[cannotseethe]

	Originally Posted by thod To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Lets face it, if someone is willing to go the the hassle and expense of such they are more desperate than normal. Thus you will not find a cross section of people, but a particular type of person.

OKCupid is free. Then again, if a service costs money, the cost might weed out desperate people (who are forced to think about, and decide, whether the money is worth it). I don't think it makes sense to conclude that people who use dating web sites tend to be desperate.

---------- Post added 11-30-2009 at 02:51 PM ----------

Originally Posted by peeptoad To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

I am reluctant because it means meeting an actual, living person and going on a date with them, which generally is uncomfortable for me. I'm not comfortable with the "pretense" of dates. However, I don't go to church, I don't hang out in bars... my life is not filled with events that afford me the opportunity to meet people by "chance" (and, to some extent, this is how I met all my past boyfriends).

I almost always pick a date that is something I'd enjoy doing myself (that, of course, wouldn't be profoundly boring to someone else). Or, I pick a location, like a cafe or restaurant, that I frequent and am comfortable in. At least for the first meeting. There are two obvious advantages to that: one is that I'm on my own turf, so to speak, which means I feel more comfortable; the other is that I get to quickly see whether this person would be happy doing the sorts of things I like to do and going to the sorts of places I like to go.

Just a thought.

[sunlover]

Originally Posted by thod To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Lets face it, if someone is willing to go the the hassle and expense of such they are more desperate than normal. Thus you will not find a cross section of people, but a particular type of person. The problem is our lifestyles. We travel by car, we watch TV's, we just don't interact and meet people any more. You can go years without meeting a suitable candidate nowadays unless you put yourself out. You have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince.

That's whats so ironic about this "communication" age we're in. There's a half a million ways for people to communicate, yet in reality, folks generally are "connecting" less.

[catzmeow]

I did very well with match.com, that's how I met my INTJ boyfriend almost 2 years ago. Dating, in general, is a number's game, so assume that you'll have to go on a few dates, some of which may not be a match made in heaven.

[WoodElf4U]

I have met some real messed up people online. But that's not all bad, it becomes an adventure. Like the time I thought we might get in a car wreck because she was furious and wouldn't pull the car over. Or when a girl told me on the phone she gave oral in a public bathroom.

You can't put a price on those experiences.

That being said, I have also made good friends and potential gfs online, but not at dating sites. Anything is possible, but some things are more or less likely.

[Nikonman]

	Originally Posted by thod To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Lets face it, if someone is willing to go the the hassle and expense of such they are more desperate than normal. Thus you will not find a cross section of people, but a particular type of person.

Actually, there is a lot less hassle and expense (if your time is valuable) in using a dating site than many of the other ways in meeting potential dates, and with something like Match, you at least get an idea of the person's education and interests before investing any real time or effort in them. My personal experience is that the people on sites like Match are not any more "desperate than normal." I have met a lot of nice women on Match, including my current SO. I'm pleased with my experiences from on line dating.

[TigerL]

Online dating didn't work for me but I used eHarmony. I had one date out of 6 months on the site but I wasn't too active on it. The guy I went out with was decent but there was no spark. I think I am better IRL compared to online.

I get more opportunities through volunteering/ hiking/ other activities and through people I know. I like meeting people while doing activities because there is no akwardness around "dating" since there is something else to occupy you at the time and you can choose or not choose to engage someone. At least you get a nice walk,help out someone somewhere, or learn something new.

[Causa Mortis]

Used with respectable results for casual relationships, not met anyone online who was relationship material.

[EuroCrimeFan]

For sex but not for anything long lasting.

I'm not really into casual sex so much though.

1/3 people who uses those sites has sex on the first date.

[Bahama Mama]

To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
ive tried it. no success. I think they dont match people up based on the right things. Sure certain things are important, but if you wanted to fill out a resume and apply for a job you would--that's now how love works. What about chemistry? Chemistry is eliminated over the web.

they should have more speed dating nights everywhere :]

[Nikita]

I've never done it and would never be comfortable doing so, but I've met 2 couples (in real life) who met via online dating sites, and both have committed, loving relationships. I believe one couple is married, and the other had moved to my previous state together for work.

Ironically, you could sort of count INTJf as a dating website given the insane number of hookups around here, but that's not why most of us use it, to my knowledge, even if the proverbial shit does sometimes happen.

[postem]

I started to try but i didnt get one date from that. Well im not trying that much, need to send several mails to get something.

If i were prone to "anything goes" it would be very easy, however it is more dificult if you filter by your real interests.

