying it's wrong either of course.

02-02-2010, 02:10 PM	#1
Kratos New Member [01%] MBTI: INFJ Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 36	2 Weeks ago I severed ties with a friend who did not want to end the friendship. I felt nothing. The above is just a minor precursor to my topic so don't worry about the lack of information. How can you know if you are being emotionally mature rather than void? Are the symptoms the same?
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02-02-2010, 02:40 PM	#2
Still Standing Core Member [138%] MBTI: Isfp Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 5,543	I think an emotionally mature person would have mixed feelings about the situation: they'd feel some concern/sadness/empathy for the friend who is losing their friendship, but also relieved and maybe even happy about not having to deal anymore with whatever problematic issue there was in the relationship. "Emotionally void" is something I'm not familiar with. We all have feelings about what happens in our lives, whether pleasant or unpleasant, but we sometimes tend to suppress the unpleasant ones.
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02-02-2010, 02:59 PM	#3
Kratos New Member [01%] MBTI: INFJ Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 36	I lied when I said I felt nothing but I didn't feel a whole lot. How extreme do you suppose those feelings have to be in order for them to be catagorized as "mature"?
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02-02-2010, 03:22 PM	#4
WoodsWoman Core Member [897%] MBTI: INFP Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 35,883	I don't think they need to be extreme but need to be sincere: honesty with yourself is the most important.
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02-02-2010, 03:40 PM	#5
Aurelia Member [39%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 1,568	Hard to say as I am not emotionally void. Even when justified in ending certain relationships, I still feel conflicting emotions about it. I don't like hurting other people.
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02-02-2010, 04:31 PM	#6
HappyToBeMe Core Member [100%] MBTI: XXXX Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 4,016	Maybe you felt "almost" nothing because the so called friendship meant "almost" nothing to you as well. You tend to feel like this when you lose something that you don't care much about. How would you feel if a person that you care about would ask you to terminate the friendship?
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02-02-2010, 04:38 PM	#7
plotthickens Core Member [662%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 26,503	Do you ever have emotions, large or small?
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02-02-2010, 05:24 PM	#8
Kratos New Member [01%] MBTI: INFJ Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 36	HappyToBeMe: Perhaps you're right but he wasn't a bad friend. I had fun when I was out w/ him. He just did something that totally violated my principles and I decided that we couldn't hang out anymore. I can't say for sure how I would feel in that situation but I wouldn't want to be friends w/ someone who didn't want to be mine. plotthickens: It's weird. Some musical pieces can consistanly overwhelm me but the drama from losing this friend had little affect.
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02-03-2010, 10:41 AM	#10
Geminii Member [14%] MBTI: INTX Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 573	I'm about to be in a similar situation. I think I'll have to have a chat with the... acquaintance... in question and tell him that although he is free to choose his own path, if he does the thing he was telling me he was thinking of doing than I will simply sever all ties with him. The situations aren't identical. This guy is more of a potential business partner. We're in the middle of getting a new product developed. His name could end up next to mine on a lot of paperwork and potentially around the internet. And I've just found out that he's thinking of doing something which would pretty much make him the next Gene Ray. This makes me very wary not only of being commercially linked with him, but of having any future confidence in anything he might say on any subject. Before his revelation, I would probably have called him a friend. If I have to cut him out of my life, however, I don't think I'll feel anything more than a mild annoyance and regret for things which might have been.
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02-03-2010, 11:58 AM	#11
Scatterbrane Member [12%] MBTI: INFJ Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 513	I go alexithymic (which I reckon might be the same as or similar to being "emotionally void") from highly negative interaction, and stop being able to tell directly what emotions I'm experiencing. Not really helpful for learning mature behaviour from what I can tell.
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02-03-2010, 02:47 PM	#12
Yhor Member [24%] MBTI: InTj Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 987	I sever ties with friends and family a lot; when I do it, it is normally 100% no contact. When this happens, I think what I feel, more than anything, has to do with my learned processes of what happens to others when they experience loss. I know I should feel bad, so I attempt to express negative feelings about it so as to not be overly criticized about it. It helps avoid confrontation that I don't wish to engage in with those who 'know me'.. so I can continue on my current path uninterrupted. I think this is more normal than some people let on, but maybe it's difficult to admit to their selves.
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