Reply
Thread Tools
a "late bloomer" ? None
Old 02-10-2008, 10:31 AM   #1
l345l
Member [02%]
 
MBTI: INtj
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 116
 
when it came to dating, were you a "late bloomer" ?

what has been your experience?

yes, i'm just an awkward teenager seeking hope.
l345l is offline
Reply With Quote

Old 02-10-2008, 11:22 AM   #2
ElstonGunn
Core Member [150%]
MBTI: INTJ
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 6,036
 
I'm 22 and I've never been on an actual, one-on-one, date. That doesn't bother me much in and of itself. The annoying part is having to explain to people that I don't mind, and no, I'm not just saying that I don't mind as a defense mechanism, and yes, I can think of about a million things worse than being single.
ElstonGunn is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 02-10-2008, 11:45 AM   #3
Zilal
Member [23%]
 
MBTI: INTJ
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 947
 
Sure, though I dunno if I fit the definition since my not having a relationship till college probably had more to do with my not being interested in anyone in high school than in an inability to get a date. I think INTJs are late bloomers in general though... honestly, it's better to be!
Zilal is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 02-10-2008, 12:56 PM   #4
Jgib5328
Member [47%]
MBTI: INTJ
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,896
 
I'm 19 and have never had a date. I came close to having a girl friend probably twice in my life, but at my current state I don't even have a friend who is a girl. I don't really even talk to them much other than little things. It probably has to do with me just not being social enough or outgoing. I never really approach people that much for social reasons.

I hope we are just late bloomers. I don't really care about sex or anything, I just want to make sure I get married to a woman I love. As long as I get that, then I can go girlfriendless until I find that girl.





Jgib5328 added to this post, 0 minutes and 52 seconds later...

  Originally Posted by ElstonGunn
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
I'm 22 and I've never been on an actual, one-on-one, date. That doesn't bother me much in and of itself. The annoying part is having to explain to people that I don't mind, and no, I'm not just saying that I don't mind as a defense mechanism, and yes, I can think of about a million things worse than being single.

Elston, where is your avatar from?

Jgib5328 is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 02-10-2008, 01:10 PM   #5
Firelie
Member [19%]
full-blown technicolor
MBTI: INTJ
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 793
 

  Originally Posted by ElstonGunn
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
The annoying part is having to explain to people that I don't mind, and no, I'm not just saying that I don't mind as a defense mechanism, and yes, I can think of about a million things worse than being single.

Amen to that! Gosh, some people act as if life is simply not complete without a romantic partner.

I had an online boyfriend when I was 17 and a few others after that, but I've never had an actual boyfriend before (meaning one that I could physically spend time with on a regular basis) and I'm 24. Do you feel better about yourself now? rofl

Firelie is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 02-10-2008, 01:12 PM   #6
Jgib5328
Member [47%]
MBTI: INTJ
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,896
 
lol I guess we are all kinda pathetic. Didn't people start having girlfriends and boyfriends in the 6th grade? Well INTJs are a different breed though.
Jgib5328 is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 02-10-2008, 01:18 PM   #7
Kotetsu
Member [03%]
 
MBTI: INTJ
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 140
 
About the only time I talk to a girl is when I'm in maths because I sit next to one. I actually really like her, and enjoy her company. She has a somewhat large circle of friends so I've avoided asking her out, though I've thought about it. Damn, I don't care if I look like a fool on 90% of occasions, but I can't ask a girl out? -_-
Kotetsu is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 02-10-2008, 01:21 PM   #8
Nightelf
Member [06%]
MBTI: INTJ
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 267
 
Late bloomers? Very likely(, though I try to avoid genealizations). I'm nearly 21, never had a date and did not feel the urge to arrange one so far. ;-)
Nightelf is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 02-10-2008, 03:35 PM   #9
Pinkie
Member [06%]
MBTI: INTJ
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 274
 
