[TheBlondest]

In my 9+ years of dating, I've heard just about everything. I have obtained quite the arsenal of excuses, "I don't like blondes," and "you're not Catholic" as well as "I hate the way your forehead wrinkles," and the classic "I'm too busy," let's not forget, "You voted for Bush," and last but not least, "you don't fit in to my 5 year plan." That last one has become somewhat of an inside joke amongst friends because it's happened to me three times. I must attract really finicky long-term goalers. Whatever.

Nothing compares in ridiculousness or petulant audacity as the most recent DTR-rejection excuse. This zinger excuse was brought to me courtesy of my new ENFJ friend and has already reached inside joke magnitude.

Wait for it... "adrenaline made me do it." I mean at least he called me to tell me he blamed his youthful horny indiscretion on the levels of a specific hormone in his blood—not just hormones. That's like me blaming vodka for dropping that thing in the toilet on 4th of July... never-mind that. My point is, that I chose to have vodka and as a result of my CHOICE, I dropped something in the toilet.

This fella chose to flirt with, befriend and pursue me. We're talking oodles of attention. Then one night in the middle of a cuddle-session movie he chose to tickle, kiss and then pounce on me and ultimately leave abruptly once the film ended and he realized his "mistake". Then he chose to freeze me out for days after weeks of said perusal. He made these choices. He led me on and blamed an adrenaline rush from watching the football game. His team didn't even win.

I'm really sore on excuses and suspect it is an ENFJ thing to do, you know, instead of admitting they messed up and apologizing. I'd rather he just said, "you looked hot/smelled good, so I made out with you. Sorry." But, "adrenaline made me do it." Wtf.

Let me elaborate, adrenaline makes him, "make bad decisions," (making out with me) as well as, "do things I wouldn't normally do," (be a straight man) and, "I've had this problem for a long time," (tool) and change his personality, "that's just not me." It's not like him to make out with a hot blonde? Well, you have got issues. At first glance, the "problem" that he has is the problem of being a womanizing ass and a liar as well as a usurper of friends.

Days after the fact in a "sweep-it-all-under-the-rug sort of phone conversation":

"So I don't want to lead you on, make you think I have stronger feelings for you.."
"Ok. I should probably call off the Fatwa on your head then."
"What?"
"Nothing. So, that's it, adrenaline?"
"Heh-yup."
"Ok. I'm going to go now."

He could have just said, "look, I don't want to lead you on anymore. the other night was fun, but maybe it's for the best if we don't do it again." That would've been acceptable. I knew the no good night kiss thing was a tip off. I hate being right.

Admittedly, I'm a little proud of him for being so creative, and I will probably use this line later in life, but, what I'm wondering is what exactly went through his ENFJ brain, because I know that he liked me at some point. It should be noted that he never took responsibility nor did he apologize for what happened.

• Did he make up this clever adrenal excuse to spare my feelings from the real reason for his rejection and to cleanse his future-seminary-boy conscience?

• Did he really think I'd buy it? (Insulting).

• Or is he just an unstable ENFJ and a player?

[SeaCzar]

Regardless of what he is, it sounds like you should be glad to be rid of him.

[Lucius]

You cracked me up.... or more like, his response cracked me up...

Anyways, it's always the most appealing to chase after lust; however, when lust is in one's hands, it gets boring and unwanted...

[Solaris]

I had a fling with an ENFJ once. He kinda freaked out too. I think he was genuinely surprised at his own reaction -- because he was the one that initiated it. Men are strange.

Maybe you should try out telling some guy he doesn't fit into your 5 year plan, but does fit into your 10 year plan. :P

[Uytuun]

	Originally Posted by Lucius To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	when lust is in one's hands, it gets boring and unwanted...

Yeah, that game is one I hate.

That said, at least he made us laugh?
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But I understand your anger. And I can relate. In "sparing" you he really mostly spares himself.

[realitycheque]

Actually, the "adrenaline" excuse isn't so much an impossibility as an inaccuracy.

