Why don't I find other people interesting? Is it like this for everyone?

**Bankrobber** · 10-09-2009, 06:13 AM

I realized this perhaps two months ago, I started a new school and had to endure the whole "making contact progress". When doing so I realized that people don't interest me at all, I haven't met a single person in my life who has fascinated me. I have never really wondered what goes on in another persons head. It completely effed up my mind! I hadn't really thought about it before, because it was just so natural.

The only persons I've ever found interesting are real people I've read about (but never met, like historic characters for example) or fictional characters in books or movies, or people who I have made up (I come up with "stories" in my head", so that it becomes like a movie that I can play wherever I go and whenever I want. I love fantasizing). Why is that so? I have never really found the real world especially interesting (I'm sure there is a lot of excitement in this world, just not in my life), and that's probably why I often escape through books, movies and into my mind. I usually think that if I'm happy living in sort of a fantasy world, then I should do what makes me happy. But then again, I hate the pressure I get from society and my family and friends, who keeps telling me that the real life is right here and now, and that that's what really matters.

When I realized that other people are of complete lack of interest for me, I started wondering if it was like that for everyone, no matter what MBTI type you are, or if it has more to with the fact that I am INTJ. Because it feels like I've been living under the impression that everyone else thinks that I am the most interesting person there is, because myself and my own thoughts are really the only thing that interests me. But the world doesn't revolve around me, of course I've always known that, but it feels like I haven't really realized it until now.

So, do you feel the same and do you think everyone does? Or haven't I just met the right people yet? I find humanity in general interesting, but individuals are just boring stick figures to me.

**SelfMadeBum** · 10-09-2009, 06:15 AM

I identify with much of what you say. There are a few people I have found genuinely interesting, and I try to plumb the depths of their minds. But people generally, I have no interest in.

**Antares** · 10-09-2009, 06:18 AM

I know what you mean. I genuinely think that 99.9% of the population isn't interesting, and yes, that would include other INTJs. The "interesting" people in my life span across type and age, and I usually become quite fond of them.

**Mint** · 10-09-2009, 06:27 AM

I don't find too many people can grab my attention either; but it's easy to write people off without getting to know them, which I find is a huge problem. Unfortunately the effort required to get to know someone, and thus be able to assess how intelligent/interesting they are is often wasted.

However there are some facinating people out there, rare as they are.

**Synamon** · 10-09-2009, 06:29 AM

I like finding out what makes everyone tick. People are interesting to me.

**strid3r** · 10-09-2009, 07:26 AM

I think a lot of it comes down to "going through the motions" of meeting someone and getting to know them, which INTJ's don't do naturally. I can relate to you, but I also have a close group of friends whom I take great interest in and that is because I've known them for a long time and spent time with them. For you, it just may be trying a little harder to scratch the surface and thus meeting the "right" people who were not so obvious at first glance.

**Skank** · 10-09-2009, 07:44 AM

	Originally Posted by Synamon To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I like finding out what makes everyone tick. People are interesting to me.

Finding our what makes people tick is interesting to me. Finding out why people are the way they are is like a puzzle to me and getting clues and dropping the pieces in the correct places is interesting.

The people themselves aren't - to me anyway.

**Vagrant** · 10-09-2009, 07:47 AM

Usually the only way I find people is interesting is if we have to do something out of the ordinary and they start shining.

**phej** · 10-09-2009, 07:50 AM

	Originally Posted by Synamon To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I like finding out what makes everyone tick. People are interesting to me.

From an aloof, clinical perspective or from a genuine interest in the lives of people?

(Honestly, I tend towards the former. I like being warm with kids less than six for some strange reason.)

**SelfMadeBum** · 10-09-2009, 08:05 AM

	Originally Posted by phej To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	From an aloof, clinical perspective or from a genuine interest in the lives of people? (Honestly, I tend towards the former. I like being warm with kids less than six for some strange reason.)

All my squishiness comes out with animals.

**Synamon** · 10-09-2009, 08:09 AM

	Originally Posted by phej To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	From an aloof, clinical perspective or from a genuine interest in the lives of people? (Honestly, I tend towards the former. I like being warm with kids less than six for some strange reason.)

Both. It's not aloof, it's interactive. Everyone has a story. I enjoy stories, mysteries especially.

Part of it is tied to my desire to learn and part of it is wanting to connect with other people.

