A Mistrust for Others?

**Takeru** · 12-30-2009, 09:46 PM

I do not know what kind of disorder I believe it stems from or if people would really consider it a disorder. But I seem to have a hard time being able to give my trust to other people. I always have to set a certain distance mentally with new people I meet. It doesn't happen when it is someone I have known and made constant contact though. After pondering for a while, I somehow believe it is a problem....

I have no problem interacting with professors after a week or so of lecture. When it comes to classmates, you will hardly ever see me try to initiate anything with other people. I won't avoid any contact if it is made by other people. But further than just a contact is hard to come by. You'll have to be really forceful with me to get to me. Other people will strike me as either distant or quiet. Yet in the classroom, I am often really active during the lectures. People often compliment on how active I am during class too. Often times they would wave at me when they see me outside of class. This has happen also in high school and middle school. Yet I do not believe it ever occurred during my elementary school years. I was shy, yes, but not this defensive.

The root causes of this is that I believe I have been stepped on too many times previously that I just do not give to much care to deepening friendships. No matter how hard I want to/try to, my mind always somehow tells me otherwise. It has come to the point of being something of the form of passive/passive-aggressive interaction with people(a really INFP characteristic.) It sounds really detrimental to myself however. Which is probably the keyword.

**Valielen** · 12-30-2009, 11:34 PM

I don't see anything wrong with being mistrustful of others. If you think this is being harmful to you in the way that you require more interaction with others, then you could try guarding yourself but not avoid interaction.
I don't usually say much about myself that could be used against me and am quite guarded in what I say, but I will go out and meet people. If their personality appears to be compabitble with mine, then I slowly let out a few personal things that I know would not harm me but others could see as a weakness. If they don't try to use it against me or put me in situations where my issues could be problematic, then it's a good start to a potential friendship.
Also, I use social gatherings to observe everyone. It gives me a pretty good idea of what the starting ground is.
All this takes a fair amount of concentration for me as I'm not a naturally social person so I don't have much time to growl at people for trying to interact with me now.

As to becoming deep friendships, that just comes as life happens and you notice how much these people would do or care for you when you're happy or when problems occur.

A starting point would be to just be polite and wave back and just respond to others without showing too much of yourself.

**Takeru** · 12-31-2009, 01:00 AM

Yes, I do tend to respond to people when initiated by others. From middle school onwards, I started having inclinations of being less sociable to people and the hurt just continued even though I decided to open up.

I'll think about that the next time I meet new people. It isn't because I don't want to talk to new people and maybe befriend them. It is for the fact that I mentioned earlier. But if I can let go just a little bit and see how the other person reacts to me, I could either be at ease or end it there without going even deeper within myself.

Somehow I think I may have a mild case of either social anxiety or avoidant personality
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, that is why I made this thread in the first place.

**jcb** · 12-31-2009, 03:56 AM

i generally start from a position of mistrust with everyone i meet.

i rarely move from this position - this includes with family members. this isn't to say i don't have people i like and spend time with - i just don't trust them.

strangely, some of those closest to me are both the most and least trusted, if that makes sense.

**reb** · 12-31-2009, 07:12 AM

maybe you can do everything better'n me???

sounds like you got 'reality disease'. the world is a collection of small failures that sometimes add up to large ones. the key is to stay out of the failures, and not become totally untrusting. a middle ground of 'show me' is where i try to stay.

**dead** · 12-31-2009, 06:07 PM

I don't find trust necessary. I definitely don't think people are out to get me, but I just feel like you should never forget that anyone could be something that they don't seem. I take this attitude mostly because I am someone who is something that I don't seem.

But - I never allow irrational feelings of paranoia about people. Healthy distrust needs to be a calm and comfortable state. That's sort of my philosophy re: trust.

**invicta** · 12-31-2009, 06:33 PM

I have had a long history of being distrustful of others, and personally, I think it stemmed from emotional naivete...I just wouldn't see things coming and it made me feel vulnerable. My confusion around my own little acknowledged Fi left me unaware of social dynamics, and it would inevitably cause problems I couldn't foresee.

I just stopped getting in situations where I had to trust people and tried to be as self-reliant as I could. That way I didn't have to risk my emotions.

I don't know that I'm all the way over this. I'd like to be. I think that mistrust is a coping mechanism, once removed from a natural state. A burden.

