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#1 |
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Member [02%]
MBTI: INtj
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 116
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when it came to dating, were you a "late bloomer" ?
what has been your experience? yes, i'm just an awkward teenager seeking hope. |
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#2 |
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Core Member [150%]
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I'm 22 and I've never been on an actual, one-on-one, date. That doesn't bother me much in and of itself. The annoying part is having to explain to people that I don't mind, and no, I'm not just saying that I don't mind as a defense mechanism, and yes, I can think of about a million things worse than being single.
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#3 |
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Member [23%]
MBTI: INTJ
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 947
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Sure, though I dunno if I fit the definition since my not having a relationship till college probably had more to do with my not being interested in anyone in high school than in an inability to get a date. I think INTJs are late bloomers in general though... honestly, it's better to be!
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#4 | |||
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Member [47%]
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I'm 19 and have never had a date. I came close to having a girl friend probably twice in my life, but at my current state I don't even have a friend who is a girl. I don't really even talk to them much other than little things. It probably has to do with me just not being social enough or outgoing. I never really approach people that much for social reasons.
I hope we are just late bloomers. I don't really care about sex or anything, I just want to make sure I get married to a woman I love. As long as I get that, then I can go girlfriendless until I find that girl. Jgib5328 added to this post, 0 minutes and 52 seconds later...
Elston, where is your avatar from? |
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#5 | |||
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Member [19%]
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Amen to that! Gosh, some people act as if life is simply not complete without a romantic partner. |
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#6 |
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Member [47%]
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lol I guess we are all kinda pathetic. Didn't people start having girlfriends and boyfriends in the 6th grade? Well INTJs are a different breed though.
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#7 |
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Member [03%]
MBTI: INTJ
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 140
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About the only time I talk to a girl is when I'm in maths because I sit next to one. I actually really like her, and enjoy her company. She has a somewhat large circle of friends so I've avoided asking her out, though I've thought about it. Damn, I don't care if I look like a fool on 90% of occasions, but I can't ask a girl out? -_-
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#8 |
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Member [06%]
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Late bloomers? Very likely(, though I try to avoid genealizations). I'm nearly 21, never had a date and did not feel the urge to arrange one so far. ;-)
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#9 |
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Member [06%]
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I don't think it's a matter of being a late bloomer as much as one of being choosy. I'm fairly sure that I'd have 'bloomed', as you put it, much earlier had I known the INTJ guy that I know and like now. As it was, however, all of the guys at school were idiots, hence my not having a boyfriend until I was eighteen. Also, and I don't want to sound like I'm being hard on us all here, I think we either tend to slip beneath the radars of most, or frighten people away. It's more that other people are only likely to approach us when they're a bit older and less scared of us.
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#10 |
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Member [08%]
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A date? I never had one. A relationship... I have only had one. I think that killed it for me. It required so much effort. It feels like it was a lot of effort now, but when I was with her... it felt natural.
I guess you could say INTJs are 'late bloomers'. But you cannot blame it on the idea of INTJ. Finding a partner requires taking risks. Not big risks... but ones that generally require you to speak without thinking of the outcome. To me and probably to most of you that is extremely hard. I was lucky that the female was an INFJ and had deep interest in my personality. However after her... there had been no one else at all... and I think that was for the better since it gave me alot of time to do other things. Ultimately it does not matter. Don't worry. Actually worry just a bit. |
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#11 | |||
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Member [26%]
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Perhaps, that ^ explains why I even have trouble making friends. |
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#12 |
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Member [26%]
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Well, I met my first boyfriend when I was 18 (total disaster :D). Had 2 more since (1 *shrug*: we both weren't in it with our hearts, the other a lot more serious and emotionally involved and extremely educative). Been single for about a year now. But seriously...the high school romance mindset is as anti INTJ as it gets. I'm hopeful for the future...INTJ is like good wine, as opposed to types that peak when they are young, I think old age is when we'll pwn.
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Being on my own is my natural state, I won't give it up anymore before I really feel sparks. |
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#13 | |||
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Member [05%]
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Well, considering I'm 23 and haven't done one of those date things (or relationship things, or even one of those friendship things for that matter o_O), I would suppose the answer is yes. I can't really bring myself to be interested in, you know, others. :P |
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#14 |
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Core Member [246%]
MBTI: INFJ
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 9,844
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I didn't have my first kiss until i was 19, and didn't go on a real date until i was almost 22.
The first kiss was with a stranger whom i had met at work. I was talking to her and then suddenly she kissed me haha. By the time i realized i was supposed to kiss back, it was almost over XD I felt like a dweeb. The first date i went on was also with a girl who had pretty much asked me out. She made me chase her enough that i could probably say i made the moves, but it was under heavy encouragement so i give her credit :P In high school, it wasn't that i couldn't have gotten a date, it's that most of the girls were unappealing, chatty, giggling, empty-headed sots. Of the few who did catch my eye, most didn't/wouldn't notice me, and the rest i couldn't get the nerve to approach. As we age though, people start looking for more stability and start thinking long term instead of just who looks cute right now. I like to think we're a type that gets better with time and experience (especially experience) because we're able to adapt and fill almost any situation if we have enough data to work with. |
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#15 | |||||||||
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Core Member [150%]
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The internets. That's really all I remember. I might have found it on the Google or the Youtunes... possibly the Myface or the Spacebook, or whatever the kids are doing these days.
