[Nyura]

Over the past 15 years I've always had male roommates or lived on my own. At one point having 6 male roommates...we were like ships passing in the night. Sure, we shared the occasional joke here and there, occasional BBQ, maybe some gaming...but mostly we retreated into our own space and it was a comfortable living situation for all.

Recently I moved to a new town and an opportunity presented itself to move into a household of females. I didn't think anything of it as it was just a new group of people to live with. People are all types and I’m female myself so maybe it would be a nice change.

When I first moved in, one of the girls living there was an INTP that recently bought a house and would soon be moving. We got along fine. Unorganized and lost her keys frequently, but easy to get along with and not demanding.

When she left, an INFP moved in...and the other is an ESFP.

I knew immediately the ESFP was going to be a huge test on my 'pretend to not annihilate via gaze during exuberant and prolonged talks about feelings' skills but, I thought I could at least tolerate it. That was a conscious decision on my part to take on that challenge.

Then...the INFP moved in. I knew she was INFP the first day she arrived. Of her own curiosity she tested herself and, of course, INFP. Extremely delicate person...full of inconsistencies, lack of logic and unwillingness to listen to anything rational. Repetition of things that are obvious. An unawareness of surroundings. Any slight criticism is met with a complete fit, crying, sulking, silence for days...general passive-aggressive behavior.

When such an 'event' happens, the ESFP wants to hold house meetings to talk about how we all feel and last night it lasted two hours. I wanted to chew my arm off...that's a legal way to say it. It was the same thing being said again and again and both of them reveling in the 'need to heal' and revisit the situation. So they made a time for another meeting two days later for us to do it all over again.

I'm running, not walking, back to male roommates. The same seven bedroom household I happily lived in a while back...whom luckily have a room coming open in 3 days...full of maintenance-free people.

[Asinine]

Forewarning: I'm just extrapolating (somewhat) wildly based on what you have said.

Two days later, huh? If I'm reading the situation right, it sounds like the feeling (*cough*) is mutual. And, the meetings are for the most part a pretext to bring you in line without singling you out.

My own experiences tell me that ExFx's like to hold such meetings in order to teach IxTx's a lesson in social manners, bring them out of their shells, or likely both. And, judging by your assessment of the INFP, you've already hurt her feelings and the ESFP has noticed. They're reading your irritation combined with your blunt assessment as some kind of secret resentment against one or both. They got tired of trying to coax a resolution out of you after a couple of hours and she figured she would try again after giving you a couple of days to cool off.

That's my guess, anyway.

[Cisco Skywalker]

I don't think it's to do with gender but to do with a personality clash.

[wittykitty]

I would never move in with female roommates. Maybe if they were female INTJs but Ive never met any of those.

[zibber]

	Originally Posted by Cisco Skywalker To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I don't think it's to do with gender but to do with a personality clash.

Yeah. Sorry for the obligatory feminist post, but do you honestly suppose two INFJ and ESFJ males would make for a starkly different situation?

Kind of love the idea of your prior arrangement, though, a sort of optional interaction. (As long as the others are neither too noisy nor entirely silent (and thus sensitive to my sound
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).)

[SelfMadeBum]

I wouldn't mind living with my two ENFJ female friends.

[Cisco Skywalker]

	Originally Posted by wittykitty To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I would never move in with female roommates. Maybe if they were female INTJs but Ive never met any of those.

If you had a female INTJ roommate then you'd both pass like ships in the night
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[Fanowene]

My roommate on campus last year was an INFP and we got along just fine. I did have to be careful not to trample her feelings which I did find a bit annoying at times. Just because INFPs are easily hurt doesn't make it solely their fault when they do get hurt. The person doing the hurting could be a bit more careful too.

I'm currently living with a female ENFP and a female INFP + some males who hardly ever seem to be around. The INFP is moving to Ireland in 2+ weeks and is super stressed out about it. She isn't very pleasant to be around at the moment (INFP death look?
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). Overall I like the people I'm living with.

[loosefanbelt]

I have lived in intentional community on and off for over 10 years. It has taught me a lot about people, male and female. All MBTI types too.

I agree that this is not a gender thing. It is a type thing. Believe me.

I could give examples, but suffice it to say that I have seen guys do some pretty snarky stuff when they have not been emotionally healthy. And certain MBTI types get crazy stupid when the boundaries are poorly developed.