[peeptoad]

	Originally Posted by TigerL To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I get more opportunities through volunteering/ hiking/ other activities and through people I know. I like meeting people while doing activities because there is no akwardness around "dating" since there is something else to occupy you at the time and you can choose or not choose to engage someone. At least you get a nice walk,help out someone somewhere, or learn something new.

That's an excellent point and joining an amateur sports league is something else I've considered since I'm pretty athletic.

	Originally Posted by EuroCrimeFan To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	1/3 people who uses those sites has sex on the first date.

Lovely. No thanks to that...

[catzmeow]

Originally Posted by Nikita To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

I've never done it and would never be comfortable doing so, but I've met 2 couples (in real life) who met via online dating sites, and both have committed, loving relationships. I believe one couple is married, and the other had moved to my previous state together for work. Ironically, you could sort of count INTJf as a dating website given the insane number of hookups around here, but that's not why most of us use it, to my knowledge, even if the proverbial shit does sometimes happen.

I work in a relatively small office, I think there are only 14 of us, total, and 4 of us met our significant others online. Two are married, 1 engaged, and I'm in a longterm relationship.

[Exsuscito]

Online dating seldom works because it attempts to predict and rationalize attraction, which is innately irrational and virtually unpredictable. I am particularly interested in how this communication age may be enabling social laziness more than providing more opportunities to connect with people. Simply put, it is no longer necessary to be physically present with people in order to communicate with them. Physical proximity and body language have profound effects on relationships that are absent in every other mode of communication, but people just don't embrace this fact. It's inconvenient.

I've tested eHarmony, OkCupid, and a few other minor sites. This lead to some dates with people who generally had some significant baggage inhibiting just about any kind of healthy functioning relationship (let alone an intimate one), or people so wrapped-up in fear of rejection or self-entitlement they don't even "communicate".

I have however done the stereo-typical thing of meeting someone on the beach, which became a fun little entangle, and meeting someone at a Halloween party which lead to a great deal of knowledge about the best places to eat on the main drag, and free props from a certain sci-fi gig that will remain nameless. Years ago I spent time chatting online and "getting to know" people online (if you really want to call it that) yet ironically, being a former hardcore nerd, I have in recent years become more confident and comfortable around people up-close and personal than I have online, while more and more people are doing just the opposite.

[catzmeow]

	Originally Posted by Exsuscito To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Online dating seldom works because it attempts to predict and rationalize attraction, which is innately irrational and virtually unpredictable.

I don't think online dating works for that. However, if you view online as just another way to meet people, in essence, expanding the pool of available people by introducing you to people that you would never otherwise encounter, then it works fine.

[RedIrish]

Define success.

I had no luck at all with eHarmony. zero.

Plenty of Fish was much better, I had half a dozen dates and have been seeing my current guy for about 6 months. So far, so good.

My success may be predicated on my location. Most of the single people in this semi rural area use Plenty of Fish now, simply because it is so difficult to meet people otherwise. There is no way my guy and I would have met under normal circumstances, I live in a small town of 8,000 and he lives 20 miles away in a town of 3,000, we have no freinds in common, or activities which would have caused us to cross paths.

It worked for me, and a number of my friends.

[combustor]

I had success with OKcupid. My first foray into online dating in a while. Strangely enough I have been dating the first woman who contacted me for a couple of months now. We have more interests and values in common than anyone I have dated thus far (I'm turning 30 on new year). Many other women contacted me around the same time period, and I initiated a few, but none progressed beyond online chatting. I think what was key for me was to provide a broad, generalized profile while being blunt and concise (being myself in essence). The experience has exceeded my expectations, I'd say it is worth a shot.

[Vagrant]

I've had limited success with OkCupid. A few potentials, but nothing's panned out.

[Causa Mortis]

	Originally Posted by postem To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I started to try but i didnt get one date from that. Well im not trying that much, need to send several mails to get something.

Yeah about 1/3-1/4 message back, half of those peter out within 2-3 messages. Half again want ridiculous amounts of time chatting online before they're comfortable meeting for coffee (as in like daily messages over the course of a month) which I don't have patience for because...half of those who you meet with be totally different from who they say they are or have no personality. So I guess that's about 1/35 who you message you'll meet and like.

	If i were prone to "anything goes" it would be very easy, however it is more dificult if you filter by your real interests.

I personally wouldn't go online looking for a relationship because 9/10 of the women have some sort of major issue - significantly overweight, kids, extended unemployment, idiocy, routine hard drug use, major psychological issues, etc. I'm sure the men are worse. Just meet people and whatever happens happens.

