[bubbles]

This is something that I've recently thought about. I realized that I never truly forgiven my parents and it is probably affecting me in ways I can't conceive of. I think that by forgiving our parents, we can grow and become more emotionally mature and more aware of ourselves. In psychology class, one thing I remembered my professor emphasizing was how people with dysfunctional lives are likely to be people who never forgave a loved one who is close to them. Obviously, I'm not saying that people should forgive others for committing unforgivable things, but forgiving might be a way to make one a happier and more mature person.

When I say "forgiving your parents," I mean forgiving them for things like not spending enough time with you when you were little (because both parents work long hours), favoritism, spanking, academic pressure, social pressure, etc... Our parents play the biggest role in shaping who we are, so I guess it is only natural that they are the ones to be blamed when we aren't happy with our childhood or how we've developed.

[Solaris]

I didn't vote, but that's because I'm in that process.

[Wapiti]

I would like to take this moment to thank my parents for helping me to be who I am today. My mom worked her ass off and still does to this day. My dad went out of his way to be a part of my and my sisters lives, to the point where he wanted to play with us more than we wanted to play with him. As much as I hate to admit it, I should be the one requesting forgiveness for not living up to the standards my parents have set. To say that my parents should be blamed for how I have developed would be ignorant of who my parents are. My happiness has nothing to do with my parents but fully rests upon me, myself.

[Nausved]

My parents always gave me plenty of room. They never pressured me to do anything (except go to the dentist, etc.). They never punished me; they simply told me what I did wrong or how I made them feel. And they were also very warm and affectionate when I needed it. That's not to say that we were like peas in a pod—there were definitely some personality conflicts—but, overall, I couldn't be happier with my upbringing. Indeed, I wish I lived with them still.

But in all honesty, I suspect that a lot of that was due to nearly losing them both when I was 3-4 years old. Perhaps if that tragedy had not occurred, I would have taken them for granted when I was older, like so many of my peers did to their parents. (As it were, if I blamed my childhood difficulties on anything, I blamed them on that tragedy.)

[AliciaS2R]

My father is 6'2", he worked as an iron worker and he was physically abusive. He was physically abused by his parents also. As adults my sisters and I confronted him with how this had made us feel. He apologized and went to counseling, he also changed his behavior. I believe his apology was sincere and I forgave him.

My mother is a self centered individual, who put her own needs before the health and welfare of her children. She would play mind games with us and try to turn us against each other. She married a man who then verbally and sexually abused her children. When confronted with this she accused the child (not me) of trying to steal her husband! She has also apologized in recent years, but she has not changed her core attitudes. I do not interact with her, even though she lives less than 5 miles from me. In my mind she ceased to be my mother years ago and I feel I am better off without the continual emotional abuse. Through years of therapy I have come to understand where she is coming from. She was emotionally and sexually abused as a child. She cannot admit that we were subjected to abuse because then she would have to face the reality of her own abuse. Whatever the reason though, I do not forgive her.

I am happy for those who have loving relationships with their parents. I have gone to counseling and done my best to provide a loving supportive home for my daughter.

[Zilal]

No, I'm still childishly bitter over a lot of what happened when I was growing up. I'm starting to get the idea that it's only holding me back, though, and trying to see things in a more useful light.

[youngblooded]

My parents always claimed in front of me and others that they understood me. But in reality, none of them ever did. I also can't forgive them for their lack of respect for my privacy and narrowmindedness.

[PRBori]

I love my parents although until this day we don't click much. For my mom, I would do anything I can, for My dad, well I love him, but he is in third line.

My mom worked hard for over 21 years prior to being disabled. She never re-married and expend her time taking care of my brother and I. As a young person, we had a lot of issues, for I always question her. Once I left her at 16 we talk more about certain events that happened in our lifes and that made it easier for me to understand why she reacted the way she did.

I forgive her because I have lived what she went thru from childhood until now. Knowing what events took place in her life and understanding why she did what she did, help a lot.

As for my dad, well, he only worked for 5 years and then stay home. He was also an alcoholic. To him I have many things to be grateful to to some extend. Is weird, but there were a few things that kept me close to him. A lot had to do again from the stories of what happened during his childhood from my grandmother. Sometimes people are weak, and tend to follow their parents to some extend. From him, I learn to never drink alcohol because it makes you look stupid and you really don't know what's happening.

I'm also grateteful on the way he treated me while I was under his care "Women with Women, Men with Men" attitude. To some may sound odd, but to me it made perfect sense. I never had encountered any issues in my dad family, my cousins, well yes, they tried to get with me but nothing ever happened.

However, the same was not true on my mom's side. I lived in hell while going to Kindergarden. There was abused from some family members. I guess I was too develop for my age or they were just sick puppies.

Overall, I can relate quite a bit to my moms experiences since we both had very similar stories. To my dad I will always be grateful for some of the values he gave me. He raised me the arab way, and I like it, for it protected me from abuse on his side of the family.