I don't think it's a matter of being a late bloomer as much as one of being choosy. I'm fairly sure that I'd have 'bloomed', as you put it, much earlier had I known the INTJ guy that I know and like now. As it was, however, all of the guys at school were idiots, hence my not having a boyfriend until I was eighteen. Also, and I don't want to sound like I'm being hard on us all here, I think we either tend to slip beneath the radars of most, or frighten people away. It's more that other people are only likely to approach us when they're a bit older and less scared of us.
Pinkie is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 02-10-2008, 03:40 PM   #10
Lagawrd
Member [08%]
...
MBTI: INTJ
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 345
 
A date? I never had one. A relationship... I have only had one. I think that killed it for me. It required so much effort. It feels like it was a lot of effort now, but when I was with her... it felt natural.

I guess you could say INTJs are 'late bloomers'. But you cannot blame it on the idea of INTJ. Finding a partner requires taking risks. Not big risks... but ones that generally require you to speak without thinking of the outcome. To me and probably to most of you that is extremely hard. I was lucky that the female was an INFJ and had deep interest in my personality. However after her... there had been no one else at all... and I think that was for the better since it gave me alot of time to do other things. Ultimately it does not matter.

Don't worry. Actually worry just a bit.
Lagawrd is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 02-10-2008, 03:48 PM   #11
AgentofGaming
Member [26%]
"There is no wealth like knowledge, and no poverty like ignorance"
MBTI: INTJ
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,077
 

  Originally Posted by Pinkie
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Also, and I don't want to sound like I'm being hard on us all here, I think we either tend to slip beneath the radars of most, or frighten people away. It's more that other people are only likely to approach us when they're a bit older and less scared of us.

Perhaps, that ^ explains why I even have trouble making friends.

If you're a male with a cold, robot-like attitude and an intimidating look, I'd say you won't get much interest from anybody. Especially interests that involve feelings.

I'd say, sure most of us are the "right age"... but thinking about the ideal of everything is just going to lead to disappointment.
Feelings are irrational and hindering anyways, kill them!
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
One less weakness.

AgentofGaming is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 02-10-2008, 04:14 PM   #12
Uytuun
Member [26%]
panta rhei
MBTI: INTj
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,062
 
Well, I met my first boyfriend when I was 18 (total disaster :D). Had 2 more since (1 *shrug*: we both weren't in it with our hearts, the other a lot more serious and emotionally involved and extremely educative). Been single for about a year now. But seriously...the high school romance mindset is as anti INTJ as it gets. I'm hopeful for the future...INTJ is like good wine, as opposed to types that peak when they are young, I think old age is when we'll pwn.
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


Being on my own is my natural state, I won't give it up anymore before I really feel sparks.
Uytuun is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 02-10-2008, 05:34 PM   #13
Tsuru
Member [05%]
MBTI: INTx
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 239
 

  Originally Posted by l345l
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
when it came to dating, were you a "late bloomer" ?

what has been your experience?

yes, i'm just an awkward teenager seeking hope.

Well, considering I'm 23 and haven't done one of those date things (or relationship things, or even one of those friendship things for that matter o_O), I would suppose the answer is yes. I can't really bring myself to be interested in, you know, others. :P

Probably not the most hope-instilling answer. Sorry! ;\

Tsuru is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 02-10-2008, 05:38 PM   #14
JTG
Core Member [246%]
 
MBTI: INFJ
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 9,844
 
I didn't have my first kiss until i was 19, and didn't go on a real date until i was almost 22.

The first kiss was with a stranger whom i had met at work. I was talking to her and then suddenly she kissed me haha. By the time i realized i was supposed to kiss back, it was almost over XD I felt like a dweeb.

The first date i went on was also with a girl who had pretty much asked me out. She made me chase her enough that i could probably say i made the moves, but it was under heavy encouragement so i give her credit :P

In high school, it wasn't that i couldn't have gotten a date, it's that most of the girls were unappealing, chatty, giggling, empty-headed sots.

Of the few who did catch my eye, most didn't/wouldn't notice me, and the rest i couldn't get the nerve to approach.

