[mayumi]

	Originally Posted by Eric86 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Actually, the only people who've ever not respected me were the girls that I've been interested in in the past ...

Now I feel inclined to hand out pity dates. Don't say these things out loud okay.

It seems, INFJ men have it worse.

[CaptainA]

Originally Posted by DrEast To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

This is actually a behavior that INTJs mimic, to a lesser degree. When we feel like someone else is endangering our emotional autonomy, we start avoiding that person. This can happen even if said endangerment is in the form of an infatuation on that other person. We just don't DO sappy stuff, and here are all these sappy urges coming from this source. Answer? Avoid the source. This can lead to hilarious situations in the formative high school/college years of the INTJ. Also sad ones. We also do give the cold shoulder to people who prove themselves engrossed in spheres that hold no interest for us (my polite way of saying "useless people"). But there it's not particularly funny, since there's no attraction-repulsion dynamic. It's just what I've seen referenced in these forums as the "INTJ glacier" or the "INTJ hammer."

This really describes much of my school years and I just had to smile when reading it. Of course I didn't understand what was going on in those days. In fact am not to sure that I would be consciously aware of it now until someone points it out. I also remember the phenomenal male/female friendships I had prior to hormones staring to work on both sides.

Of course the hormones part is what this thread is trying to help.

[Eric86]

	Originally Posted by mayumi To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Now I feel inclined to hand out pity dates. Don't say these things out loud okay. It seems, INFJ men have it worse.

I wouldn't want someone to do that out of pity.....only if they had genuine interest in me.

Although I can't speak for the others, since I don't know any, I've definitely had a really hard time with things.

[CarolinetheENFP]

eric youre always so negative!
*huggles*
now cheer up!

[Eric86]

lol actually I had a really good day today and yesterday, though for several days before that I was really down because my depression was acting up again, and I even missed a day of work because of it (I didn't wake up to my alarms and slept for 14 hours....).

[Seppuku Savant]

My INFJ and I are working out well. However, it took us two years to get here. Communication, misunderstanding, and neediness were the problems before. We have learned to talk to each other more openly and she gives me space. That's helped quite a bit.

[green eyes]

	Originally Posted by ricearoni To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I've read that there can be a conflict between being masculine and being an INFJ.

Originally Posted by Indubitably To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

...it seems plausible that what I am noticing is simply the result of immature INFJ males over compensating for what they perceive as a personal lack of masculinity. Does this seem reasonable to any of the older male INFJs in the thread? Do you feel like you are a much more giving, compassionate, and or accommodating person than other men? Did you feel a great deal of pressure to be more "masculine" when you were young, and looking back do you think you may have tried a little too hard to be masculine until you came into your own?

Found this within a very interesting
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by the folks over at Murray State University:

Male INFJs have a more problematic situation because the qualities naturally preferred by INFJs are not those traditionally considered to be "male." To counter the image of being weak, male INFJs can become stubborn, often to a degree disproportionate tot he situation at hand. They are capable of taking a seemingly small issue and making it seem as if the entire world--or at least their masculinity--were riding on the outcome. The behavior unfortunately belies the fact that both male and female INFJs are reservoirs of quiet, intellectual introspective imagination who can inspire insight and growth in men and women alike. INFJs are often great thinkers whose pondering of the immense can bring great ideas to the forefront. Typically, they seek to spread their ideas in a quiet, deliberate way--more typically by the pen than by the sword.

[Eric86]

Good read. Fortunately, I've never done that myself at all.
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(being overdefensive of my self-image; it doesn't matter to me, so those thoughts don't even cross my mind one bit)

[gadjitfreek]

I have a cat. Her name is Mina. She is incredibly lovable, and I love her. People are unnecessarily complicated.

[alphawolf]

	Originally Posted by publicdonkey To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	We INTJs enjoy the earmark of self-confidence.

Yes, until we meet an INFJ girl. Smart, beautiful, mysterious, passionate, emotional, submissively dominant, the list goes on and on. Could be the perfect match...

.

[Colette]

	Originally Posted by alphawolf To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Yes, until we meet an INFJ girl. Smart, beautiful, mysterious, passionate, emotional, submissively dominant, the list goes on and on. Could be the perfect match...

Interesting. I'd worked out recently that INFJ (or possibly ENFJ with weak E) would be my perfect match. Any idea where such men are to be found?
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[alphawolf]

	Originally Posted by Colette To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Interesting. I'd worked out recently that INFJ (or possibly ENFJ with weak E) would be my perfect match. Any idea where such men are to be found? To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

You'd want a submissively dominant man? I just don't see how that could work.

I think male INTJ + female INFJ = potentially good match

I don't know about the other way around. I couldn't judge that.

[PortInStorm]

Who knows what submissively dominant is anyways, man or woman?

[alphawolf]

	Originally Posted by PortInStorm To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Who knows what submissively dominant is anyways, man or woman?

Submissively dominant woman, for example...

Will never, ever make the first move.
Demands an aggressive, confident man or the game is over.
But when making love, you know she is the one who is really in control.


That kind. I think INFJ women can be like this, but I seriously doubt that INFJ men are like this. Or if they are, what kind of woman would want one?

[Synamon]

And you back that statement up with what?

[PortInStorm]

Ok, now I'm on the same page. Ya, I'm not sure I'd like a submissive man- scratch that, I know I wouldn't. Obviously it's a fine line etc etc

[alphawolf]

	Originally Posted by Synamon To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	And you back that statement up with what?

A really huge smile on my face ;-) No further comment.

[Synamon]

	Originally Posted by alphawolf To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	... but I seriously doubt that INFJ men are like this.