**Skank** · 10-09-2009, 08:13 AM

	Originally Posted by phej To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	From an aloof, clinical perspective or from a genuine interest in the lives of people? (Honestly, I tend towards the former. I like being warm with kids less than six for some strange reason.)

Give me a very intelligent 9-10 year old that hasn't had his/her thoughts, views and opinions squished into neat little boxes by adults yet. Sometime it's refreshing to have to ask the question, "What did you mean by that?"

**phej** · 10-09-2009, 08:14 AM

	Originally Posted by Synamon To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Both. It's not aloof, it's interactive. Everyone has a story. I enjoy stories, mysteries especially. Part of it is tied to my desire to learn and part of it is wanting to connect with other people.

Of all of the memory subsystems in the human brain, my autobiographical one barely works, so if there are stories, it takes me alot of effort to dredge it out of my head. My family remembers my childhood more than I do.

**annaelizabeth** · 10-09-2009, 08:34 AM

I am on the same page as Synamon. I think every person has a story, and they are all intereting. I enjoy learning about people, why they think the way they do and act the way they do, what has led to the person they are today.
I enjoy this more as a learning experience. Not to say I'd want to befriend everyone, just interested in what makes them tick.

**MaleVolentworld** · 10-09-2009, 08:44 AM

It may be because most people are not interesting because they are similar in several ways. You never see someone that is unique, unlike other people. So you look for the unusual in books and films.

I suppose also that you have never met anyone that is like you, people that are like ourselves in some way can be interesting.

But you are at school and everyone has to fit in, which means be like everyone else, do what everyone else does, confirm to their standards of clothing, interests etc out of fear of standing out. This conformity is boring.

**Talkahuano** · 10-09-2009, 08:45 AM

I used to hate people, but I told myself that had to change. I started giving campus tours at my college, I joined a few clubs, and I tried to get along with all kinds of people.

I realized that in order to get along, I have to be fake. I didn't necessarily like this, but being fake is an easy way to make good acquaintances. It's not hard to do that either. If I'm talking to the other tour guides, I have to smile and talk about clothes and Jennifer Hudson's new baby. If I'm talking to the theater kids, I have to be laid back and outgoing. If talking to my friends, I have to be myself (read: totally fucking awesome, mwaha).

Having acquaintances is useful because they're part of a network - make a good impression, and you might have a good reference or simply someone who can help you out in a small way. Basically, I've started to meet people for my own benefit.

I've learned how to tell immediately when I have a connection with someone, so I make it a point to try to get to know them a bit better. Being a nerd, it ain't exactly easy to find people I click with. As for the rest of the population, I suppose they can go die in a fire... once I've used them for something.
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tl;dr:
Get to know people so you can use them to your advantage.

**Autoptic** · 10-09-2009, 09:11 AM

I agree they blur together though standing out doesn't usually make one amusing or useful. I tend to get bored easily even if they were. General socializing just increases my already backed up stress as it lowers my already deficit satisfaction. Selling out most of my life for minor perks wouldn't make existential economic sense. Granted my current lifestyle isn't really worth the trouble as it is though I'd break down faster. Waiting is but not for fullness just possibly for enough.

**Stratego** · 10-09-2009, 09:42 AM

I love and loathe other people in equal measure.

As I've said before in other posts, I find individuals fascinating, not people en masse---and not every individual captures my attention with the same force, and sometimes it's only for a brief while and it doesn't endure.

What fascinates me is depth, mystery and complexity. Like Synamon and several others have said, I like to puzzle out the mystery of their inner workings. I think the inner landscape is ever changing and very dynamic, the flora and fauna that is, if not the bedrock.

And to the OP: I understand where you're coming from when you say that fictional characters fascinate you more than actual people--I've felt that way too. I also have a tendacy to dwell a lot in fantasy, especially of my own making. In my heart I'm a writer (though I have to publish anything, one of the foremost failures of my life so far) and I can become very, very involved with the stories and people I create---

But...don't make the mistake of withdrawing too much from the world and investing too much of yourself in your own inner world. You don't have to become a world class socialite but you should make an effort to get to know the people around you. Don't dismiss others so easily. There are some people that will really surprise you if you give them time.

**Bankrobber** · 10-09-2009, 10:58 AM

I'm almost amazed of how helpful people are at this forum, thank you all so much.