The more plausible statement might have been "Noradrenaline Made Me Do It." Look up that specific neurotransmitter on wikipedia. It is chemically and psychoactively related to both adrenaline and dopamine (look those up while you're at it).

The effect that your friend may be alluding to takes place in the brain rather than the blood. It is theorized that noradrenaline has a significant impact on the body's Reward System (another look-up). Primary rewards can include sex, and secondary rewards can include pleasant touch and beauty. It sounds like your salacious proximity and some vicarious football provided the inputs to generate the outputs you experienced.

Or it's just an ENFJ thing.

[elsdfr]

I've heard a few (honest) male stories in the past and none of them makes much sense to me so no doubt it was some tiny thing he wasn't man enough to address.

[Vagrant]

5 year plans? Are they Stalin?

And to be perfectly honest -- you're better off without the guy if he's gonna pull that. Yeah, it would've been better had he been more honest and said "You were hot, and I got horny... and got carried away," but who wants to hurt their pride?
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[thiagofralves]

I think he was naive enough to think you'd accept it... and I think it is the best he could come up with at the moment he needed to say something. Maybe he didn't even realised this would hurt you, which of course it did.

And I'm still laughing at the 5 years plan... I would promptly dissmiss people who do stuff like that... life isn't planned, life just happens. You may try to direct it, but a plan? Sorry, no way. Lame excuse. And funny as hell.

Btw, even though his excuse is pretty lame, I've felt what he said when I went parachuting... afterwards, I had so much adrenaline in body that I felt like I would do anything just to get tired.

[catzmeow]

Things that adrenaline addiction has made me do, over the years:

1. Work professionally with gang members.
2. Run towards crime scenes, instead of away from them.
3. Jump off multiple cliffs and bridges (into water, of course).
4. Rock climb.

Nonetheless, he's a wanker.

[plotthickens]

	Originally Posted by TheBlondest To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	• Did he make up this clever adrenal excuse to spare my feelings from the real reason for his rejection and to cleanse his future-seminary-boy conscience? • Did he really think I'd buy it? (Insulting). • Or is he just an unstable ENFJ and a player?

I have been in this kind of situation. I found myself pondering these kinds of questions forever. And then I asked "Don't I have better things to ponder? Yes I do! What's the ultimate goal I want out of this? I want him to feel moderately bad and I want to move on. How can I get there?" So I decided to simply express offhanded pity whenever he came up and move the heck on.

That really grates on their nerves. And I have more time for the important conversations in my head. "How does one integrate water storage tanks, a patio, grape and kiwi vines, and supports for three hammocks in a very stable configuration on a 8% slope without incurring steps off the downslope edge? Hmmmm!"

[Blse]

He sounds flaky IMO.

That said, hormones do make people do crazy things. His excuse doesn't sound that unrealistic.

[Causa Mortis]

	Originally Posted by TheBlondest To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	• Did he make up this clever adrenal excuse to spare my feelings from the real reason for his rejection and to cleanse his future-seminary-boy conscience? • Did he really think I'd buy it? (Insulting). • Or is he just an unstable ENFJ and a player?

Who cares, you can do better, move on.

[TheBlondest]

	Originally Posted by Blse To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	He sounds flaky IMO. That said, hormones do make people do crazy things. His excuse doesn't sound that unrealistic.

But he still has free will. I mean, I understand that being "hormonal" can cause us to have urges to act in different ways, being a female, I totally understand that. But again, I can choose to act on it or not.

What I didn't like was the fact that he didn't apologize. Well, how could he apologize for his "different self." Seriously? Eye roll.

It is still an excuse and as C.S. Lewis said, "Explanation of cause is not a justification by reason."

[Scatterbrane]

	Originally Posted by TheBlondest To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	But he still has free will. I mean, I understand that being "hormonal" can cause us to have urges to act in different ways, being a female, I totally understand that. But again, I can choose to act on it or not.

You look to be discounting or minimizing the changes in decision making that take place during particularly emotional moments. Gender's got little to do with it in specific cases, even though general tendencies differ.

