[ClydeB]

Granted.

You wake up to find you're the newest resident of Italy, Texas.

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Welcome to the City of Italy. We are located at the junction of U.S. Highway 77 and State Highway 34, just off Interstate 35E, approximately 15 miles south of Waxahachie and 20 miles north of Hillsboro.
YE HAW!

I wish I knew if Sarah Palin was related to Michael Palin.

[rwyatt365]

Granted; You do...and now we have to kill you.

I wish people would stop emailing me and just have a feaking meeting to talk about this problem.

[Nikita]

Granted.

The meeting turns into a month long summit at which your attendance is mandatory and entirely hush hush. Your friends and family put out notices about your disappearance and a statewide manhunt concludes that you've perished. No one attends your funeral because they decide it's just not worth getting worked up over.


I wish my head would clear up.

[Librorum]

Granted. Your head is so clear you are no longer capable of rational thought and you just sit and wonder at the beauty of the dust motes floating around you.

I wish I could be magically transported to the art store with a $100 gift certificate in my hand.

[rwyatt365]

Granted; Unfortunately, the gift certificate is for Beds, Baths & Beyond...and it expired yesterday.

I wish that my MP3 player battery life was infinte.

[ClydeB]

Granted

Your MP3 player battery is now immortal and will live forever. And it won't take a charge anymore.

I wished my inside of the eggshell egg scrambler actually worked as advertised.

[Nikita]

Granted.

Unfortunately it has a defect causing it to inject anthrax into the egg and you die a painful death upon eating your perfectly scrambled egg.

I wish I had more wishes.

[ClydeB]

Granted!

You only have to go to the intjforum web site and submit them to the "corrupt a wish" thread for them to be processed.

I wish I had a wireless chip in my head that let me directly access the internet.

[Nikita]

Granted.

It also lets viruses directly access you, and you forgot to install an anti-virus program. Suddenly you're a succession of blinking colored lines that fade into the blue screen of death.


I wish I had a pet lion that would never hurt me.

[Rider]

Granted!

Alas, your family and all those close to you are mauled and digested.

I wish I could melt things with my eyes.

[Nikita]

Granted.

You melt your computer, your loved ones, and your...manhood. Better close your eyes before you're nothing but a pair of eyes rolling around on the ground melting themselves into an asphalt grave.


I wish I had a warmer blanket.

[ClydeB]

Granted.

You and you new lion go out to the farm to let him stretch his legs and engage in some lighthearted predator/prey antics. The lion catches himself a calf and revels in the taste of some young beef. Then comes back, jumps up on you and licks your face. Getting you and your clothes all bloody from the slaughter. Unfortunately for you both, your pet lion found the only cow that had Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy on the entire North American continent. Condemning you both to a slow lingering loss of both mental faculties and motor skills. Then death.

I wish I had not been eating British beef in the late 1980s when mad cow first hit the news.





ClydeB added to this post, 3 minutes and 12 seconds later...

Granted

Your friend with the eyes that can melt things tried to warm your blanket for you. Subsequently burning down the house and killing you both. But you passed out from the toxic fumes off the blanket before then. So it didn't hurt so much.

I wish I could get a really good comeback out quicker before others jump in first.

[Rider]

::laughs and thinks you are both very clever::

[Librorum]

Granted. You didn't eat beef during the mad cow epidemic and so have the mental acuity to get in your wish corruptions sooner than everyone else. Unfortunately they are so awesome, I mean, awful, that you are hounded out of the forum and shunned by all INTJs and are doomed to wander the earth alone with no one to understand your twisted sense of humour.

I wish it wouldn't snow until next week.

[Nikita]

Granted.

You get hit by a bus tomorrow and die. Now it doesn't matter when it snows.

I wish I had more Caffeine Free Diet Coke.

[ClydeB]

Granted.

You get exactly what you ask for. Only in the convenient tanker truck super size. The brakes go out on the semi during delivery and it crashes into your house, turning you into a quadriplegic. The doctors do however honor your request to put that stuff into your IV bottle as its got as much calories and sugar as water. Only with worst taste.

I wish I could find the one incorruptible wish and confound everyone with it.
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[Nikita]

Granted.

Unfortunately I post it first and you're confounded along with everyone else.

I wish for universal and world peace.

[ClydeB]

Granted.

Very molecule and atom everywhere comes to a screeching halt. Maximum entropy for everything is achieved at once. Congratulations on extinguishing all of creation with your wish.
May the universe and the world rest in peace.

I wish that Horton couldn't hear a who.

[Nikita]

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I like


Granted.

Horton cannot hear a who, but he hears you. He tucks you away into his big floppy ear and you subsist on earwarx and mites.

I wish I had a penny.

[ClydeB]

Granted.

You hear a loud POP sound and feel something hits the top your head. You catch your new 100% copper penny. Five seconds later you hear a loud POP sound and feel something hit the top your head again. You catch another new 100% copper penny. Five seconds later you hear a loud POP sound again and feel something hit the top your head a third time. You catch a new 100% copper penny again.

Seems there's a bug in the system. The wish is stuck on a five second loop. With no sign of ever stopping.

I wish I could get a good nights sleep for once.

[Nikita]

Granted.

And it will only happen once. After your one blissful night you lose the ability to sleep. Driven mad by your extreme insomnia you tear out your eyes with a spoon and eat them because you had convinced yourself that if only you could see inside yourself you would finally understand the mystery of the human body.

I wish I could ride a unicorn.

[rahdam]

Granted. You are gored and impaled by a Unicorn, who then takes off running. You ride the Unicorn until death overtakes you.

I wish ... I wish some things in life were easier to forsee.

[auriga vega]

Granted.
The things that are easier to forsee are the weather, only.

I wish it was snowing.

[rwyatt365]

Granted; It is snowing now, and forever. In fact, all of the snow from the entire planet is deposited daily in your immediate vicinity. People begin to avoid you, and the governor of the state issues a proclimation that you be banned to the Artic.

I wish that people would stop complaining.

[Librorum]

Granted. Instead they just cry silently, and their tears coat every horizontal surface. One day you slip on the wet floor, crack your head, end up paralyzed, and wish with all your heart that you could complain.

I wish I had mailed my Christmas cards earlier.