[coffeeloverfreak]

How do you think that the way an INTJ turns out is affected by the personality types of their parents?

Discuss.

[Richard0612]

Speaking from personal experience, my mum is ISTJ with a fairly balanced N/S, so I suppose I was raised in a rational home and was never expected to be 'touchy-feely'. She is less cynical than me and has often told me to lighten up, but we usually get along fine; we happily debate things without worrying or feeling that I should just agree.
I think that if I had been raised by ESFx parents I would already be in the loony bin! No offence but I don't think that I could deal with a close family on emotional overload!

[Santana28]

my father is an INTJ ala House
mother is an ISFP

i'm probably a natural INTP or INFJ, but i've honed my TJ skills so much over the years that it comes naturally to me now. Of course, having a father who wouldn't allow any discussion whatsoever without logic or rationality started me young. my mother really had no voice in the family, and now that i'm older i find myself attracted to similar types.

[Headstrong]

My mother is an ESFP and I believe my father is an ISTJ.

My mom can't grasp the concept that I need my space on my time. Whenever I would come home from school, she'd immediately ask how my day was, and so forth. I didn't want to talk about it. I'd tell her to leave me along and she'd get ticked off. =D Advice is also an issue between us. When she wants my perspective, she can't handle it. When I don't ask for her's, she gives it anyway. That recently led to a screaming match the other night. She's learning to give me my space and not give me advice unless I ask for it, though. Along with that, she yearns for this deep emotional connection that I just cannot seem to reciprocate. That frustrates her, too.

My dad, however, has been the "tough love" type. We really don't get emotional with each other, which I like, because it makes me feel inferior/vulnerable. We just know what each other is thinking without saying it. Whenever I need advice, I go to him, especially since I know he'll validate and agree with my ideas. He's rational, like myself, and we both suck at small talk. Whenever the three of us go on an outing or a family gathering, I hang around with him while my mom talks incessantly in the other room.

As far as your question is concerned, without my father, I think I would have turned out rather screwed up. He helped me to realize that I am fine just the way I am and that I do not need to change myself in order to fit in with others. He also steps in when my mother and I are having a conflict and tries to explain to her how I think and why I do the things I do. She's coming around.

[coffeeloverfreak]

In my case, I have an ESFJ mother and an ISTJ father (I think).

My dad is a pretty typical ISTJ. He's an accountant, for crying out loud. He plays golf. He pays his - and other people's - taxes on time. He's early for every appointment. He has a bit of a wacky sense of humour, but mostly he likes his routine, his way of doing things, and hates parties and big crowds of people. I'm an awful lot like him in many ways. We're both "math brains". We both like brain teasers and being organized. The two of us would have this big loud arguments when I was growing up, with yelling, screaming and shouting (neither of us had much control over our F side) but then they'd be forgotten 5 minutes later and all was good.

My mom, on the other hand, is a pretty typical ESFJ. She's one of the world's greatest people, but I have trouble "connecting" with her on an intellectual level. (She probably understands me emotionally better than anyone else, though). She's the classic giver/caretaker. She's a preschool teacher, she was a stay-at-home mom when I was a kid, and she spends most of her time putting others before herself. She has low self-esteem and I used to be really hard on her when I would say cutting, mean things that really got to her. She'd hold a grudge for ages, which drove me up a wall. She loves being connected to people - she'd invite scores of relatives "just because" whenever I felt like being alone. And forget trying to discuss issues or politics or philosophy with her. She'd much sooner talk about gossip or TV shows or something. Not to say she's not smart, far from it, it's just a different kind of smart. Once she learned to give me the alone-time and space I required, and to respect my need for independence, we actually got along pretty great.

So do you think your parents influence what type you become? Or do you think your type and theirs influence what kind of relationship you have? Or both?

[ElstonGunn]

I think my dad is an INTP, but he has to be a little more extraverted for work. He's really smart and people are always asking him to fix the messes they've made. He's not emotional except for when he's trying to build IKEA-type furniture (he curses the "friggin' dumbass mechanical engineers who designed this crap").

My mom is an ISFJ, which in her case also stands for "I Serve Family Joyfully." She's a mom. She wanted to be a mom when she was younger. She's good at cooking and she cleans compulsively. When I was younger, my friends would always come to my house a lot because she always fed them and was very nice to them.

[coffeeloverfreak]

Originally Posted by ElstonGunn To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

I think my dad is an INTP, but he has to be a little more extraverted for work. He's really smart and people are always asking him to fix the messes they've made. He's not emotional except for when he's trying to build IKEA-type furniture (he curses the "friggin' dumbass mechanical engineers who designed this crap"). My mom is an ISFJ, which in her case also stands for "I Serve Family Joyfully." She's a mom. She wanted to be a mom when she was younger. She's good at cooking and she cleans compulsively. When I was younger, my friends would always come to my house a lot because she always fed them and was very nice to them.