[combustor]

Originally Posted by Causa Mortis To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Yeah about 1/3-1/4 message back, half of those peter out within 2-3 messages. Half again want ridiculous amounts of time chatting online before they're comfortable meeting for coffee (as in like daily messages over the course of a month) which I don't have patience for because...half of those who you meet with be totally different from who they say they are or have no personality. So I guess that's about 1/35 who you message you'll meet and like. I personally wouldn't go online looking for a relationship because 9/10 of the women have some sort of major issue - significantly overweight, kids, extended unemployment, idiocy, routine hard drug use, major psychological issues, etc. I'm sure the men are worse. Just meet people and whatever happens happens.

I think you've just described 9/10 of women or people in general, not just in the online dating scene. I agree one should avoid prolonged online chatting before meeting. Online dating can be a much cheaper, convenient and efficient means to do some of the preliminary screening while providing a larger potential pool of applicants. Especially for me personally, where my routine, hobbies, and career are overwhelmingly male dominated, meeting an available and compatible woman 'offline' is quite rare.

[Nikonman]

	Originally Posted by Causa Mortis To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I personally wouldn't go online looking for a relationship because 9/10 of the women have some sort of major issue - significantly overweight, kids, extended unemployment, idiocy, routine hard drug use, major psychological issues, etc. Just meet people and whatever happens happens.

Wow, that hasn't been my experience at all (other than kids, most women in my preferred group have kids). But at my age (late 40's), I did expect baggage when I was looking. A good friend of mine used to talk with me a lot about my dating, and his take was that the vast majority of people who are single in the 40's are, on average, damaged or a bit nuts in one way or another, and it is simply a matter of finding someone whose damage, baggage or craziness is something you can live with. He said to always expect each of my dates to be about 15% screwed up in some way, and to figure out what that 15% was early and if I could live with it. I never fully bought into what he said, but I still always looked for that 15% crazy part of each woman I dated. My current girlfriend was pretty upfront about her craziness, and it was certainly something I could (and do) live with just fine.

[Mogura]

	Originally Posted by peeptoad To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	...using an online dating service (e.g. Match, Chemistry, etc...)??

You might find this thread useful:
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

[catzmeow]

Originally Posted by Nikonman To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Wow, that hasn't been my experience at all (other than kids, most women in my preferred group have kids). But at my age (late 40's), I did expect baggage when I was looking. A good friend of mine used to talk with me a lot about my dating, and his take was that the vast majority of people who are single in the 40's are, on average, damaged or a bit nuts in one way or another, and it is simply a matter of finding someone whose damage, baggage or craziness is something you can live with. He said to always expect each of my dates to be about 15% screwed up in some way, and to figure out what that 15% was early and if I could live with it. I never fully bought into what he said, but I still always looked for that 15% crazy part of each woman I dated. My current girlfriend was pretty upfront about her craziness, and it was certainly something I could (and do) live with just fine.

I actually think, based on dating in my 40s, that it's significantly easier than dating in my 20s. People are more open about their craziness and I'm not as controlled by my hormones. I had no problem meeting men, but then, I'm cute, look decent for my age, and while I may definitely have my crazy, I've done a lot of the heavy lifting with it at this point in my life.

[Corvineve]

One of my best friends met and married his wife online. They dated for a year, have been married three and now have a daughter.
In a little less than two years, he wrote to (not just contacted, but back and forth) over one hundred women, met 35 or so, and dated a few including the one which eventually led to his current relationship.
His profile was long to start, very frank and he constantly added to it as he experienced different things with various people along the way. Reading it was almost like listening in on a conversation in which he caught an old friend up to date. I think it made him much more approachable, giving a lot for the reader to use as a springboard for initial conversations, or a good enough sense that he would not be someone she would be interested in , saving both the time that would be spent in finding those things out bit by bit.

[catzmeow]

Originally Posted by Corvineve To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

His profile was long to start, very frank and he constantly added to it as he experienced different things with various people along the way. Reading it was almost like listening in on a conversation in which he caught an old friend up to date. I think it made him much more approachable, giving a lot for the reader to use as a springboard for initial conversations, or a good enough sense that he would not be someone she would be interested in , saving both the time that would be spent in finding those things out bit by bit.

My boyfriend's ad was like that, very stream of consciousness and charming. I loved it. I felt like it really gave me a sense of his personality before I ever met him, and indeed, it did.