And I too think that the complexity of the human mind is indeed fascinating, it just seems like I've never actually met someone in real life who seems to be complex. But I'm young (still in high school), the persons in my surrondings are just stupid teenagers who can't think about anything else besides sex (not that that's something I find boring, but well, it be fun if I actually found a teenager with real depth).

And Stratego, I too feel that in my heart I am a writer (and am hoping to become one someday), which explains my vivid fantasy, always trying to make up stories to tell.

But now I wonder if anyone can suggest a place where I might be able to find interesting people (preferably INTJs)? I'm thinking about joining the Philosophy Club, it seems interesting and perhaps I could met people who would be interesting to talk to, does it sound like a good idea? Because I don't usually join clubs, isn't really my thing but maybe it's worth a try.

**Doppelbock** · 10-09-2009, 12:41 PM

I think the human mind, and why it works the way it does, and general models of people are fascinating. But specific people are boring.

**Silverity** · 10-09-2009, 01:19 PM

Every time I meet someone I ask myself, "what would I rather do: date/befriend this person, or read a book?"

My personal library wins every time.

There are a few vaguely interesting people. I find my professors are typically interesting, but not so much that I'd go out of my way to talk to them. I enjoy learning about the passions of others but I'm interested in the knowledge of what the passion is, and why the person is connected to it, I don't usually care much for the person themselves, more the process.

I don't really find my friends to be interesting either. They have entertainment value, sure, but I don't feel like I need or particularly want to get to know them. I enjoy being with them but moreso for whatever activity we are engaged in.

**Blse** · 10-09-2009, 01:31 PM

Originally Posted by Silverity
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Every time I meet someone I ask myself, "what would I rather do: date/befriend this person, or read a book?"

My personal library wins every time.

There are a few vaguely interesting people. I find my professors are typically interesting, but not so much that I'd go out of my way to talk to them. I enjoy learning about the passions of others but I'm interested in the knowledge of what the passion is, and why the person is connected to it, I don't usually care much for the person themselves, more the process.

I don't really find my friends to be interesting either. They have entertainment value, sure, but I don't feel like I need or particularly want to get to know them. I enjoy being with them but moreso for whatever activity we are engaged in.

I don't want to hi-jack this thread, but this post got me thinking (largely b/c I can relate, although with me its the yard and thinking while walking on the beach that win - typical introvert): if you don't actively seek connections and are usually quiet unless someone talks to you, how do you make connections? I usually just get looks and smiles that signal openess and then have the choice of striking up a conversation, i.e. the ball seems to always end up in my court. Since I always feel that I have to take an active approach, I wonder how the passive approach works... (of course, maybe my perception of active vs. passive is warped...)

**MartinH** · 10-09-2009, 03:21 PM

Originally Posted by Blse
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if you don't actively seek connections and are usually quiet unless someone talks to you, how do you make connections? I usually just get looks and smiles that signal openess and then have the choice of striking up a conversation, i.e. the ball seems to always end up in my court. Since I always feel that I have to take an active approach, I wonder how the passive approach works... (of course, maybe my perception of active vs. passive is warped...)

The extraverts come for you.

I find everyone interesting, for who they are, what they want, and how they are rather than as funny little machines to be worked out and studied.

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**gius** · 10-09-2009, 03:35 PM

I find people interesting too... but according to tests, I swing between INFJ and INTJ so...

In school I used to always probe people with questions. What colours they liked, what movies they watch or you observe how they manage themselves. It's a great way to quickly figure out who is interesting. It's funny it's like an extrovert activity but INTJ is also known as Strategist and Mastermind...

**Samoan Corleone** · 10-09-2009, 07:07 PM

I find a people of all sorts interesting. I always imagine life is something like Crash or Pulp Fiction, or my favourite Simpsons episode, 22 Short Films About Springfield, where my life is just one of many stories and that I come into contact with other people everyday who also bear their own stories.