As we age though, people start looking for more stability and start thinking long term instead of just who looks cute right now. I like to think we're a type that gets better with time and experience (especially experience) because we're able to adapt and fill almost any situation if we have enough data to work with.
JTG is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 02-10-2008, 05:50 PM   #15
ElstonGunn
Core Member [150%]
MBTI: INTJ
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 6,036
 

  Originally Posted by Jgib5328
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Elston, where is your avatar from?

The internets. That's really all I remember. I might have found it on the Google or the Youtunes... possibly the Myface or the Spacebook, or whatever the kids are doing these days.


  Originally Posted by Firelie
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Amen to that! Gosh, some people act as if life is simply not complete without a romantic partner.

I kind of pity people who think that way. It seems to me, at best, to be risky to tie your happiness to another person. At worst, it seems stupid and shallow. ...I'm such a pleasant guy, huh? I guess that's why I'm single and they're not. But to each his own.


  Originally Posted by AgentofGaming
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
If you're a male with a cold, robot-like attitude and an intimidating look, I'd say you won't get much interest from anybody. Especially interests that involve feelings.

Judging from my own personal experience, that's pretty accurate. It's kind of fun to be intimidating, though.

ElstonGunn is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 02-10-2008, 05:56 PM   #16
robin.
Member [02%]
 
MBTI: IxTJ
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 106
 
I'm 18 and I've never been on a date. Well...actually, I have...but I didn't realize it was a date until three months later. That should speak to where my mind is at concerning relationships! (In my defense though, the guy had a girlfriend at the time, so I really wasn't thinking he'd have those intentions...guess I was wrong.)

Other than that, I haven't kissed anyone, or even held a guy's hand. I've met one guy in my whole life that I actually genuinely liked (as opposed to those crushes that end in 2 weeks or so that I repress completely because I know what they are) and I didn't want a relationship with him for various reasons.

I think that waiting until you find someone special who also waited for you will invariably make that relationship better, because it shows that you both take the idea of commitment very seriously and are more likely to be more mature in the relationship. (Obviously there are exceptions, but it seems to me that this is the general trend.)
robin. is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 02-10-2008, 07:05 PM   #17
Jgib5328
Member [47%]
MBTI: INTJ
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,896
 
If you really want a day 345, you are going to have to be proactive in some way, because if you aren't exceptionally good looking, you have to work at it to get something started. I figured it'd just eventually happen, but it still hasn't at 19 and prospects still don't look too good. That's my advice for you. You are going to have to put yourself out of your own comfort zone.
Jgib5328 is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 02-10-2008, 08:48 PM   #18
Nyiah
New Member [01%]
 
MBTI: INTJ
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 44
 
19 was when I had my first kiss and then came the waves of ~4 month relationships. My advice to an INTJ guy: you've got to say/do something if you're interested. As an INTJ female, I'd really appreciate it if a guy would just blatantly say "Ok, I'm going to hit on you now <says some pick-up line> Now I'm done hitting on you." It would make my life easier, and save some embarrassment on both parties.

  Originally Posted by AgentofGaming
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
If you're a male with a cold, robot-like attitude and an intimidating look, I'd say you won't get much interest from anybody.

Oooh, that's the kind of guy I'd fall for! Well, mainly Computer Science/ EE nerds. Swoon.

Nyiah is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 02-11-2008, 09:56 AM   #19
AgentofGaming
Member [26%]
"There is no wealth like knowledge, and no poverty like ignorance"
MBTI: INTJ
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,077
 

  Originally Posted by Nyiah
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
19 was when I had my first kiss and then came the waves of ~4 month relationships. My advice to an INTJ guy: you've got to say/do something if you're interested. As an INTJ female, I'd really appreciate it if a guy would just blatantly say "Ok, I'm going to hit on you now <says some pick-up line> Now I'm done hitting on you." It would make my life easier, and save some embarrassment on both parties.



Oooh, that's the kind of guy I'd fall for! Well, mainly Computer Science/ EE nerds. Swoon.