[sapientragdoll]

I definitely do not think this is a gender issue.
But I don't necessarily think it's a type clash either-
Last semester my roommate was an ESFJ(personally, probably my least favorite type) and this semester I'm rooming with an ENFP(not all it's cracked up to be). But it worked out fine then as well as now because upon first meeting each of them I told them my conditions.
I let them know I like to frequently be alone.
I let them know I'm a study freak and need quiet.
I let them know that yes, I do still play Pokemon and I don't care what they think about it.
etc.
They respected the honesty and from then on respected me and my needs.

Sounds like a lack of communication to me: instead of putting yourself through the feelings session, it probably would have been more beneficial to have each person state her needs from the beginning. Or maybe just your own.

[Rudy]

Everyone seems certain that this is not a gender issue, but I'm unconvinced.

I don't think that an ESFP female is fundamentally more annoying than an ESFP male, however I do think that an ESFP female would feel more connected with, and therefore more likely to bother, a fellow female than she would a male.

Similarly, if the OP were living with an ESFP and INFP male, they might be more inclined to leave her alone, or not unload on her, simply because of the perceived gender barrier.

[sapientragdoll]

	Originally Posted by Rudy To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I do think that an ESFP female would feel more connected with, and therefore more likely to bother, a fellow female than she would a male.

I'm not so sure about that. The ESFP females that I know are more boy crazy than sisterly, AND they tend to stay far far away from me. So in theory I think that living with one would be fine.

[Vagrant]

In this case, it's not a matter of gender, you just stumbled upon an immature INFP, and what sounds like a moderately mature ESFP (to whatever extent they can be). However, both types can really aggravate an INTJ, in my experience. The ESFP for simply living in a completely different dimension, and the INFP unable to accept reality (immature ones, anyway).

I seem to do best with most intuitors, provided a level of maturity. S types, well it depends.

[curiousgeorge01]

All I can say is I lived with three women once for a year and I wanted to kill them all. I think they were all NFs or SF, I'm positive none of them were Ts because all they could do was 'feel.'

[Vagrant]

	Originally Posted by curiousgeorge01 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	All I can say is I lived with three women once for a year and I wanted to kill them all. I think they were all NFs or SF, I'm positive none of them were Ts because all they could do was 'feel.'

So you wanted to stab them with a long, hard object?

For shame.

[curiousgeorge01]

	Originally Posted by Vagrant To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	So you wanted to stab them with a long, hard object? For shame.

Yes I would almost say literally. They were incoherent, planned against my vote all the time, made life comfortable for themselves at my expense. Yes I can say I wanted to stab em.

[Zsych]

I actually would expect male INFP and ESFP to be more tolerable than female ones. Especially for females.

[Luciferi]

I think it is a sex thing and a personality thing. Men in general, no matter what their type, are usually reluctant to have long drawn out conversations about feelings. They also tend to respect a woman's space more. You won't find them borrowing your clothes without asking or using your make-up. They are more likely to eat the entire bag of chips you just bought for yourself.

I, too, would be very hesitant to share a place with other women. For the most part, I can't stand other women at all. They are usually catty, manipulative, whiny, irrational, and sometimes dishonest. I have very, very little in common with most women and it's a wonder I have any female friends at all. Pretty much the only other women I get along with are the ones who feel the same way I do or are INTJ women (and usually they fit both criteria) and they are few and far between.

I find men to be much easier to get along with. They are very simple creatures and that makes them low-maintenance and easy to get along with.

[curiousgeorge01]

	Originally Posted by Luciferi To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I think it is a sex thing and a personality thing. Men in general, no matter what their type, are usually reluctant to have long drawn out conversations about feelings. They also tend to respect a woman's space more. You won't find them borrowing your clothes without asking or using your make-up. They are more likely to eat the entire bag of chips you just bought for yourself.

Yea we talk about our feeling for like 5 min at a time and we don't do this co-ownership business that woman do (yours is mine, mines is yours). Those alone save a lot of headaches...

[Amphorian]

Who says INFPs aren't logical? -standing up for her little sis's personality-

Mmmpfh. First you've already judged the poor women without getting to know them. Sure they may be different personality types and not always easy to understand or get along with. But all you're looking at is the negative and not working towards a situation. How are you to deal with other people if all you do is run away?