10-09-2009, 06:13 AM	#1
Bankrobber Banned MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 33	I realized this perhaps two months ago, I started a new school and had to endure the whole "making contact progress". When doing so I realized that people don't interest me at all, I haven't met a single person in my life who has fascinated me. I have never really wondered what goes on in another persons head. It completely effed up my mind! I hadn't really thought about it before, because it was just so natural. The only persons I've ever found interesting are real people I've read about (but never met, like historic characters for example) or fictional characters in books or movies, or people who I have made up (I come up with "stories" in my head", so that it becomes like a movie that I can play wherever I go and whenever I want. I love fantasizing). Why is that so? I have never really found the real world especially interesting (I'm sure there is a lot of excitement in this world, just not in my life), and that's probably why I often escape through books, movies and into my mind. I usually think that if I'm happy living in sort of a fantasy world, then I should do what makes me happy. But then again, I hate the pressure I get from society and my family and friends, who keeps telling me that the real life is right here and now, and that that's what really matters. When I realized that other people are of complete lack of interest for me, I started wondering if it was like that for everyone, no matter what MBTI type you are, or if it has more to with the fact that I am INTJ. Because it feels like I've been living under the impression that everyone else thinks that I am the most interesting person there is, because myself and my own thoughts are really the only thing that interests me. But the world doesn't revolve around me, of course I've always known that, but it feels like I haven't really realized it until now. So, do you feel the same and do you think everyone does? Or haven't I just met the right people yet? I find humanity in general interesting, but individuals are just boring stick figures to me.
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10-09-2009, 06:15 AM	#2
SelfMadeBum Core Member [513%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 20,528	I identify with much of what you say. There are a few people I have found genuinely interesting, and I try to plumb the depths of their minds. But people generally, I have no interest in.
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10-09-2009, 06:18 AM	#3
Antares Core Member [170%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 6,822	I know what you mean. I genuinely think that 99.9% of the population isn't interesting, and yes, that would include other INTJs. The "interesting" people in my life span across type and age, and I usually become quite fond of them.
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10-09-2009, 06:27 AM	#4
Mint Member [02%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 83	I don't find too many people can grab my attention either; but it's easy to write people off without getting to know them, which I find is a huge problem. Unfortunately the effort required to get to know someone, and thus be able to assess how intelligent/interesting they are is often wasted. However there are some facinating people out there, rare as they are.
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10-09-2009, 06:29 AM	#5
Synamon Core Member [465%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 18,616	I like finding out what makes everyone tick. People are interesting to me.
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10-09-2009, 07:26 AM	#6
strid3r New Member [01%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 72	I think a lot of it comes down to "going through the motions" of meeting someone and getting to know them, which INTJ's don't do naturally. I can relate to you, but I also have a close group of friends whom I take great interest in and that is because I've known them for a long time and spent time with them. For you, it just may be trying a little harder to scratch the surface and thus meeting the "right" people who were not so obvious at first glance.
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10-09-2009, 07:47 AM	#8
Vagrant Core Member [155%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 6,225	Usually the only way I find people is interesting is if we have to do something out of the ordinary and they start shining.
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10-09-2009, 08:34 AM	#14
annaelizabeth Member [31%] MBTI: INFJ Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 1,248	I am on the same page as Synamon. I think every person has a story, and they are all intereting. I enjoy learning about people, why they think the way they do and act the way they do, what has led to the person they are today. I enjoy this more as a learning experience. Not to say I'd want to befriend everyone, just interested in what makes them tick.
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10-09-2009, 08:44 AM	#15
MaleVolentworld Member [23%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 944	It may be because most people are not interesting because they are similar in several ways. You never see someone that is unique, unlike other people. So you look for the unusual in books and films. I suppose also that you have never met anyone that is like you, people that are like ourselves in some way can be interesting. But you are at school and everyone has to fit in, which means be like everyone else, do what everyone else does, confirm to their standards of clothing, interests etc out of fear of standing out. This conformity is boring.
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10-09-2009, 08:45 AM	#16
