[GenessorDios]

Granted. Your dreams are plagued with visions of man-eating cars and evil doors. You dare not leave your house after waking up.

I wish I had secret tunnels in my room.

[Minerva]

Granted
But it is the escape route for Hogan's Heros. The Nazis find you and they experiment on you since then. Good luck escaping or surviving.

I wish that I had a 60 carat sapphire.

[reiven]

granted, as you are rocked to sleep in the arms of a mountain.

i wish my headache would finally go away

EDIT
oops, missed a page; oh well

[Minerva]

Granted

Only because now you have no head.

I wish reiven wasn't so confident with his physique and would please put some clothes on! Haven't you been arrested for indecent exposure yet?

[GenessorDios]

Not granted. No one's wish-giving abilities can overcome the Adonisity of his body. I....I need a moment....

I wish classic Donald Duck would come back to tv.

[reiven]

granted, and the duck voice comes back into vogue; at the Mcdonald's drive through, at the department of motor vehicles, and even the nightly news is now done in duck voice. way to go, genessor.

i wish i had emo grass seed, so my lawn would cut it's self.

[GenessorDios]

Granted. Your lawn turns emo but it's too afraid of pain to start cutting, so it just dyes itself black and cries all the time. You find mysterious crop circlesque patterns resembling poetry about wishing for cows to come and end their misery.

I wish I had planted a time capsule ten years ago.

[Wry Satyr]

Granted - but you in your drunken stupor 10 years ago, you forget to put anything besides your empty bottles inside it.

I wish I could take the afternoon off.

[Nikita]

Granted.

You take the afternoon off of the 24 hour day. Now, everything you and everyone else used to be able to do in those 5 or so hours has to be crammed into the remaining 19, and because productivity must prevail, you just reduced everyone's time to sleep by 5 hours. You will be hunted and destroyed.


I wish it wasn't so freakin' COLD in here!

[GenessorDios]

Granted. A nice, warm breeze wafts through your room just as you are teleported to the frozen tundra of Antarctica.

I wish some dumb aliens would visit Earth.

[NYK]

granted!

but now you are millions of years in the past where it always warm and birds are chirping and you are being chased by a t-rex.

i wish my upper functions of the brain would cease for day.

[Nikita]

Granted.

But you don't get to choose the day. They stop functioning when you're driving on a long road trip. You crash your car into a minivan killing the last nuclear family in America.


I wish all men had deep voices.

[GenessorDios]

Granted. The ubiquity of male bass bores you and you start getting turned on by castrato voices instead.

I wish my work could get done at the snap of my fingers.

[Nikita]

Granted.

But your aim is a bit off...you accidentally set a chainsaw to carve off your hands.


I wish I could see real combat from the front lines.

[GenessorDios]

Granted. You meet an insurgent on the front lines but you're both out of ammo, so you engage in an epic two hour thumb fighting contest. He wins.

I wish no one believed in the paranormal.

[Nikita]

Granted.

Now the aliens can take over earth without resistance. You become their petri dish and are implanted with all sorts of bacteria resulting in impotence, severe full-body hair growth, halitosis with a 10 foot radial range, and flatulence with a 30 foot radial range.


I wish I could shoot electricity from my fingers.

[GenessorDios]

Granted. So can everyone else on the planet. You feel insecure that your wattage is barely enough to light four bulbs. You try to electrocute yourself to death but all it results in is a mild tingle and an inability to use your body below the waist. The rest of your days are spent in depression and vomit.

I wish I had three feet.

[Fyrnae]

Granted! *hands you a yardstick*

My left elbow hurts regardless of the position I put it in, and I can't pick up anything heavier than a cuppa tea with it. I wish it would stop; I have things to do and no minions to do them.

[reiven]

granted;
all neuromuscular pain ceases forever, along with all physical sensations and the ability to blink your left eye. being totally deviod of sensation, you are unaware as your eyeball shrivels into a dried apricot.

i wish i could train my dog to juggle

[Nikita]

Granted.

He juggles knives...he also learned how to throw them. It's not so funny now when you say, "Bad dog!" and you get a knife in the crotch.


I wish this computer had a charger.
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[reiven]

granted, saddle and bridle not included

i wish i spoke Chinese

[Nikita]

Granted.

You know it, but only after 30 years of dedicated study that costs you your friends, family, and any prayer of a sex life. You go out to celebrate your mastery of the chinese language and get hit in the head by the side rearview mirror of a bus and die instantly, without ever having the opportunity to use your new language.


I wish my temperature was entirely self-regulating.

[reiven]

granted; you assume room temperature, permanently

i wish i could fine a nice Chinese landscape to add to the art on my arm.

[Nikita]

Granted.

Except, you're actually painted on IT during your skydiving excursion over the Chinese countryside in which your 'chute neglected to open.


I wish newspapers were delivered in hologram form.

[reiven]

granted, your 2D newspapers are now delivered by holograms

i wish i could invent the perfect gadget