But showing motives sounds dangerous.
Well... I'm an emotion/motive hider and besides I'm very passive due to an unreasonably high fear of people and failure -> 0 initative policy w/ all human beings.
As for wanting intentions known... you just make it sound oddly easy like a trap I was sent into once.

Also no one loves robots... and I'd describe some of us as human robots.

CS / EE? what about CS + EE = CE. Everyone misses out the Computer Engineers these days... we're now a seperate discipline. Although still quite associated with Electrical Engineers.

AgentofGaming is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 02-11-2008, 10:02 AM   #20
JTG
Core Member [246%]
 
MBTI: INFJ
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 9,844
 
Does computer science include software design? D: I feel left out!
JTG is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 02-11-2008, 10:51 AM   #21
PortInStorm
Veteran Member [74%]
They're just things that people say...
MBTI: INfJ
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 2,963
 
two words: (well, actually 4 words and a hyphen)- no STDs.

Hooray for our healthy naughty bits!
PortInStorm is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 02-11-2008, 11:53 AM   #22
vaguely dissatisfied
Member [38%]
 
MBTI: INTJ
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,540
 
Speaking as an old person who used to date...........my first real (relationship) boyfriend was at the age of 20. I was extremely unpopular in high school. But, during my 20's that changed drastically and I had many dates and uncommited relationships. After getting tired of this sort of empty and unfullfilling life-style, I retired from the dating game for several years. You might say I regrouped and decided to go for the real thing instead of the easy thing. When I got back on the merry-go-round at the ripe old age of 40, I met my current partner. I havn't been with anyone else since that time and I hope to never be with another person (if I can help it).
vaguely dissatisfied is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 02-11-2008, 02:31 PM   #23
Paul V
Member [19%]
 
MBTI: INTJ
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 767
 
"Withered seed" would be a better definition for me. I don't see the value of interpersonal relationships just for the sake of them (I love them when it comes to the pursuit of a common goal, however), and therefore, I will not engage in one with someone who isn't... how would I put it...? interesting. To me, even though I haven't been in a relationship before, they are nothing but a constant headache and timebombs. In a moment, everything can change. Jealousy, betrayal, double-timing, insatisfaction, I've seen and heard it all. And it disgusts me. I'd rather be alone than going through any of that. Besides, what are you missing out, really? To me, you're infinitely better off alone. It would take a unique and exceptional person to make me change my mind (but I reckon it's possible).

Bah, it's ultimately up to you. It's really unimportant when you start dating, as long as you're doing it for the right reasons. Doing it just because you feel you have to is a recipe for disaster.





Paul V added to this post, 4 minutes and 32 seconds later...

  Originally Posted by robin.
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Other than that, I haven't kissed anyone, or even held a guy's hand. I've met one guy in my whole life that I actually genuinely liked (as opposed to those crushes that end in 2 weeks or so that I repress completely because I know what they are) and I didn't want a relationship with him for various reasons.

Should've finished reading the thread before posting, because robin. has just expressed my experience and feelings on the matter. Oh, well.

Paul V is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 02-11-2008, 02:31 PM   #24
Nyiah
New Member [01%]
 
MBTI: INTJ
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 44
 

  Originally Posted by AgentofGaming
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
But showing motives sounds dangerous.
Well... I'm an emotion/motive hider and besides I'm very passive due to an unreasonably high fear of people and failure -> 0 initative policy w/ all human beings.
As for wanting intentions known... you just make it sound oddly easy like a trap I was sent into once.

Also no one loves robots... and I'd describe some of us as human robots.

CS / EE? what about CS + EE = CE. Everyone misses out the Computer Engineers these days... we're now a seperate discipline. Although still quite associated with Electrical Engineers.

Yeah, I'm the same way. I had to hand out surveys for strangers to fill out, and I was cringing inside. It was the worst experience/feeling ever. Well, the "I-am-going-to-hit-on-you-now" strategy works with me, but I would highly discourage anyone from trying it with other girls. I don't understand flirting, just get to the point. Hmm, that's why I end up with FWB relationships, which I do prefer. Showing motivation is not dangerous as long as you don't come off as "clingy". I abhor clingy guys, they certainly push me away, but for INTJs, I'm sure that's not a problem.