Talkahuano Member [03%] MBTI: ISTJ Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 153	I used to hate people, but I told myself that had to change. I started giving campus tours at my college, I joined a few clubs, and I tried to get along with all kinds of people. I realized that in order to get along, I have to be fake. I didn't necessarily like this, but being fake is an easy way to make good acquaintances. It's not hard to do that either. If I'm talking to the other tour guides, I have to smile and talk about clothes and Jennifer Hudson's new baby. If I'm talking to the theater kids, I have to be laid back and outgoing. If talking to my friends, I have to be myself (read: totally fucking awesome, mwaha). Having acquaintances is useful because they're part of a network - make a good impression, and you might have a good reference or simply someone who can help you out in a small way. Basically, I've started to meet people for my own benefit. I've learned how to tell immediately when I have a connection with someone, so I make it a point to try to get to know them a bit better. Being a nerd, it ain't exactly easy to find people I click with. As for the rest of the population, I suppose they can go die in a fire... once I've used them for something. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. tl;dr: Get to know people so you can use them to your advantage.
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10-09-2009, 09:11 AM	#17
Autoptic Core Member [105%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 4,230	I agree they blur together though standing out doesn't usually make one amusing or useful. I tend to get bored easily even if they were. General socializing just increases my already backed up stress as it lowers my already deficit satisfaction. Selling out most of my life for minor perks wouldn't make existential economic sense. Granted my current lifestyle isn't really worth the trouble as it is though I'd break down faster. Waiting is but not for fullness just possibly for enough. Last edited by Autoptic; 10-09-2009 at 10:28 AM.
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10-09-2009, 09:42 AM	#18
Stratego Veteran Member [57%] MBTI: InTJ Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 2,283	I love and loathe other people in equal measure. As I've said before in other posts, I find individuals fascinating, not people en masse---and not every individual captures my attention with the same force, and sometimes it's only for a brief while and it doesn't endure. What fascinates me is depth, mystery and complexity. Like Synamon and several others have said, I like to puzzle out the mystery of their inner workings. I think the inner landscape is ever changing and very dynamic, the flora and fauna that is, if not the bedrock. And to the OP: I understand where you're coming from when you say that fictional characters fascinate you more than actual people--I've felt that way too. I also have a tendacy to dwell a lot in fantasy, especially of my own making. In my heart I'm a writer (though I have to publish anything, one of the foremost failures of my life so far) and I can become very, very involved with the stories and people I create--- But...don't make the mistake of withdrawing too much from the world and investing too much of yourself in your own inner world. You don't have to become a world class socialite but you should make an effort to get to know the people around you. Don't dismiss others so easily. There are some people that will really surprise you if you give them time.
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10-09-2009, 10:58 AM	#19
Bankrobber Banned MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 33	I'm almost amazed of how helpful people are at this forum, thank you all so much. And I too think that the complexity of the human mind is indeed fascinating, it just seems like I've never actually met someone in real life who seems to be complex. But I'm young (still in high school), the persons in my surrondings are just stupid teenagers who can't think about anything else besides sex (not that that's something I find boring, but well, it be fun if I actually found a teenager with real depth). And Stratego, I too feel that in my heart I am a writer (and am hoping to become one someday), which explains my vivid fantasy, always trying to make up stories to tell. But now I wonder if anyone can suggest a place where I might be able to find interesting people (preferably INTJs)? I'm thinking about joining the Philosophy Club, it seems interesting and perhaps I could met people who would be interesting to talk to, does it sound like a good idea? Because I don't usually join clubs, isn't really my thing but maybe it's worth a try.
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10-09-2009, 12:41 PM	#20
Doppelbock Member [30%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 1,213	I think the human mind, and why it works the way it does, and general models of people are fascinating. But specific people are boring.
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10-09-2009, 01:19 PM	#21
Silverity Core Member [274%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 10,998	Every time I meet someone I ask myself, "what would I rather do: date/befriend this person, or read a book?" My personal library wins every time. There are a few vaguely interesting people. I find my professors are typically interesting, but not so much that I'd go out of my way to talk to them. I enjoy learning about the passions of others but I'm interested in the knowledge of what the passion is, and why the person is connected to it, I don't usually care much for the person themselves, more the process. I don't really find my friends to be interesting either. They have entertainment value, sure, but I don't feel like I need or particularly want to get to know them. I enjoy being with them but moreso for whatever activity we are engaged in.
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10-09-2009, 03:35 PM	#24
gius Member [09%] MBTI: infj Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 378	I find people interesting too... but according to tests, I swing between INFJ and INTJ so... In school I used to always probe people with questions. What colours they liked, what movies they watch or you observe how they manage themselves. It's a great way to quickly figure out who is interesting. It's funny it's like an extrovert activity but INTJ is also known as Strategist and Mastermind...
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10-09-2009, 07:07 PM	#25
Samoan Corleone Core Member [151%] MBTI: INxJ Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 6,078	I find a people of all sorts interesting. I always imagine life is something like Crash or Pulp Fiction, or my favourite Simpsons episode, 22 Short Films About Springfield, where my life is just one of many stories and that I come into contact with other people everyday who also bear their own stories.
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