Annoying others by being very critical of people

**smashy** · 08-19-2009, 05:50 AM

One of the things other people most acuse me is of being very critical of others and intolerant.

I can really dissecate one's behaviour from one point to the other. I can say what I think about someone and have arguments that state my critics, that are logical and make sense. I do this all the time and with everyone, it's something natural to me and I can't avoid to notice the negatives on people and point them out. But some people find this really annoying, they say I'm always complaining about everyone (I'm not complaining, I'm just verbalizing what I analyse) and that I'm basically a pain in the a**.

I'm also critical of myself but I guess a lot of people don't want to hear what I think about this or that person. I basically do this because there are things I notice that are so obvious and I would like to speak about it with someone that also knows that person well. Then people are very surprised when they hear me saying that I actually like someone that I'm very critical about... because me being critical doesn't mean that I don't like that person, it just means that I like to talk about my mental analyses. People that I don't like I don't even bother to talk about (or not talk much about them).

I have a friend that asked me to stop doing this and I don't know what to do, if I should just stop which would be very strange to me, if I should just open my mouth and be critical of someone when is something really important. I don't want to bother my friend to the point of ending the friendship, but I don't want to stop being myself either.

Do you face this problems as well?

**nowt** · 08-19-2009, 06:07 AM

Not an issue: Critique of a criticism as made by a critic should be taken; tu quoque.

Or: Mind your own business.

**ElstonGunn** · 08-19-2009, 06:16 AM

Do you ever notice the good things about people and let them know your positive opinions of them? Because it does tend to get annoying and predictably tiresome to be around someone who only points out the negative, especially if that person considers their criticism a public service. Most people don't want to hear it, and even fewer people will change their behaviors because of it. The more someone does it, the less effective it is.

Keep your criticisms where they belong: behind people's backs and out of earshot.
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(Kidding about that, but I was serious about the first part, there.)

**Boyd** · 08-19-2009, 06:20 AM

I find people tend to ignore positive comments. They take them as flattery or some sort of a means to an end.

When someone asks for my opinon I give it to them, if it's "That's a great idea" or "You're an idiot" I think they should take it with equal weight.

**The Fury** · 08-19-2009, 06:35 AM

I don't find anything wrong with constructive criticism and I think we need people in the world who are willing to tell the hard truths. However if all your observations are accompanied by a negative motif then I'm not surprised that people are annoyed by what you say.

**Vagrant** · 08-19-2009, 08:43 AM

As others have said: Mix some positive in with the negative, because a broken record is no fun. :-\

**Prunesquallor** · 08-19-2009, 08:51 AM

I mostly notice the negatives because they're useful - something to fix.
I just keep my mouth shut when it's not necessary to comment, and it works out ok.

**Released** · 08-19-2009, 09:14 AM

I did that a lot as a youngster and got the same feedback you're getting. On the one hand I wanted to express things as I saw them but I didn't want to alienate everyone (and I didn't alienate everyone, only those not tough enough to handle it).

I crave constructive criticism and feedback but rarely get it. Most aren't like that though.

So here's what I did. It comes natural for me to think about what I say before I say it, or to thoroughly contemplate a situation, before weighing in when I don't quite know a lot about it. But when I'm certain, I can be very quick, and very harsh, because I'm very happy to express my opinion (well, it's not just an opinion, it's a carefully weighed, experientially based observation). So now, I consider my audience and whether they can handle what I want to say. On the one hand, this does limit what I say to some people, but then in another way it's helping me know who I can be myself with, and those are the people I really want to be friends with. The rest, I have relationships, nay, one-sided understandings that are within the bounds of what they can handle. Not real friendships, but they do make daily life simpler.

If I can be so bold, part of your desire to discuss this with others is to further what you know about others. Often though, you'll be hard pressed to find people like you who will be ablew to objectively analyze the same way. Sucks to be part of the 1.8%. There are others who will do it though, but IRL, they're hard to find.

**smashy** · 08-19-2009, 09:44 AM

Originally Posted by Released
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I did that a lot as a youngster and got the same feedback you're getting. On the one hand I wanted to express things as I saw them but I didn't want to alienate everyone (and I didn't alienate everyone, only those not tough enough to handle it).

I crave constructive criticism and feedback but rarely get it. Most aren't like that though.