Both of those are good points. My dad built up his business so I guess he has some E in him, or enough to do biz dev and the necessary schmoozing to win and keep clients. But that's for work, and I think he forces himself. His preference is I.

My mom is also an "I serve family joyfully" except that she LOVES being around people. She gets her energy off of them. So I think my ESFJ description is pretty accurate. Maybe in her case it stands for "extrovertedly serving family joyfully"? *LOL*. But I also grew up in the house that my friends liked coming to for the food. I think that's an ethnicity thing more than a personality thing. To this day, my mom believes she can solve any problem by feeding people.

[Paul V]

I have my mother's vision and imagination, my father's logic and way of thinking, and both of their decisiveness (a recently acquired trait). I'm way more Introverted than my father, which is a constant topic of debate with both.

[Pinkie]

My mum's an INTJ, and she and I are remarkably similar in some ways except that I lean more to ISTJ, while she goes to INFJ, which can be a bit annoying. Dad's probably IXTJ, so I've always been surrounded by it all. Whether I would have turned out INTJ had I been brought up by ESFPs is an interesting question. My brother's ISTP. I have no idea where the P came from. We've always been brought up to challenge and question, and also to amuse ourselves, though, so that probably has a lot to do with the I and the T.

[BlackHawk]

Father: ESTJ
Mother: ESFJ

It's tough . . .
I have no idea how I came out INTJ, but here I am . . .
I suspect that most NTs raised by SJ parents will tend to be even more fiercely independent than most.

[PortInStorm]

I think my mom's an INFJ with a decent "t", which I absolutely loved. She and I talked about everything, she was ultra loving and accepting, still is. Yet she talked about deep subjects, faith etc.

My dad was more of my husband's type (I know, let's not go there), I think. But he most likely has brain injury from childhood, plus grew up with the trauma and lifestyle of WWII. That really, really confounds the personality typing. But almost certainly strong E, S, strong F, x. We clashed so much when I lived at home. The traditionalism, the 'family dependence', the yearning for sensation/adventure/physical stimulation, the social norms, the social anything. It goes on and on.

It was a wierd dynamic- my INFJ mom, me, my NT brother, and my huge, flaming ESFx dad. I do feel really badly at times that we (the 3 of us vs. dad) were so out of sync, because I feel that way with my SJ husband's family (and their other SP son). Dad loves to get together with them.

[iMiki]

Father: ESFP
Mother: ISFP
Little Sister: ISFP

Yup, the only one different except the Introverted part. They're all SFP but I'm the opposite. I don't know how I became an INTJ.

[AgentofGaming]

Household by seniority
Father: ISTJ?
Mother: ESTJ
Me
Brother: ESTP
Brother: INTP

F doesn't belong in my family. In fact I can't really think of an F in my extended family, except maybe my maternal grandma.
No F's so, really no one in my household cares how each other is feeling. My parents are always lecturing me in practicality and how a person should be in society.

[Nyiah]

My parents are both ISTJs. They're superb planners and consult each other on every mundane decision. My dad tends to be a control freak, but my mom seems to adjust to that pretty well. It drives me crazy. Being an only-child does not make it any better.

[Jgib5328]

I was raised by my mother. I can't tell what my mom is. It bothers me, I can figure out most stranger's types but I can't figure out my mom's. I felt at though I raised myself because I have always been incredibly independent and my mom has been really lenient and I am almost completely responsible for who I am today.

[Antares]

I'm the only child.

Mother: ISFJ
Father: ExTP

Maternal Extended Family
Uncle 1: ISxJ
Aunt (Wife of Uncle 1): xSFP (one of the worst ones too)
Cousin 1 (Son of Uncle 1): ESFP
Cousin 2 (Son of Uncle 1): ENFJ
Cousin 3 (Son of Uncle 1): Speculating to be INxx. Not sure. He's only 2 months old.

Uncle 2: ESTP

Paternal
I have no idea of my uncles. Don't know them enough
Cousin (Girl): xSTJ Don't know her that well

I may very well be the only NT, let alone the only INTJ. *sigh* I admire your family, AgentOfGaming. I think I'm INTJ because my mother can be very NTJ during work, and she tried to impose those values on me, and it worked somewhat. Her inner nature is ISFJ though. My 'T' is undisputable because my father taught me to think logically. We always gang up on mom and debunk her 'F' statements with our 'T'.
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He's borderline on S and N. Subconciously, I think I'm ESFP, but that's as far as the theory goes that everyone's really their opposite type when you get past the concious barrier. It makes sense in my opinion. Naturally, if I'm not trying to live up to my very high standards, I'd be INFP or INFJ, but I never really seem to 'loosen up'.