Both my parents are forgiven. Sometimes they cross my path, but I learned to live with it. Since I live so far away from then for almost 17 years, I haven't had much issues. Leaving was the best choice I ever made in my life, not only for myself, but for them as well. Now I'm able to help them much more that I would have if I stood with them.

If I stood home, I would never be who I am today. My life would have being so different is not even funny. I'm glad things turn out the way they did in my life. That's all I have to say.

[AgentofGaming]

My parents are usually a bit distant from me. Although I don't have anything against them for that, since having three children is quite a financial burden. It's just odd that the more independent from them I can become the better they like me and it doesn't help when I need someone to guide me and they aren't there.

Academic and social pressure was also for my benefit. Good academics and I got where I am today, and social pressure I guess they didn't pressure enough for me to want to interact with people.

As for spanking... when I was younger (and I suppose more mischievous) they'd spank me like crazy. Chinese children discipline sticks (which I'd break and they'd buy new ones and punish me for breaking them), coat hangers, steel tipped feater dusters, classic hands to butt, slapping for saying bad things, etc. I'd say I was naughty when I was young but they sure beat me silly... so yeah I'll leave that in the past.

At least nowadays when we get into arguments they'll apologize the next day. I've managed to show I'm the right one now.

[schmidt]

The only thing that I really feel has left a sour taste in my mouth is that they both were very emotionally distant. Moving to an own place was the best thing I ever did for my relationship with my parents though...

[Colette]

	Originally Posted by AliciaS2R To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	My father is 6'2", he worked as an iron worker and he was physically abusive. He was physically abused by his parents also. As adults my sisters and I confronted him with how this had made us feel. He apologized and went to counseling, he also changed his behavior. I believe his apology was sincere and I forgave him.

Throughout my early-mid 20s I needed counseling for self-esteem issues due to a bad relationship with my father when I was growing up (and he left the family when I was 13, for another woman). For most of my childhood I was subject to verbal abuse and demeaning, and harsh physical punishment for perceived 'wrongs' such as rebellion, or answering back. This consisted of strapping or smacking, and I feared the strapping terribly, as a child, although I never would cry -that would give him the idea he had 'won' and beat me down (well that was my thinking back then, anyway)!

In my 20s I went through some events in my life that meant I had to forgive and move on, psychologically, or I knew I would forever be stuck, and held back, in terms of who and what I could be, and become.

Once I started to understand the reasons (mostly from his own background) why he behaved the way he did, it made it easier for me to forgive. Although I never got to the stage where I could excuse the behavior as 'normal parenting', I got to a point where I could feel good about myself, despite his attempts to make me feel less than human...and ultimately, where I could forgive, and retain some affection for him. He passed away 2 years ago.

[vealimi]

Forgive them for what??
Did they do something wrong in anyway??.....hmm.....no in particular.
They raise me well. They did their job. Done.

[rwyatt365]

My father was/is a doctor and spent a great deal of time away from the family. He worked hard, and provided for us well, but I had no attachment to him whatsoever. We never bonded as father and son...in fact, I think that he was ashamed of me because I didn't live up to his expectations. I know that he recognized my mental attributes, but (as a child) I think they were less valued than certain physical and social attributes that I didn't have. I have always kept my distance from him because I knew he didn't really understand me, and I didn't need the constant denigration.

My mother was always cheerful, and positive but quite passive. She grew up in an era when women stayed home and did what their husbands told them to do. As she grew older, she got more "feisty", but by then it was too late.

I don't blame my parents for anything. Whatever "issues" I have are because of choices I've made. My childhood was not traumatic, or distressed - there just wasn't a lot of nurturing. Have I forgiven them for that? No, because I don't think there's a need to forgive.

[ginandsour]

My family is rather eccentric and for that I'm happy. In spite of the abuse, manipulation, grandstanding and hurt, at least I was never made to feel too bad about being the wrong "kind" of different.

Some of my teachers on the other hand, can go straight to Hell, do not pass go, etc.

[SeaCzar]

Hmmm. As stated in one of my previous posts (on a different thread), I am NOT forgiving of others, but parents are another story.

Growing up, Dad was a dictatorial bastard. Being an only child worked to my advantage dealing with this, as I was very proficient at playing one parent against the other (although I only did this when necessary). About two weeks after my 18th birthday, just before going off to university, I informed Dad that indentured servitude only lasted 18 years. Thereafter, I was done taking any of his <crap>. About six years later, Dad had a major stroke, which changed his personality (for the better). While I would not wish this for him (or anyone else), Dad and I became great friends. I lost Dad in July of 2003. I still get emotional thinking about this, but in our last conversation, Dad told me that he could not have had a better son, and that he loved me very much. The feeling was mutual.

Mom was another story. She was a serious alcoholic, but she worshiped the ground I walked on. Mom and I were very close, but once Dad had passed, she did not want to live anymore. I lost Mom in January of 2007.

I spent the last ten years caring for them both. Certain times were very difficult, others very rewarding. Its a time I will always cherish, for the good times as well as the bad. My parents did so much for me, it seemed the least I could do for them. Remember, you're are an adult once and a child twice.

I not only forgive them, but miss them very much.