[jonnyb]

I am all for living by myself to avoid said situations. The first meeting I would have to discuss feelings would turn into a meeting to discuss beatings.

[Storm]

Here's my question, what happened to make them so mad at you? People usually don't get have 2 hour "meetings" for no reason.

I'm currently rooming with an ExFP female and I absolutely love her. She's clean and considerate, helps out with the chores and pays her rent on time. We don't have the same taste in everything (I subscribe to National Geographic, she subscribes to Cosmo), and she's usually out socializing while I'm at home chilling, but that's fine. Actually, that's great since I get my needed alone time and she gets her socializing in and so we're both happy.

Here's what I think the problem is: it's not gender, it's not personality - it's individuals.

[Athene]

Originally Posted by Fanowene To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

My roommate on campus last year was an INFP and we got along just fine. I did have to be careful not to trample her feelings which I did find a bit annoying at times. Just because INFPs are easily hurt doesn't make it solely their fault when they do get hurt. The person doing the hurting could be a bit more careful too. I'm currently living with a female ENFP and a female INFP + some males who hardly ever seem to be around. The INFP is moving to Ireland in 2+ weeks and is super stressed out about it. She isn't very pleasant to be around at the moment (INFP death look? To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. ). Overall I like the people I'm living with.

My daughter is INFP and very easy-going... yes, a little "out there" at times. But my INFJ husband is the real problem, always stepping in when he perceives my aggravation to be a 'threat' to keeping our daughter happy.

Whatever.

On the whole, I think men are so much easier to get along with than women (although I haven't met any other INTJ women either and of course assume they'd be the perfect roommates) in general situations... but can be right up there with the typical ENFP female, as in the case of my husband, and I'm sure a few other men.

It's like stepping gingerly around land mines, talking and living with him sometimes.





Athene added to this post, 12 minutes and 49 seconds later...

Originally Posted by Amphorian To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Who says INFPs aren't logical? -standing up for her little sis's personality- Mmmpfh. First you've already judged the poor women without getting to know them. Sure they may be different personality types and not always easy to understand or get along with. But all you're looking at is the negative and not working towards a situation. How are you to deal with other people if all you do is run away?

My daughter is INFP and tends not to be all that logical for the most part, but I'm sure there are individual differences.

Nyura brings up a lot of good points, though, namely that INTJ women tend to get annoyed very quickly with repetition and discussing feelings ad nauseam.

The typical female is very trying to me also.

[Not just females, of course. As I mentioned, my husband can be just as difficult, turning innocent remarks (mine) into personal attacks (on him) with no logic or reason needed. But females in general.]

I'm reminded of a scene from "White Men Can't Jump" where Rosie Perez's character said she was thirsty. Woody Harrelson's character jumped up to get her some water and she got angry, stating: "That's just like a man, trying to solve everything. I want your understanding. I want you to sympathize with my thirst, saying, 'I, too have had a dry mouth.'"

Humorous, of course, but so often that seems to be what women want: not a solution to a problem, but to just re-state the problem in as many different ways as possible until they are satisfied the problem has been shared. Not solved, just left to fester.

It's annoying to me to listen to these endless discussions because I'm a goal-oriented person, and being forced to take part and maybe even act interested makes my head hurt.

[Evangelist]

Most of the females I am around have insecurity issues and I am not the one to sit and debate what color weave to put in your hair. Most of my friends who are women are just as deep as me and I would live with them for a while, but eventually get my own place.

[Amphorian]

Originally Posted by Athene To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Humorous, of course, but so often that seems to be what women want: not a solution to a problem, but to just re-state the problem in as many different ways as possible until they are satisfied the problem has been shared. Not solved, just left to fester. It's annoying to me to listen to these endless discussions because I'm a goal-oriented person, and being forced to take part and maybe even act interested makes my head hurt.

-blinks- Talking aloud to multiple people helps me solve my problems. First it allows me to continue mulling for a solution while talking aloud and then I might get a new perspective from the person I'm talking to. Now I'm not talking petty problems but major on going ones. It's good to let that emotion free so it doesn't bog you down or your thinking/rational thought down. Writing is another good forum for problem solving.

I want talk about what doesn't interest me (I'm definitly not aligned with interests and the norm female) but I wouldn't put talking down so quickly. I use to be so quiet when I was little until I learned talking helps. O_O