[Dream Weaver]

Mother: INFJ
Father: ESTJ


Throughout my childhood, I tended towards my mother because of, well, my father. He was as negative an ESTJ as you can get, but I can safely say I inherited my thick skinned Thinking function from him. Overall, though I'm a product of my mother's influence.

[Meyer]

Mother INTP
Father ENTP

Both great parents but that damn introverted thinking always sounds like criticism to me. I don't want to hear why I can't do things. I am only interested in how to get it done. The pitfalls are intuitively grasped dammit!!

[robin.]

Mom: ISFP
Dad: ENTP
I am an only child.

My mom is very caring, generous, compassionate, and intense (as in, has a lot of passion for what she loves, not that she's loud and outgoing). My dad is very personable, laid-back, curious, and intelligent.

I am intense when it comes to intellectual pursuits, and laid-back for the rest. I am compassionate and curious. I think I got a decent mix from them all.

I love my mom, she's the best person I know. We do clash, though, when it comes to how we work out issues. When she is upset about something, she talks it out, over and over and over and over, and asks people close to her for help. When I am upset about something, I mull it over for a long time, and rarely ever mention it to anyone. When I told her this, it sent her into hysterics, because she felt that my not telling her my problems meant that I didn't feel comfortable with her and thus we weren't as close as she thought. It took me a long time to articulate this (this was before I got into MBTI, would have made things a lot easier!!) but I eventually got it across to her that I just have a different way of solving my problems. I don't like to talk about something I am unsure of, because I think that talking about serious things stream-of-consciousness style is really ineffective for me, and I prefer to do it the way I am going to get results. She also has a fairly high F, and while this is probably the reason why she's so unbelievably self-less, it's also why she obsesses about the motives of people and worries that they don't like her, while I have to remind her to think more rationally about the issue.

My dad can be a bit hard-headed sometimes, and so can I...so we clash every now and then, and it's almost invariably about stupid things, but we get over it very, very quickly.

[Caramel]

Mom: ESFP with very high Te.
Dad: ISFJ.

Younger brother: ISFJ. High Fe, but not as his first function. Low J. He's a lot like my dad.
Younger sister: ISFP. High Fi.

But my brother and sister are both in puberty (he's 16, she's 12) so they act a whole lot more E than they normally do/did. When I was their age, I did the same.

And myself, INTJ with high Fi and low J.

My mom is the one I talk about my problems with, share my ideas with, have discussions with, etc. I like her 'no nonsense' approach to everything. She helps me stay grounded. She's strangely logical for an ESFP, has a wide range of interests and even likes theory.

My dad is just so sweet, he does everything for everyone. (Even to the extend that all his time is consumed by helping others, so he doesn't have time to help himself. 53 years old and he still can't say 'no'.) Our relationship is based on doing stuff for eachother. I fix his computer, he fixes my roof.

My sister is unique, original, independent, she loves art, sees the beauty in everything and she wants to be a Vet (animal doctor) when she grows up. But she's also insecure about herself, never gives herself credit for her good work. We have a very deep and understanding relationship, cause we're strangely alike in a lot of ways.

My brother is.. I dunno.. a ISFJ in puberty. Self centered, insenstive dork. But thats not who he is deep down. In fact, he cares deeply about others, more than I ever could. Only he has some trouble expressing it right now.

ISFJs are still a bit of a riddle to me. They're practical, technical, down to earth, dependable, responsible and at the same time extremely senstive. I know how to deal with them, but I don't entirely understand them. But that feeling must be mutual.

So, in conclusion, it was actually my mom who made me as I am. Since I was the firstborn child, she assumed it was normal for a child to ask 'why' endlessly, look for information everywhere, read, calculate and watch the clock before ever attending elementary school, creative, resourceful..and the downside, being annoyingly punctual, upset when things don't go as they should go (J-ness) and "I know everything better than you" like. She helped me flourish. =)

[Jenny Penny]

Mom: ISTJ
Dad: INTJ

Sometimes I think I might have wanted extraverted parents because my parents really never set a good example on how to interact with anyone. Neither had more than one friend and neither were involved with anything. Even as an introvert, I do not think that kind of example is a good one. It makes one view people negatively. Healthy introversion should not be that way, although there would be times of low energy where people could be viewed negatively.