So here's what I did. It comes natural for me to think about what I say before I say it, or to thoroughly contemplate a situation, before weighing in when I don't quite know a lot about it. But when I'm certain, I can be very quick, and very harsh, because I'm very happy to express my opinion (well, it's not just an opinion, it's a carefully weighed, experientially based observation). So now, I consider my audience and whether they can handle what I want to say. On the one hand, this does limit what I say to some people, but then in another way it's helping me know who I can be myself with, and those are the people I really want to be friends with. The rest, I have relationships, nay, one-sided understandings that are within the bounds of what they can handle. Not real friendships, but they do make daily life simpler.

If I can be so bold, part of your desire to discuss this with others is to further what you know about others. Often though, you'll be hard pressed to find people like you who will be ablew to objectively analyze the same way. Sucks to be part of the 1.8%. There are others who will do it though, but IRL, they're hard to find.

Yeah, and you'll be amazed to know that this friend of mine is also an INTJ...

**Earring** · 08-19-2009, 10:39 AM

I am in a sorority at my university and I understand this completely, especially when dealing with other females. Girls tend to brush me off as cold and unfeeling so they often disregard my opinions. They also value friendship over productivity. I'm always told that my opinions hurt my friendships but instead of stopping, I now tell the people I'm having difficulties with directly. I have been told, "When you go into the real world no one will put up with you."

Like you, I don't do this because I do not like them. If I didn't, I wouldn't bother. What's most confusing is that they must see the logic in it because they later adopt the criticisms as their own. I've been told that I should be more caring when choosing my words, but if the outcome is the same I'd rather not. I feel like receiving a critique while being pat on the back isn't as effective.

**rara avis** · 08-19-2009, 11:20 AM

I find people who are consistently critical of others *extremely* irritating, and often very narrow-minded. It is arrogant and foolish to assume that anyone gives a damn what you think about what they or other people do. Mind your own beeswax.

If their behavior is somehow your beeswax, if it's truly getting directly in your way- fine, then address it.

But if you present yourself as impatient, unforgiving and critical; if in making observations of people you strip them down instead of buoying them up, no one will care whether or not you really like them, because they will not like you.

They will likely do you the great favor in return of pointing out tenfold to everyone the things that you need some work on.

And- on the topic of being positive in your feedback to others- even if you try to help people see the errors of their ways while being positive and sunny about it, they will often find you patronizing. This is because this, too, is a who-the-f-do-you-think-you-are-it's-none-of-your-business area.

Help people when they ask you for it. If you're so awesome, people likely will ask you for it.

**strid3r** · 08-19-2009, 11:39 AM

Originally Posted by rara avis
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I find people who are consistently critical of others *extremely* irritating, and often very narrow-minded. It is arrogant and foolish to assume that anyone gives a damn what you think about what they or other people do. Mind your own beeswax.

If their behavior is somehow your beeswax, if it's truly getting directly in your way- fine, then address it.

But if you present yourself as impatient, unforgiving and critical; if in making observations of people you strip them down instead of buoying them up, no one will care whether or not you really like them, because they will not like you.

They will likely do you the great favor in return of pointing out tenfold to everyone the things that you need some work on.

And- on the topic of being positive in your feedback to others- even if you try to help people see the errors of their ways while being positive and sunny about it, they will often find you patronizing. This is because this, too, is a who-the-f-do-you-think-you-are-it's-none-of-your-business area.

Help people when they ask you for it. If you're so awesome, people likely will ask you for it.

I agree with pretty much everything here, but I think most people will not bother to ask for help, especially if it means exposing themselves to criticism. Perhaps it is a cultural thing or the growing sense of entitlement, but many do not seem to care for self-improvement. I can relate to the OP and I stay quiet for the most part.

**smashy** · 08-19-2009, 12:13 PM

	Originally Posted by strid3r To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I agree with pretty much everything here, but I think most people will not bother to ask for help, especially if it means exposing themselves to criticism. Perhaps it is a cultural thing or the growing sense of entitlement, but many do not seem to care for self-improvement. I can relate to the OP and I stay quiet for the most part.

Maybe I need to learn to be quiet.

**strid3r** · 08-19-2009, 12:23 PM

	Originally Posted by smashy To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Maybe I need to learn to be quiet.

They do say silence is golden.

