[Srytka]

Granted. I will have a wonderful time trolling people today who will eventually form an angry mob to chase you with torches and pitchforks.

I wish there wasn't a dog attached to my floor.

[DeepThought]

Granted. It's now attached to your back and has proceeded to give you detailed directions.

I wish I could speak dog.

[Srytka]

Granted. You have discovered that all dogs ever say is 'Yay!' and now seek you out to pass the message to their owners. You are plagued by constant exclamations of joy until you are driven into a nervous breakdown.

I wish I could telepathically speak to my horse.

[DeepThought]

Granted. You learn just how much contempt it has for you.

I wish to have one day a week where no one can bother me for any reason.

[Srytka]

Granted. Unfortunately, that's the day everyone finds out the world is going to end and hops on an escape shuttle to an alien planet. You couldn't be disturbed, though, so nobody was able to tell you and you were left behind.

I wish I could become invisible at will.

[DeepThought]

Granted, you become invisible whenever you are in Will County, Illinois. Sadly for you, there isn't much to steal there.

I wish I could defy gravity whenever I choose.

[Srytka]

Granted. You are teleported into a vacuum. Unfortunately, before you can realize what has happened and wish yourself back, you die a horrifyingly graphic death.

I wish I could breath underwater.

[DeepThought]

Granted, you loose all ability to breath air and now must spend your days kept in an aquarium and are fed raw herring. You now perform lame tricks for easily amused vacationers to earn your keep.

I wish to have a second life.

[Coralaisly]

Granted. You now have a SecondLife profile and little avatar thingything.

I wish I lived in Alaska.

[thebrainpolice]

Granted, you now live in an igloo and have yellow snow on your lawn year round.

I wish
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
would become the new national anthem.

[DeepThought]

^^ Granted. You move out to the wilds of Alaska. You go mostly self sufficient. Live off the abundance of the land. It's harsh, but rewarding. One day you find a lone bear cub and despite your best precautions it adopts you and follows you home. You raise the bear cub as your own and name it Homer. It grows up and you develop a strong bond, you two are practically inseparable. One day many months later you take the now very large Homer out hunting for the first time. You carefully stalk your quarry, take aim, and fire. The sound so alarms and frightens Homer that he goes berserk and attacks you. Laying there, mortally wounded from the wounds inflicted by Homer in his murderous rage, wish you'd listen to that inner voice which had told you to stay in California.

^ Granted. It's now the national anthem. Also, Dweezil Zappa is now the President.

I wish to see a glacier in person.

[MikeAZ]

Granted, you decide to also taste it and get your tongue stuck and become the latest internet viral video star.

I wish I had a short tongue.

[DeepThought]

Granted. Yours get's truncated in a horrible hand-mixer accident. You really should have unplugged it before trying to lick the batter off the beaters.

I wish I had the cooking skills of a world renown chef.

[Coralaisly]

Granted. You now have the cooking skills of a world renowned chef. Unfortunately, both of your arms were blown off in a freak pressure cooking accident and you have amnesia and can remember none of the technique you learned.

I wish guys wouldn't sag their pants.

[DeepThought]

Granted. Now the new fashion for young, hip urban males is to let their balls hang out.

I wish for a neck massage.

[Srytka]

Granted. The masseuse is completely incapable and somehow manages to paralyze you from the neck down. Worse still, the company that sent her has just disappeared into thin air leaving you nobody to sue for medical expenses.

I wish I knew what people meant, instead of just hearing what they say.

[stealthfighter]

Granted. You realize most people are just mean to you.

I wish dogs could have the same life span as humans.

[Srytka]

Granted. This combined with the already present problems of puppy mills and overcrowded shelter leads to even more dogs on the streets. People discover you are responsible for this and force you to feed the extra animals you are responsible for. Congratulations, you are now the flat broke owner of thousands of dogs who have nowhere else to go.

I wish people took better care of their animals.

[CrudeHypothesis]

Granted. Human race is enslaved by animals.

I wish The sky was magneta.

[Srytka]

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Granted. The sky is now Magneta, a evil mutant who is going to kill all of us 'humans.'

I wish for a bit of rain in my neck of the woods.

[zeroemission]

Granted: you go for a walk in the woods and a couple raindrops hit your neck

i wish for an irony preview before finalizing my wish

[Srytka]

Granted. We develop a time continuum to allow this to be possible. You become intensely frustrated by the fact that no matter how hard you try, we still find ways to corrupt your wish.

I wish my pigeon would come back to live in the barn again.

[IronSulfide]

Granted. It playfully poops on your head everyday when you leave for work.

I wish for an end to the bed bug epidemic.

[thebrainpolice]

Granted. Now that humans are extinct the bed bugs all die because they have nothing to feed on.

I wish there was no longer a social taboo against nose picking.

[stealthfighter]

Granted. Party on nose picking forumites on their keyboards!

I wish cars could run 1,000 miles per gallon.