I kind of pity people who think that way. It seems to me, at best, to be risky to tie your happiness to another person. At worst, it seems stupid and shallow. ...I'm such a pleasant guy, huh? I guess that's why I'm single and they're not. But to each his own.
Judging from my own personal experience, that's pretty accurate. It's kind of fun to be intimidating, though. |
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#16 |
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Member [02%]
MBTI: IxTJ
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 106
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I'm 18 and I've never been on a date. Well...actually, I have...but I didn't realize it was a date until three months later. That should speak to where my mind is at concerning relationships! (In my defense though, the guy had a girlfriend at the time, so I really wasn't thinking he'd have those intentions...guess I was wrong.)
Other than that, I haven't kissed anyone, or even held a guy's hand. I've met one guy in my whole life that I actually genuinely liked (as opposed to those crushes that end in 2 weeks or so that I repress completely because I know what they are) and I didn't want a relationship with him for various reasons. I think that waiting until you find someone special who also waited for you will invariably make that relationship better, because it shows that you both take the idea of commitment very seriously and are more likely to be more mature in the relationship. (Obviously there are exceptions, but it seems to me that this is the general trend.) |
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#17 |
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Member [47%]
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If you really want a day 345, you are going to have to be proactive in some way, because if you aren't exceptionally good looking, you have to work at it to get something started. I figured it'd just eventually happen, but it still hasn't at 19 and prospects still don't look too good. That's my advice for you. You are going to have to put yourself out of your own comfort zone.
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#18 | |||
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New Member [01%]
MBTI: INTJ
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 44
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19 was when I had my first kiss and then came the waves of ~4 month relationships. My advice to an INTJ guy: you've got to say/do something if you're interested. As an INTJ female, I'd really appreciate it if a guy would just blatantly say "Ok, I'm going to hit on you now <says some pick-up line> Now I'm done hitting on you." It would make my life easier, and save some embarrassment on both parties.
Oooh, that's the kind of guy I'd fall for! Well, mainly Computer Science/ EE nerds. Swoon. |
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#19 | |||
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Member [26%]
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But showing motives sounds dangerous. |
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#20 |
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Core Member [246%]
MBTI: INFJ
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 9,844
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Does computer science include software design? D: I feel left out!
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#21 |
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Veteran Member [74%]
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two words: (well, actually 4 words and a hyphen)- no STDs.
Hooray for our healthy naughty bits! |
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#22 |
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Member [38%]
MBTI: INTJ
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,540
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Speaking as an old person who used to date...........my first real (relationship) boyfriend was at the age of 20. I was extremely unpopular in high school. But, during my 20's that changed drastically and I had many dates and uncommited relationships. After getting tired of this sort of empty and unfullfilling life-style, I retired from the dating game for several years. You might say I regrouped and decided to go for the real thing instead of the easy thing. When I got back on the merry-go-round at the ripe old age of 40, I met my current partner. I havn't been with anyone else since that time and I hope to never be with another person (if I can help it).
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#23 | |||
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Member [19%]
MBTI: INTJ
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 767
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"Withered seed" would be a better definition for me. I don't see the value of interpersonal relationships just for the sake of them (I love them when it comes to the pursuit of a common goal, however), and therefore, I will not engage in one with someone who isn't... how would I put it...? interesting. To me, even though I haven't been in a relationship before, they are nothing but a constant headache and timebombs. In a moment, everything can change. Jealousy, betrayal, double-timing, insatisfaction, I've seen and heard it all. And it disgusts me. I'd rather be alone than going through any of that. Besides, what are you missing out, really? To me, you're infinitely better off alone. It would take a unique and exceptional person to make me change my mind (but I reckon it's possible).
Bah, it's ultimately up to you. It's really unimportant when you start dating, as long as you're doing it for the right reasons. Doing it just because you feel you have to is a recipe for disaster. Paul V added to this post, 4 minutes and 32 seconds later...
Should've finished reading the thread before posting, because robin. has just expressed my experience and feelings on the matter. Oh, well. |
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#24 | |||
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New Member [01%]
MBTI: INTJ
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 44
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Yeah, I'm the same way. I had to hand out surveys for strangers to fill out, and I was cringing inside. It was the worst experience/feeling ever. Well, the "I-am-going-to-hit-on-you-now" strategy works with me, but I would highly discourage anyone from trying it with other girls. I don't understand flirting, just get to the point. Hmm, that's why I end up with FWB relationships, which I do prefer. Showing motivation is not dangerous as long as you don't come off as "clingy". I abhor clingy guys, they certainly push me away, but for INTJs, I'm sure that's not a problem. |
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#25 | |||||||||
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Member [26%]
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Don't worry I'll "include" you.
I get a cringing feeling every time I have to talk to someone I don't know or do something I've never done. In fact I still have it even if I know them. Don't worry about clingy, with people like me friendships involve not talking to each other once we don't have any classes in common anymore.
I don't think many of us here could really do feely stuff either, well whatever works. |
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