My best relationship lasted about 6 months, and I was dating an INTP, computer science robot. It was so great! He didn't ask for much, we'd meet maybe once a week, have dinner (that would always be take-out), watch a movie or tv show (at his place), and well, rinse and repeat each week. He didn't show much emotion, I never asked for any emotional attachment. We were fine together. My friends never considered it a relationship, but it fulfilled both of our needs. It ended when I had to move
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


As for CS/EE people (sure I'll add CEs to the list too) they tend to have the introverted, thinking components down, a HUGE plus. They're fairly laid back, intelligent, and most importantly, they can fix my computer. Flowers are pretty but they die, but when that CS guy cleaned the fan in my laptop, it just meant so much more to me. Like "wow, he really doesn't want my laptop to overheat and crash, that's so thoughtful." CS/EE/CEs are hard to come by though. I do find a few of them online, but I've never developed a relationship by meeting one in person. Any suggestions?

Nyiah is offline
Reply With Quote
Old 02-11-2008, 06:56 PM   #25
AgentofGaming
Member [26%]
"There is no wealth like knowledge, and no poverty like ignorance"
MBTI: INTJ
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,077
 

  Originally Posted by JTG
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Does computer science include software design? D: I feel left out!

Don't worry I'll "include" you.
#include <JTG>

Now I can use your functions...
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

lol programming this webserver is messing with my mind.

  Originally Posted by Nyiah
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Yeah, I'm the same way. I had to hand out surveys for strangers to fill out, and I was cringing inside. It was the worst experience/feeling ever. Well, the "I-am-going-to-hit-on-you-now" strategy works with me, but I would highly discourage anyone from trying it with other girls. I don't understand flirting, just get to the point. Hmm, that's why I end up with FWB relationships, which I do prefer. Showing motivation is not dangerous as long as you don't come off as "clingy". I abhor clingy guys, they certainly push me away, but for INTJs, I'm sure that's not a problem.

I get a cringing feeling every time I have to talk to someone I don't know or do something I've never done. In fact I still have it even if I know them. Don't worry about clingy, with people like me friendships involve not talking to each other once we don't have any classes in common anymore.

  Originally Posted by Nyiah
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
My best relationship lasted about 6 months, and I was dating an INTP, computer science robot. It was so great! He didn't ask for much, we'd meet maybe once a week, have dinner (that would always be take-out), watch a movie or tv show (at his place), and well, rinse and repeat each week. He didn't show much emotion, I never asked for any emotional attachment. We were fine together. My friends never considered it a relationship, but it fulfilled both of our needs. It ended when I had to move
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


As for CS/EE people (sure I'll add CEs to the list too) they tend to have the introverted, thinking components down, a HUGE plus. They're fairly laid back, intelligent, and most importantly, they can fix my computer. Flowers are pretty but they die, but when that CS guy cleaned the fan in my laptop, it just meant so much more to me. Like "wow, he really doesn't want my laptop to overheat and crash, that's so thoughtful." CS/EE/CEs are hard to come by though. I do find a few of them online, but I've never developed a relationship by meeting one in person. Any suggestions?

I don't think many of us here could really do feely stuff either, well whatever works.

Maybe you could get canned air to help you remember the good times, cleaning a fan shouldn't be too hard by yourself.
How could there be "few" online, in fact how could Computer people be hard to come by online. They just hide themselves well. Oh and if you want to meet any of CS/CE/EE just walk into their section of the university campus, you'll be outnumbered male:female 9:1.
You could say hi to a random one but chances are, you'd scare them off like birds or if someone randomly said hi to me I would make a sarcastic look.

AgentofGaming is offline
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:48 AM.


Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2013, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, Myers-Briggs, and MBTI are trademarks or registered trademarks of the
Myers-Briggs Type Indicator Trust in the United States and other countries.