**Mader** · 08-19-2009, 12:55 PM

I do this a lot. I am great at fixing others, and I can see there problems from a mile away. But noone wants me to fix them. I am a fixer, bring me a problem and I will give you a solution. Most of the time my solution is spot on. Trouble is, others do not like to be fixed.

Now my own life, I am not so good at fixing. To me, I make sense so it has been hard to look to improve myself.

Often, when girls share feelings and problems, they don't automatically want an answer, a fix. They want you to listen, to understand just how sad or angry they are. Emphathy is MUCH more important than fixing the problem. Nodding, looking someone in the eyes, tilting your head in the same direction, body language similar, get angry at the boyfriend who makes the girl feel bad - you are validating that her feelings are real. Doesn't mean you always agree with her, but her feelings are real for her.

Fixing, not so much. Really, girls can be hard because sometimes you will feel that you are being superficial or insincere, but what you are really doing is communicating in a way your friend needs. Most people are different from you. So, keep the criticism to yourself. Better yet, take those examples and try to improve yourself (we all make mistakes, we are all blind in certain situations, we all miss non-verbal cues) instead It is fine to say nothing. A gentle smile or nod of the head works wonders. You aren't a bad person, you just communicate different from others, you have to learn new skills. Don't change you, just learn how to speak in the other persons way.

**PLC** · 08-19-2009, 02:03 PM

	Originally Posted by Mader To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Now my own life, I am not so good at fixing. To me, I make sense so it has been hard to look to improve myself.

Yep, it's easy to point out the flaws of others but everybody thinks they're doing pretty good themselves. I'm always looking for ways to ameliorate myself and I love getting feedback, as long as it's constructive. It depends a lot on how it's brought though. Sometimes when someone points one of your flaws bluntly, you have to resist the urge of pointing out 10 of theirs. That's probably how others feel and you have to make sure your criticism is constructive. If it's only for pointing flaws then people will file it under gossip more than advice. Make sure you come off as trying to be helpful.

And in some cases, people just don't want to hear it. They know what they're doing is bad but they're doing it to get by or some other reason. The last thing they want is someone to remember them that what they're doing isn't right.

**Luckeydavid** · 08-19-2009, 03:13 PM

I used to think the way you do until I realized that positive reinforcement is far more effective.

**IrishGuy** · 08-19-2009, 03:34 PM

I used to have the same problem. I have found that it is usually a good idea to withhold criticism unless I am asked to or if it would be irresponsible not to do so (ex. an inefficient accounting scheme that is costing your employer millions).

larkin · 08-19-2009, 04:22 PM

A personal example - I'm a photographer at my organization, part of my department's responsibility is putting out our organization's annual report, which falls on the publications officer.

The publications officer takes her responsibility seriously and does a very good job. The report goes through multiple drafts with some stringent copy editing, including everyone in the department as well as some outside people. But it's a 32-page report. Invariably, some mistakes get through. (Not all mistakes are created equal, though - I personally wouldn't take most comma errors as seriously as misspelling, for example.)

A friend at the organization, an INTJ, read through the report after publication the first year and wrote a pretty rough e-mail to the publications officer listing the mistakes. One, it's after publication so there's a limit to how constructive it is. Two, the publications officer already knows about (and feels terrible about) the majority of the mistakes named, and the INTJ should be aware of this. Three, no one's going over to the INTJ workspace and criticizing her work, although undoubtedly they could; keep in mind how unwelcome that might be. Four, tone matters: there's a difference between saying "hey, I read through the report and looks good, but did notice blah was misspelled on page 22" and "Read through the report and found the following errors. Who is responsible for copyediting this?". Especially when of the ten or so errors pointed out, five-six were a matter of subjective opinion rather than an error per se.

The INTJ is a good friend of mine and know she was just trying to be helpful. Solution - have her copy editing the report before publication in the years that follow. And even though it's well outside the scope of her work, she seems to be happy doing it.

**Tyrant Soup** · 08-19-2009, 06:56 PM

If you desire friendship, you need to make the person feel good about themselves. Criticism will not accomplish this.

**Released** · 08-20-2009, 05:58 AM

	Originally Posted by larkin To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Three, no one's going over to the INTJ workspace and criticizing her work, although undoubtedly they could; keep in mind how unwelcome that might be.