	It is still an excuse and as C.S. Lewis said, "Explanation of cause is not a justification by reason."

Yeah it's sad he doesn't seem to know better and chooses bad rationalizations rather than just explaining that for whatever reason this relationship is not what he generally desires. I'd take offense at this sort of excuse too even as much as I appreciate what circumstances can do to shift a person's neurological workings.

[shadrag]

I can add mine to the pile, but I am the guy in this situation with a girl. I still think it's relevant, I hope you do too
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.

My "creme de la creme", is a girl, in a circle I think highly of, that I was kind of yanked towards then rejected swiftly by, but we've hung out a bit in the year(s) since and I legitimately wanted to be friends with her.

The rejection itself was bad enough from a girl who I know isn't stupid, she had been ignoring me while hanging out with me, I had to ask what was up. She said "I don't think we should continue this." and "You can ask questions." Which I proceeded to ask. She then proceeded to not answer a single damn one. I admit I was a bit baffled.

So now fast-forward, we've hung out literally dozens of times since, sometimes group, sometimes just us. Sometimes we talk about stuff that's important to us. Occasionally she is really nice, occasionally she's pretty condescending. I knew that something was up, but thought that if we just hung it would work itself out. At some point I realized this wasn't working because her weird behavior causes me to constantly wonder what is going on, which causes me to go internal (INTJ style), which seems to keep our messed-up friendship from going anywhere.

Fast forward more, I confronted her about it. I had previously considered confronting her about it, but always came to the conclusion she would take it wrong. After a bonding session with a VERY good buddy of mine (and possibly her most serious ex-boyfriend) he said enough to convince me to try.

I told her honestly that I want to be better friends. She then explained to me that friendships take time hanging out, to which I agreed (she seemed willing to hang out). I tried to explain that I basically have a hard time trusting her. We arrive at the topic of what happened previously and I ask her to just tell me whatever she can about her thoughts at the time. What she said was quite literally this: "I'm sorry, I should have noticed 'the signs' sooner". Now, believe me, when I say that I'm pretty sure each of us thinks that we are a poor match romantically, but it would certainly seem like she thinks I'm single because I'm pathetic, not, I'm single because I'm a picky INTJ. (Even the way she pauses every single time when she says that I'm a "...cool guy", it's probably the only thing I've ever heard her say about me)

I then did a "bad thing" and tried to explain to her why our being better friends would be beneficial to both of us, because honestly I think it would. We both deal with a lot of stuff and I think we could learn from each other. She immediately took offense because apparently, "who the F was I" to say things about her that she had as much as said TO ME about herself. I tried to halt her, but was just immediately thrown out for raising my voice. Stick a fork in me, I'm done.

Now really, I entreat you to beat that. Not only a great romantic reject, but oh so much more. Is there a lesson? Got me on that one
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TLDR: OMFGWTFBBQ

[Antares]

I had a fling with a boy this summer. It was going very well, until he said summer is ending, therefore we should end it before summer ends to avoid getting attached. I agreed, and we broke up with a hug- a sign of good will, I suppose. He froze me out for the next couple of days (I still can't figure out what the hell went on in that head of his), and trust me, it made the situation VERY awkward, and I hold him completely responsible for making it so for the rest of the summer. His attitude was infectious. Two hasty exits from him later, I started to do the same; avoid him like a plague. When I asked him about his behavior, he said "trust me, I had it from a friend. Being in a relationship is horrible." Way to be completely lame, but borderline original. It could be interpreted as "a relationship with you would be horrible", but we've known each other for barely a couple of weeks, and had a two day fling. He initiated it, and we had a great time. So what's his deal? I never found out. But I think he freaked out a little at the fling. Either way, good fucking riddance.

And 5 year plan, I had to laugh. At least he made the break-up relevant to humanities.

[reb]

TheBlondest,
those are at least entertaining excuses. i'm filing them away for future use in a variety of situations.

remember, no matter how pretty the woman, somewhere there is a man who is tired of diddling her. this one just got tired really quick.