I guess I should have quoted you. You know this how?

[alphawolf]

	Originally Posted by Synamon To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I guess I should have quoted you. You know this how?

I don't. I just seriously doubt it.

When I am in T mode, I can't attract any women, hell I am even somewhat intimidated by many of them. Or maybe it's just that I can't read their signals when I am in T mode... When I am in F mode, complete opposite... I don't really have anything to base it on other than myself. That, and the general effects of testosterone on _any_ man.

[Colette]

	Originally Posted by alphawolf To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	You'd want a submissively dominant man? I just don't see how that could work. I think male INTJ + female INFJ = potentially good match I don't know about the other way around. I couldn't judge that.

Submissively dominant? That seems like a contradiction in terms
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alphawolf, I have no desire whatsoever to dominate anyone; least of all a romantic partner. The reasons I'm speculating that INFJ might be my ideal SO type are as follows:

* I need an I, or very weak E, as a partner, because I need and value my own 'time' and 'space', and a moderate or strong E type wouldn't allow this, and would expect me to do an amount of socializing that would stress me out and make me anxious and irritable;

* I most certainly need an intuitive type and not a sensor. The 'N' factor is the one and only letter I would NOT compromise on now (having dated and been involved with a number of sensors, and realized what difficulty I have in communicating and connecting with them). Also N is my strongest preference of the four, so a sensor would be a really bad match for me, imo.

* Although I could see myself with either a T or an F, T is my weakest letter preference, and I actually doubt whether a T type could (or would want to) meet my emotional needs in a relationship, or show the degree of warmth and affection that I want and need from a partner;

* J/P: Again I could live with either, but I'm afraid I'm rather intolerant when it comes to strong Ps, who seem to me to live in a state of semi chaos most of the time, and their lack of planning, and casual attitude to timeliness and commitments, would in the long term be a huge source of tension I think.

So alpha, I hope I've now managed to disabuse you of the idea that I'm a total control freak looking for a convenient doormat
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[Merle]

@ Colette - I'm going out with an INFJ guy at the moment, and I have to say, it's the easiest relationship I've ever had in terms of just general functioning. I don't feel pressured in any way to be affirming my affection all the time (which I had with an ESFJ), we talk about loads of interesting things and he's open-minded and interested in my interests in a way that none of my previous boyfriends have been ( e.g. Sci-fi and comic books and French films etc etc - things that my previous bf's have deemed nerdy or pretentious)... I think he has quite a low F.. and I have quite a low T... so in that sense we're not at the extremes... but seriously - INFJ's are great!

[publicdonkey]

	Originally Posted by SeaCzar To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Are you publicdonkey or secretdonkey? Why is there a difference between your avatar name and when you are quoted?

The original username is an identity I've been using for many years and too close to IRL. I corrupt the name when I'm looking for privacy but did not think to do so when signing up on this forum. Rub two synapses together, throw in a Google, and you'll be looking at my mug on MySpace. Site admin here were kind enough help me fix that. And, gotta love the irony of public = private. I'm not so much worried about personal privacy within this forum, but since the outside world can Google in...

	Originally Posted by alphawolf To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Yes, until we meet an INFJ girl. Smart, beautiful, mysterious, passionate, emotional, submissively dominant, the list goes on and on. Could be the perfect match....

I don't think it was this thread where I revealed my current gf is an INFJ. FWIW, I'm hopelessly in love with her but it has not been a storybook or easy relationship. She is the absolute best partner my left brain could imagine... BUT the left side has to tell the right brain to suck things up and stop whining.

Perfect on paper. A mighty challenge in practice. Many close friends say I could do better, but they're looking out for my right brain. Glad someone is. More than anything, I suspect they tend to remember how much my former ISFP partner doted on me, and how easy was our rapport. I spent eleven years hoping she would learn to pay her own bills or clean the catbox, to no avail... I had to bolt.

My right brain would reconcile with the ISFP, my left brain will hold on to this INFJ in spite of all of the friends' advice...

Just because we are all INTJ in this thread does not mean that what's right for me is right for you. In the end, the best I can do is share this sort of subjective mush...
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publicdonkey added to this post, 97 minutes and 50 seconds later...

My, my... what confusion... I change my username, and then a moderator splits the thread (plenty logical split, once I figured out where my post went!).

Anyway, as a newbie I wasn't aware of this thread until my post(s) got grafted into it. Having read through it, I must say DrEast's comments provide uncanny and almost eerie insight into my relationship with an INFJ.Greeneyes' posts have been instructive, as well..

Wow. Like, double wow, Scooby...

Glad I found this forum...

[alphawolf]

	Originally Posted by Lynnefl To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Also, like me, he appears to be extremely private and hard to get to know. I think he may be interested, but it's hard to tell because he's giving out mixed signals (I probably am as well). How did you deal with the challenge of being able to "read" a fellow intuitive?

Reading the standard body language to determine attraction is extremely difficult with introverts. Legs might be crossed in the wrong direction, arms might be crossed, leaning in might not happen, preening gestures non-existant, they might move away if you get too close, etc...

Read up on eye contact and attraction. If he's attracted but too afraid to make the correct eye contact, then he's probably intimidated by you (IMO probably not man enough for you). If you want to encourage him anyway, touch him very subtly, softly, and briefly in some area that is not threatening, but where and in a way that "just friends" wouldn't touch one another, on his outer thigh or something. Look into his eyes and smile when you do it. If he's still too afraid to make a move after that, then you should question if he would really be able to satisfy your needs or not in the romance department.

Just my 2 cents.