[DeepThought]

Granted. You find yourself on a street in a crowded third-world city flanked on either side by angry protesters, facing a hoard of armed police, and you've just lit yourself on fire as a form of protest. I'm sure somebody is going to report about this.

I wish I could take a year off.

[IronSulfide]

Granted, you are flying on the first manned one-way mission to Mars. Hope you brought some good books.

I wish pop culture made sense to me.

Edit - please ignore, DeepThought got here first

[programmer780]

	Originally Posted by DeepThought To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Granted. You find yourself on a street in a crowded third-world city flanked on either side by angry protesters, facing a hoard of armed police, and you've just lit yourself on fire as a form of protest. I'm sure somebody is going to report about this. I wish I could take a year off.

Granted. You are sent to the slums of Africa. You die from having no way to get food.

I wish I could write any software program, no matter how complicated, quickly. It would compile with no errors, and it would be the most powerful, easy-to-use, beautiful competitor in its field.

[Negativezero]

Granted, you begin working on A.I. programs and land a job at Cyberdyne industries where you create an A.I. called skynet.

I wish I had a cigarette.

[DeepThought]

Granted, here's an arsenic laced cigarette. You should really quite. Those things aren't good for your health!

I wish for more time.

[thebrainpolice]

Granted, you get 20 years of time in the county jail.

I wish I was Mick Jagger circa 1970.

[Negativezero]

Granted, You have the power to become Mick Jagger whenever smoke 3 packs of cigarettes, drink a bottle of jack, and have gay sex with a monkey. This ability wears off after 3 minutes.


I wish I was dating summer glau

[venuspop]

Granted. You discovered with some dismay that she is really 6000 years old.

I wish I understood the concept of Ancient Aliens.

[John F Kennedy]

Granted. But now no one understands you.

I wish I was 5 years younger.

[venuspop]

Granted. You're also ten inches shorter.

I wish all my wishes never get corrupted.

[John F Kennedy]

Granted, but more fun is to be had by having a corrupted wish, if you stretch your mind.

I wish I had the penis of a young stallion.

[DeepThought]

Granted, but it's a package deal that comes replete with a fully horse body makeover. You are now, for all intents and purposes, a young male horse. Unfortunately, not being used to this body, on your first attempt at a full gallop you end up taking a serious tumble down a steep hill. You have numerous serious injuries including multiple fractures to the bones in your new legs. Given the severity of your wounds and given that you've yet to show any promise as a race horse your owners have decided it simply isn't worth the money to have you mended. You will now be euthanize and processed into dog food among other products. Oh, by the way - you never once got a chance to use that wonder stallion penis of yours.

I wish that I was a licensed pilot and that I had a private jet complete with my own private runway.

[venuspop]

Granted for four hours. Then you woke up.

I wish mediocrity isn't quite so mediocre.

[IronSulfide]

Granted, mediocre is now quite impressive, and as a result it is much more difficult to compete in the job market.

I wish that I could build my own robot.

[BirdsOfAFeather]

Granted, but you do a shitty job. It doesn't even turn on. You begin to wonder why you spent all those thousands of dollars on robot making materials when you could've gotten that laser hair removal treatment for your crack. Damn dingleberries.

I wish I was more ladylike.

[IronSulfide]

Granted, you are now like Lady Gaga, except you have no money, fame, or prospects.

I wish that I didn't have to drink fluids to survive.

[John F Kennedy]

Granted. But now you're a shrivelled old man.

I wish I was more active.

[IronSulfide]

Granted, you participate in a riot that is brutally suppressed by the army.

I wish that everyone had perfect teeth.

[BirdsOfAFeather]

Granted. Your one redeeming feature is no longer a selling point since EVERYONE has perfect teeth. On the bright side, your futile attempts to get laid are humorous.

I wish I get laid tonight.

[IronSulfide]

Granted, tonight you will be visited by a frisky rhinoceros. You can thank me later.

I wish that the next Academy Awards ceremony takes place underwater.

[DeepThought]

First, allow me to thank you for your most excellent choice of a wish. This is one which I am more than happy to corrupt.
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Your wish has been granted. The last Academy Awards was held underwater. A cavernous underwater amphitheater was constructed off the pacific coast. No expense was spared. It was a marvel to behold, with gigantic windows open to an expansive undersea panorama. The guests were all seated, the first presenters were just beginning their speeches when suddenly a massive earth quake struck. While the architects had planned on this contingency, they hadn't planned on a conniving and disreputable subcontractor who had elected to install substandard seals and brackets around those marvelous underwater windows. Suddenly, the full fury of the previously restrained water surrounding the amphitheater comes rushing past those weak seals and eventually completely dislodges the windows themselves. In only a matter of seconds the whole of the amphitheater is flooded. The death toll was atrocious. The creme-de-la-creme of the Hollywood elite have been snatched from this earth. Tragic really. Oh, just so we don't leave you feeling like you got off, I must mention that since this was your fantastic idea, you'd received a free ticket to this opening event. Of course, you were in attendance (first row!) to witness first hand this spectacularly disastrous event.

I wish there was no more TV or movies.

[IronSulfide]

Granted, all of the borderline criminals who were previously satiated by extreme fighting competitions, gruesome horror movies and football no longer have any distractions. Chaos reigns.

I wish that I never hear about Afghanistan in the news again. After 10 years, it's getting tedious.

[thebrainpolice]

Granted, but that's only because you are now blind and deaf.

I wish I was the walrus. goo goo g'joob

[IronSulfide]

Granted, you are promptly harpooned for your meat.

I wish I had a talisman I could hang on my door to ward off salesmen, census takers, Jehovah's Witnesses, and other unwanted visitors.

[DeepThought]

Granted. You received the most hideous possible talisman in the mail and promptly hung it on the door. The next say Publishers Clearing House came calling to give you your 10 million dollar check and upon seeing the talisman they collectively lost their lunch and promptly left without so much as a single knock. They gave the check to a homeless guy down the street. He was much appreciative.


I wish no matter where I go or what I'm going the temperature around me was always very a comfortable 70 degrees Fahrenheit and reasonably dry.