I'm being a bit mischievous, but I doubt the intj would mind. Au contraire, they'd love constructive, direct feedback or criticism (though they'd still argue about it (even more fun))


	Four, tone matters: there's a difference between saying "hey, I read through the report and looks good, but did notice blah was misspelled on page 22" and "Read through the report and found the following errors. Who is responsible for copyediting this?". Especially when of the ten or so errors pointed out, five-six were a matter of subjective opinion rather than an error per se.

Definitely. This should be pointed out. Every INTJ needs to be reminded/told that people in general don't react well to the directness we want.


	The INTJ is a good friend of mine and know she was just trying to be helpful. Solution - have her copy editing the report before publication in the years that follow. And even though it's well outside the scope of her work, she seems to be happy doing it.

I can see that, I love doing stuff like that!

**zibber** · 08-20-2009, 06:06 AM

	Originally Posted by smashy To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I have a friend that asked me to stop doing this and I don't know what to do, if I should just stop which would be very strange to me, if I should just open my mouth and be critical of someone when is something really important. I don't want to bother my friend to the point of ending the friendship, but I don't want to stop being myself either.

Someone telling you stop it is someone saying "hey, I don't want to made aware of areas of myself which I can improve". I'm sure being criticized constantly would grow terse, but an all-out denunciation of interpersonal criticism is hopelessly foolish.

larkin · 08-20-2009, 08:25 AM

	Originally Posted by Released To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I'm being a bit mischievous, but I doubt the intj would mind. Au contraire, they'd love constructive, direct feedback or criticism (though they'd still argue about it (even more fun))

Actually, yeah, now that you say it I doubt she'd mind either; she often asks for my feedback on copy editing and grammar issues, she just enjoys it. I enjoy it too, and we do argue about it. Usually our arguments come down to the P/J divide - I would describe the English language as evolving, or fluid. What was once unacceptable (like starting a sentence with a conjunction, a bad habit of mine) is now considered largely a matter of style. Whereas she tends to see language and her perception of grammatical errors as set in stone. That comma shouldn't be there, that sentence is awkwardly worded. This kind of thing.

But we're probably in the minority, especially when it comes to work product.

**ElstonGunn** · 08-20-2009, 08:33 AM

	Originally Posted by larkin To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Especially when of the ten or so errors pointed out, five-six were a matter of subjective opinion rather than an error per se.

You're forgetting that INTJs don't have opinions. They have factually correct, irrefutable, chiseled-in-stone pronouncements. At least that's how it works in their own minds.
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	Originally Posted by Released To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Au contraire, they'd love constructive, direct feedback or criticism (though they'd still argue about it (even more fun))

I'm not so sure. I think a case could be made for the idea that the reason that they'd argue about it is because they can't handle criticism very well, or they don't want to believe that they could ever be in the wrong. I'm not saying that that's always, definitely the single reason why people debate accusations of making mistakes, but I think it's possible in some situations.

**Zilal** · 08-20-2009, 08:36 AM

We all want to be ourselves, but a need to be volubly critical is not a significant part of anyone's "true self." It's just a bad habit. Even the need to notice every little thing that's "wrong" about someone else is a bad habit--most of those things aren't significant either, and we're healthier people when we're able to look on them with interest rather than judgment.