12-30-2009, 09:46 PM	#1
Takeru Veteran Member [96%] MBTI: XXXX Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 3,873	I do not know what kind of disorder I believe it stems from or if people would really consider it a disorder. But I seem to have a hard time being able to give my trust to other people. I always have to set a certain distance mentally with new people I meet. It doesn't happen when it is someone I have known and made constant contact though. After pondering for a while, I somehow believe it is a problem.... I have no problem interacting with professors after a week or so of lecture. When it comes to classmates, you will hardly ever see me try to initiate anything with other people. I won't avoid any contact if it is made by other people. But further than just a contact is hard to come by. You'll have to be really forceful with me to get to me. Other people will strike me as either distant or quiet. Yet in the classroom, I am often really active during the lectures. People often compliment on how active I am during class too. Often times they would wave at me when they see me outside of class. This has happen also in high school and middle school. Yet I do not believe it ever occurred during my elementary school years. I was shy, yes, but not this defensive. The root causes of this is that I believe I have been stepped on too many times previously that I just do not give to much care to deepening friendships. No matter how hard I want to/try to, my mind always somehow tells me otherwise. It has come to the point of being something of the form of passive/passive-aggressive interaction with people(a really INFP characteristic.) It sounds really detrimental to myself however. Which is probably the keyword.
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12-30-2009, 11:34 PM	#2
Valielen Member [13%] MBTI: InTj Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 539	I don't see anything wrong with being mistrustful of others. If you think this is being harmful to you in the way that you require more interaction with others, then you could try guarding yourself but not avoid interaction. I don't usually say much about myself that could be used against me and am quite guarded in what I say, but I will go out and meet people. If their personality appears to be compabitble with mine, then I slowly let out a few personal things that I know would not harm me but others could see as a weakness. If they don't try to use it against me or put me in situations where my issues could be problematic, then it's a good start to a potential friendship. Also, I use social gatherings to observe everyone. It gives me a pretty good idea of what the starting ground is. All this takes a fair amount of concentration for me as I'm not a naturally social person so I don't have much time to growl at people for trying to interact with me now. As to becoming deep friendships, that just comes as life happens and you notice how much these people would do or care for you when you're happy or when problems occur. A starting point would be to just be polite and wave back and just respond to others without showing too much of yourself.
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12-31-2009, 01:00 AM	#3
Takeru Veteran Member [96%] MBTI: XXXX Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 3,873	Yes, I do tend to respond to people when initiated by others. From middle school onwards, I started having inclinations of being less sociable to people and the hurt just continued even though I decided to open up. I'll think about that the next time I meet new people. It isn't because I don't want to talk to new people and maybe befriend them. It is for the fact that I mentioned earlier. But if I can let go just a little bit and see how the other person reacts to me, I could either be at ease or end it there without going even deeper within myself. Somehow I think I may have a mild case of either social anxiety or avoidant personality To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. , that is why I made this thread in the first place.
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12-31-2009, 03:56 AM	#4
jcb Member [08%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 338	i generally start from a position of mistrust with everyone i meet. i rarely move from this position - this includes with family members. this isn't to say i don't have people i like and spend time with - i just don't trust them. strangely, some of those closest to me are both the most and least trusted, if that makes sense.
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12-31-2009, 07:12 AM	#5
reb Core Member [257%] MBTI: XNTJ Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 10,280	maybe you can do everything better'n me??? sounds like you got 'reality disease'. the world is a collection of small failures that sometimes add up to large ones. the key is to stay out of the failures, and not become totally untrusting. a middle ground of 'show me' is where i try to stay.
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12-31-2009, 06:07 PM	#6
dead Member [03%] MBTI: ENTP Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 157	I don't find trust necessary. I definitely don't think people are out to get me, but I just feel like you should never forget that anyone could be something that they don't seem. I take this attitude mostly because I am someone who is something that I don't seem. But - I never allow irrational feelings of paranoia about people. Healthy distrust needs to be a calm and comfortable state. That's sort of my philosophy re: trust.
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12-31-2009, 06:33 PM	#7
invicta Member [24%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 975	I have had a long history of being distrustful of others, and personally, I think it stemmed from emotional naivete...I just wouldn't see things coming and it made me feel vulnerable. My confusion around my own little acknowledged Fi left me unaware of social dynamics, and it would inevitably cause problems I couldn't foresee. I just stopped getting in situations where I had to trust people and tried to be as self-reliant as I could. That way I didn't have to risk my emotions. I don't know that I'm all the way over this. I'd like to be. I think that mistrust is a coping mechanism, once removed from a natural state. A burden.
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