[AgentofGaming]

Originally Posted by Camelopardalis To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

I may very well be the only NT, let alone the only INTJ. *sigh* I admire your family, AgentOfGaming. I think I'm INTJ because my mother can be very NTJ during work, and she tried to impose those values on me, and it worked somewhat. Her inner nature is ISFJ though. My 'T' is undisputable because my father taught me to think logically. We always gang up on mom and debunk her 'F' statements with our 'T'. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. He's borderline on S and N. Subconciously, I think I'm ESFP, but that's as far as the theory goes that everyone's really their opposite type when you get past the concious barrier. It makes sense in my opinion. Naturally, if I'm not trying to live up to my very high standards, I'd be INFP or INFJ, but I never really seem to 'loosen up'.

You know it was kind of difficult to get them to take the test but I sort of lured them into taking the test, except for my dad, he's not a computer user. Now I realize why I got along so much better with my last brother, I didn't like my middle brother's mainstreamness or his buttering of relatives.

Well I have an interesting brother but... don't admire yet. You haven't been yelled at by my dad for dinner etiquette (he got really pissed off at me for leaving the table constantly, dinner wasn't ready so I thought I could save up some time... bad idea) or nagged at by my mom for being an introvert (blah blah too much computer, go out and make friends). Also a lot of relatives say "why can't you be like your middle brother" like I'm some kind of loner they don't want to associate with.
For you the good thing about being an only child is that you won't be responsible for your brother's actions. I get in trouble if they don't do their homework under claims I've spoiled them.

hmm weird I found out most of my friends are SP like my brother

[mind_wander]

Mom: ESFJ [definitely fits the profile] AKA Do you need care?
Dad: ENFJ [Although, I do felt he is extremely stubborn-still undecided] AKA The Complainer
Younger bro: INTJ [More dominant, the true perfectionist of the family] AKA Supreme Perfectionist
Me: INTJ [More laidback and see the world of different possiblities] AKA Blacksheep

The two views are still considered different, dad is very anal about cleaness, as opposed to my mom. Only do it, when have too because she knows dad will clean it all up; which annoys him alot. In living a weird Asian world of having both Non-traditional [mom] vs. traditional [dad] combined together. I've always tried to see where I fit in is kinda hard to decide? While most Asians either one or the other, rarely both; well I got both worlds. Like East meets West with alittle punch added into it. Dad talks about Asian stuff, then mom tells him to be quiet about it! Constantly or her darkside comes out, which is hell for everyone. Dad tasted too many of these, so he better learned not to do it.

As for my younger INTJ bro he is more like the typical INTJ, who's very punctional on things should be set into the system. Dignity [loss of face] is not something to worry about; keeping face or the dignity is for the dumb, so don't be dumb and go and do it without worrying too much. These were his comments, not mines. He managed to have strict scheduling, still end up playing tons of videogames and get A's. People around him heard about this in a strange way both jealious and bowdown to him. His comments: Hates people!, I don't need them, I got family; I don't like people online they are freaking stupid and their weak, which can't grow out of immaturity. Get your head out of the sand and wake up, smell the coffee beans!

As for me, more the laidback type; I just want to see what other ways to make things work. We're kind the reverse, although we both disagree here and there; if something really bother us, we're definitely on the same page without conflicts. Team up and eliminate the problem, not a bad tag team!





mind_wander added to this post, 2 minutes and 28 seconds later...

Originally Posted by AgentofGaming To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Well sort of lured them into taking the test, except for my dad, he's not a computer user. Now I realize why I got along so much better with my last brother, I didn't like my middle brother's mainstreamness or his buttering of relatives. Well I have an interesting brother but... don't admire yet. You haven't been yelled at by my dad for dinner etiquette (he got really pissed off at me for leaving the table constantly, dinner wasn't ready so I thought I could save up some time... bad idea) or nagged at by [b]my mom for being an introvert (blah blah too much computer, go out and make friends). [/] Also a lot of relatives say "why can't you be like your middle brother" like I'm some kind of loner they don't want to associate with. For you the good thing about being an only child is that you won't be responsible for your brother's actions. I get in trouble if they don't do their homework under claims I've spoiled them. hmm weird I found out most of my friends are SP like my brother

You're probably wondering, Does making friends online counts? hmm.

[xanodel]

Mom: INFJ
Dad: ESTP
Granted these are based on observations, but my dad is a borderline T/F. But I was raised more by my extended family more than my parents, and they are predominately N's. Grandmother I think is ENFJ, and grandfather is INTP. Being around a lot of F's has helped with my Fi, and they were all pretty active in nurturing my love for information, books etc. In that sense it's helped. They generally trust me and my independence tendencies, and gave me a fairly long leash even when I went through a brief but stormy early teen rebellion period. The F and the T did clash a bit, but they've come to accept me for me, and my aloofness.

[stuntgp2000]

Dad : ISFJ
Mom : INFJ