08-19-2009, 05:50 AM	#1
smashy Member [17%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 685	One of the things other people most acuse me is of being very critical of others and intolerant. I can really dissecate one's behaviour from one point to the other. I can say what I think about someone and have arguments that state my critics, that are logical and make sense. I do this all the time and with everyone, it's something natural to me and I can't avoid to notice the negatives on people and point them out. But some people find this really annoying, they say I'm always complaining about everyone (I'm not complaining, I'm just verbalizing what I analyse) and that I'm basically a pain in the a**. I'm also critical of myself but I guess a lot of people don't want to hear what I think about this or that person. I basically do this because there are things I notice that are so obvious and I would like to speak about it with someone that also knows that person well. Then people are very surprised when they hear me saying that I actually like someone that I'm very critical about... because me being critical doesn't mean that I don't like that person, it just means that I like to talk about my mental analyses. People that I don't like I don't even bother to talk about (or not talk much about them). I have a friend that asked me to stop doing this and I don't know what to do, if I should just stop which would be very strange to me, if I should just open my mouth and be critical of someone when is something really important. I don't want to bother my friend to the point of ending the friendship, but I don't want to stop being myself either. Do you face this problems as well?
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08-19-2009, 06:07 AM	#2
nowt Suspended MBTI: iNtj Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 9,345	Not an issue: Critique of a criticism as made by a critic should be taken; tu quoque. Or: Mind your own business.
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08-19-2009, 06:16 AM	#3
ElstonGunn Core Member [152%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 6,093	Do you ever notice the good things about people and let them know your positive opinions of them? Because it does tend to get annoying and predictably tiresome to be around someone who only points out the negative, especially if that person considers their criticism a public service. Most people don't want to hear it, and even fewer people will change their behaviors because of it. The more someone does it, the less effective it is. Keep your criticisms where they belong: behind people's backs and out of earshot. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. (Kidding about that, but I was serious about the first part, there.)
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08-19-2009, 06:20 AM	#4
Boyd Member [02%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 87	I find people tend to ignore positive comments. They take them as flattery or some sort of a means to an end. When someone asks for my opinon I give it to them, if it's "That's a great idea" or "You're an idiot" I think they should take it with equal weight.
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08-19-2009, 06:35 AM	#5
The Fury Member [09%] MBTI: INTP Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 384	I don't find anything wrong with constructive criticism and I think we need people in the world who are willing to tell the hard truths. However if all your observations are accompanied by a negative motif then I'm not surprised that people are annoyed by what you say.
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08-19-2009, 08:43 AM	#6
Vagrant Core Member [157%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 6,310	As others have said: Mix some positive in with the negative, because a broken record is no fun. :-\
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08-19-2009, 08:51 AM	#7
Prunesquallor Veteran Member [66%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 2,647	I mostly notice the negatives because they're useful - something to fix. I just keep my mouth shut when it's not necessary to comment, and it works out ok.
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08-19-2009, 09:14 AM	#8
Released Member [04%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 174	I did that a lot as a youngster and got the same feedback you're getting. On the one hand I wanted to express things as I saw them but I didn't want to alienate everyone (and I didn't alienate everyone, only those not tough enough to handle it). I crave constructive criticism and feedback but rarely get it. Most aren't like that though. So here's what I did. It comes natural for me to think about what I say before I say it, or to thoroughly contemplate a situation, before weighing in when I don't quite know a lot about it. But when I'm certain, I can be very quick, and very harsh, because I'm very happy to express my opinion (well, it's not just an opinion, it's a carefully weighed, experientially based observation). So now, I consider my audience and whether they can handle what I want to say. On the one hand, this does limit what I say to some people, but then in another way it's helping me know who I can be myself with, and those are the people I really want to be friends with. The rest, I have relationships, nay, one-sided understandings that are within the bounds of what they can handle. Not real friendships, but they do make daily life simpler. If I can be so bold, part of your desire to discuss this with others is to further what you know about others. Often though, you'll be hard pressed to find people like you who will be ablew to objectively analyze the same way. Sucks to be part of the 1.8%. There are others who will do it though, but IRL, they're hard to find.
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08-19-2009, 10:39 AM	#10
Earring New Member [01%] MBTI: ENFP Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 2	I am in a sorority at my university and I understand this completely, especially when dealing with other females. Girls tend to brush me off as cold and unfeeling so they often disregard my opinions. They also value friendship over productivity. I'm always told that my opinions hurt my friendships but instead of stopping, I now tell the people I'm having difficulties with directly. I have been told, "When you go into the real world no one will put up with you." Like you, I don't do this because I do not like them. If I didn't, I wouldn't bother. What's most confusing is that they must see the logic in it because they later adopt the criticisms as their own. I've been told that I should be more caring when choosing my words, but if the outcome is the same I'd rather not. I feel like receiving a critique while being pat on the back isn't as effective.
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08-19-2009, 11:20 AM	#11
rara avis Core Member [163%] MBTI: INTP Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 6,521	I find people who are consistently critical of others extremely irritating, and often very narrow-minded. It is arrogant and foolish to assume that anyone gives a damn what you think about what they or other people do. Mind your own beeswax. If their behavior is somehow your beeswax, if it's truly getting directly in your way- fine, then address it. But if you present yourself as impatient, unforgiving and critical; if in making observations of people you strip them down instead of buoying them up, no one will care whether or not you really like them, because they will not like you. They will likely do you the great favor in return of pointing out tenfold to everyone the things that you need some work on. And- on the topic of being positive in your feedback to others- even if you try to help people see the errors of their ways while being positive and sunny about it, they will often find you patronizing. This is because this, too, is a who-the-f-do-you-think-you-are-it's-none-of-your-business area. Help people when they ask you for it. If you're so awesome, people likely will ask you for it.
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08-19-2009, 12:55 PM	#15
Mader Member [36%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 1,475	I do this a lot. I am great at fixing others, and I can see there problems from a mile away. But noone wants me to fix them. I am a fixer, bring me a problem and I will give you a solution. Most of the time my solution is spot on. Trouble is, others do not like to be fixed. Now my own life, I am not so good at fixing. To me, I make sense so it has been hard to look to improve myself. Often, when girls share feelings and problems, they don't automatically want an answer, a fix. They want you to listen, to understand just how sad or angry they are. Emphathy is MUCH more important than fixing the problem. Nodding, looking someone in the eyes, tilting your head in the same direction, body language similar, get angry at the boyfriend who makes the girl feel bad - you are validating that her feelings are real. Doesn't mean you always agree with her, but her feelings are real for her. Fixing, not so much. Really, girls can be hard because sometimes you will feel that you are being superficial or insincere, but what you are really doing is communicating in a way your friend needs. Most people are different from you. So, keep the criticism to yourself. Better yet, take those examples and try to improve yourself (we all make mistakes, we are all blind in certain situations, we all miss non-verbal cues) instead It is fine to say nothing. A gentle smile or nod of the head works wonders. You aren't a bad person, you just communicate different from others, you have to learn new skills. Don't change you, just learn how to speak in the other persons way.
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08-19-2009, 03:13 PM	#17
Luckeydavid New Member [01%] MBTI: intj Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 32	I used to think the way you do until I realized that positive reinforcement is far more effective.
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08-19-2009, 03:34 PM	#18
IrishGuy Member [15%] MBTI: xxxx Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 639	I used to have the same problem. I have found that it is usually a good idea to withhold criticism unless I am asked to or if it would be irresponsible not to do so (ex. an inefficient accounting scheme that is costing your employer millions).
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08-19-2009, 04:22 PM	#19
larkin Core Member [145%] MBTI: ENxP Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 5,826	A personal example - I'm a photographer at my organization, part of my department's responsibility is putting out our organization's annual report, which falls on the publications officer. The publications officer takes her responsibility seriously and does a very good job. The report goes through multiple drafts with some stringent copy editing, including everyone in the department as well as some outside people. But it's a 32-page report. Invariably, some mistakes get through. (Not all mistakes are created equal, though - I personally wouldn't take most comma errors as seriously as misspelling, for example.) A friend at the organization, an INTJ, read through the report after publication the first year and wrote a pretty rough e-mail to the publications officer listing the mistakes. One, it's after publication so there's a limit to how constructive it is. Two, the publications officer already knows about (and feels terrible about) the majority of the mistakes named, and the INTJ should be aware of this. Three, no one's going over to the INTJ workspace and criticizing her work, although undoubtedly they could; keep in mind how unwelcome that might be. Four, tone matters: there's a difference between saying "hey, I read through the report and looks good, but did notice blah was misspelled on page 22" and "Read through the report and found the following errors. Who is responsible for copyediting this?". Especially when of the ten or so errors pointed out, five-six were a matter of subjective opinion rather than an error per se. The INTJ is a good friend of mine and know she was just trying to be helpful. Solution - have her copy editing the report before publication in the years that follow. And even though it's well outside the scope of her work, she seems to be happy doing it.
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08-19-2009, 06:56 PM	#20
Tyrant Soup Member [40%] MBTI: intj Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 1,608	If you desire friendship, you need to make the person feel good about themselves. Criticism will not accomplish this.
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08-20-2009, 08:36 AM	#25
Zilal Member [23%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 949	We all want to be ourselves, but a need to be volubly critical is not a significant part of anyone's "true self." It's just a bad habit. Even the need to notice every little thing that's "wrong" about someone else is a bad habit--most of those things aren't significant either, and we're healthier people when we're able to look on them with interest rather than judgment.
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